Hi all, it's been two weeks since I last updated. I would like to update more often, but I'm really busy. Sorry about this. Thanks for all reviews, favourites and follows! :)
Same old empty feeling in your heart
Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast
- Passenger 'Let her go'
Goddamnit. Not here. Not her. He couldn't deal with this now, not with everything else that was going on in his life.
But it felt so great to see her again. Wonderful even as he felt his feelings for the girl slowly coming back to him. Just seeing her smiling up there, feeling a little bit uneasy under the stares of the hundreds of students. She was still beautiful. God. Why her?
But he knew he couldn't.
The moment he saw her sitting there with that sodding hat on her pretty little head, he knew that he was screwed. She couldn't be here. People couldn't know about them. They couldn't know what he had done. How he had betrayed his own kind.
She had to be a muggle, right? He had never even doubted that. Her dad was a muggle for sure, with that stupid muggle job… denty… or something. Yes, he was definitely muggle. He also remembered her mom helping her dad out as a denty. So, she probably was muggle as well. And that made Hermione a muggleborn, a mudblood at that.
Great.
The sorting hat placed her in Gryffindor, which would probably mean that Pothead and Weasel would be fighting for her attention, cause mudblood or not, she was still very much beautiful.
But that wasn't even his biggest problem yet. She would recognize him here, letting everybody know that he had been involved with a mudblood. There would be hell to pay then. If his Slytherin friends knew, then soon his parents would as well. He would be disowned, hated. Maybe the Dark Lord would even kill him, and punish his parents along the way.
He had to avoid her for now. Come up with a plan to cover up his past with the girl. She had to understand that no one could know. He just wasn't sure how he would handle the situation yet. How to let her go easily. Trying not to hurt her as much.
He looked up from his deep thoughts and noticed that everybody had started eating. He hadn't even noticed Dumbledore's famous opening speech. He looked up at the Gryffindor table and saw her sitting next to - of course – Potty and the Weasel. Fuck.How was he supposed to just ignore her, forget her and treat her like he didn't know the girl. She was there, looking great, stunning, being gorgeous, kissable. Just seeing her smiling just now – even if the smile was directed to that Potty head – it made him sad, sad but happy. It was going to be hard to be around her. To live in the same place as her, to see her everyday and not being able to talk to her, to kiss her and hold her.
But it was necessary.
After dinner, Dumbledore excused them to their own common rooms. Draco quickly stood up, trying to get out of the Great Hall faster than Hermione would. He had to avoid her tonight. He would face her tomorrow, not now. The time wasn't right. Or maybe he just wasn't able to face her yet. It still hurt.
Pansy, of course, walked right behind him as he took big, long steps. Out of that damned room. Away from her. The hallway was busy, full of excited students whom couldn't wait to get to their rooms. To catch up, to chat and have a good time. But Draco's only concern was trying to avoid her.
"Draco…"He heard Pansy whining behind him. Ugh. Fuck her. She wasn't going to slow him down.
"Hurry the fuck up, woman." He said angrily. But when he just briefly looked over his shoulder to scowl at the bint, he felt himself bump into a solid body. Fuck. He looked at the person whom he had collided with and stared into the all too familiar beautiful brown eyes he knew well. Yes, it was her. He saw the recognition in her eyes and he damned himself to hell. No, not now. Not tonight.
Her eyes were bright as she stood up and hugged him "Draco.." He heard that wonderful voice say. He had no time to react, his body took over as he breathed in her scent. That oh so familiar scent of hers. He missed her. What he wouldn't do to just wrap his arms around her and hold her. But he knew he couldn't. So, instead, he shoved her away. Hard.
"Draco?" She started and he saw her hand search for his. No.
"Draco? Do you know this girl?" Pansy started. Shit Pansy, shut up! This can't be happening.
He kept silent, couldn't utter a single word. "Draco!" Pansy now almost screamed. It made him snap out of the terrible moment he was in. With one last look at Hermione, he grabbed Pansy's arm and dragged her away. No, not tonight. Tomorrow he would deal with this and with that decision he felt a pang in his heart.
Maybe one day you'll understand why
Everything you touch surely dies
He felt even worse the next day when he had taken her from the Great Hall and simply told her that she should just forget about what happened between the two of them. He had told her to call him Malfoy. Draco was too personal, too attached. Not to forget that his friends had started to ask him questions about this girl and why she was calling him by his first name. A given that only his friends were allowed to do. He could only hope that the message got through to her.
He felt like an ass, being this mean and cruel to her... she didn't deserve it. She was better off without him anyways. He was one heck of a rotten person.
He had seen her in potions class after their morning talk, she had been crying, though he was the only one who saw. None of her fellow Gryffindors asked her how she was doing. He kept watching her, he couldn't stop. Her head was bent as she scribbled her notes down from professor Snape. He couldn't stand the fact that she was sitting there, hurting over him while he was sitting so close to her. He felt guilty, but there wasn't anything he could do about the situation. In time she would forget him. It would be for the better. She's a muggleborn, he's a pureblood. Both from 2 different worlds, they could never be together.
...
"Leave her alone, Zabini" He had heard the Weasel boy shout. As Draco turned a corner and stood face to face with the Weasel, his friend Blaise Zabini and - of course -, Hermione Granger. Could his sodding day get any better? He froze for a moment but soon snapped out of it and took a hesitant step towards the group.
He couldn't walk away from the situation, Blaise had already started to ask him questions about the girl now in front of him.
He couldn't walk away from the situation. Blaise would start asking more questions and he wasn't sure how to explain it anymore. 'No, I don't know who she is Blaise, she probably has a thing for me or something. You know how it is.'
"Well, well. What do we have here. Two new lovebirds ?" He looked only at the Weasel boy, not daring to look her way.
"Shut up, Malfoy." Weasel spat at him. But he was used to the boy's weak defences.
"Why should I?" He simply said.
"I always knew you would start to mingle with mudbloods." He had spat the last word out with so much hatred that he heard Hermione gasp. Good. She had to know how he stood with her.
"Blood traitor." Zabini said and hexed Ron with a simple spell which made Ron fly and hit the wall behind him. He crashed down with a loud thud.
"Stop it!"He heard Hermione cry out, and as he looked at her he saw her staring directly at him. She crouched over the Weasel's boy form and heard him whimper. What a loser.
"I'm the muggleborn here. I'm the one you hate. Leave Ron alone." She was brave, as she stood up and once again faced him. A true Gryffindor indeed. He shivered at the thought.
"Wow you're really something, heh?" Blaise was now approaching her, getting a little too close to Draco's liking. His best friend eyed her up and down like she was prey, taking her all in.
"Too bad you're a mudblood. I could have some real fun with you." His index finger ran over Hermione's cheek and Draco had to restrain himself from interfering. He didn't want him to touch her.
Hermione flinched at his touch and shoved Blaise away from her. "In your dreams!"
"No, you filthy mudblood. You don't understand. I wouldn't even touch you in my dreams. You're disgusting." Blaise started to laugh out loud and Draco felt obliged to laugh with him.
"You have absolutely no clue about life huh?" She said and continued after a short pause "You have absolutely no clue about people like me. And why you are scared of us." She was standing tall, her small hands on her hips.
"Now you listen..." Blaise started but was cut off by the girl.
"Cause that's what it is. You feel threatened by us. We muggleborns are getting smarter than you so call 'purebloods', beating you in class, at work. At everything. Well guess what, I'm proud of who I am and where I come from. And I just feel sorry for you cause you are too stupid to understand any of it." She was talking directly at him now. He could only stare.
"I feel sorry for you, Malfoy." she had called him by his last name. Just like he had told her to do. It hurt.
He started laughing. "Oh don't, sweet Granger " he walked right up to her and grabbed her arm. "You'll feel sorry for ever, EVER speaking up to me. To us. You are the one who's wrong here. You are the one who's stupid. Together with your Gryffindor friends. YOU are the one that's really clueless." He was mad, angry at her for making him look like a fool. For being so strong, for not stepping down. She was supposed to be quiet, take it in and leave them alone for the rest of her live. Why didn't she?
"You'll see, mudblood." He said finally. He saw her eyes were shimmering, tears were threatening to spill but she held them back. God. He had to look away from her.
"You have no idea what you have gotten yourself into, mudblood." Blaise said and almost hissed.
"Well, bring it on. I'm not afraid of you."
"Oh, but you should, Granger." Draco smirked at her, the Weasel had gotten up and was now standing there, shaking, speechless. "You muggleborns and blood traitors all should." he finished and walked away.
...
Blaise had followed him, he was going on and on about Hermione and how stupid she was. Telling Draco over and over again how he would shut that pretty little mouth . If Draco didn't know and better he'd say that his best friend had a new obsession.
"The nerve of that girl, Drake. Can you believe it?" He said disgusted, and Draco only shrugged his shoulders.
"We'll get them. We'll shut that disgusting mouth up. Once the Dark Lord is fully back in power. She'll understand who'll end on top." And with that Blaise walked away from him.
The whole thing had gotten out of hand. He sighed and stomped the wall next to him.
"Why are you so angry?" He heard her voice say behind him. She had followed him and had probably waited for the opportunity to talk to him alone. He closed his eyes and waited for her to continue. "Why are you so angry, Malfoy?" She said again, emphasizing on his last name. He felt a shiver run down his spine.
He turned around and snarled. "Go away, Ganger. If you know what's best for you."
But she just shrugged her shoulders. "I'm not going anywhere, Malfoy." And she took a step towards him.
What was the meaning of this? What did she want? Didn't she understand that she was only making things harder this way?
"Sod off, mudblood." But the words didn't sound right. They were alone now. He saw her flinch for a second as the name hurt her. And again he felt guilty. Let go Draco. Don't care for her. You can't.
Another step his way. He could now clearly see all the colour in her eyes. "What's going on, Draco?" She whispered as she took another step towards him. This time he flinched, though only a little. She wasn't supposed to be saying his first name, it was too personal.
"You don't understand, do you?" He simply said and pierced his eyes with hers.
"What? What don't I understand?" She paused for a second, before continuing "Care to explain why I cannot call you Draco? Why you aren't able to look at me anymore..?" He cut her off.
"I'm looking at you now aren't I?"
She huffed . A sound he had never heard her make before. "Barely." She took another step and this time he could feel her breath on his face. "Look at me Draco. And call me mudblood again."
He stared right back at her. Her eyes almost pleading him to be his old self. He nearly broke there and then.
"Mudblood.." He said coldly. "That's what you are." He didn't lose eye contact. "It's who you are. That's not going to change." She took a step back as her eyes faltered. "We're not from the same world Granger. Never have been." He sighed and turned around not able to look at her anymore.
"I don't know who you are anymore..." She whispered. "If I ever did at all.."
Her words cut through him, stabbed him and almost killed him.
"You're making too big a deal out of this whole summer thing. Yes we had sex. But you aren't my first mudblood. And you certainly won't be my last." He looked ever his shoulder and saw the girl break. Though she tried to keep her cool. He could read her eyes. Those beautiful eyes. He never meant to hurt her. But it was his nature to be cruel. To hurt people. To not care. She shouldn't be any different. But he knew she was, and this time, he had hurt himself along the way. Damn him.
Well you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
And he walked away. Left her standing there in the hallway in all her tears. He felt like crying himself. But Malfoy's don't cry. Aren't weak. He had destroyed everything he had ever wanted. He had destroyed the one thing that had ever wanted him, wanted more than just his body.
He had now finally realized that she had been fighting for him. She had ran after him while he had been the biggest jerk to her. And still she fought for him. For them. That look in her eyes, pleading with him to hold her, to tell her he was still hers.
Her fight had been a lost battle to start with. She fought for nothing.
There was no future for them. He didn't even have a future. He was a lost cause. His future held only darkness. With her, it was different. She had been his light. If only for a little while. But she was gone now.
And you let her go.
