Nothing to say here, so enjoy the second one.
8. Space is All That's Needed
It was days after the fight (or talk or whatever is we were calling it to make ourselves better about what was said). We walked around the house like we were two people who just lived with each other – roommates, if you will – and not like people who were supposedly madly in love with each other. Sorry, saying we were roommates is making sound a lot better than it was. At least roommates talked to each other and tried to make plans with each other. Even roommates who have absolutely nothing in common talked more than we did because they know they will be living with the other person for a long time. We didn't even act like friends who were mad at each other. We acted as if we were strangers, and even that seemed a little nice.
He stopped giving me rides to school and to the bar. I've been taking my bike; not like he cares. When I got on it the day after the "talk", he did nothing when he heard the roar of it. And I knew he did because he was in the living room when I left for class.
Not only that, but we were never in the same room with each other for long then a second. Whenever one of us was in a room and the other came in, the first person would stop whatever they were doing and walk out like something a lot more interesting was happening in the next room. One time I was making hot chocolate as I was reading a book for my homework. I heard his footsteps as soon as the microwave beeped. Not even getting my mug out or closing my book, I walked into the living room. He got me back. When he was shaving one day, I mumbled that I had to use the bathroom – the only few words I said to him – and without questions or any words at all, he grabbed the towel that was hanging on the sink and walked pass me out the door. The thing worst than one person just leaving like we do is that the other person does nothing to stop them.
Only time we were in the same room was when we slept, and even then the room might as well have been empty. Before we talked, we held each other. We slept in each other's arms. We slept so close in the middle of the bed, we might have been one person. But now, we slept with our backs facing the other, not even barely touching. We sleep on complete opposite sides of the bed. There was so much space between us, I could roll over and could still feel like I'm in the bed by myself. It's not until I wake up to go to the bathroom and come back to see his still body under the covers facing away from me is when I remember.
I know it's not as bad as it could have been because one of us would have left by now. I know I want to talk and I have a slight feeling he does too, but I can't. it's just too much to handle right now.
Which was why I was trying to concentration on my studies; but that is easier said than done. Let's just said my relationship wasn't the only thing confusing and frustrating the hell out me. in one of my classed, we're studying something I didn't get and I've been stuck on this same question for the better half of an hour now and I still didn't get it. And when I thought I did, I read something that told me I was completely wrong.
Okay, I'm sick of this. "Screw this." I groaned as I pushed my books and notebooks off the kitchen table and on the floor. When I heard the papers scatter, I rested my head on my hands.
"What the hell is the matter with you?" Edward said in a bored tone, telling me he didn't care about the answer.
I turned my head to see he wasn't even looking my way but still at the TV set. I glared at him. the very few words he say to me and he can't even look my way. At least I looked at him when I asked for the use of the bathroom a few days ago.
"Why, you don't care." I snapped. He didn't make a move, not even a flitch. I sighed as I turned my head. When I did, I felt my hands shaking. Not feeling like doing those stupid ass yoga fire breathings, I reached in my bag for my pills. Then I remember a certain someone took them out. "Edward, give me my pills." I said to him as I threw my bag on the floor. I turned to him. Again, no movement. I sighed hard. I don't feel like dealing with him. I got out of my chair and stormed to the living room. "I said give me my damn pills." I snapped at him.
"I thought you didn't need them." He mumbled. His eyes didn't leave the screen as he turned the channel. I rolled my eyes, though he couldn't see me. I really wasn't in the mood for this. "And anyways, I don't even have your damn pills. You took them, remember."
I sighed hard again. "Well do you know where I put them?" I asked.
He gave a light chuckle. "That would involve us actually talking to each other before this moment, now wouldn't it?" he replied. I didn't have a response for that because he was right. Why would I expect him to help me when this was the first time in about a week that we've say more than a few words to each other? I still didn't care for the comment.
I groaned as I stomped my foot. "Fine. Be that way." I said as I turned around to go back in the kitchen. When I got in there, I dropped myself back my seat. When I did, I noticed that I stopped shaking. Maybe I didn't need my pills. I just need to relax. I placed my head in my hands again. I closed my eyes and rubbed my temple with my fingers. I took slow and deep breaths. I was almost there when…
"I'm not happy." I heard him said in the same tone he was using a moment ago.
"Yeah? well, I'm stressed out. What the hell else is new?" I mumbled bitterly, not bothering to open my eyes and look at him.
I heard him sigh hard. "No Isabella. I mean I'm not happy with us." He said. When I heard him say my full name like that, I opened my eyes and looked at him. he still wasn't looking at me, but I knew he was serious. The only time he uses my full name like that was when he was nothing but. No one would have gotten that the way his tone never changed since he opened his mouth, but I got it. Him saying my name made my eyes open but what he say after made me look at him because I knew what he meant.
"Really?" I asked. I already knew his answer when he nodded. I got out of my chair again. I walked in the living room again. This time I sat down. I didn't sit next to him even though there was more than enough room with him on the couch. I wanted to be close but not that close. So I climbed on the armrest and faced him. I sighed. "Either am I." I admitted.
He looked at me on the side of eye. "Really?" he echoed me.
I nodded. "Yeah; I hate the way we've changed. It seem like we're two completely different people." I continued with my confession.
He sighed as he shifted his eyes away from me and back to the television. "Well, if we both feel that way, what the hell do we do to change it?" he asked.
"I was going to ask you."
"Shouldn't you have all the answers? You're the college student." He mumbled sarcastically. I glared at him. really? Okay, when he says stupid crap like that, it doesn't help anything.
But two can play that game. "Yeah, but according to you, since you left I've gotten dumber instead of smarter. And you the Know It All god who is better than the rest of us stupid mortals, shouldn't you have the answer?" I shot back in the tone.
I saw him give a tight lipped, humorless smile. I also saw him gripping the controller tighter. "You really know how to push people's damn buttons all the way in, don't you?" he said. At least he was trying to control his angry this time.
"I guess I've learned from the best." I told him in an indifferent tone of voice.
He shook his head. "There you go again."
I rolled my eyes at him. I didn't want to go back and forward with him. Once again; I wasn't in the mood. "Whatever. We can go back and forward all day, but it won't solve the problem."
"It will make it worst." He agreed. "So what now?" he asked.
I shrugged. "I have an idea, but I don't think anyone would like it."
He looked directly at me for the first time in a week. "What?" he asked.
I shook my head. "I'll tell you later." I told him as I jumped down off the couch. "I have to finish my homework." I walked back into the kitchen and picked up my books I pushed off the table a few moments ago then set them on the table. I sat down and tried to work on my work again. I couldn't focus. The reason being because I felt his eyes still on me. I looked up at him. "What?" I asked.
He rolled his eyes away from me. "Nothing." He mumbled.
I mumbled back okay as I looked back down at my paper. I started at the problems and started tapping my fingers. I was trying to think about what I was looking at, but I couldn't. it didn't seem like it matter. I couldn't figure anything out and I didn't care. I didn't care about this anymore. I was so temped to pushed this damn book off the table again. but I just groaned and slammed the book closed. I looked up to see he wasn't looking at me.
To be honest, I think I knew what we had to do. That's was why I didn't want to talk about it. I wanted to believe it would never come to that. I wanted to think that if just don't talk for a while it will pass. But the fact of the matter is that it wasn't going to pass; this needed to happen.
I got up and walked to the living room again. this time, I didn't stop until I was in front of the TV set so he would be forced to look at me. "Bella what –"
"I know I said we'll finish this later, but I can't think about anything else right now." I cut him off. "I need to say something and you need to listen." I heard the TV click off behind me. he placed the remote on the couch next to him and folded his arms.
"Listening." He announced.
I sighed. I can't believe I was about to do this. "Rather you want to believe or not, you are a different person." he started to say something, but I stopped him. "That's okay, because I have changed myself. The problem is, we're expecting things to be the same when you got out, and it's not. We've been trying to push ourselves to each other and we keep butting heads instead. I think we need space from each other to think. And I don't think the small amount of space this house is giving us is enough."
"So…" he stood up. "what are you saying?" he asked.
I closed my eyes. "I think we should take a small break from each other." I told him in a big sigh.
"As in break up." He continued.
I opened my eyes and looked down. "For a little while, yeah."
He breathed hard. "Wow."
I looked at him and he looked shocked. "Are you mad?" I asked.
He shook his head. "Surprised, actually. For what seem like the first time in a long time; I actually agree with you."
XXX
"Bella, do you think you can handle a few tables?" Jasper asked me as I was carrying a bucket of dirty dishes.
"Sure." I said. "Just let me take this to the kitchen first." I told him before walking through the double door that led to the kitchen. When I came back, he was staring at me like I had two heads. "What?" I asked as I grabbed a pad and a pencil.
"Nothing, I'm just surprise that you're actually doing something I asked without complaining." He said in shock.
He was right. Every time he asked me to do something, I just have to comment on it. I don't know why, sometimes it just comes out. But I wasn't in the mood to back talk him today. He should be happy and not making stupid remarks about it. I rolled my eyes. "Very funny." I said before walking away to the tables full of people.
As I was carrying a tray of food to one of my tables, I saw Alice walking though the door. "I thought I would find you here." She said.
She looked at me with that "I need to talk" face. I nodded to the bar. "Wait for me there." I told her. She mumbled a small fine then walked away from me. I went to the table with a guy with midnight black hair and eyes to match. He was sitting with someone I could only assume was his grandmother. The old woman gave me a warm smile as I set the food down. I told them to call me if they needed anything else before walking to the bar.
"Bella, I need to talk to you." Alice said.
I sighed. "I figured. Make it fast I'm working." I told her as I walked to the kitchen to get another tray of food because I had about four tables to take care of.
"I know and that's what I want to talk about." She said when I walked back out.
I sighed again. "What's the problem with me working?" I asked her as I walked to another table.
"Nothing but the fact that you're working way too much. You do realize it's your day off." She commented. I froze when she said that. I was kind of hoping no one would figure that out. I would have guess Jasper knew, but just didn't say anything. I quickly unfroze to set the food down on the table.
"How do you know my schedule?" I asked annoyed as I pushed past her.
"Because I pay attention. Like I've also noticed how you leave school and come right here every day. Your mom says you're barely home." She said, referring to the fact that I was living at home again. After Edward and I made our little agreement, I pack my clothes and went back to live my mother. I was more than grateful that she didn't ask questions, but greeted me with open arms. "Why are you working so much?" she caught my attention again when we stopped at the bar.
I shrugged. "No reason."
She crossed her arms. "You know I don't believe that. You're going to run yourself into the ground, and as your best friend, I would at like to know why."
"Alice, leave her alone." We heard a voice. We looked to Jasper counting receipts. He looked at us. "She should be able to work without being harassed." He told her with a smile, hinting that he was teasing. I don't care if he was, I agreed with him. Why did it matter so much to her?
She rolled her eyes playfully at him. "Okay, one the only reason you're saying that is because you get free labor." He shrugged and chuckled with a small maybe. He looked back down at the papers in his hand. So that was why he never said anything. Because this wasn't the first time since I left Edward that I worked on my day off. I think it was about my third or fourth time now. "And two, it's not harassment. It's caring that she might burn herself out."
I shook my head. "I'm not going to burn myself out. I'm fine. Right Jasper?" I said waiting for him to agree right away. When he didn't, I looked at him. He was leaning on the counter.
"Actually, I kind of agree with her." he admitted.
"Jasper." I said in shock. I thought he would be the first to agree with me, especially after what he just said.
He sighed like he was hoping this would come up. "I'm sorry, darling, but she's right. You keep talking about your classes and you're working all the time now. All this stress can't be good for you." He commented.
I groaned. "Look, mom and dad, stop worrying me. I'm fine, okay?" I heard someone call my name. I turned to see it was someone at one of my tables. I walked away from them without waiting for their response. I was so happy I had a chance to get away from them and their nagging. I was fine. It wasn't like I was taking a pill every hour or something. I wasn't doing anything out of the norm.
After dealing with the table that called me, I was all over the place. I was running in and out of the kitchen. I was going in with dirty dishes and coming out with food. I was taking tables that weren't even mine. I was wiping down tables in one breathe and taking orders in the next. I gave any tips I made to my coworkers. I didn't want them. I wasn't working so hard because of the money. If that was the case, I wouldn't be working on my day off in the place. I was working so hard because I didn't want to stop.
"Jasper, do you have anything else for me to do?" I asked him when all the people who were at my table was gone. I cleaned off the tables and even washed the dishes – which I never did. Now I have nothing to do and I was at a still stand, which was exactly where I didn't want to be.
He sighed. "No, Bella. Everything's fine." He said. I knew why he was talking like he had an attitude, because he did. I knew he was upset that he and Alice didn't get though to me. But I didn't care.
I sighed. "I'm going to count the money." I told him.
"I already did." he said as I rounded to the counter.
I shrugged. "I'll count it again."
"Why?" he asked.
"I need something to do. Plus, it won't hurt anything." I told him. I opened the register and took out all the money that was in there. I counted the bills twice and the coins three times before putting it back in there in nice equal piles. "I'm going to see if they need help in the kitchen." I said when I was done. Before I could make it there, Jasper grabbed me. "Let me go." I said.
"No. you don't need to do anything else. Everything is taken care of." He told me.
I shook my head. "I need something to do." I said as I knocked his hands off me. I moved from behind the counter to find something else to do. Before I could, Alice grabbed me wrist. "Alice let go."
"Bella, will you listen to us. You need to slow down." She urged.
"I can't." I urged back.
"Why not?" both of them said in unison.
"Because Edward and I broke up and if I stop moving I'll think about it." I told them. When the words let my mouth I heard both of them gasped. I opened my eyes – I didn't realize they were closed – and when I did, tears started coming down. Damn them for bring this out of me. I went so long without crying and I was trying to keep that way. But when I admitted it to them, I couldn't stop them. "I don't want to think about it, you guys." I told them as more came down. "I can't. it just hurts too bad." I told them as I bowed my head.
"Alice, bring her back here." I heard Jasper said. Before I could ask anything, I felt Alice tugging me somewhere. I looked up when I heard the door close behind us and saw we were in the back room for employees.
When she pulled me to the bench, I released. I told them about the talk we had when came back home after spending the night with Jasper. I told him how we didn't talk to each other for about a week and when we did, we both agreed it was best if we took a break from each other. The whole time I was talking, I was crying at the same time. I didn't want to cry over this, because we agreed that we just needed time to think about things. But no matter how much I kept telling myself that, it didn't help anything.
I know we've both changed and I thought if we were away from each other, we could think about us and come back with a whole new mind set, but damn it, it was hard. It was hard because no matter how much I knew that was true. I didn't like being away from Edward. I don't know what it was, but I didn't want to admit that breaking up was the best idea. And that's why I was always moving. I was forever trying to keep my mind busy so I wouldn't think about him or about us.
"So that's why you've been staying your mom and Phil." Alice continued. I nodded. I never told her why I went home. When she first asked I just told her that I was homesick and that Edward understood. She obviously didn't think I had a reason to lie to her so she just said okay.
"So that's what's wrong with him." Jasper mumbled next to me. I turned to him.
"What do you mean?" I asked him as I wiped my eyes.
He sighed. "You remember when I told you if you two ever broke up, both of you would be a mess?" Jasper said. I couldn't stop my eyes from rolling away from him.
"I don't feel like hear your I told you so's, if you don't mind." I said bitterly.
"That is not what I meant." He replied. "You never called me after when you got home; I figured you guys were talking. But then you still didn't hours later. I didn't really think about it until you came to work, he wasn't with you and barely said two words to me. I called him and asked what was wrong and everything was okay. he told me he didn't want to talk about it and that it was none of my business. I kept trying to call him after that but he never answered. I guess that's why." Edward never told me Jasper was trying to contact him. He must have not really wanted to talk about it if he didn't answer his brother. Jasper and Emmett were the two people he always answered the phone for.
"I'm glad to see I'm not the only one that's upset about this whole thing." Even it was more than a neutral agreement, it still kind of hurt to be away with him. I've been with the guy for about five years now. Even when he was away, we tried hard to still be in contact with each other. Now it just seems like we both knew we're drafting away and we stopped trying to fix it.
"Maybe you should go back to him to work this out." Jasper suggested as if I was thinking out loud.
I turned to him to object but Alice beat me to the punch. "No she does, Jasper. She's right. They need a little space for each other for a while."
"But he's upset, Alice." He told her.
"So is she. And nothing's going to get better if they're both upset. They're just going to keep on yelling at each other." She countered. He opened his mouth to say something but closed it. Then he shrugged. I guess he figured she was right.
I sighed hard. "If you guys are done deciding my faith…" I muttered as I got. "I need to get back to work."
"Bella, maybe you should take the rest of the day off, and a few days after this one." Jasper said behind me as I walked to the door.
"No thanks." I said as I pushed through the door. I told them if I stopped I would think about it and I didn't want to. I know that was the whole point of this damn break, but the thoughts just hurt me too much.
I heard the door open again as I went to the counter, which meant they were following me. "It wasn't really a suggestion, Bells."
I looked at them and sighed again. "Guys, I really don't need you two to look after me like I'm a baby bird or something."
"Says the girl who was just crying." Alice said under her breath behind Jasper. I looked passed him and glared at her. Unnecessary low blow. When she saw me looking at her, she rolled her eyes. "Bella, we're not that watching you like a baby bird. We just think you need a break and do the thinking you suppose to be doing." She voiced an opinion that I didn't feel like hearing right now. I just wanted to keep busy; why do they feel the need to stress me out more than I try to pretend I'm not?
I shook my head. "I'm fine." I turned to someone calling for a waiter. I turned back to Jasper and Alice. "I have work do to, so if you don't mind…" I said as I walked past them to get to the table. Before I could get to the other of the counter, one of them grabbed my wrist. I looked at them. "Jasper, will you stop doing that?" I snapped.
"Bella, you don't want to listen to me as a friend, so maybe you'll listen to me as a boss. If you don't leave and go home right now, I will have to fire you." He said sternly.
I rolled my eyes at him not believing him. He's been threaten to do that so many times before now and never followed through on it. I guess you can consider him the boy that called wolf. What made him think I was going to believe him now? "Oh please." I said, as I tried to get out of his grip, but he tightened it before I could.
"Don't believe me?" he asked.
I shook my head. "Well just say you're known for empty threats."
He gave me the most serious face I have ever seen on him. "Try me."
I looked at him like he was loosing his mind right in front of me. Was he seriously thinking about taking my job away from when because I wouldn't take a break? Most bosses would love to have workers that were willing to work all seven days of the week but expect to get paid for only five. Why did I have to have the one who actually saw his employees as friends first? Talk about your damn ironic. "You can't be serious?" I said, still in disbelief.
He nodded. "Look, I'm sorry to put on the boss hat on you like that, but you need to relax, you won't listen to us and this is the only way to make sure you do." He released my wrist. "Take a few days off. Consider it your vacation or something." He said. I opened my mouth to object. "Like I said, try me." He repeated serious again.
I looked over his shoulder. I was looking for Alice for a little bit of back up. Of course I didn't get it and I knew for sure when she just shrugs. I don't know what made me think she of all people was going to take my side on this when she's the one who started this stupid discussion. I rolled my eyes as I took my apron off. "Fine." I said angrily as I stormed to the back room.
After I changed back in my street clothes, I walked out to find them talking to each other. I waved my keys in front of them to prove them I was leaving, "I'm about to go, are you two happy now?"
They both nodded. "Trust us Bella, this would be good for you." Jasper said.
"Yeah, you'll thank us sooner or later." Alice agreed.
"Whatever." I garbled as I put my jacket on. I started walking to the door without saying anything else to the two traitors.
"Enjoy your vacation." Jasper called after me. Without stopping or looking back at them, I held up my middle finger, directed at both of them. Guessing they both saw, I heard the both of their laughs. Oh yeah, now they can laugh when a minute ago they were playing "Strict and Concern Mommy and Daddy"
"We love you too." Alice replied. I rolled my eyes as I pushed out the door.
XXX
"Bella?" my mom called when I walked into the house. I placed my keys in the key dish next to the door and hung my jacket on the back of the closest chair. "Bella, is that you, sweetheart?"
I sighed hard. After years, she asks that, like I could be someone else. But I think that's a fair judgment now that she's has a boyfriend or fiancé, I don't really know what they are. But considering that his car was out in the driveway when I pulled up, I would say he was already here. "Yeah. It's just me, mom." I finally answered back. I walked into the kitchen. Half the reason because I didn't see them on the couch and the half is because I was follow a tasty smell in the air. My guess was that Phil was cooking for my mom again.
When I walked into the kitchen, my mom looked up from one her home décor magazines and Phil looked up from whatever he was cooking in the pan over the stove – yep, I knew I was right about him cooking. I don't remember the last time my mom made something besides those cookies I never got when she sends a container full to my (well, old; for the time being anyways) house – they both were smiling at me. "I told you I heard her bike, Renee." Phil said to my mom.
My mom shook her head. "I still don't understand why you ride that death trap. I'm still thinking about killing Jacob for giving you that thing." She said. I rolled my eyes. She's been like Edward when it came to my bike; very resentful and caution when I ride it – it might the only thing they agree on – ever since I fell off my bike and sprang my wrist. It was years ago, but she still gets upset when I ride it.
"It's my only source of transportation." I told her with a shrug.
"Bella, if you ask him, I'm sure Phil won't mind buying you a car." She spoke of him like he wasn't in the same room as us.
I looked at him for confermention. "I honestly don't mind." He agreed.
Ever since my mom started dating him, he's done nothing but cook for her and used his retirement money – and the money he gets from coaching a few teams here and there – on my mother. Let's just say she doesn't hate it. If I didn't know better, I would be sure she was a gold digger. But considering the fact that when her and my dad was married, she was thought of as the bread winner of the house because her job always paid more than my father's. And after years of supporting the both of us on only her paychecks, I think she just loves being spoiled; like all women, assuming. But unlike her, I kind of have a little bit of a problem with it. I shook my head at him. "That's okay. I'm fine with my bike until I earn enough." I told him.
He nodded. "I understand. Speaking of which, I thought you were working today, what are you doing home so early?" he asked. That was one of the reasons I liked him and wasn't down his throat when him and my mother started dated. He actually cared. As long as he wasn't putting handcuffs on me, Charlie never really seem like cared where I was. Maybe because he really didn't.
"Yeah, Jasper kind of gave me the rest of the week off." I told him.
"That was nice of him."
I chuckled at the ironic. To me, he was far from being nice at this point. But it wasn't something to go into because I would have to talk about why I was staying at home. They knew that Edward and I agreed on leaving each other alone for a while, but they didn't know why. I didn't tell them everything and I didn't really want to. "Yeah, I guess." I answered Phil as I ran my hand through my hair.
My mom made a disgusted sound when she saw me. "Honey, please don't do that in here while Phil's cooking." She complained.
I rolled my eyes. My mom, always with politeness. I guess I could kind see her point on this. Hair has a lot of germs in it and when someone runs their hand through it, it sends the germs flying all over the place. I gave a weak smile to Phil. "Sorry, Phil." I apologized.
He chuckled. "It's okay. Since you're here, you want to help me. I would ask your mother, but I would like to be alive for our next date night." He said with a wink at me. I chuckled, not feeling like laughing fully.
She threw her magazine at him. "I've gotten better." She turns to me. "Tell him Bella." She told me.
I nodded. "She has." I agreed. She has gotten better since I left. At least she doesn't burns a pot when she boils water anymore.
Phil laughed at my mother as he picks up the magazine. He walked over to her and placed it on the table in front of her. "Okay, sweetie." He said before kissing her head. I gave a soft smile at them. I know it was weird, but they kind of reminded me okay Edward and I – well, before he went away. He looked at back me. "You sure you don't want to help?" he asked.
I nodded. "I think I'm just going to study for a while." I told them. They both said okay as I left the room.
"I'll call you dinner's ready." My mom said after me. I gave a thumbs up before climbing the stairs.
When I got to my room, I laid on my bed. I know I told them I would be studying, but my heart wasn't in it. I knew as soon as I tried to open a book, my mind would go back to Edward. Not like it mattered because it was going to him anyways. Like now.
I still couldn't believe we were apart. Every since we got together, we weren't apart; not like this. Any problems we had, we worked it out.
But I guess compared to a "normal" relationship, we didn't have the problems other people did. While other couples' biggest problem was to make sure the other person wasn't cheating and was listening to them, we're were worrying about getting caught in an "inappropriate" student/teacher relationship. I don't care about the outcome, I'm still glad we took the chance. I would have never found out how much I loved him. I knew it was too soon for most comfort when I did fall in love with him, but it wasn't like I could stop it. I don't think I would have kissed him in the first place if I didn't feel deep in my heart that it was more than a teenage crush.
Maybe that's part of the problem, we fell for each other too quickly. When was the last time when someone fell in love too quickly did it turn out for anyone involved? I don't know when. And besides that fact, as soon as we were in love and really getting to know each other, he was ripped away from me. Maybe this is who Edward really was never got a chance to see this side of him because he was gone before I could.
Damn that Lauren. All this crap is totally her fault. I was the one living with him, but did she really have to call the cops on us? Did it really solve anything between us? I still dislike – scratch that, I fucking hated her ever since I found out what she did to him – and we're still together; well, for the most part. But I don't consider our little slip a win for her. I would be damned if I did.
But then again, was it really fair to blame her? she did let her own personally green-eyed monster get the best of her and had her aunt call the police; but in reality, isn't that all she really did? I mean, I did stay that day even when found out he wasn't married or dating anyone (who even thought the reason was because he was waiting for me?); I was sitting next to him, way closer than I really should have been. It was so close that one small lean and our lips were touching; a lean in which I encouraged. And on top of that, I didn't listen to anyone who told me to stop and wait until at least my next birthday. (Who the hell decided that eighteen was an acceptable age to be considered an adult anyways?). then when I was living with him, I made him to answer the door. Stupid door bell. Who visit someone on a Sunday anyways? Still, sometimes I think about what would have happened if he didn't listen to me. Would it have mattered; would she still have found a way to try and kill the perfectly good thing we had? I would like to say yes because I've found it much easier to blame her.
Somewhere between thinking on how different things would be different if he didn't answer the bell and still finding ways to blame Lauren, I found myself drafting in a soft slumber. For the past two or three week since I've been away from Edward, I found that's the only way I will go to sleep, when I'm not even trying. The only thing that woke me is my mom keeping her promise and calling me when dinner was ready.
I got up and went down stairs to eat with my mom and her boyfriend; is it a little wrong of me to be a tad bit jealous of them? I mean, I'm so happy for them, but I just wish mine would stop being the total jackass he's become so accustomed to. When I came down, I saw she was alone. "What happened to Phil?" I asked her.
She smiled. "He gave us the night alone." she said.
"He didn't have to do that. You can call him back if you want to." I told her, but deep inside a little happy he wasn't here. Like I said, I was a little jealous.
She shook her head. "He had to do something for the team he's coaching. I forgot, because I kind of tuned him out." She chuckled at her joke. I just smiled. "Anyways, I thought it would be better if it was just us two."
I shrugged as I grabbed a plate and sat next to her. Like every other night this week, we ate in silence. I felt like the time when I was grounded and he left for the first time. We weren't really talking then either. I just wasn't up to it. The first time, I just couldn't open my mouth and let words come out. I thought it wouldn't help me. but this time, it might so I was going to talk to her.
After dinner, she walked into the living room like the nights before. She said she wasn't going push it out me. She was giving me space until I was ready to talk. I washed the dishes while I heard the sounds of the television going in the other room.
When I was done with dishes, I walked into the living room. I was ready to talk to her. Maybe it will help me start over. "Mom." I called her attention as I walked in. she looked up at me. "Can I talk to you?" I asked.
"Sure, baby." She turned off the TV and moved over so I could sit down. I walked over to her and sat in the space she made for me. "Are you ready to talk about you and him?" she asked as she put her arm around me. I was happy she didn't say his name. I ready don't know how hard this would be. But I choked back the nervousness I was feeling.
I told her everything that happened over the few days before I came home. I gave her a run down on the last "Edward/Bella Drama" like I did with Jasper and Alice.
I was proud of myself when I finished, I wasn't crying. I barely had tears on my face. I found it was easier once I started. The problem that I was having was the staring part, but once I did, it wasn't as hard as I thought. The fact that I tried to avoid saying his name probably helped. I was glad she was quiet the whole time and just listened. That's what I felt I needed. I didn't feel like I want nor needed her input. She didn't say anything until she was sure I was done. Then she didn't say anything that would make me mad.
"Are you okay now?" she asked.
I sighed and gave a slight nod. I looked at her. "Or at least I will be, sooner or later. I just need to stay away from him for a while."
"Aww, Bella." she moved closer to me and gave me a hug. "I'm sorry all this is happening to you." She said in my ear.
I hugged her back. "It's not your fault."
"I know, but I will do anything to take this pain away from you."
"Mom, you being with me is helping." I told her.
"I'm glad." She said patting my back. we sat there for a moment before she pulled away. She said at me. I looked at her with a confused face. I wondered why she was smiling. "I have an idea. Let's make some hot chocolate, pop some popcorn, and watch some TV together." She suggested.
"I don't know. I have homework and I'm kinda not in the mood for TV." I told her. I really did have homework that I wasn't able to finish like I thought I would. I wanted to go to sleep early tonight.
"Oh come on. We haven't done it in so long. Plus, I got a season of Days of Our Lives." She said to sweeten the deal. That would do it. She was the reason I liked soap operas so much. We use to watch them together.
"What season?" I asked, still on the edge of turn it down.
"Fourth." She said with a smile.
That was deal breaker. Even through it was an old one, it was my favorite. I gave her a small smile. "Okay." I said. she cheered and hugged me again. "Just start the popcorn and hot chocolate and I'll be right back." I told her. I got up and walked to my room.
It took me a while because I couldn't find what I was looking for. I couldn't remember what I did with it because the last time I use it was so long ago. I came back down with a small box in my hand. When I came back down, the popcorn had a more seconds before it was done and hot chocolate was almost done as well.
When both were done, she put the popcorn in a large bowl and poured the drinks in mugs. "What took you so long?" she asked as she brought the things in the living room on a tray.
"I was looking for something." When she sat on the couch, I handed her the box. She opened it and it was hair ribbons and bows and clips I uses to wear when I was little. She looked at me with a shocked face.
"Aww, Bella. You haven't let do you hair since you were kid."
"Right now, I wish I was kid. Then I wouldn't be dealing with all this crap." I told. Then I gave her a smile as I held out a comb and a brush. "If you don't mind." I said.
"Of course I don't" she said as she sat the box next to her. she took the comb and the brush out of my hand. I took a pillow and sat on it in front of, just like I did when I was little. She didn't take time to start combing through it.
XXX
"I never understood why she never left him." I said when we were about four episodes into the season. I was talking about something that one of the characters was doing on the TV, before drinking the last of my hot chocolate.
"I didn't either; it might have something to do with the fact he's so sexy." She said.
I couldn't help but laugh out loud at that. "I can't believe you just said that." I said, continuing to chuckle. It didn't seem like something a mom should say.
She chuckled back. "I do have eyes." She said. I looked at the guy on the show. She was right. He was cute. But I wasn't about to agree. So I shook my head. "And plus he might be…"
"Mom!" I cut her off and covered my ears incase she thought to go any further.
"Bella, sex is a part of being in a relationship." She said.
"Mom, I'm not talking to you about this." I said shaking my head.
She laughed. "So you don't hear about me and Phil?" she teased.
"That would be a no." I told her. I wish she would stop. Then I thought of something that would make her. "Okay, if you talk about him, I'm going to talk about Edward."
"Yeah, I rather not hear about your sex life with him." she said. I could almost her rolling her eyes.
"What just happen to sex is part of a relationship, mother?" I mocked her.
I heard her sigh. "Yeah; well, to pertain you still don't know what a sex-life is, let along that you have one." She replied.
I laughed at her. "Okay then; so let's stop talking about this." I suggested.
She sighed. "Deal. Anyways, the reason she might keep going to him is because she loved him." she said, getting back to my question.
I shrugged. "I guess. But it makes no since because he keeps hurting her." I pointed out before reaching up and taking a handful of popcorn.
"Sounds familiar?" she asked.
I sighed. "He doesn't just hurt me; we keep hurting each other, but I guess see your point." I said, knowing what she was relating the show to, before dropping the popcorn in my mouth. I felt her part my hair down the middle. This whole time she was just going back and forward between brushing and combing it. "Mom, have ever told you how much I hate it that you hate him?" I asked. I know I've pointed out, as in it was implied. But I don't think I actually said it point blank to her.
She sighed. "No, but it was implied. I don't hate him. I just don't like him because I was felt you chose him over me." she told me. I never knew that. I didn't think I was choosing him if there was a choice. I would like to think I wouldn't if that point ever came. But now that I think about, I could see where she might get that idea.
"I'm sorry you thought that." I said softly.
"I also felt he was taking my baby girl away from me." she continued.
"He didn't. I'm here now." I reminded her.
"Yeah, because you and him got into a fight." She reminded me.
"Oh." It seem like that was the only thing I could think of saying. I looked up at her. "I'm sorry it took me so long to come back home. You don't have to think that. He won't come between us." I promised her.
She smiled at me. "Good to know." I turned back around and let her finish doing whatever she was doing to my hair. "Besides, if it makes you feel any better, I might not like anyone you ever bring home." She said.
"Why not?"
"I don't know. I would find some reason why he wasn't good enough for you. Edward's age was just my excuse for him." she said. When she said that, I couldn't help but think of the time when she first found out we were dating. The thought made me clinched a little. "But if I had to pick someone, I might pick him."
"Why?" I couldn't help but ask.
"Because as much as I hate to admit it, he is good for you. He's smart, charming. And from what you tell me, he's sweet and caring; might care a little a bit too much sometimes, but that what comes when you fall in love with someone."
"You really think we love each other?" I asked.
She laughed. "I know you do, Bella. I see how he makes you feel."
"What, sick, anxious, annoyed?" I mumbled.
She laughed again. "Yes, yes, and yes. also like you're flowing on air and just happy when you're with him."
"How do you know that?" I asked.
"I see the smile you get when you two are together."
"Which is?"
"Just a happy one, like nothing can take it off."
"I don't remember the last time I smiled like that."
"I do." she said. I couldn't help but look up at her. "Hold on." she got up and when to her purse, she took out her wallet and walked back over to me. she took out a picture and handed it to me. it was a girl with long brown pigtails under a red helmet and a red and black bike. "That's you on your ninth birthday." She said, sitting behind me. "It was taken at your birthday party."
I looked up at her. "Birthday party? I don't remember having a birthday party when I turned nine."
"Well you did. You begged for it. You wanted a biker/princess theme."
"Why did I want that?" I asked, not remembering.
"You've always been a fan of motorcycles. I thought you grew out of, but that one summer when you and Jake were dating and he started taking you on one I knew it was back. Your love started because you saw a movie or something where they were riding them and it was like love at first sight. So that was the first thing you thought of when you were thinking of party themes but you said you still wanted to be some what girly. So everyone had to come in leather or jean jackets and tiaras.
"When we were shopping for party supplies, you saw this black painted bike with red stripes and white cartoon skulls with pink bows and you just fell in love with it. You told your father and me it was the only thing you wanted and you would be just fine if you didn't get anything else as long as you got that bike. We told you we're see what we could do.
"Then the day of the party, you were looking for it. When your father told you you couldn't get it right now, you ran in the house and cried. You said you didn't want to have the party anymore. Somehow we convinced you to continued it. You were having so much fun. It looked like you forgot about it, until the end when you had to open your gifts. And right after you thanked everyone, your father and I took you to the front where we were hiding the bike. You saw it and started jumping up and down like you were on a pogo stick." She said with a chuckled and shaking her head. I smiled at how happy the memory made her.
She concluded. "While I was cleaning up from the party, your dad took you out and you rode until your little legs got tired. That bike made you so happy. When I saw your smile every time you rode it, I couldn't help but smile. When I see you with Edward, I see the same smile that little girl had on her face when she rode that bike." She said pointing at the picture in my hand. I looked at it again. "And I hate myself when I say something to take it off." She said softly. I looked at her. I hated that too. She looked at me. "I will try not to do it again." She told me.
I smiled at her. "Thanks mom." I turned to the TV and realized that we never paused it and the show was playing all this time. I rewind to where we were before. "You'll ever think she'll realize it's not worth it?" I asked, talking about the show again.
"Love is always worth it, Bella." she countered as she went back to doing my hair.
"I guess it is, sometimes." I said back with a shrug. After a few minutes, something came to my mind. "Mom." I called her attention.
"Yes, Bella." she said as she tied a ribbon to one of the ponytails.
"Do you think him and I will ever be okay again?" I asked softly as if I was afraid someone might hear.
She stopped working on my hair to sigh. "I'm really not sure, Bella." she said. Great, that didn't help me.
When she was done with my hair, we watched a few more episodes before I thought it would be a good if I went to bed.
that was first second, keep going.
R & R-ing
Luv & Rockets.
