nothing to say here, but that i hope you enjoy the four updates. thx for reading.
10. Closing Spaces
My eyes felt as if they were stuck open. I couldn't even blink if I wanted to. I think I was almost afraid to even do so.
I couldn't believe Edward was standing in front of me right now. I haven't seen him in weeks. I wondered if he saw how I was dancing. That was probably why he sounded angry. Did I make him jealous? I didn't mean to. I was just dancing. Alice and I was damn near dancing the same way an hour or two ago. I didn't even know he would be here. This argument would be a lot more convincing out loud.
Wait, what argument? I wasn't doing thing wrong. It wasn't like I was cheating or something. So did it feel like I was caught doing that exact thing?
"Are you going to introduce me to your friend?" Edward asked looking over my shoulder. I followed his eyes to see Greg still standing behind me.
"Umm…" I said as I turned back to him. How was I support to introduce them? Why the hell is my mind blanking all of a sudden? The surprise visit from him kind of threw mw of balance. And to think the heels would have been the reason I did a face plant.
"Greg." He answered for me. he reached around me for Edward's hand. Edward looked at it and didn't make a move to take it in his.
"Edward." He said as he looked at him in the eyes. "Mind if I talk to Bella for a second?" he said. Something told me he wasn't really asking.
When Greg realized he was going to take his hand, he pulled back. He shook his head "Not at all; I have to go anyways. Thanks for the dance, Bella." He said in my ear. I nodded to him as he moved away from me. "Nice to meet you Edward." He said as he walked pass him with a nod. Edward gave a small nod back.
He looked at me. "Who was that?" he asked. I didn't want to answer them, because there was no reason to. He was just some kind I met and danced with and wasn't worth fighting with Edward about. Instead, I answered it with a question of my own.
"Edward, what are you doing here?" I asked him.
"You didn't answer the question." He pointed out.
I glared at him. "He's was just some guy I was dancing with. Why does it matter if he was anymore? We're not really dating anymore more remember." I pointed out to him
"Why the hell are you being so defensive? I just asked you a damn question." He snapped.
I was about to answer him, but the truth was I didn't know why I was being so defensive with him. He did just ask a simple question. I might have been looking too much into how he was saying it and thought he was suggesting something totally different then what he was. I shook my head. "No reason. I think I should go." I told him. I turned to walk away from him but was unable to. I was stopped because he grabbed my arm.
I turned back to him. "I'm sorry I snapped at you. I came over when I saw you. When I saw that guy, I guess I kind of lost it." He leaned into my ear to finish. "Can we go somewhere to talk about us?" he asked.
I sighed. "There's nothing to talk about. There is no us." I reminded him.
"I know. And that's what I want to talk about." He said.
I paused for a second. I was about to say yes, but I stopped myself. I looked down and saw he still had my arm. Then I got a feeling he would make me talk whether I wanted to or not. I didn't want to be force to talk to him. "Do I have a choice?" I asked him.
He looked to see what I saw and what made me ask him that question. He dropped his hold on me. Well, his hold on my arm anyways. "Of course." He said in my ear. I leaned back to look at him. He looked like he meant what he said when he said he wanted to talk. This might not be the place, but I think it was time.
So I nodded. I grabbed his hand and led him to the part of the bar when I was sitting before. It was a little quieter near the bar then it was on the dance floor. I let go as soon as I thought he would guess he was suppose to follow me. When we got there, I ordered another drink. I thought I might need it to talk to him. so much for being sober.
"By the way," I started as I waited for my drink. "You never answer my question, what are you doing here?" I asked him again to get him to start talking.
"Jasper dragged me here." He said as if he was annoyed by the fact that his brother did that. I had to chuckle.
"Alice did the same thing." I agreed with him.
"I hate to admit it, but I'm kind of glad they did." he said. I looked at him for the first time since we got over here. I waited him to finish his thought. I was having fun, but if I knew I run into Edward, I think I would have tried harder to stay home. He looked at me. "Bella, how do you think we've went without talking if we didn't run into each other?" He said. I was guessing he didn't want an answer. I wasn't going to give him one rather he wanted one or not. Reason being, I didn't have the slightest clue how to answer that.
I turned away from him. My drink finally came. "Speaking of talking…" I changed the subject before slipping from my glass.
"Right." He let out in a sigh. "Listen, I've been thinking." He started.
I took another slip. "About."
"I don't know; you, me, us. This whole thing between us."
"And?" I said. I looked at him on the side of my eyes and waited for him to continue.
"Okay, Bella. I know we both agreed on this break between us. I know we thought it was best for us to get a little space, but I honestly didn't think it would actually last this long. I hate it. I hate that you consider us 'broken up'. I don't like being away from you. I hate that we just stop trying to work on us. And I've been thinking about what you said and how I've changed. You were right. And I've trying to work on it. But I can't do it alone." He rushed out, not taking a breath between words or sentences.
I turned my head fully to him. He was looking at me, waiting for me to say something. "You mean that?" I asked.
He sighed as if he was catching his breath or something. "Which part?" he asked.
I shrugged. "All of it, I guess." He nodded. I shifted my eyes to my glass to keep from looking at him anymore. "Truth be told, so have I." I admitted.
"Have you been thinking about coming back?" he asked. Without removing my eyes from my glass, I nodded. I heard him exhale heavily. "Then why the hell are we still doing apart?" he asked.
I looked but up to give him an answer, but when I did I knew I shouldn't have. I saw how close he was. I smelled the sweetness of his scent. I saw the beauty in his brown eyes, even in the flashing of the bright lights in the club. When I looked in his eyes, I knew with all my heart that a little of my Edward was still in there. He was just deep inside and I had to do a lot of digging to get him. And with him being so close to me, like the first time we kissed, one lean and our lips would be touching, it was hard not falling into his arms.
Without stopping myself, I cupped my hand around the back of his neck and pulled him closer to me. I was going to pull him to my lips but stopped when we were still an inch apart. "Edward…" I sighed. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't. I don't know why, but I couldn't. "I have to go." I told him as I let go and pulled back. He looked at me confused, wondering why I stopped. I turned away without an answer. "My curfew is almost up." I lied to him. I knew he knew it was because my mom almost never set a curfew for me. "I have to find Alice." I told him as I pushed away from the counter. I started walking into the crowd when I heard my name again. I turned to him. "Edward, I just to think some more; okay?" I said.
"Then just think about what I said." He said. Knowing what he was talking about I nodded then turned away to find Alice.
When I leave him, I started moving around the dance floor to find her. I wish I could hurry up and find her. The last thing I needed right now is to run back into Edward.
I sighed in relief when I finally found her dancing with some guy. I haven't seen him tonight. He must've been someone new she met when she was lost in the crowd before. I quickly pushed pass people to get to her.
"Alice." I said touching her arm. She turned to me.
"Bella. Where have you been?" she asked. I wanted to roll my eyes. I don't think that was the question she should've been asking. She was the one who left me. But I wasn't going to think about that right now.
"I was at the bar." Where you left me, I wanted to add but didn't. I was the one who told her to go. "Look, can we go?" I asked her.
"What, why? It's only 11:30." She complained.
"I know, but…" I stopped to think of what to say. I didn't want to tell her I ran into him and that I almost kissed him. Well, at least not here. That was more of a private thing and not something to yell in a night club. "I'm just getting tired, okay? Now can we leave?" I asked again. She looked at me for a second before nodding. She turned to say good night to the person she was dancing with before taking my hand and walking away with me.
When we were about to leave, I got stopped. Someone touched my shoulder. I closed my eyes and hoped it wasn't who I was leaving. I opened my eyes and turned around. I smiled when I saw it wasn't Edward. "Oh, hi Greg." I said.
"Leaving already? We didn't get the chance to dance again." He said.
"Yeah, sorry. I'm getting tired." I told him. it wasn't a lie. I was tired.
"Okay. well, can I have your number so we can stay in touch?" he asked with a smile.
My smile kind of dropped at that. "Umm…" I said with a confused face as I looked at Alice. She was giving me a look as if to ask what was I doing. I was tempted to tell him about Edward. It was best to get everything out, right? Then I thought of just giving him a fake number. But I decided not to either. What would be the point? I mean, it wasn't like I was going to see him again. I turned back to him with a smile. "Sure, but I don't have a pen." I told him. I wasn't carrying a purse. I felt that was just more to keep up with. I turned to Alice, knowing she had something to write with in the clutch she was carrying. She looked at me for moment before nodding. She reached into her purse and handed me a small Sharpie.
Without thinking too much about which number to give him, I grabbed his hand and wrote my name and my cell phone number
"There. Are you actually going to call?" I asked. He nodded. I smiled. "Good, because I could always another friend." I told him, meaning that's all I was looking for right now. I still didn't know what this thing between Edward and I was yet. I gave him a hug good bye before turned back to Alice to finish walking out of the club.
"So who was that?" she asked when we got outside. It felt good to hear someone talking at a normal volume again. Although my ears were still ringing from the loud music.
I shook my head. "No one. He was just someone I was dancing with; a friend. He's cool." She gave me a disbelieving look. "What?" I asked her.
She shook her head. "Nothing. What are you going to do when he might want to be more than friends?" She pointed out.
This time I did roll my eyes. "Nothing, because that won't happen. I have too much else on my plate right now to put something else there." I reminded her.
"Plus there's Edward." she finished. I shook my head. That wasn't something I wanted to think about right.
When we got in the car, I was quiet the whole way back to Forks. It was more like I was thinking if anything else.
The main that I was thinking about was what he said. He knew he changed and he was working on it. What did that mean? Did he mean that he knew he's become kind of a jackass and he's trying not to be anymore? Or did he mean that he was going to try to change back to what he was before. Something in me told me that I didn't want him to change complete back to what he was before. The reason is because I know that's not who he is anymore. The last thing I needed is for him to try to be someone he's not because he'll be unhappy. That won't solve a damn thing.
"Penny for a thought, Miss Swan?" Alice interrupted.
I gave a light chuckle. "You might need a lot more a penny for my thoughts." I half joked. I sighed hard. "Alice, question. What do you think about me and Edward, honestly?" I asked her. I looked at her when it was taken her longer than I thought it would. I saw she was thinking.
"I guess you guys are kind of like jigsaw pieces." I looked at her with confusion. She looked at me on her side on her eye and laughed when she saw my face. "Let me explain. You two are alike. So alike, you two looked like you could be the same person – or piece, for the sake of the metaphor – to someone who doesn't know any better. But once you look close enough, you see that the two of you have little differences that make you unique. Then once you notice the differences, you think 'there's no way these two pieces will fit together.' But for some stupid reason, you try to put them together. It takes a little bit of a struggle but then they fit together perfectly. Like you and Edward." she explained.
When she put it like that, I guess it kind of made sense. "Have we always been like that?" I asked.
She chuckled. "You two butted heads when you disagreed on something yes." She corrected.
I sighed. "So we didn't just started fighting when he came back home." I concluded.
She laughed. "Of course not, Bella. You might fight a little more because he's not your yes man anymore, but relationships change. Best thing to do is to change with them not to change because of them. If that makes sense."
I gave a chuckle. "I get it."
She pulled up in my drive way. "So what are you going to do?" she asked as she parked.
I sighed again. "Honestly Alice, I don't know." I told her.
"And honestly Bella, I'm starting to get those headaches again." She said. I knew she was refining to the ones she claimed she had when we first started dating.
In which why I just chuckled at her. "You'll be fine." I teased as I opened the door and got out. I waved back to her before going into the house.
when I got in there, my mom and Phil was on the couch watching a movie. I wondered what they were still doing up. My mom is usually asleep by now. but that was another thing I like about Phil, he kept her young. Sometimes it could backfire.
"Mom, I'm home." I told her as I closed the door.
They both looked up at me. "You're home early than I thought you would be. Did you not have a good time?" my mom asked. Did she expect me to stay out until early in the morning and come home with the sun? I guess she did.
"Uh… yeah. I got tired so I came home." I told her.
"Oh… so where did you guys go?" she asked.
"That new club in Seattle." I told her. I was home now, safe and sound. No need for her to worry anymore.
She turned to Phil. "We should there. I heard it was a great place." She told him.
My mom in a club, that would be a sight to see. This is what I meant by sometimes her young mind backfires on her. I never thought night clubs were the place for moms. Even if that mom was dating again and her only child was old enough to live on her own by now. It was always weird to me. I don't know why.
He looked at me at the corner of his eye. I gave him a small head shake, hinting him that might not be a good idea. Long story short, I didn't get my dancing skills from either one of my parents.
He chuckled. "Sure, sweetie." He lied to her then kissed her forehead. I smiled. I liked that they were close like that. my mom needs someone like that in her life.
"So, what are you guys watching?" I asked as I looked at the screen over their heads.
"The Notebook." My mom said as she turned back to the movie.
"Again?" I asked. The Notebook was my mom's favorite movie of all time. She's seen it so many things that she knew every word by heart.
"She had an urge to watch it." Phil said looking up at me again. It looked like he was begging me to get him out of this with his eyes. I just chuckled and shook my head, telling him I couldn't help. He sighed and turned back to the screen.
"I'm going upstairs. I might come back down for a snack or something. Otherwise, I'm in my room for tonight." I told them. They both said okay before I walked up the stairs.
When I got to my room, I didn't think twice about changing out my dress. It wasn't tight and uncomfortable, but I was ready to get out of it. When it dropped around my ankles, I didn't pick it up. I didn't care enough to do anything about it being on the floor. I changed in to a t-shirt and sweat pants before flopping on my bed. When I did, something poked me in the side. I moved to see what it was. It was a folded piece of paper. I unfolded it to see what it was.
It was a letter. More specify, it was a letter I wrote to Edward when he was away. It was telling him that no matter what happens when he comes home, our love will never die. I will always love him and I would be next to him through whatever happens because we've been the worst already. I looked at the bottom and it was signed and dated the week before he got out and that was why I never gave it to him. I kept it to remind myself of the promise I was making to him just in case I forgot. That's when I realized that I have forgotten and it brought tears to my eyes. When I realized I was crying, I knew that I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't stand away from him even if I wanted to. Everyone knows I no longer wanted to.
I wiped my eyes cleared and stuffed the piece of paper back into my pocket. I jumped out of bed as quickly as I could. I grabbed my coat as I ran out my room. I went down the stairs so fast, I could have jumped. "Mom, I have to go." I told her as I got the keys.
"Bella, wait." I stopped and look at her. "You just came home. And where are you going at this time of night?" she asked as she looked at me again.
"I have to do something. If it doesn't work out, I'll come back home but I need to do this." I told her.
"Can you wait until the morning?" she asked.
I shook my head. "I have to do this now."
"She'll be fine." Phil told my mom.
I smiled at him. "Thanks Phil. Bye mom, don't wait up. I'll call you." I said to her as I walked to the door. "I'm taking the car." I told her as I walked out the door. I drove there without thinking about it. It seemed like I wasn't stopping for anything. I didn't want to stop until I got there.
When I got there, I jumped out of the car and walked to the door as fast as I could without running. I got to the door and rang the bell frantically. I was begging he would answer the door when I finally stopped. I was bouncing, partly from the cold wind that blew and partly because of anxiety, as I waited for him to come to the door. I felt like I had went back in time to when I was seventeen and I came running to him when my mom and I had that big, ugly fight. While I waited, I wonder what was taking him so long. I saw his car in the drive way, but he could have ridden with Jasper to the club.
I was about to walk away, when I remembered something. Unlike the last time I ran to him in a slight panic, I had a key. I pulled out my keys and looked for his house key. When I found it, I didn't take any time to jam it in the lock. When I finally heard the click, I pushed the door open.
"Edward!" I called when I was in the house. There was no answer. The light was on in the living room but the house was still. "Edward! It's Bella. I'm sorry." I called again. There was still no answer. That only meant one thing. He wasn't here. He must still be out with Jasper. Jasper was the king of hook-ups, so I didn't think the thought out him out with his brother so late was good. What if when I left, someone found him and comfort him? What if he went home with her and forgets about me?
The thought of him with someone else brought tears to my eyes again. I wiped them away quickly. Maybe this was a good thing. Maybe the space between us needed to be like this. Maybe we need to see other people for a while, just so we can know how good we are together. If that was the case, I should probably leave. The last thing I needed was to run into him and the girl he might decided to bring home. Can anyone say awkward moment?
Before I had to the chance, I heard someone call me. "Bella?" it was the voice I wanted to hear. Then again, I heard the question in his voice. I was afraid to turn around because I didn't want to see the girl he was with. But then again, I bet I looked odd just standing here.
I wiped my eyes one more time to be sure any tears that had slipped down were gone. I turned to him when I heard to door closed. I was more than happy when I saw he was alone. I was so happy, I couldn't hold back the small smile. I know I said it was probably best for us to see other people, but it would have broken my heart to see him with someone else. "Hi Edward." I said softly. "You're home." I pointed out.
He nodded. "I wasn't up to the party scene after running into you." He admitted with a shrug. "You're here." He pointed back out to me. I nodded back. Before I could stop myself, I started walking towards him. I didn't like the space between us. I was walking until I was right in front of him. I didn't stop myself again when I did the same thing I did at the club. I grabbed his shirt and pulled him to me. He was inches away from my face just like at the club. "Bella, what are -." He started softly. Before he could finish the question I knew he was going to ask, I pull him to me and crushed our lips together. Our lips fitted and molded together perfectly, just like any other time. He was the first to pull back. "Bella, what is this; I don't understand." He stumbled out confused.
I gulped. I was confused too, but I knew what I was doing. I shook my head at his confusion. "Don't be confusion. I'm here because, well in short, I would like to come back." I told him.
"Come back? But what about what you said back at the club? About needing more time? Bella, if you need more time to think, take it. I don't want you to feel tied down." He urged.
I smiled. "Don't you get it? I want to be tied to you. I don't need time to think. I need you." I told him. When he didn't say anything back after a few moments, I felt my smile slip down. The reason why was because my mind came up with something I didn't want to think about. I left go of his shirt. "You don't want me anymore, do you?" I asked.
He looked at me like I was crazy. "Bella."
I shook my head. "You don't have to say it, Edward." I told him, backing away slowly.
He grabbed my wrist and pulled me back to him. I looked up at him. His big brown eyes were burning into my soul. He placed his hand gently on my cheek. "What's with you, you silly girl?" he asked as a smile spread across his face. I shrugged. He sighed. "Of course, I want to be with you." I smiled as he tucked some hair behind my ear. He leaned in closer. "I love you." He said softly before putting his lips to mine.
"I love you too." I said under his lips. I hooked my arms around his neck. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer to his body. I pulled him closer and closer to me, deepening the kiss. He released me just to push my jacket off my shoulders and on to the floor. I did the same thing with his jacket. When I heard the fabric hit the floor, I pulled him to me again.
"So you're back home?" he asked while our lips were apart.
I shrugged. "Looks that way." I said.
He smiled softly. "Good." He moved his hands and lifted me in bridal carry. "There's a bed upstairs that missed you." He lightly teased.
I smiled back. "We should go tell it I'm back." I tease back in the same fashion. He nodded in agreement then started carrying me towards the stairs. I hugged him tighter. "Don't drop me, please." I said softly as we started climbing the stairs. I was remembering he never really carried me upstairs like this, but over his shoulder.
He kissed my cheek. "Never." He said in my ear.
We got to the top of the stairs safely. He walked us to the bedroom door. It was slightly opened. I don't think I ever remember a time when it was closed all the way. He turned and used his back to push the door open since his hands were full still. When the door was opened and we were in the room, he walked us to the bed. He didn't run us like our first Christmas together. I was kind of happy he didn't rush.
He placed me gently on the bed. He was about to pull back when I sat up and grabbed his shirt. I said I liked he didn't rush, but that didn't mean I wanted him not to do anything. I missed his touch so I wanted him to at least hold me. He got my hint and leaned down and kissed me. As he kissed me, I laid back on the bed. He followed me. He did a lot much than just hold me as he climbed on top of me. He placed hands on either side of my head to balance himself and straddled on my lap to lock me under his body.
He pulled away and sat up. He grabbed the hem of my shirt. He stopped and looked at me in my eyes. I knew why he stopped. He didn't think I wanted to do that; not tonight anyways.
I moved his hands and took it upon myself to take it off myself. I tossed it to the closet, not really caring where it landed. When it was out of my hand, I looked at him and tugged at the hem of his shirt. He looked down and knew what I was trying to do. He did the same thing I did to his shirt. He gently pushed my hands to the side. When my hands were off his shirt, he yanked it over his head and tossed it aside like I did with mine.
I looked up at his body. In the moonlight coming through the window, I saw his body. I mean I actually saw it. Usually, I just see his abs and his muscles, and now his tattoo that added perfectly to it. But now I see all his scars and scratches. I never seen them before, or I have and just never really pay too much mind to them. But since he said he was in fights, and because of me no less, I saw them clearly. He reminded me of a soldier.
I felt a tear roll down my cheek as I rubbed his arms. How could I leave him when he needed me? he was a soldier, but like one, he needed his fellow troops. I was his fellow troop. He was…"My strong soldier." I said, well more like thought out loud. He looked at me with confusion, not knowing what I was talking about. Without explaining myself, I reached up and hooked my fingers loosely around his neck. I pulled him down to me. he put his lips to mine. When he did, I held him tighter to me.
He kissed my jaw to my neck to my shoulder as his hands went up and down my sides. He was kissing my shoulder when his hands stopped at my hips. "Edward…" I sighed out loud. I held him tighter. "Don't let me go." I told him in another sigh as another tear slipped. I don't know why I was crying. I just felt so full of emotions right now that I couldn't help it.
He hugged me around my waist and held me so tight to his body that there was no way I could escape even if I wanted to. He moved back up to my ear. After one soft peck, he said. "I won't. Promise."
XXX
It was weird. We didn't even have sex. The most that happened was that we took off each other's tops. But we never took the bottoms for us to come in contact with each other. It wasn't like we didn't try. I lose count how many times our hands went to the waistband of our underwear. But they never came down.
Oddly, I was kind of happy for that. It told me that he missed more than just sex and that wasn't what the relationship was built on. It was built on trust (for the most part), love (a little too much) and understanding (after the yelling was done) and sex was just the icing. A sweet, maybe sticking, and awesome finisher.
I woke up to find that I had gone to sleep on his chest that night. I looked up to see he was sound asleep. I moved my body to his. Close never felt close enough.
Then I had to get up for I had to go to the bathroom. I didn't want to be away from him because I wasn't his arm for so long. Stupid bladder. Is it really necessary for it to be empty? Sometimes it could be such an inconvenient.
I slowly lifted his arm so I could get from under it. I was trying to move it carefully so I wouldn't wake him. I moved out the bed just as slowly, again trying not to wake him. I found the t-shirt he had on last night and slipped it on. I crept out of the room. Once I was out, I walked quickly to the bathroom. I wanted to hurry up so I could get back to the warmth and comfort that was the king size bed that we shared. Plus I really had to go.
I went back to the room to find he was still asleep. I will never understand how he could sleep so hard. I turned to quietly close the door behind me. "No need to sneak." I jumped when I heard a tired voice said behind. I turned to see his eyes were still closed."I'm not sleep." He answered my unasked question.
"Sorry. Thought you were." I told him.
He shook his head. "Just woke up so you're kind of right." he teased. He opened his eyes slowly. When he saw me standing there he smiled. "I thought last night was a dream. Glad to see it wasn't. unlike I'm still dreaming; in which case, I hope I don't wake up soon." He said. I smiled at his words. I'm glad that I wasn't the only one who kind of thought last seemed unreal. He yawned as he sat up and leaned against the headboard. He motioned me to come to the bed. I didn't take time to follow his unspoken instruction. When I got on the bed, he opened his arms. I moved into them and he locked them around me.
I hugged myself tightly around his waist and rested my head on his chest. I can't remember the last time we sat here, soaking in each other presence. Not counting his first night home because I couldn't enjoy it as much as I wanted to because I jumped out of bed to rush to class. It seems like years. I miss this.
The funny thing was that I rushed for nothing because I didn't even go. I looked at his shoulder and smiled. I reached out and ran my hand gently over it. When I touched, I sighed happily. "What are you thinking about, babe?" he asked.
I ran my hand over his shoulder again."Have I told you how much I love this?" I asked softly, ignoring his question and asking my own. He followed my eyes to his tattoo. He looked back at me and shook his head. "Well, I do." I told him.
He chuckled then kissed the top of my head. "Is that what you were thinking about; how much you love my marking?" he asked against my hair. I shook my head. It kind of was, but not really. "What were you really thinking about?" he asked.
I sighed again. "I was thinking about how long it's been since we sat like this." I told him the truth this time.
He kissed my head again. "How long?" he asked.
I shook my head again. "Too long, it seems like." I moved closer to his body. "I miss it." I told him softly.
"I've missed you." He said quietly; almost as if I wasn't suppose to hear him. I don't know if he didn't want me to hear him, but did rather he wanted me to or not. I looked up at him. He smiled. "I've missed your body this close to me." I don't why, but the way he put that made me blush. I looked down to avoid his eyes.
"You're making me blush." I admitted in a small voice.
He gave a light chuckled. "You haven't done it in a while, I forgot how adorable it was." He replied. The fact the he was making fun of the color my face made when blood rushed to it made me blush harder.
I pulled away. Ashamed of the stupid blushing, I covered my face. "Edward, stopped." I ordered him.
I felt his hands on my wrist. I let him pull my hands away from my face. He placed his finger under my chin and turn me towards him. "Don't be embarrassed by it. It's been so long, I also forgot how much I love it. I miss it." he told me. I smiled this time, thankful. he might like the blush, but I hate it. I've always hated it ever since I was younger.
I pulled away from him. "What else you miss?" I asked as I sat with my body facing him.
He looked at me for a moment then thought about it. "Hmm… well, for one: your crazy bed hair." He teased as he ruffed his hand in my nest of tangled hair. I didn't brush or comb it out when I went to the bathroom so it was still a mess. I pushed his hand away from me then hit his arm playfully.
"Anything else?" I asked.
He nodded. "Much more" once he said that, I saw him get serious. "I miss waking up and going to sleep with you next me. I miss being with you all day. I miss the way you make me feel when you're near. I miss your smile. But most importantly, I miss making you smile." He said. I was about to say something, but he stopped me. "I'm not done." He told me. I closed my mouth so he could finish. He grabbed my hands and looked at them. "Bella, I know I'm not the man you fell in love with and I know I said that man died, that it wasn't the truth." He stopped.
I sighed. "Edward…" I interrupted. He looked at me again.
He went on. "I meant what I said last night, when I said I was working on it; well, I will continue to do so if that's the man you want again. and…" before he continued, I slipped my hand out of his hold and placed it over his mouth.
I smiled at him. "Edward, part of our problem is that you don't listen to me." I told him. He gave me a confused looked. I rolled my eyes. "Not to be rude, honey, but you kind of talk too much and don't listen enough. I was going to say that I don't want you to change back to that person because I know that's who you are anymore. I just want you to be…" I stopped to find the word I was looking for. I didn't know why I really wanted him to be anymore. I thought I wanted him to change back, but I don't.
I sighed when I couldn't find the damn word. "Your strong solider?" he asked under my hand, repeating the words I said last night.
I smiled at him. "For lack of better words, yes." I removed my hands. I moved myself under his arm again. "I better with what you've became because I'm not scared anymore." When the words were out, I knew what I was saying. I didn't mean to let the words slip out, but they did. I was hoping he didn't catch it.
"You were afraid of me?" he asked, catching what I said no matter how much I was hoping he didn't. I looked down and played with the hem of the shirt I had on. I was quiet, wishing he would let go. I didn't mean to ever tell him that. He let me go and grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him again. "Tell me the truth, Bella, were you really scared of me?" he asked.
I pushed his hand away from me. "More of your Mr. Badass attitude than of you." I corrected.
He sighed. "Bella…"
I gave a dramatic sigh as I laid on the bed again. "Mind if we save this convo for later?" I stopped him as I placed my hands behind my head. I looked at him and gave him a smile. "It's killing my morning after high." I told him with a wink, making us sound like a one night stand in a teasing matter. Even though we didn't do anything that call for the phase "morning after", I was still on high that all his serious talk was seriously killing.
He looked at me like he didn't find my joke funny. "We need to talk about it." he said.
My smiled dropped as I sighed. "Why? Goodness, Edward, why the hell does it matter?"
"Cause all me crazy, but I don't want my girlfriend to be terrified of me." He said.
I rolled my eyes. "Terrified is such a strong word." I said nonchalantly. I was trying to push this subject to the side because it didn't matter to me anymore. But of course, being him, he didn't let it die; another one of our problems, but I didn't admit this out loud to him. I shifted my eyes. "Seriously, Edward, it was like for a spilt second. It was a stupid laps of judgment that happened one time. Just let it go. It's really not worth going into anymore than that."
"Really?" he asked.
I nodded as I sat up. I reached over and locked my arms around his neck. I leaned in and kissed him to calm him more because I knew if was still on the edge of believing me. I pulled away and smiled at him. "Trust me, it really is nothing. I know you will never hurt me, so I'm over it. do me a favor and be over it too." I asked him. I saw him think about it for a minute then nodded. "Good." I said before putting my lips to his again.
It didn't take time to knot our tongues together. But when they did, the kiss got cut short because there was a ringing.
I held up one finger telling him to hold on before I reached over to the nightstand to grab my phone. Sometime during the night, I went back downstairs to get it out of my coat to tell my mom where I was and that I was okay. She just said okay before we hung up.
When I picked up the phone, I didn't realize the number. "I don't know who this is." I said out loud in confusion. I wondered who it was. Only one way to find out. I clicked 'talk' before putting it my ear. "Hello." I answered in confusion.
"Bella? It's Greg." A male voice came through the speaker.
Then realization popped in my head. I forgot I gave him my number. I didn't expect him to call so soon if at all. "Oh…Hi Greg. How are you?" I responded.
"Great. So how are you feeling? You left kind of suddenly." He reminded me.
"Yeah. Well, like I said last night, I was tired. I had to do something before I went to sleep. When it was done, I just crashed." I told him as I smiled at Edward. I wasn't lying, I just didn't tell the whole truth. He didn't need to know. I just met this random dude last night.
"Okay. Well I just calling to see if you want to do something some time. Like go for a coffee or something." He asked.
I looked at Edward so see if he overheard. The way he looked told me he did. He looked at me to see what I would say. "Umm…Greg that's really sweet, but" I got off his chest to sit on the side of the bed. "You know that 'yes...no…I don't know…it's complicated' thing I told you about?" I asked.
"Yeah."
"Well, the guy I told you about was the one who interrupted us last night and well, we're kinda back together." I told him, careful not to let him down to much.
Then what happened next surprised me. I heard him chuckled. Why does he keep doing that? "That's great. He can come too. My boyfriend would love to meet both of you." He said.
My eyes popped. "Bo-boyfriend?" I choked out. "You're gay?" I asked bluntly.
He chuckled again. "I guess, if you want to put it that way. I'm not really into labels." He replied. I was quiet. That shocked the hell out of me. I was not expecting that at all. "Bella, are you still there?" he asked.
I shook my head to get my thought together. "Uhh…yeah. I'm here."
"That's a problem is it? I'll understand if it is. A lot of people aren't still accepting." He said.
I shook my head again. Then I knew he still couldn't see me. "No, it's not that. It just surprised me, that's all. It's just when we dancing and I was moving…"
"Bella, it's not like it burns when females get close to it. Plus, I know that's just how girls dance and you seem like you needed to get some stuff off your mind. I was happy to be there." He said.
"But later you asked for my number." I pointed out.
"Yeah, so we could talk."
"But…but…" I was trying to come with reason why I didn't understand.
"Bella, you didn't think I was trying to hook up with you or something, did you?"
I ran my hands through my fallen curls. "Kind of." I attempted a little embarrassed.
"Didn't we learn to stop assuming things from people?" he joked. I gave a small chuckle. "I was just trying to be a friend." He continued.
I blinked a few times to see if I understood. No matter how many times it was going through my mind, I couldn't make senses of it. I sighed. "I'm sorry. It's just when people go to bars, they don't look for 'just friends'." I said.
"I understand that. So how about that coffee?" he asked, bring me back.
"Umm… sure, okay. Let me ask Edward and I get back to you." I told him.
"Alright. Let me know. I'll talk to you later." he replied. We both said bye before I hung up. I turned to look at Edward. He looked at me for an answer on what we were talking about it.
I chuckled before putting my phone back on the nightstand. I turned to Edward. "How would you feel about a coffee date with Greg and his boyfriend?" I asked him.
"Greg, Isn't that the guy I caught you dancing with?" he asked. I nodded. "He's gay?" he questioned.
I laughed as I nodded. "The same thing I said."
He chuckled back. "I heard that, but I wasn't sure what you were talking about." He said.
"Yeah, apparently I attract who shouldn't be attracted to me." I teased, talking about him as well. He shrugged. I don't think he caught the double meaning to what I was saying. "So want to go?" I asked again
"Why not? At least now I know I have nothing to worry about." He said.
"As if you ever did." I said, rolling my eyes at him. I had more to worry about losing him that he should had about losing me.
He nodded. "Good to hear. Now that that's out the way." he opened his arms to me. "Where were we?" he gave me devilish smile. I smiled.
"Umm…, I think we were right about…" I stopped to move myself closer to him. I moved myself one more time so I was straddled on his lap. "Right about here." I said as I wrapped my arms around his neck.
He wrapped himself me around my waist and hugged me tighter. I pulled away and smiled at him. "This looks about right."
He put his lips to mine. I let them touch for a second before pulling back again. The reason was because something was on my mind that I needed to know. I smiled at him. "Okay, time for another truth moment." He gave me confused look. I laughed and shook my head. "Not me this time, you." I clarified. He still looked like he didn't get it. "Be honest, did seeing me dancing with him make you jealous?" I asked.
He rolled his eyes. "Of course not." He said quickly; too quickly. So quickly in fact, that there was no way in hell I actually believes him.
"Sure." I said, rolling my eyes. "Truth, I was jealous." I told him, thinking if I admit it first, he would follow my lead.
"Of what?" he asked with a humored chuckled. "I didn't even dance with anyone." He stated.
I shrugged. "Well, I figured that after we saw each other, I thought another girl would see you and 'comfort' you. One thing leads to another and you bring her home. Even though, I tried to convince myself that it would probably best if we see different people for a while, I still hated the damn idea of you with some other girl." I told him how my mind was working last night when I heard his voice. He gave a full laugh at me then. I rolled my eyes again. "You mind not laughing at me?' I asked him.
He let a few chuckles out before coming to a stop. "I'm sorry, babe. What you're telling me is that you were technically covetous of something imagine?" he asked.
I shrugged. "Imagine or not, I still didn't like the idea." I told him.
He sighed. "Fine. I guess, I was kind of, somewhat envious when I saw you dancing with that guy last night."
When he finally admitted it, I gave a loud and victorious laugh. "I knew you were jealous." I gloated as I pointed him the chest to add salt on the wound on his ego.
He smiled as he grabbed my hand and kissed my finger. "How could I not be? I saw you in a small dress dancing with a guy that wasn't me." he said.
"The dress was Alice's idea." I told him.
"Still, my girl was with someone who wasn't me and I didn't like it." He said as he shook his head.
I smiled at what he said. not that he didn't like me dancing with someone else, but the fact that he claimed me. I was happy to hear that. "I'm your girl?" I asked with a smile as I moved closer to his lips.
He shook his head. "That was the wrong word because you are so much more than that. You're my woman, my world," he flipped us over so I was on my back and he hovering me. "My love." He said softly before placing his lips to mine.
I loved hearing him talk about me like that again. I placed my hand on his cheek as if to hold him in place. "I feel the same." I said under the kiss.
He pulled back so he was no more than an inch away my face. "Is it still complicate?" he asked, repeated the words he obviously heard me say to Greg on the phone.
I smiled and shook my head. "Not at all. It's very simple that you're my man and my world."
"Then you mind if I ask something of you?" he asked; I shook my head. He braided his hand with mine. "Make me a promise." He said. I nodded. "No more secrets please. If we can fix this, we can fix anything. The thing is we have to work with each other and not against each other." he said.
When he said that, I knew he was right. I also knew there was one more thing I was keeping from him. Even though it was completely nothing, I still knew I should tell him. But I didn't know how to tell him what else happened while he was gone. I knew he wouldn't like it and might not take it well. I needed to tell him. "Edward…" I started.
"Yes, babe?" he replied.
I opened my mouth to let it out, but I couldn't push the words out. I curse my damn crowdedness. It keeps me from telling him important things. I shook my head. Now wasn't the right time anyways. No need to ruin a perfect moment, right? "No more secrets. Nothing but the truth." I told him. "I love you."
"I love you, too; which by the way, is not a burden." He said back. I hugged him to me. I couldn't believe it was no more than a few seconds in the promise and I was already breaking it.
STOP! that was last one, sorry.
R & R-ing
Luv & Rockets.
