hi, guys. still remember me? ok, first things first, super sorry with the no updates. when i first started writing, i made a vow to myself (and to the fans, i think) not to start a story and not finish it. with that being said, i will continue this story, and try to update more. with that also being said, i have a problem and i need you guys to help me if u can...ok, the reason i havent been updating is because i needed my beta to read over everything to make sure everything is on the up and up because you guys say my stuff is hard to read without one. so that brings me to this...either i will update when i can, like before but it won't be betaed or i update few and far in between, but it ill be betaed. your guys choice.

ok, enough of me. time for what you came for. chp 5.

Enjoy!


5. Lost

Edward's been taking me to school and work and picked me up ever since he got out which was about a month and a few weeks now. He would hang out in the bar and wait for me to finish working. He still feels he wasn't ready to start looking for work again, so he was still, so he puts it "bored as hell out of his fucking mind." Oh yeah, did I mention that his language as become very colorful and 'fuck' has become his favorite word to say.

I didn't care about the whole dropping-off-and-picking-me-up thing because I got into the habit of things. And that could be why I was found myself getting upset when he would come late. He would still come, but I expect him to already be outside when I get out of my last class.

But one day I came out and he wasn't there. He came like ten minutes later. When I saw the Volvo finally pull up, I was just about ready to throw something through the window.

"Bella, I am so sorry." he said when he pulled up next to the curb.

"Whatever." I mumbled as I opened the before he had the chance to get out of the car. I was trying to keep from screaming at him. I was sitting in the passenger's seat with my arms crossed. I noticed he leaned in to kiss me, but I just turned to put my seatbelt on. I heard him sigh hard. Then he leaned in and kissed my cheek.

He started the car and pulled out of the parking lot. "How was school?" he asked, trying to get this angry look off my face. But it wasn't going away that easily. I shrugged. "Bella, don't be mad. I said I was sorry. I got caught up with Emmett." He tried to explain.

I cut him off before he could go farther. "Edward, I said whatever, okay. I don't care so drop it." I snapped. I admit I was upset with him. I mean its hard not to be. When you depend on someone, you expect them to be there. When they aren't, you feel like they just let you fall without a care about it.

He sighed hard again. He kept quiet as he drove to the bar. I got out before he could get the chance to open the door again. I closed the door harder than I wanted to.

"Bella." I heard him behind me. I turned to him. I saw he was giving me a sad look.

"You don't have to wait for me today. I'll catch a ride with Jasper." I told him. I turned away but he called my name again. I sighed and turned back around. "Edward, I just need some space to think, okay." I told him. I turned away and walked in the bar before he had time to say something.

"You're late." Jasper pointed out as I walked to the back room.

"Blame your brother." I told him as I pushed through the door.

"What happen?" he asked as he followed me in the back.

I sighed hard as I put my shirt on. "Nothing. I don't want to talk about it." I told him as I put my apron on. I looked at him. He was giving me a look like he was still waiting for me to say something. "I don't want to talk about it. Can we get to work please?" I asked.

He leaned against the door, opening it as he did. "After you." He said drily. I rolled my eyes as I pushed passed him.

XXX

After work, I was putting on my jacket. I walked out to see Jasper still working. "Can you give me a ride home?" I asked him.

"What about Edward?" he asked.

"I told him not to pick me up." I told him.

He nodded. "Let me get my jacket." He went to the back with the only leather jacket he wears and came back out within a few seconds.

He was driving me to the house. I noticed he drove a tad bit faster than Edward. I learned to be comfortable with the speed they drive. In fact, if they didn't drive that fast, I think I would be worried.

By accident, that got me thinking.

If he could drive so fucking fast, why couldn't he get to me on time? I mean it takes me a good twenty minutes to get to the school, as fast as he goes, he can cut my in time in half if not less. I just don't understand why he's late picking me up so much lately. This wasn't the first time he did it. He's been about ten minutes late is not more almost every day. You think he would get to me faster because him picking me up and dropping me off like I'm a child was his idea. He says it's his extra time to spent with me before he doesn't see me for hours. If he really feels that way, why can't he just come on time like he did at first? It's just annoying; really, really annoying.

"So what's wrong?" Jasper took me out of my thoughts. I turned to him.

"What do you mean?" I asked, knowing what he was talking about.

"You were upset and didn't say anything." He said.

"What makes you think I feel like it now?" I asked. He shrugged. I knew he didn't do that because he didn't have an answer; he did it because he already knew I wanted to talk about his brother. Sometimes I think it would be best if I didn't spent so much time around him that he could read all my quirts. "Besides nothing's wrong." I lied to him.

He chuckled. "Yeah, that's why you were so distracted today. And you're not riding home with Edward. It seems like you two are never apart now so it's a little weird."

I scoffed. "I'm not always around him, Jasper." I said as I turned to look out the window again.

"Please Bella, if he was sick and dying, you would be right there laying next him." he said. I rolled my eyes. "So what's wrong?" he asked again.

I sighed. "You're brother was late picking me up again." I told him.

"That's it." He asked with a confused face.

"What do you mean is that it?" I asked as I turned to him again. He looked at me on the corner of his eye. I sighed. "I guess you can say that."

"He's only human, Bella." he said. I should have guess he would take his side or would have said something like that. I think that's why I didn't tell him right away because a part of me knew he would. It still surprised me.

I looked him with wide eyes. That made me kind of upset. the fact that he said that made me think. Was he taking his side because he was his brother, because he was a follow male, or did he really think his brother was right in this situation? "So you're saying I don't have a right to be a little upset?" I snapped. "He's the one who want to give me rides and he can't even be there on time. I can easily just take my bike." I told him.

"You know how he feels about that thing." Jasper reminded me. Edward wasn't the biggest fan of my motorcycle. He said in a town this wet, it can get dangerous to ride. And that was one of the reasons I didn't ride it as much as I wanted to; to please him. "And I'm not saying you don't have a right to mad. I'm just saying, cut him some slack." He continued.

I snorted as I turned to look out the window again. "Why, it's not like he's doing anything." I mumbled.

"You never said that to him, did you?" he asked in somewhat of a panic. I sighed and shook my head, knowing he could see me on the corner of his eye. He breathed deeply. "You know how he feels about that too." he said.

"I know." I sighed. We both knew. He doesn't like the fact that he's out of work. And he gets so pissed at us when we bring it up. So we try not to, at least not when he's a around us. That's why Jasper's voice went into a panic just now. "So what now?" I sighed.

"You two just need to find some common ground." He said with a shrug.

I chuckled. ""Yeah, I'll take relationship advice from someone who can't even ask the girl he likes on a date." I teased, trying to lighten the mood.

"We're not talking about me." he joked back. I laughed again and shook my head.

A couple minutes later, he pulled up in the drive way behind Edward's car. I sighed hard. I felt his hand on my shoulder. I looked at him. "It's going to be okay, darlin'." he said.

I smiled and nodded. "I know. It always is." I told him. I knew I was trying to convince myself as well as him. I knew this was going to be harder. We just have to get working at it. He smiled back at me then he leaned in and hugged me.

"Bye little sis." He said he pulled back.

I chuckled. I like that he thought of me as his sister. "Bye." I said as I grabbed my bag and got out of the car.

I walked to the sound of words getting cut off. I knew he was flipping through the channels; either looking for something to watch or trying to keep his mind busy. "I'm home." I called as I dropped my bag by the door.

He turned to me and smile. "Hey. Feeling better?" he asked with an unsure face. I nodded as I walked over to the couch and sat down next to him. "I really am sorry. it was just Emmett and I-."

I cut him off with a nod. "I understand. Just keep better track of time. Because if you can't, I can always take my bike." I told him as I cuddled up to his side. He kissed me on the side on my head.

XXX

For the next few weeks, he became better at picking me up. I guess he doesn't like when I'm mad at him. Truth is, I don't like being mad at him. it seems the only way to get him to do things.

But something changed within a month. He started being late again. But it wasn't ten minutes like before. It was like twenty to thirty. When he did, I smelt alcohol on his breath. Everyday, I suggest driving us to the bar. He drives like a bat out of hell, so if we ever got pull over for it, I didn't want the police to smell his breath and think the worst. I saw the signs that something was bothering him, but I still got pissed off one day.

"Where the hell is he?" I groaned as I checked my watch for the sixth time. It was forty minutes ago I got out of class and he still wasn't here.

I decided to stop waiting for him. I needed to get to work. I turned on my heels and went back into the building. I turned a corner to got to the art part of the building, knowing that's where Alice will be. since she was taking design classes, she spent most of her time there with the other art people.

"Hey Bella." Angela said when I walked into the design class. The walls were colorful with painting and sketches done by past students. It was an artist's heaven. Angela looked to be working on a sketch or something.

"Hey Angela. Where is Alice?" I asked her. She pointed in Alice's direction with her pencil. She was leaning over a large stand with a lamp shining over the paper she was drawing on. I thank her and walked over to Alice.

She was too in to her drawing to notice me walking to her. Plus, when I got closer, I saw she had her headphones on. She does that when she wants to get lost in her art.

It was a design class, but it covered everything from interior to fashion. She said it basely covered things like coloring and shading. I guess it was slipped into two. I don't know, I wasn't in this class

I looked over her shoulder and saw want she was drawing. It was a sketch of a fashion. It was want looked like black dress pants. At the bottom of the leg, the black was slipping into a triangle and exposing yellow. She was working on the blouse, which looked like it was going to a V-type of thing. She was shading the sides.

I tapped on her shoulder. She turned to me and smiled then took her headphones. "Hey Bella." she straightened up to give me a hug. "What do you think?" she picked up the picture to show give me a better look.

"It's yellow." I said, not knowing what else to say.

She sighed. "I know." She said as she put it back on the table. Even through it doesn't seem like it, she hates drawing fashion designs in bright colors. She claims them to be to loud. Ironic is funny. "I have to do a mock line and my professor thinks I should spread out my color scale more. These were my first two." She picked up two other pieces of paper and gave them to me.

One was a black skirt with a red top and a black jacket that looked like it was supports to be made out of the same material as the skirt to match it. The skirt and the jacket was outline in red; indicating that was going to sewn together with red thread and not black. Yeah, I knew what it meant. I liked it. It looked like something I would wear.

The other one was a dress. It was black expect for the straps and the belt. Both of them were dark blue. It had small blue dots all over it. I like this one too. But I like the first one better.

"Compare to your personality, it seems weird that you like to draw in black." I teased as I handed them back to her.

She smirked and stanched the papers out of my hand. "What are you doing here anyways? I thought you would be at work by now." she said as she went back to finishing the yellow outfit.

I sighed as I sat on a stool next to her. "I would be, but Edward's not here." I told her.

She looked at me. "He's late again?" she asked. I nodded. "He's been doing that a lot lately. Is he okay?" she asked.

I shrugged. "I don't know. He hasn't mentioned anything."

"Any other signs?" she asked.

I thought about it. "I guess he seemed kinda of more moody." I told her. I started thinking about the day I really noticed his change.

*Flashback*

One day while I was off of both work and school, he and I spent the day in the house. I was watching TV in the living room while he was cooking for us. Out of nowhere, I heard him swear in yell followed by a crash. Then there was another crash and then he cursed loudly. I ran into the kitchen to see was wrong.

When I came in, I saw his palm had a big, bloody red line going from his thumb to his pinky while a pan was face down on the floor with food under it.

"What happened?" I had asked.

"I cut my fucking hand then bumped into the damn pan." He explained angrily as he tossed the knife in the sink. I walked over to him, stepping over the pan as I did. "Why the hell did you just step over that?" he snapped.

"Because I'm going to help you first." I told him. He claimed he didn't need it, but I didn't listen as I put his hand under the water to rinse out his cut.

"Bella, I got it." He said as he tried to pull away.

"Yeah, like you had it when you cut yourself." I countered

He sighed hard before starching his hand out of me. "I said I fucking had it. I don't need you to treat me like a fucking baby. I can take care of my damn self." He snapped. I couldn't help but stare after him as he walked out the kitchen. I was still in shock as I cleaned up the food that dropped to the floor. After about an half a hour, he apologized for snapping at me. I asked him why he did it, he just said he was sorry again.

*End of Flashback*

I accept it, but I couldn't help thinking about him getting so angry like that. It was more than kind of shocking that he did because he never did that. He never got mad because I tried to care of him just like I don't get real mad when he helps me when I injured myself in the kitchen. That's what we did; we took care of each other. But that time he just pulled away from me. he acted as if I was patronizing him or something.

"Bella." Alice broke my thoughts. I looked at her."You might need to talk to him." She suggested.

I nodded. "I will. But right now I need to get to work. Can you get me a ride?" I asked her.

"I really have to finish this." She said.

"Come on. You'll get to see him." I smiled because she knew who I was talking about. "You know you want to. And if he sees you with me, he might go easier on me for being late. Please." I begged.

She sighed and put the pencil down. "I need to put my stuff away first." She said.

I smiled. "Thanks Al, you're the best." I told her as she put the paper in a large folder and put the pencils in the cup.

When we pulled up to the bar and I ran inside. All I kept thinking in my head was that Jasper was going to kill me; Jasper was going to kill me. "You're late." He met me at the door.

"I know, sorry."

"You can't keep pushing your luck. I will have to fire you sooner or later." He threatened.

I sighed. "I know. But in my defense, it's not my fault. Its your brother's. He keeps being late to pick me up."

"Bella…" he sighed.

I looked behind me and saw Alice. "You really want to yell at me in front of my friend?" I challenged. She walked next to me and I put my arm over her shoulders. I looked at her and she was smiling. I looked at him and he was smiling too. "Didn't think so. I'm going to get ready for my shift." I left them alone and started walking to the staff room.

When I did, a head of bronze caught my eye. "Edward?" I questioned. The guy had his head down on the bar so I didn't know. But there was no way this could be him. no way he didn't pick me up to get drunk.

I went over to him and shook him. he lift his head up and Edward's blood shot eyes were looking at me. "Bella, what are you doing here?" he asked.

"I work here. What are you doing here?"

"Drinking. This is a bar right?" he looked around to be sure.

I turned his head to me and looked into his eyes. "Are you drunk?" I asked.

"I better be, the world is spinning way too damn fast." He said. my eyes popped. He was never been drunk. He would drink but he knew his limits. He would stop when he felt he was getting tipsy. He always said he hate not being in control and that's all being drunk was. Not being in control.

"How many drinks have to you had?" I asked him.

He shrugged. "One or two." He lied.

"Times what, seven?" I snapped as I took the glass out of his hand. He started to lay his head on the bar again, but I stopped him. "No, I'm taking you home."

"But I don't want to go." He whined.

"Edward, I don't give a damn what you want." I looked around for Jasper. I saw him talking to Alice. Normally I would be happy for them, but needed him. "Jasper." I called to him. He and Alice turned to me. I signaled them to come over.

"Bella, I thought you were going to get ready for work." Jasper said when they came over.

"I was, until I saw this." I gestured to Edward. I looked back at Jasper. "He's drunk and I need to take him home."

"He's what?" Jasper exclaimed.

"He's drunk. How long you were watching him?" I asked in annoyance.

"Okay A, he's not a child and doesn't need anyone to watch him. and B, sorry I can't keep a hold of a grew man when I have a bar to run. For some reason, it was really crowded today." He explained.

"Didn't you think something was up when he never left to come get me?" I asked.

"He said you had your bike today." He told me.

I looked at him with confusion. "He did?" I asked and he nodded. What? He lied and he was drunk. I sighed. "Edward, what's happening to you?" I mumbled as I patted his body for the keys. Edward started laughing. "Stop moving." I snapped.

"It tickles." He said as he continued to laugh as he tried to push my hands away.

"Stop that." I urged through my teeth. "Where the hell are your keys?" I asked him in annoyed tone.

"You'll have to find them." he gave a lazy smirk. I rolled my eyes.

"They're in his jacket pocket." Jasper said.

"Thanks a shit load Captain Buzz-Kill." Edward said as he grabbed the glass I took from him and drank what was left of the drink. I grabbed the glass from him. "Hey…I was fucking drinking that." he snapped at me.

I shook my head. "You're done and going home." I told him.

He groaned hard in disappointment. "Whatever you say, mom, because apparently that's what you are to me now." He said in aggravation.

I sighed. "Edward, that's not fair." I told him.

He rolled his eyes. "Whatever. If I have to go home," he grabbed the keys out of my hand. "I can fucking drive my damn self." He said as he tried to get up.

I placed my hand on his shoulder to stop him. "Edward, you're drunk. You can't do much of anything right now." I told him. Well, he can be a giant bitching baby; but that was pretty much it.

He closed his eyes and shook his head. "Am not. The world is just spinning way too fast."

"That's you. Now give me back the damn keys." I told him as try to grabbed them out of his hand. He reached away from me.

"Why should I; they're my fucking keys. I should be able to do whatever the hell I want with him." He said. Correction, he can be annoying as hell when he's drunk.

Jasper sighed hard as he took them out of Edward's hand and handed them to me. "Thanks." I said softly.

Edward glared at his brother. "You know, for a damn bartender, you sure have a way of killing my fucking buzz." He complained as he leaned against the bar. He tilted his head back and closed his eyes. "What's the fucking point of owning a bar if you're just going to stop people from drinking?" he asked. I could only guess he wasn't looking for an answer. I'm not even sure he knew what he was saying anymore at this point.

I sighed. "Let's get you home." I put his arm over my head so he could lean on me. "Can you help me please?" I asked Jasper. He nodded and did the same I did.

"C'mon, Eddie boy. Up on three. One…two…three." He said and we pulled Edward up at the same time. We waddled to get to his Volvo. Alice opened the door to the backseat and we tossed in on the seat. I breathed hard as I closed the door.

"You want us to come with you?" Alice asked.

I nodded. "If you don't mind." I said.

"Of course we don't." Alice said.

"Yeah. Let me go tell someone to take over for a sec." Jasper said before jogging back into the bar. He came out with his jacket on his arm. "We'll good." he said. he opened the backseat door to ride in the back with Edward, giving me and Alice the front.

When we got to the house, Jasper and I did the same thing to get him out of the car. I handed Alice the keys to open the door. "Let's get him to the couch." Jasper suggested. I nodded in agreement. To be honest, I don't think either one of us could get him any farther. We tossed him on the couch.

"If you guys don't mind, you can stop fucking throwing me anytime." Edward mumbled as he laid on the couch.

Jasper sighed. Then he looked at his watch. "I had to get back. are you good?" he asked me. I nodded.

"Alice, you can go with him." I said to her.

She shook her head. "I'm staying. What if something happens?" she asked.

"She's right." Jasper said.

"No she's not. I can handle him. Just go please. Thanks for helping me, but I got it from here." I told them. They both said okay.

"I'll bring the car back later." Jasper said as he walked out of the door.

"Thanks." I called before the door closed behind them. as soon as they were gone, I walked to the kitchen to get a bottle of water. I ran back to him. he was laying on his side. I pulled him up by his shirt. "Drink." I demanded, as I held the bottle in his face.

"I don't want to, Bella." he said as he pushed my hand out of his face.

"I don't care. Edward, I'm trying to nice, but you're making this hard for me." I told him. I let go of his shirt to open the bottle. "Now drink the damn water."

"If I do, will you leave me the hell along?" he asked. I sighed and nodded. I was lying, but I needed him to do what I said. And if lying to him was going to get him to do that, then I will lie my ass off. He took the bottle out of my hand and began to drink from it. He took a few gulps before handing me back the bottle.

I put the top back on before sitting on the couch. "You said you will leave me along." He reminded me.

I sighed again. I pulled him to lay on my lap. "I will. Just relax, please." I begged him. a little while later, he didn't said anything else or wasn't moving. I was happy he was breathing because that told me he just passed out on my lap. I felt a small tear run down my face.

XXX

I waited up for Jasper to bring the car. Since he had the keys, he unlocked the house door and walked in. I saw Alice following him. They explained how she was driving his car behind him and he was going to take her back to get her car. I nodded and went back to smoothing his hair.

"How is he?" Jasper asked as he walked over to me.

I sighed. "He's been asleep for a while." I told them.

"Why didn't you come get the car?" Jasper asked.

I shook my head. "I couldn't leave him, Jazz." I told him.

"He's not a child, Bella." he told me.

Why did everyone keep saying that? Why does me wanting to take care of him makes him a child? I just want to take care of him like I know he would take of me if the situation was turned around. "I know, but I just couldn't." I said.

"I understand, Bella." Alice said as she sat next to me. She placed her hand on my shoulder. "Have you been crying?" she asked, looking at my eyes. I nodded.

"I don't like when he's like this Al." I admitted to her the turned back to him. I don't like having to take care of him like this. I don't mind it, but I don't think I should have to. He always said how he's the man and supports to take care of me. Since when I have become the adult in this relationship?

I was the one in college. He was supports to be being me home drunk from parties and stuff like that. But our relationship has never been traditional. I didn't have a problem with that until now.

I felt Alice lay her head on my shoulder. "You need to talk to him." she said in my ear.

I sniffed to keep the tears from coming down again. "I know. I will when I come home from work tomorrow." I said.

"Bella, you can take the day off tomorrow." Jasper said behind us.

I shook my head. "I can't. plus, I don't think he would want me around." I told him.

They left me about an hour after that. I decided I needed to get some sleep. I slipped out of under his head, carefully not to wake him up. I placed a light kiss on his head before going upstairs.

And that night, for the first time since he came home, I slept along in our bed.

XXX

The next morning, I went downstairs to see him still asleep on the couch. He was laying on his stomach, which was the same position I left him last night.

I tipped to the kitchen to get me something to eat so I wouldn't wake him. I left him a note telling him I was taking the car to school and I would be back after my shift. I grabbed the keys on the table next to the couch and walked out of the house.

Thought out the day, I was quiet. And of course, Alice noticed. She asked if it was about Edward and I nodded. She asked me if he was any better. I told her he was sleep when I left.

I was quiet because I was thinking of what to say to Edward. I knew I was going to ask him why he was drinking so much. But I don't know what else to say.

Should I tell him to finally to look for a job? Should I be rude and straight to the point? Or should I be sweeter? It can't be easy having your girlfriend take care of you. That's got to be messing with his head.

Before I knew it, I was at the bar busting tables. Jasper asked me the same thing Alice did. I told him the same answers. I didn't feel like talking to them about Edward, I wanted to talk to Edward about Edward.

After I was done working, I didn't hang around the bar. Sometimes I look for extra work to do, in hopes of getting more tips or something. But I needed to get home and Jasper understood.

I walked in and wasn't greeted by him. I walked over to the couch and saw he was on the couch. Now he was lying on his back with the pillow covering his face. I saw he changed his clothes to a t-shirt and some pajamas pants. That meant he got up and moved, which was good.

I looked over on the coffee table and saw a glass of clear liquid. I thought the worst of what it could be. I dropped my bag and picked up the glass and brought it to my nose.

"It's just water, Bella." I heard his voice muffled. I looked over and saw his face was still covered.

"How did you know it was me?" I asked as I put the glass back on the table.

"You're not the best sneaker. Plus, your strawberry shampoo is so damn strong, I could fucking smell it through the pillow." He explained, still not removing the pillow from his face.

I sat at his feet. "Is it for your head?" I asked. I saw the pillow move up and down, telling me he was nodding. "How is it?" I asked.

"Like someone is fucking hitting the inside of my damn skull with a goddamn metal bat." He groaned.

"I'll go get you something for it." I told him. I got up and went to the bathroom. I looked in the cabin to get some pain medicine. I put two in my hand and walked back to the living room. "Here, take this." I told him as I took the pillow from his face.

He sat up and took the pills out of my hand. "Thanks." He said before he put the pills in his mouth and chased them down with water. "You're too damn good to me." he said as he put the cup back on the table and laid back down.

I sighed. "I hate it when you drink so much." I told him.

"It's not like I'm a damn alcoholic or some shit, Bella. It was just one fucking time." He said. He closed his eyes tightly and groaned as his arm covered his eyes. I looked around to see if there was any source of light. I noticed that the curtain was open and letting in sunlight. I got up and closed it. "Thank you." He said when he heard the rings move across the bar.

"You're welcome. And as for the one time thing, how many times can you say that. Edward, you've been picking me up form school with the smell of alcohol on you breathe for a few weeks now. That's how being an alcoholic start. First it's one shot then another. Before you know it, you're drinking every night." I told him.

"I'm sorry, are you giving me a fucking lecture? Because I really don't need one right now." he said with annoyance in his voice.

I sighed before sitting at his feet again. "No. I don't want to lecture you. I just want to talk to you." I placed his legs on mine and moved closer to him. I started rubbing his legs. "So please talk to me, sweetheart." I begged him.

"What the hell do you want me to talk about, Bella?" he said.

"First, why are you drinking so much?" I asked him. he started to say something but I stopped him. "I know this is your first time being drunk; but any other time, it seem like you're just one drink away from it. Why?" I told him.

He sighed. "I don't know. I watch you go to school and working. And I see Rosa and Em moving forward. It seems like I'm not doing shit. And I guess it was all getting to me."

"I know you're having a rough start getting back into the world. I don't need you to be the provider." I told him. It would be nice if he could; but if that meant for him to kill himself for it then I could live without.

He removed his arm and sat up a bit to look at me. "But I need to be the provider." He sighed hard then lay back on the couch. "Never mind, you don't fucking get it." He said.

"Then help me. Edward I want to be there for you, but if you keep closing me out, I can't."

He sighed again. "I don't even know where the hell to started." He said.

I removed his arm that he put back on his face. "Start where ever. I will be here and listening and try to keep up." I told him. I really needed him to open up to me.

He nodded and started talking. He was saying how he felt useless to me and how he kept thinking if he didn't do something soon, I would leave him. I told him I would never do that. He told me to never say never because nothing is set in stone. We didn't know the future.

And it's true. We don't know where we'll be next month, next year, hell even next week. But I still believe his words which was as long as he could make this work, he would. I was willing to do my part to do the same.

We continued to talk until it was well past midnight and we went to bed.

XXX

It was about a week after our talk. He promised me he would stay away from the bar for a while to keep his head clear. And he was keeping his promise. He also said he would start actually looking for work. He said when it was more than a few days, its time to start moving. I agree with him.

One day, I was sitting in the living room doing my homework. I was sitting there because I was using the TV as a music source since my iPod was changing and I couldn't work without music.

The doming of the door opening snapped me out of my homework-trance. "Bella! Bella, where are you?" he asked when he came in. I was sitting on the floor, so I guess the couch was hiding me.

"Right here." I called as I went back to writing what I was writing before. I heard him run over to me and flop on the couch behind me. I looked at him and kissed him on the lips. "What's going on?" I asked as I started to write again.

"You'll never guess what happen. Guess." He said with excitement.

"You just said I never will." I teased. I chuckled for I knew he was rolling his eyes behind me.

"You're such a little smartass." He said. When he said that, I laughed again. Even though he's been talking like that around me a lot lately, I will never get use to him swearing as much as he does. He just does it so causally.

"Are you going to tell me or not?" I asked him.

He slid down to sit next to me. "I got a job interview."

I snapped my head to him. "What? Oh, my gosh Edward, that's great." I exclaimed as I hugged him.

"I know right." he agreed as he hugged me back.

"You didn't tell me you were looking again." I told him as I pulled away.

"I didn't want to jinx anything." he shrugged. "But they called me when I was the store. I was so fucking excited, I had to get home to tell you." He smiled.

"So, no groceries?" I teased. He gave me a smirk before taking one of my notebooks from the table and hitting me on the side of my head. I giggled. "I was just kidding; no need to get all abusive on me." I teased again. After I did, I put on a serious face. "So when is the interview?" I asked.

"In a few days. They said if all goes well, I might have a job." He smiled. I knew he was hoping the best, but when he said that, I couldn't help but to think of the worst.

"Oh." I said as if that just burst my bubble. I removed my hands from him and went back to writing.

"What was that?" he asked.

"What was what?" I asked as if didn't know what he was talking about.

"The 'oh'."

"It was just an 'oh'." I told him.

"No it wasn't. It's something behind that oh. You don't usually use that damn word unless you have something to say. So just go ahead and say it." He said as he gave me a light push.

I sighed and put my pencil down and looked at him. "You did say it was 'just an interview', right?" I asked. "And you said if all goes well." I said.

"What's your point, Bella?" he asked.

I shrugged. "It's just what if they consider that flaw on your resume as something to go wrong and you don't get it?" I asked softly, knowing he knew what 'flaw' I was talking about.

He sighed hard and moved his head to not look at me anymore. "Wow, thanks for bursting my bubble, Hope Crasher." He said bitterly as he moved to go back up to sit on the couch.

I sighed. That's why I didn't want to tell him what I was thinking. I knew he would think I was being negative. I moved to sit on the couch as well. I moved closer to him. "I'm not trying to crash your hopes; I'm just trying to be realistic." I told him. he still looked away from me. I moved to his lap and wrapped his arm around me. "I'm sure you'll get it."

"Now you're just saying that." he said.

I chuckled then shrugged. "Maybe, but I do hope you will."

"Thanks." He reached up to kiss my lips. I met his lips with mine.

I groaned as I pulled away. He looked at me with a confused face. "But you're not gonna get anything if you keep that thing on your face." I teased him as I pointed to his bread. He was shaving, trying to keep down. but some where along the way, he got lazy and its gotten thicker.

He chuckled. "I thought you were starting to like it."

"I was starting to get use to it." I corrected him. "But you need to shave that." I told him.

"Really, I like it. Maybe grew it longer." He said. I looked at him like he was crazy. He chuckled. "If I cut it, I can't do this."

I started to ask him what he meant. But before I could he started rubbing his chin on my throat. The hairs on his face were tickling me and I started laughing uncontrollably. I wiggled to try to squirm out of his arms, but he held me too tightly.

He laughed as he laid me on my back and continued to move his cheek along any open skin that was sensitive enough for him to tickle me.

"Stop it." I said through my laughs. He didn't listen as he kept going. "Edward stop." I yelled through the laughs. He laughed and gave me a wet and scratchily kiss on my cheek. "Eww!" I complained out loud when he pulled away. "Get off me and go shave that thing." I told him as I pushed him off.

He laughed again and got up. "Fine, I'll shave it only because you asked so nicely." He teased. I got him a smirk as he ran up the upstairs.

I breathed hard as I sat up. I hated it when he tickles me like that. I'm always so out of breath. I looked at my homework. It was somewhat done. I was thinking about continuing it, but then I stopped thinking about it. It wasn't due until a few days from now so I have time.

I grabbed the remote and started flipping through the channels. "Bella, where the hell are my razors?" he called from upstairs.

"In the medicine cabinet." I called back.

"That's where I'm looking and I don't see anything." he called.

"Maybe you ran out."

"No I brought some the other day." He said.

I sighed hard. "I don't know then, Edward. Keep looking, I'm sure you'll find them." I told him.

For a while, it was quiet. I figured he found him and was shaving right now. But I was proven wrong when he called me again.

"Bella."

"What Edward?" I said after sighing again.

"Come here for a second, please." He said.

"Edward, I think you can find them without me." I told him, with a slight teasing voice.

"Just come here please." He said again.

I breathed hard in annoyance as I turned the TV off. I toss the remote on the couch before getting up and climbing the stairs. Why the hell couldn't he find his stupid razors? I mean, it wasn't like anyone but him used them. Why did he need me to find them for him?

"I swear Edward, sometimes you can be as bad as a damn child." I told as I walked into the bathroom. But before I could go to the cabinet to look for myself, he held something in his hand that stopped me dead in my tracks. My eyes popped open.

"Bella, what the hell is this?"


hoped you guys enjoyed it. please R & R because i miss getting new ones.

As always Luv & Rockets