hey, hey there readers. how was everyone's christmas. did you guys get what you wanted. i got what i wanted. i love my new ipod and my John Cena brawling buddy. (now i can sleep with my man every man. ha!) i also love everything else i got. christmas is alway a good time at my house.

ianyways, t's friday again. so we all know that that means, another installment of AM. yay. it's the chapter we've all been waitng for. i hope it answers all yours question and the number question that i know have been on everyone's mind because you guys keep making comments about it. so thi s chapter should answer it. it is also my fav out of all the one's i have writen. it's very emotional. it shows a side of edward we've all known was there since he got out of jail. dotn worry, i didnt make him hit her, though i wanted to. then i rethought about it, and i thought it would be too much. i wanted to keep something about his old chacater true.

anyways, please enjoy.


9. Secrets Reviled

*Flack back*

It's October. Edward's been gone for four years now. He should be out next year, if I'm lucky. But we all know how my luck has been lately.

I just came back from visiting him a few hours ago. I couldn't go earlier because I had to study for exam that I have in a couple of days. And I couldn't stay as long as I wanted to because when I told him about it, he insisted I leave to go study. How is it that he could still be so…what's the word…teachery?

I studied for about an hour before I felt I needed to blow off so steam. I went to the place where studying was the last thing I could think of.

I opened the door to walk in the place. It reeked of beer and grilled foods. I looked around to see if I could find him. I saw him behind the bar. It seems like that's where he always is. I don't think I saw him step from behind it; when we're in here anyways. He was wiping off the counter top so he didn't see me. I looked around the place again. It seem like they were cleaning up. I came at a perfect time.

I walked over to the counter. When I got there, I leaned on the bar before he could look up. "Hey Jasper." I said with a smile.

He looked at me. "Hey Bella. What's going on?" he asked.

I shrugged. "Nothing. I just saw Edward." I told him

"How is he?" he asked.

I shrugged again. "Same. Nothing has really changed about him. He's ready to get out though." I said.

He nodded. "I can understand that. It must be nothing but hell there." He agreed. I nodded as well. "I still can't believe how well you two are taking this." He said in disbelief.

I gave a small smile. "We're just taking it one step at a time. What else can we do?" I said. he nodded in agreement again. I never told anyone out loud of much I really missed him; that sometimes, when I wake to go to the bathroom and come back to an empty bed and remember he's not there, I start to cry. I won't stop until I'm in a deep sleep. They always see me when I'm in my strongest. I want to keep it that way.

"So what are you doing here anyways? We're about to close." He pointed out.

"I just wanted to see my favorite bartender." I said with a smile. It might look like I was hiding something.

He looked at me. He saw that my smile was something that couldn't be trusted. He knew exactly what I wanted when he heard the words come out my mouth. "I'm not giving you free drinks." He said with a serious face.

"Fine. I'll pay for them." I said.

He shook his head. "No. none at all. You know what Edward would do if he found out you're drinking under age." he already knew that I knew the answer. He didn't have to tell me. I know exactly how his brother was.

That was why I just rolled my eyes. "Come on. Its one stupid year. Besides, it's not like I'm not doing it already." I reminded him. I was a college student so I did have a beer every once in a while. And when Alice and I celebrate the New Year, we both have champagne. And he knew this. I don't know why he always acts like he does. I think it's easier to lie to Edward if he does.

"Do you think he cares? He wouldn't if it was 11:59 on your next birthday." He countered. Why he always have to counter me? It's always an argument. It wouldn't be so bad if every time, he had good counters but that mine seem stupid.

"Who said he had to know?" I counter back. He gave me a look. I rolled my eyes at that too. I knew what he was saying. Nothing goes over Edward's head. Sooner or later, he will find out. "Please, Jasper. I need to blow off some stress."

"Then go home and take a bath. I'm sorry, Bella. I'm putting my foot down this time." He said, sounding like a father who realized how easy he's been on his children and trying to buckle down on them. The reason he says 'this time' is because it wasn't the first time I've asked. Every time I say 'my favorite bartender' he already knows what I want. He usually gives me what I want; I don't know why he's acting so difficult now.

"Alright. I'll go home. I think there's some left over vodka in the house that he didn't drink before. I wonder how that would taste with my pills." I said the last part like I was actually thinking about it. I turned around to leave. When I did, I heard him sigh hard. Now all I have to do is wait for him to take the bait. Come on, Jasper. Take it… take it…

"Bella." He said behind me, in what sounded like annoyed voice. I stopped in my tracks when I heard him. I had a small smile on my face. I fixed it so it wasn't there when I turned to him. I turned to him with a serious face.

"Yeah." I answered. He motioned me to come back to the bar. I walked back over to him without asking why. I knew what he wanted. I leaned on the bar again. "What?" I said.

"You know I can lose my job for this." He said as he poured some vodka in a glass.

"How the hell would you lose your job? You own this place. Besides, who will know? I always come when you're about to close and no one's paying attention to us." I pointed out.

He rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Just remember, when Edward finds out, don't come crying to me when you two get in a fight." He said as he set a napkin in front of me and set the glass on top.

It was my turn to roll my eyes again as I grabbed my glass. "Well, I'll just going to have to cross that bridge when I get to it." I brought the glass to my lips and slipped it slowly. When it went down, I didn't take time to react.

I pulled the glass away. I coughed a little as it burned my throat. It was strong. I've had this before, but it was always with some. Drinking it straight might as well been rubbing alcohol. "Too strong?" he asked. I nodded. He sighed hard as I put it back on the counter. He took it and poured some grape soda in it then into another glass. I drank it again. It wasn't as bad now. "Better?" he asked.

I nodded. "Thanks." after I said that, I drank from it again. Once it hit my mouth again, I couldn't stop drinking it. It was like there was something at the bottom of the glass and I couldn't wait to get to it.

"Whoa!" I heard Jasper say as I continued to drink. He grabbed the glass and pulled away from my lips. That caused some to drip on the front of my shirt on top of the counter. "What the hell were you trying to do, drown yourself?" he asked.

I took a napkin to try and clean the front of my shirt. I sighed when it wasn't working. I will have to wash this when I get home. I grabbed my glass and started drinking again. This time, I didn't drink it as fast and hungrily like last time.

"Someone's thirsty." He said as he wiped the counter again.

I shook my head at him. I put the glass down so I could talk to him. "Not thirsty, just stressed. Like I said, I need to take some stress off."

"I don't understand why you're so stressed all the time." He said.

"School, Edward, the house, Edward."

"You are living in his house, aren't you?" he said like he didn't know. I nodded. he should know. I mean he did help me move in. "How's that going?" he asked.

I shrugged. "It's okay; kinda lonely, you know. I need to find some other way to pay for it though." I said as if I was thinking the last part out loud rather than actually talking to him.

"How are you paying bills?" he asked.

"Your dad." I said as I slipped the drink again. My mom didn't like be living there so she said she wasn't going to help pay. She said if I want to live alone in a house that I shouldn't be in, I had to find my own way to pay. Carlisle found out that I couldn't pay for it, he didn't think twice before saying he would pay for everything. I told him not to, but he wouldn't take no for answer. So now it's like I'm living in Edward's house.

"I didn't know that." He said. No one did. I didn't know what they would think if they found out that Edward's dad was paying for my living. "So you need help with the bills?" he asked. I nodded again. "I got an idea, how about I give you a job." He offered.

I tiled my head in confusion. "And what exactly would I do here anyways?" I asked.

He shrugged. "I could use another bus person." Somehow, Jasper saved up enough money in order to expand the bar. So now it was a bar and grill. He had a large grill and a kitchen in the back, everything else that was needed. The only thing was that he was right, there never seem to be enough waiters. "You'll clean and wait tables, maybe wash dishes."

"I hate dishes." I interrupted. He looked at me, telling me to shut up. So I did.

"Anyways, and when you're old enough, maybe you can bartend for some extra tips." He said.

"Do I really have to wash dishes?" I almost whined.

"Do you want the damn job or not?" he said in annoyance. He was telling me that he was doing me a favor and I should be happy not whining about it. I nodded. "You can start next week." He said.

I sighed hard. "Next week." I mumbled.

"What's wrong with next week?" he asked.

"You don't know, do you?" I asked. He shook his head. I sighed again. "It's Edward's and mine anniversary." I took another slip of my drink so it looked like I didn't care or that it didn't affect me like it did. if I didn't, I might start crying again.

His face dropped in realization. "I'm sorry, Bella."

I shook my head. "It's okay. No one knows but him and me. I'm supports to go see him that day, but I don't think I'll be able to." I said and took another drink. I pull it away to see it was empty. I set it on the counter and signal him to refill.

"You know, drinking won't solve your problems." He lectured as he refilled anyways.

I shrugged. "Maybe not, but it should as hell lessens the pain." I said as I brought the glass to my lips again. I stopped drinking after a second. I was thinking about something. Why not? I held it out for him to take.

"What?" he said as he looked at it.

"Here." I said.

"What you want me to do with that?"

I rolled my eyes. "I was thinking you pour it all over the place and set the place on fire." I said with sarcasm. "What you think I want you to do with it? I want to drink it, dumbass." I said.

"Why?"

I shrugged. "I don't like drinking along." I told him. I always made sure I was drinking with Alice. I never drank alone. I always thought I would do something crazy and I would regret later if I did.

"I guess I can always have some stress taken off." He said as he took the glass.

"Drinking won't solve your problems." I repeated his words as he drank.

He stopped and looked at me. "No, but it does lessen the pain." He used my words with a smile. He handed me the glass back.

I chuckled. "Touché." I took another drink.

XXX

I've was there for about an hour until we left. All we did was talk and pass the glass back and forward as we drank from it. We had drunk the rest of the open bottle so it was safe to say we were pretty drunk. We had to take a cab to my house.

It took forever for me to open the door. It was like every time I tried to put the key in lock, it would dance to the left and to the right. It was like it was laughing at me, teasing me. It was so annoying. But I got it open. We were wobbling and leaning on each other as we walked though the door.

"I AM SO DRUNK!" I heard someone yell as we walked though. The yell echoed through out the house. Jasper placed his finger lazily on his lips, telling me to be quiet. I cupped my hands over my mouth. "Was that me?" I whispered through them. He chuckled as he nodded. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry." I said. After I said that I started laughing as well.

"Go sit down." He said with laughter still in his voice.

I gave him a wild salute. "Yes sir, Jasper. Hey that rhymes." I noticed. Maybe I can be a rapper. I also notice that if you said it long enough, you'll sound like a kitty. I like kitties. I wonder if I should get one to keep me company while Edward's gone.

He looked at me with wide eyes. "You're right." he realized. "You should be a rapper." He said the same thing I was thinking.

I gripped his shoulder. "I was thinking the exact some thing." I gasped. I looked at his eyes. They were pretty, from what I see. They were lazily open. They were half way closed. I smiled at him.

"What?" he said.

"You have pretty eyes." I told him.

"Thanks. So do you." He looked at me and saw I wasn't looking away. "Now what?" he smiled.

I reached my hand to his hair and shuffled it. "Your hair is so cute too. It's so fluffy; like a bronze pillow. Jasper, can I sleep in you hair?" I said.

He laughed. "I don't think you can fit."

I nodded as I laughed again. "You're right. I'm going to sit down." I dropped whatever was in my hand and walked over to the couch or the best as I could. I was about to sit down, but something caught my eye. I walked over to the big white thing in the corner of the room. Walking would be easier if the floor didn't keep tiling from side to side.

When I got to it, I grabbed it to keep my balance back. When my hands landed, they made noise that hurt my ears. I realized it was the piano and I was touching the keys. I looked to see a paper on the stand. I picked it up to look at it. it was just a bunch of symbols. On the top, it looked like it had something to do with blench or something. I tried to sit down to I could get a better look, but I just end up on my back on the hard floor.

Even though it hurt like hell, I was cracking up laughing."Bella." I heard a guy said.

"Over here." I laughed out loud. I heard soft footsteps getting closer to me. "I fell." I announced.

"I see that." He chuckled.

"Help please." I said, holding out my arms. Someone grabbed them and yanked me up. Too fast. "The room is spinning again." I thought out loud.

"Let's get to the couch." He said with laugher.

I nodded. "Great idea Jasper." I said, sounding like a kitty again. That tears it, I was getting a cat. "I'm getting a cat." I said as we moved to the couch the same way we came in the house.

"You can name it Sir Jasper." He repeated the thing I said early.

I laughed uncontrollably like what he just said was the funniest thing in the world. "You are just full of great ideas tonight." I praised him.

"I have those some time." We continued to move to the couch. When we got there, we literally fell on it.

I was laughing loudly. "How did we fall?" I asked.

"I think my foot got caught on something." He chuckled back. I shook my head and continued to laugh. It calmed down when I looked down and saw how close we were.

"Sorry." I said with a small smile that was still on my face from laughing so hard. I tried to get up, but I couldn't. It wasn't because he had a tight grip on me. In fact it was so loose that I barely knew it was there. The only thing that reminded me was that I felt his hands on my hips.

The reason I couldn't get up was because my arms were so weak. So when I tried to get up, they gave out from under me and I ended up crashing back to his chest. That wasn't the only thing that crashed to him.

When I landed, my lips were laying on his.

Once I realized what was happening, I pulled away. I looked at him at shock, more at myself. I tried to get up again so the moment wouldn't be anymore embarrassing. I don't think much effort into it this time. It was because I kind of didn't want to get up. I looked down at him. He looked like he didn't have a problem with me being there. But that wasn't why I didn't move.

It was because he looked different somehow. Those eyes. They were so beautiful. They looked so much like Edward's. Same color, same shape, same size. Now that I was looking at him closely, him and Edward had a lot of things in common. Their hair was another thing. I ran my hand through his. Soft, silky, some color. The nose and lips were the close as well. I started to see more and more Edward the longer I laid there staring at him. It got to the point where I was no longer seeing Jasper. I was seeing all Edward.

Edward was the one holding me; Edward was the one laying under me now.

That all made me to what I did next.

I tucked a lock of my hair behind my ear and leaned into him again. Our lips connected again. This time I didn't pull away. I continued to kiss him until he responded. He gripped my hips tighter and pulled me closer. I kissed him more until we were panting.

I pulled him by the shirt until he sat up and we were in a sitting position and I was now straddling on his lap. We pulled away to pull off each other's shirts. I placed my hands on his face and pulled him back to my lips. He kissed me back with hesitation. I felt him lay down again. I was laying on top of him. I kept tucking my hair back because it kept coming by my mouth and was bugging me.

I moaned softly as I felt the tip of his nails ran along my spine. I felt them move to my neck and pulled me closer to him. Then I felt his hand grip one of my bra straps and slightly pulled it down as he moved it to my back again.

I ran my hands through his hair then to neck to his shoulder. He groaned lightly in my mouth as I gripped down on it. I guess I was holding it too hard. So I let go and worked my hand up and down the sides his body instead. I felt our bodies move together like we were in some kind of sideways dance.

Something told me in my mind I needed more. The fact that this has happen in so long could be it. I could tell he wanted it like me the way he was pulling on the waist band of my jeans.

I got to the front of his pants and somehow unbuckled his belt. I got to the button on his pants. I was about to unbuckled it when…ring ring ring.

Some crazy ringing came. It surprised me so much, I actually scream and somehow fell to the floor again. That was really starting to hurt. "What the hell was that?" I asked as I popped up in sitting position. Ring ring ring. I looked around. "I think that was my phone." I tried to get up, but it was hard. It rang about four more time before I actually got up and got to it.

I walked to the noise which was coming from the near the front door. I sat on the floor. I sat down because the room was spinning again. I dumped my purse out when I was on the floor. I answered my phone. I sighed hard when it was some call about my phone plans. "No, I'm happy with my phone plans. Thank you." I said before hanging up. Leave it to telemarketers to call at a time like this. Now only did they interrupt something, it was after midnight, I think. I have to be honest, I was still pretty drunk. Which is probably why the room was still spinning

I looked at the couch. Edward had his head in hands and was shaking his head. I wonder what was wrong. It wasn't like we haven't already done that, whatever that was.

I noticed things about him have changed. For one, his hair grew a lot. It was longer than the last time I saw him. How did that happen since it was only a few hours ago? It was a little darker too. His body was a little leaner as well. How the hell has he changed so much in such a short time? I mean I just saw him a few hours ago.

When he lifted his head with his hands, it allowed me to see his chest which was the biggest difference. He had a scar. It was long; from the left side on his chest to the opposite of his side. It reminds me of Jasper.

My eyes widened.

I placed my hand over my mouth. "Oh my god." I gasped out loud behind it. He removed his hands from his face and looked at me. That wasn't Edward, I concluded. "I think I'm going to be sick." I choked out. I held my hand tighter over my mouth as if to keep something in there.

I got off the floor, much easier because I used the wall to help me, and ran to the bathroom that was downstairs. When I got there, I removed my hand and threw up in the sink. No, I couldn't make those extra steps to the toilet.

I did drink before so I knew throwing up was apart of it. But that's not all I was doing. As my guts came through my mouth, tears came down my face.

What have I done?

After I got finish plunking in the sink, I walked out the bathroom and up the stairs. I didn't take time to look at the guy on the couch who was Jasper and not Edward. If anyone asks me, I would think it was a simple mistake. Especially when you are not in your right mind. When you are not in you mind, you see what you want to see.

I couldn't believe what I just did. I knew we were both drunk, but we should've had more self control than that. We should've stopped before the phone rang. Why didn't we, was the question. Did we have feeling for each other? No way in hell was that it. I was thinking about Edward and I'm sure he was thinking I was just some random girl he picked up, since he does have the habit to do that.

Either way, we weren't thinking straight. That's all that was to it. We weren't thinking clearly.

Then again…am I saying the truth or just making excuses? Would that how Edward would see it? I was making excuses?

Oh my god, Edward. What would he think if he found out? Would I tell him seem like more the question. Could I tell him or would I chicken out like when it came to me saying I loved him? Would he have to say something for me to bring it up?

I couldn't stop thinking about all these things and more. A million questions were going through my head. With every passing question brought another then another. They wouldn't stop. As they came, tears came out my face. I just kept thinking the same thing with every single thought; I can't believe I just did that. What the hell kind of girlfriend was I? Answer: an awful one. An awful, terrible one who has no respect for her boyfriend and his house.

All night I tossed and I turned. I couldn't get to sleep worth shit. Every time I drifted off, I had a dream that scare the shit out of me. It reminded me of the dream I had five years ago when we first dated. The one where someone was chasing us and we ended up in a dark room. He tells me to trust and run with him. But when we're about to run again, I hear gun shots and I wake up.

This was like that, Edward and I was running again, but we weren't being chased. We were just running. But then we get in a room before. I tell him I love him and reach up and kissed him when I pulled away, he was Jasper. The next thing really scared me.

I backed away from him in shock and when I did, I hear gun shots again. He grabs his chest. I could see the blood painting his hand and his shirt. I turned to see who did it. I saw Edward with a gun. I woke up screaming every single time. It was like every thirty minutes the dream would come back.

Was that what was going to happen if he found out? Who was I more scared for? Was I upset that Jasper was shot and was bleeding to death? Or was I sad because I was between them and Edward killed his brother and best friend because of a stupid drunken mistake? I couldn't take that. It was only so much guilt one human being can take before they loose it and ends up overdosing or shoot their own self in the head.

But somehow I finally got to sleep. I was happy when I didn't have the dream again. It was just blackest. It seems like only ten minutes of peaceful sleep before something interrupted. I was hearing banging on the wall or something.

I groaned in annoyance. I kept hearing the banging. "Stop that damn banging." I groaned loudly so that who ever was could hear me. They heard me but just didn't listen so I put a pillow over my head and held it down. "Go away." I said.

"Bella." I heard someone on the other side of the door. I knew who that was.

"Leave me alone Jasper." I said.

"Bella, get up." He said.

I sighed hard. He wasn't going to stop until I answered him. I grabbed the pillow and slammed on the bed and got up. I stormed to the door and swung it up. "You mind? I was trying to sleep." I snapped at him.

"I was trying to too." He said.

"So what's the reason you're interrupting my sleep?" I asked.

He showed me my phone. "You damn phone woke me up. I thought you want to answer it." He said with an annoyed face and voice to match.

I looked at the screen. He was right. I did want to answer it. I snatched it out of his hand. "Hello…yes, I'll accept the charges." I'll never understand why I have to pay to talk to him. But I will pay any amount of money to talk to him.

I sat on the bed as I waited for the click to go to his voice. I smiled when it finally came. "Hello my Bella."

"Hi Edward." I said with a small smile.

"I wanted to be the first thing you heard this morning. Am I?" he asked.

I gave a light laugh. "Yes, you are." I told him. It would be better if I could see him along with hearing me, but I'll settle for anything at this point. Just a few more months and we'll be together again.

"You sound tire. Did you just wake up?" he asked.

I gave a light groan. "Yeah, I did." I admitted.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you." He said.

"It's okay. I love hearing you." I stopped and sighed. I laid back on the bed. "Oh god, my head." I complained out loud. It felt like some was hitting it against a stone wall with a metal bat, over and over non stop.

"Bella what's wrong?" he sounded worried.

I placed my free hand over my head. "My head is killing me. I really didn't get to much sleep last night."

"Why not?" he asked.

I turned my head and glared at Jasper who was now leaning against the door frame. I just noticed he didn't have a shirt on and he was just in his boxers. Would it kill him to put some clothes on? "Nightmares." I said still looking at him as if to say he was the reason for them, which he was. I knew that was wrong. I shouldn't blame him. But it was just easier.

"I'm sorry. I wish I can make you feel better."

I smiled. "Hearing you does make me feel a little bit better." I told him.

"Good. You think you'll be okay when you come by later?" he asked.

"I don't think I'm coming, Edward. I was planning on spending the whole day in library to day." I said. I heard him give a small oh. He tired to hide it, but I could hear his disappointment. And it broke my heart. I could spend a few minutes with him. It won't kill my studies. And who cares if it did? "You know what, I can leave when we get off the phone, spent about an hour or so at the library, come see you until they have to kick me out and go back later, okay." I tired to make it up to him. He didn't need to be upset.

"Okay, that sounds good. I'll see you then?"

"Yes. I should go and get something for my head." I said. It felt like it was getting worst with every pasting second. Damnit, when did the light in here get so damn bright? When I had a whole of bottle of vodka and not drinking water after so I wouldn't be hung over as much.

"You're right. Get some more sleep, please." He said.

I smiled. He was always worried about me. "I'll try. It's hard to sleep without you." I told him honestly, though that wasn't why I couldn't sleep last night. But there has been nights when I tossed and turned because of all the space around me.

"I will be there in a few months." He said.

I sighed. "I'm counting on that."

"Me too. Okay, well I have to go." He reminded me.

I popped up in a sitting position, when I did the room slight spun. Whoa too fast. He had to hear something before he got off. "Edward." I stopped him.

"Yes, Bella?"

"You know I love you, right?" I said. I wanted to make sure he didn't forget how I felt.

"Of course I do." He said it confused.

"I'm serious, Edward. You know I love you with all my heart and no matter how far or long we are apart, I will always love you; and no matter what happens, it will be you and you only. You're all I want."

"Yeah. I know, Bella. Why do you say that?" he asked.

I sighed. He didn't know why I was saying this. "No reason. Just remember that please. Always remember that."

"I love you, too Bella." He said.

"Great to hear. I'll see you in a few hours." I said. He said okay and bye one more time before we hung up. I looked at the door. Jasper was still there. "Haven't you heard of clothing?" I snapped at him.

He narrowed his eyes at me in annoyance. "Sorry if I find it kind of hard to sleep comfortably in jeans and on a tiny ass couch." He snapped back. I gave him an un-amused smirk. Jackass.

"You're still not suppose be walking around naked in someone else house." I told him.

"I do have on boxers. But I'll remember that next time." He said sarcastically.

I rolled my eyes. "Don't hold your breath on that, since there will never be a next time. Speaking of which, why the hell are you even still here? Shouldn't you have left last night or something?" I snapped again.

"I don't have any keys remember?" he snapped back.

"You could have walked." I mumbled.

"Really?" he asked as if that was a stupid thing to say. After I said it, I had to admit, it kind of didn't make sense for him to walk; as drunk as we were.

I don't know why we were snapping at each other like that. Maybe it was because we were pissed that we waken up by something. Or it could be the fact that we both had terrible headaches. We were probably, in some strange way, reacting to last night. I don't know what it was, but the sight of him kind of pissed me off. "Why are we snapping at each other?" I asked as I shook my head.

He sighed. "I don't really know. Sorry, though."

I sighed back. "Yeah, me too." I reached my arms above my head and stretched. My body felt weak. When I was done, I looked to the door way "What?" I asked in an annoyed tone when I saw he was just looking at me.

"You didn't tell him." He pointed out as he walked into the room.

I sighed. "I wanted to." I looked at my phone in my hand as I tossed it back and forward between my left one and right one. "We need to." I mumbled.

"What?!" he exclaimed. "What? No. hell no. no way in all hell. There is no way are we telling him." He said. I placed my hand on my head again and groaned.

"Do you have to yell?" I asked.

"Sorry. But we can't tell him."

I looked at him. "Jasper, you're his brother and I'm his girlfriend. We have to."

"No we don't. and we're not going to. You know what will happen if we do? He will kill both of us, probably both physical and mental." He countered. Him and his damn counters. All the fucking time; never fails.

I sighed and looked at my phone again. "So what do we do?" I asked.

He sighed too. "Nothing. Pertain it didn't happen I guess."

I nodded. "It didn't happen." I mumbled, more to myself than actually saying it to him. I didn't like lying to Edward, but after the way Jasper explained what might happen, it sounded like a better plan. If we didn't tell him, it was better chance of me getting through it. I tucked my tangled hair behind me ear. "Even if we don't tell him about it, I do think you and I need to talk about it." I said in a small voice.

"Talk about it?" he questioned, he said as he laid next to where I was sitting.

I looked at him. "Yeah. Don't you think we need to…you know, to see why it happened?" I asked.

"We were drunk." He said with a shrug.

"Besides that fact. Is there something else?" I said.

"What you mean?" he asked.

"You know, like do you think there something between us?" I had to ask. It had to be. Why else would that happen?

He chuckled. I looked at him for the reason. "Sorry, Bella. You're pretty, but I don't see you that way. In fact if I was sober, I would think I was kissing my sister."

"Thank God for that." I mumbled as I looked away. I looked at him when he was quiet for more than a few seconds. He looked confused. "I don't see you like that either." I told him. He nodded. I sighed. That took us no where but in a circle. "So why did it happen, besides the obvious fact of us being super drunk."

He sighed. He walked over to the bed and sat on the other end of it. "I was going to ask you the same thing."

How was I supposes to know? It was just a confusing to me if anything. I shook my head. "I'm not really sure. All I know is I tried to get up, but then I saw your eyes and they reminded me so much of Edward."

"Edward?" He asked.

I nodded. "You, him, and your dad all have the same eyes. And I think your lips are similar as well."

"I never noticed that." He said.

"Yeah, well I did. When I did, all I could see was Edward. I felt like I wasn't kissing you, I was kissing Edward." I admitted. I thought he would be a little upset, but he started chuckling. I looked at him.

"You were thinking about Edward?" he asked. I nodded. "That's good because I saw Alice."

My eyes widen when he said that. "Alice?" I asked. He nodded. "Alice Brandon?" I asked to be sure he didn't know any other Alice. He nodded again. "My best friend, Alice Brandon?" I asked to be sure.

"Yes, Bella. I like her." He chuckled. I could see that.

When he helped me move in, everyone else helped too, well just Emmett, Alice and Jacob since Rosa was still pissed at me. Jake was on break at the time so he was available to help.

Jasper saw Alice in just a tank top and skinny jeans as she moved a box to a room. I noticed how his eyes were following her everywhere she turned and walked. She didn't notice anything since she had her headphones in the whole time as she moved a box from one place to another.

Then when she went to go get everyone pizza, he didn't take any time to pull me to the side and hammer me with questions about her. I gave him all he asked for. Then when she came back, he was all over her; working his 'Jasper charm', I guess. Then the next day, I went through the same questions process but with Alice. I don't get how I didn't get that at first.

"Dude, you're like eight years older than her." I pointed out. The age difference seemed a little big. I guess that was why.

"Not that's different from you and my brother how?" he asked with a knowing smirk.

I opened and closed my mouth as if I was about to say something. Nothing came to my mind to say. Besides the two extra years, I didn't see a difference. "It's not, I guess." I said.

He chuckled. "Didn't think so." He said.

"Wait, I don't look anything like Alice." I reminded him.

He shrugged. "No, but you smelt like her." He said. I thought about that. I remembered I borrowed some perfume from Alice earlier that day. It must have reminded him of when he smelled it on her. "Plus you see what you want to see when you're drunk." He said as he laid down my bed.

"So we really weren't kissing each other." I concluded.

He shook his head. "No. you were kissing my brother and I was kissing your sexy friend." I looked at him. Something about how he said the last part made me uncomfortable. He chuckled again. "It sounds weird but it's better than what it was."

I nodded "Right. I'm going to go take a shower. You need to be out when I get out." I told him as I got up and gathered my things to go the bathroom.

"Yes ma'am." He said with a small salute as he continued to lay there.

I didn't cheat, technically.

Maybe I could tell him.

*End of Flash back*

I was frozen in my place. I couldn't even finish the step I was taking. I was staring into space. What did he just say? Someone please tell me he did say what I think he did. I begging for what he just said was a just my imagination. Begging that he didn't hear what I think he heard.

I was so in thought, I almost drop the thing that somehow got in my hands. "Bella, careful." Alice said as she grabbed whatever the thing was out of my hands.

"Alice, can you leave us along?" I heard his angry voice. I noticed he wasn't polite like any other time. He was pissed beyond anything I could even think of.

"Sure. I'll tell them to start with you." she said like she had the voice of a scared little girl. She walked away. She turned back and looked at me. I was telling her to tell something, anything, with my eyes. She shrugged, telling me she didn't know what to do or say. She mouthed sorry before leaving and walking out the door.

"So, you're just going fucking stand there?" he asked behind me. He didn't yell or snap, but I heard the angry in his voice just the same. I wished he would have yelled or something. Him being mad in his normal tone could be fucking terrifying.

I gulped as I slowly, so very slowly, turned to him. When I turned, I saw his arms were crossed. I knew all his little tales he does. But I didn't know what that meant. He never ever does that. "Wh-what d-did you say?" I shuddered out.

"Which part? The one about you standing there; or the one about you hooking up with my brother?" he said.

I gulped. "The second one." I said softly. I felt my voice disappearing from me. I don't know what I could say or could think of to say to make it return.

"You heard me." he said in a more than positive voice. He knew I heard him clearly, which I did. That was also why I froze. I was just hoping I didn't. I was hoping he didn't say those words. I don't think it would have been that bad if he didn't say the exact same thing I did. I nodded, telling him I did. "So how does it work with you, Bella; when boyfriend's out of sight, he's also out of mind?"

How the hell could he say that to me? That was the last thing anyone would think. I thought he knew me better than that. I was going to say that out loud, but I couldn't get the words out. Something else came out instead. "Who, how did you find out?" I said. I was starting with one question and somehow ended with another. He cocked an eyebrow at me. When he did, I realized how that sounded. I shook my head. "I mean, did he tell you?" I asked, knowing he knew who I was talking about. He better not have after almost ripping my head for suggesting that we tell him.

He shook his head. "Though it would have been better if at least someone did and I didn't have to over hear you two talking about it like a bunch of fucking teens as if it was the hottest damn gossip." He noted.

So that's how he knew. He overheard me and Alice talking. That's why he said 'hooked up' and not anything else. He was using my words against me. Shit, that means he heard everything after that. Nothing I said after that made me look good. Why did I have to joke about it and couldn't say something he was suppose to hear? Because he sure as hell wasn't suppose to hear anything else I said.

Wait he wasn't suppose to hear, which meant he was ease dropping. Maybe I could use that to turn this argument around and make him feel bad about it. Not the best thing to do, but it might get the spotlight off me for a second. All I need was a second; it was enough time for me to think of something to say to make this better. "So, you were ease dropping?" I asked.

"Oh don't even fucking try that. Did you seriously just try to make me look like the goddamn bad guy?" he snapped in an angry…angrier voice. I gulped again then shook my head. There goes any confidence I just pertained to have. Why did I think that was a good idea? That did nothing but make him madder. Not the best thing to be in this situation.

He took one of his hands and ran over his face. I heard him take a deep breath. It was two or three seconds before he let it out. That meant he was at least trying to calm down. That was good.

"Bella, I just going to ask you one question. If you answer it correctly, I won't even care about anything else." He said, in a less angry voice but you can still tell he was upset. I waited for him to ask the question. I was hoping it was the easiest one. He slowly removed his hand and put it back where it was. He looked me in my scared eyes. "What happen between you two?" he asked.

That really wasn't the one I was looking for. I gulped. I wish I could stop doing that because it was making my throat all kinds of dry, but I couldn't. "Edward, believe me, it was a mistake and it was nothing." I said, hoping that was enough.

I saw his hands tighten in the fold as he looked away. He breathed hard again before looking at me again. "That's not what I asked you. I asked what happened." He repeated, slower this time to make sure I heard.

It wasn't an easy thing to explain. It was more complex. Plus, I really didn't know if my thoughts would come out the way I wanted them to the way I was. I opened and closed my mouth. Nothing was coming out. "We…we…" that's all that kept coming out.

"You what?" he said. I could tell he was pissed now because he was annoyed that nothing was coming out.

I shook my head. "I don't know how to tell you." I told him. I heard my voice drop to a whisper.

He glared at me. "Why? Is it because…" he looked like he couldn't finish. Like he was struggling with what he was thinking. "Did you sleep with him?" he finally asked.

I was in complete shock when he asked that. okay, not completely since that was the question I was kind of hoping he would ask. It was something easy because it was an easy answer; which was no, I did not sleep with Jasper. That was much easier to explain than that I almost did and that the only thing that stopped us was my phone. The thing was, it can at the very wrong time.

But I answer anyways. "No!" I screamed. "Edward, come on. You know me and should know I wouldn't do anything like that." I urged him to believe me.

"I don't know what to think, Bella." he yelled back. That made me jump. "All I know is that something happen between you and him while I was gone. I have no fucking idea what it was so I'm thinking the worst. And you're not saying anything to make me think otherwise. In fact, all you're really doing is pissing me off more." He continued to yell.

I found myself softly sobbing. I couldn't take him screaming at me like this. I placed my hands on my head and closed my eyes. I was trying to think of something else, anything else. I shook my head as I found nothing was working.

I opened my eyes and saw he was unaffected by my crying. I dropped my hands because they felt like five pound weights on my arms. "You promised me no more secrets, so I am going to ask this one more time, and that's it." he said when I was looking at him. "If you did not sleep with my brother, what happen?" he said the last thing through his teeth.

I looked at him and shook my head. "I don't know how to explain it." I told him honestly.

"How about you stop all that damn crying and try?" He said through his teeth again.

Stop crying. Much easier said than done, Masen. And he sure as hell wasn't trying to help the way he was looking and talking to me. In fact, I think he was trying to make me cry harder. Evil jackass. I know I was on trial here, but could he at least try to not to act as if he didn't give two shits about me.

Guess not. Thinking this, I tried to explain again. Anything coming out of my mouth would be good at this time. I open and closed my mouth. Nothing was coming out. Why, oh why was nothing coming out? I can talk shit any other time but now, I might as well been a mute. I closed my eyes; maybe I can get something out if I didn't have to stared into his glaring eye. I tried again. "Edward, I was going to tell you, believe me I was, but it never seemed like the right time."

"So just tell me now."

I shook my head. "I can't. Not while you're like this; I need you to calm down first." I begged of him.

I looked at him and wanted to break down to my knees and cry. Now he was more than piss, more than furious. I don't know how to explain his look. And I couldn't explain his next action.

He looked away and started to chuckled. "You can't explain it, because you slept with him." he concluded. He looked back at me. "That's what Alec was talking about in Italy, wasn't it?" he said. nothing came out of my mouth. I couldn't even shake my head like before. I was frozen again. The sight of him was terrifying me. He groaned loudly. "DAMN IT!" He screamed as he removed his arms out of the fold and sent his fist flying towards the wall next to him. I jumped at the loud crack sound his fist made.

I saw dry wall drop to the floor. He punched it so hard, the dry wall actually dropped to the floor and he left a hole the size of his fist.

I have never since him this mad before. Yeah, he was a little pissed any other time, but he'll pout a few hours and then got over it. I have never seen him angry enough to punch a hole in a wall.

I took a step back, afraid to be close to him.

He groaned loud and angrily. "Everyone in there was telling me to not be so happy when I see you because no one can be faithful for five fucking years. I told them 'No, not my Bella. she wouldn't do that.' and what do you do, the exact thing I said you wouldn't.

"But you know what, I blame myself. I should have known something was going between you two. No man and woman on whole plant earth is that close without something between them." he yelled the whole thing as his arms flared everywhere. After what just happened, I've never been happier to have space between someone.

I thought it was best to try to calm him down so he would just listen to me. "Edward, ple…"

He didn't let me get anywhere with my pled. "And what's makes this shit worst is that you were joking about. Fucking making jokes about how he would compare you and Alice like this is nothing but a goddamn game to you. Is that all this is, all this ever was? What was it first, to see how long you can fuck your damn teacher without anything happening. Now it's how long you can juggle both me and my damn brother? Tell me something, did you ever even care about me?"

I let out a cry. "How would you think that?" I said softly.

"Because when I'm away longer than a month, you fucking jump the next guy you see." He yelled, making me jump again. "Do I actually have to do what that jackass suggested and put a fucking leash on you?" he asked sarcastically.

"I'm so sorry." I said in a very, very small voice. I wanted to say it louder, but I couldn't.

He looked me with a shocked expression. I thought he would hear me out when I said that, but I was wrong. "What? Di-did you say you were sorry? After all that shit you gave me when Laruen kissed me and all you can say is that you're fucking sorry? Are you fucking serious?" I felt a tight pinch in my heart when he mentioned the Lauren thing. That was the second thing I hate more than anything. And what was I suppose to say? Nothing else came out. Those three words were hard enough. Plus it wasn't like he would let me get any further since he kept cutting me off with his yelling.

This whole thing would be so much better if he didn't yell everything like I wasn't two or three feet away from him.

"I just cannot believe you did that. And what racks my brain the most is not that you did it, but who you did it with. No one else than Jasper. Jasper, my fucking brother. Out of any other guy in the state of Washington, you decided to screw my brother. Are you fucking kidding me?" he was yelling all of this while he moved his hands to his head to air as if he was trying to physical grasp the thought of me sleeping with his brother.

"I don't know what you want to say." I cried softly.

He held his hands like he was trying to keep himself from doing something. "Nothing. I don't want to hear a damn thing from you right now." he said through his teeth. At least he was no longer screaming like he was on fire.

He ran his hand through his hair and held them there. He turned away from me.

"Edward, please don't turn away from me." I gave a small beg that wouldn't convince a stick to burn. But I needed to try. "We need to talk." I begged.

He turned back to me. "Talk? You want to fucking talk? What the hell could possible say to make any of this shit okay?" he snapped.

I cried some more when he turned away again. "I don't know, but if you will just listen to me."

He shook his head. "Just fucking stop. There is absolutely not a damn thing you can even think to say to make me any less pissed than I am right not."

We stood there in silence as he faced away from me. The only sounds were the sound of my soft cries that I tried to control, but it was not working. The next sound came a half a minute later and it was of the patio door opening. I looked to see who was coming to try and save me. I saw everyone come through the door.

"We heard yelling." Emmett said once everyone was through the door.

"Is everything okay?" Alice asked. Being the only one who knew what we were talking about, she looked at me for the answer. I looked at her and shook my head. She walked over to me and hugged me.

"What's wrong with Edward?" Rosa said.

I shook my head. "Nothing. We had an argument. He will be fine." I said in a soft, unsure voice.

"No, I will not." He said, still not facing anyone.

"I'll talk to him. He might listen to me." Jasper said as he walked toward him. I was going to let them talk. Maybe he will be able to tell his brother it was nothing between us. Then I rethought that. He was the reason why Edward was so pissed.

"Jasper, please just leave him alone." I begged. He looked at me with a confused face.

"It's okay, Bella." he said.

"Jasper, just leave him alone, please." I begged again. The reason I was begging so much because when Jasper spoke, I noticed how Edward's hands tighten on his hair. It was the same right before he made a crater in the wall.

Jasper didn't listen to me as he continued to walk to his brother. "Edward," he said as he touched his brother's shoulder.

The next three things happened fast, but I can recall it at any given moment like I was watching a movie in slow motion.

This is the simplest way I can explain what happen. The second after Jasper's hand touched Edward's shoulder, Edward spun around. Edward's fist made contact Jasper's jaw and Jasper's body made contact the floor.

"Edward." All the girls screamed at him, not believing he just did that. I didn't dare move as both Rosalie and Alice rushed to Jasper. I knew me helping Jasper wouldn't make me look any better.

Alice knelt down at his side. "I'm fine." he told her as she moved her hand to gently place it on his jaw. He placed his hand on his the side of his look to see if he was bleeding. "Dude, what the hell?" he snapped at his brother.

"That was for screwing my girlfriend." Edward yelled at Jasper.

"What?" Emmett and Rosa said at the same time. Once again, they were the only ones in the room who didn't know what everyone was talking. But right now, I didn't care about them.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Jasper said as he propped himself on his elbows.

"I found out you guys' little secret." When Edward said that, Jasper looked at me. "Don't worry. She didn't tell me, just like my 'so-called brother' didn't." Edward said to get his brother's attention again. He said the word 'brother' in such an angry voice.

Jasper sighed as he stood up from the floor. He pushed his hair out of his face and looked at Edward again. "First of all, no matter what the hell you think happened, I am your brother. Second, you need to fucking chill."

"Chill?" Edward yelled like he just got insulted. "You want me to chill after I just found my girlfriend is cheating on me and with my fucking brother no less. And me being stupid, every time when you were telling me how she was doing, I was just thinking was that you were a great brother for looking after her like that. Never did I think that all the while, my brother and girlfriend were fucking each other." he said the last thing as he gestured to Jasper than to me.

Jasper gave him a confused and angry look. "You think we slept together. Why the hell would I do that? Think about that." Jasper said, upset that Edward was thinking that.

"That's what I don't get…why her? You never did that to me and you could have any other girl. Not only that but out of everyone else, you know how I feel about her, and you do that? What the hell kind of brother are you?"

Jasper shook his head. "Okay, I see you're too pissed to listen to reason. It's either that or you've started taking drugs. If it's the second, I don't know what the hell it is you're taking, but I suggest you stop. It's making you thinking stupid shit. If it's the first one, I'll talk to you when you calm the fuck down." he said to him before turning away from him and started to walk away.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't quit hear that as you ran away like a bitch." Edward challenged after him.

Jasper turned and looked at him like he was crazy. The tension was thick in the air. "You really want to fight me, little brother? Okay, but just remember what you asked for when I'm kicking your ass." He said. He was about walk over to Edward, but Alice placed herself in front him. He looked at and let her push him back to create some more space between him and his brother. Alice was always the one to stop people from fighting. She never wants to see anyone get hurt, no matter what they did.

"You are such a little bitch." Edward challenged his brother again. he really wanted a fight or was he just speaking out of angry?

"You know what; don't get cocky because you got in a lucky punch. I will still kick your ass as if we were kids." He told him. I could tell Jasper didn't want to fight his brother. He would have pushed past Alice by now if he did. But I could also tell he was going give Edward what he was asking for if he kept pushing him like that.

"Yeah, well we not kids anymore so I'll be believe that when I see it." Edward said again. I was tempted to find a way to stop them from continuing to out at each other like that. This is exactly I was afraid would have if Edward found out.

"You are pushing your damn luck, little brother." I heard Jasper growl. Lucky, Alice pushed him back again.

"Edward stop egging him on before Alice can't hold him back anymore." Emmett warned.

Edward rolled his eyes. "Whatever. I'm so out of here." He started to turn away.

I shook my head. I found my voice again "If you will just listen-."

He cut me off. "You know what, I actually do hope you enjoyed yourself with him. But, with the amount of femalse he slept with over the years, just don't count on him being clean." he said to me. I saw on the corner of my eye that Alice had to push Jasper back. Then he looked down at his brother. "I hope you had a great time with that pill popping slut." I gasped at the words. When the words hit my ears, I didn't stop myself from crying harder than I already was. I could not believe he just said that about me.

"Edward, don't you think that was little uncalled for?" Alice said.

He looked at her and rolled his eyes again, tell her he didn't care. Then looked back at me. "Great birthday present you two. I really hope it was worth it." he said in his normal tone again.

He was upset but just couldn't yell anymore. It was creepy. I think I rather have him yelling. He turned away from everyone and walked to the door. He grabbed the car keys.

No. he couldn't leave like that. I ran after him and grabbed his arm. He turned and looked at me. "Edward, please…" I tried to get him to listen. He had to listen.

Before I could get anything out, he snatched his arm out of my grip. He opened the door before turning and looking at me. "Bella… go to hell." He said simply before slamming the door.


how was it? emotional, right? told you. i know i wrote this, but i think i made edward a little too scary. i know i would be afraid of him if i was bella. that's why she couldnt talk because she was just to scared and couldnt get anything out.

*that moment when you realized this is the last updat of the year.* wow, it's crazy, ain't it. i am working on a new ff, but it wouldnt be up until it's complete done because i dont want to start posting it and end up stopping mid way thought becaus i'm stuck and can't think of what to write and it would a big dumb space liek this one was. but give me some time, because it will up and i think people will like it.

anyways. have a good and safe new years and make 2013 a great one.

Peace, Luv & Rockets.