first things first: HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! i hope everyone had a great 2012, but now it's now for something new. 2013 will be the year of changes, well at least for me. anyways. i know a lot of you came on here yesterday and didnt see anything. well, that's because my mother was using my computer so i didnt have time to update. but look who updating now. *points at self* this girl.

i dont have a lot to say, so here we go.


20. What Just Happened?

I didn't want to believe what just happen really did. I needed to talk to him. He needed to listen. He had to understand that it wasn't what he thinks. We didn't do anything and he had to know that. He couldn't just leave like that.

I reached at the door to grab it before he closed it, but I couldn't. even though I was right behind him, the door still slammed right in my face. I grabbed at the knob and pulled at it, hoping I would just pull it off the hinges. I was too upset to let common sense kick in.

My hands fall to my sides and I leaned on the door. "No." I whispered with my head down. Then I heard the car door slam behind the door I was leaning on. That's when it kicked in. he left. He left me and didn't want to hear anything I had to say. I cried harder. "No!" I screamed through my tears as I hit the door with my fist. He couldn't just leave me like that. He had to listen. The thing with Jasper was nothing and he had to know that. I don't care if he still hates me and don't want anything to do with me. he had to know that Jasper was nothing to me and what we did was nothing and he was the one I wanted.

I was going to tell him. I had to do. I couldn't just stay here and everything crumble to the ground like that.

I pushed off the door and turned to my friends. "Bella." Alice said in concern as she slowly stepped towards me. I could tell she was worried about how I would react, like some kind of harmed puppy or something. I didn't have time to be her kicked puppy. Every second I stood there, was a second more that Edward was getting further away from me.

I walked into the living room where Emmett put everyone's bags. I ran over the blue one with black zippers all over it. I grabbed it and started wildly going through it. "That's my bag, Bella." Jasper said behind me then groaned right after it. That was another reason I had to talk to him. he did not have to punch Jasper like that. But unless it was telling Edward about how I didn't do anything with him, I would not be talking to him about Jasper, not tonight. I'm not touching that.

I started looking through it faster. "Where the hell were they?" I groaned in frustration. I couldn't find what I was looking for. I would probably find them quicker and easier if I wasn't crying and had to wipe my eyes clear every five seconds.

"What is she looking for?" Alice asked someone in a low voice. I don't know what the response was because I didn't hear anything else. I didn't care. I had to find them.

I kept going through Jasper's bag he brought over until I found the metal I was looking for. I grabbed his car keys out of the bag and gripped tightly in my hand. I popped up from the floor and walked quickly, damn near ran, to the door. But I got stopped.

"Move." I snapped at Alice. She held her ground and didn't move out of my way. I breathe hard. I didn't have time for this. "Alice, move the hell out of my way." I snapped again.

"Please tell me you're not doing what I think you're going to do." She said with worried eyes.

I shook my head, though I knew she probably knew what I was thinking. She knew me too well not too. "Alice, I have to talk to him." I said as I walked around her. I didn't care if I was still only in a damp bikini with short shorts. I didn't hair if I was bare foot and I wasn't in Edward's car. I didn't even care that I didn't know where Edward was going. I had to talk to him.

She grabbed my arm. I looked at her. "You're not going anywhere. Not like this." She said to me seriously.

"You're not my mother, Alice." I reminded her in an upset voice right before I snatched my arm out of her grip. I turned away to walk to the door again. I heard her sigh hard before running to get in front of me to cut me off again.

"No, but I am your friend." She said giving me a light push back. "And I'll be damned before I let you out there like this. You're a mess Bella and he's not going to listen to you right now." She warned.

I shook my head. "You don't know that." I told her as I tried to side step her again. She stepped to the side I was going to stop me.

"Yes, I do. You're upset and he's more upset. He's alright made his mind that he doesn't want to hear anything from you right and nothing you say will change that."

"She's right, Bella." I turned my head and Jasper was still holding his chin. "Talking to him now won't make this any better. You need to wait until you both calm down." He agreed.

Now wasn't the time for them to tag team me like they always do. I shook my head at both of them. "You're wrong. You're both wrong. I'm going to talk him and he will understand that it was nothing and then things will be fine and things will go back to the way they were and…and." I kept looking back and forward between them during my speech. Mid way through it though, I found myself crying harder; it got to the point where I was speaking between gasps. I realized I was trying to convince myself more than I was trying to convince them.

More tears fall as I dropped Jasper's keys to the floor. They was right. It was no use. "He's not coming back." I cried as I looked at my best friend. Her face dropped in sadness, but she didn't deny it. I dropped to the floor and landed on my knees. I felt like I just could hold myself up anymore. All the energy I had in me was just drained and gone just like that. "No!" I groaned through my teeth and clutched to my chest like I was in pain. I was. My heart was crashing in to so many little pieces.

"Bella." Alice said softly and she kneeled next to me. She put her arms around me, but I moved out of her reached. I didn't deserve to be comforted like I was the victim. He had every right to be pissed with me; to hate me. The words he said to me before closing the door rang loud and clear in my hell "Bella. Go to hell." With a door slam right behind it. It was clear how he was feeling. He was pissed, that much was more than clear. But the emotion that wasn't clear until I saw the look in his eyes before he left. The look the feeling betrayed and used. He was more than pissed; he was hurt. I hurt him again. I cried harder.

"He hates me. I keep hurting him. Over and over and over and over again. I got him put away, I keep things from him, I lie to him, and I hurt him so much. And he hates me because I keep hurting him. Why do I keep hurting him?" I cried through my tears. I was more thinking out loud than talking to anyone in the room. I didn't want an answer. I just wanted to cry. I found myself shaking with tears and sadness.

"Bella, you're shaking." Alice said next to me. I felt her hands on my shoulders. "Bella. You're shaking too hard, you need to calm down." She warned. I knew why she was saying that, because of what happens when I shake too much. First comes the shaking, then comes…

As soon as I thought it, my fingers became numb. It was happening again. I shook my head. "I can't." I cried. I knew what was happening, but I could stop it. I didn't want to. If I blacked out, so what? The blackness would be better than this. Anything would be better than this…this horrible pain. I couldn't take it. It just hurt too much.

I heard Alice get up from the floor. Then I heard going through someone's bag. I was too stricken with sadness to realized what she was doing. I even know she was through my bag until she was in front of me. when I heard the pills hitting each other and the sides of the bottle, I slowly lifted my head, hoping I was wrong about what she had in her hand.

I looked up and saw my anxiety pills in her hand. I pushed her hands away from. "Alice, no." I said. I couldn't take those. Those were one of the reasons he hated me. "I can't take those."

"You need to. You know what's going to happen if you don't." she showed the bottle to me again.

I pushed it away from me again. "I wait;" I said shaking my head. "He'll hate me more." I said in a small voice as I looked down again. I didn't want to think it was possible for him to hate me more. the thought made the pain worst.

She sighed hard. "Please take them for me. I don't what I would do if you end up in the hospital again." she said like she was on the vogue of crying. I already hurt one person I love more than anything else. That was enough for today. I couldn't hurt her too.

I held out my hand. She opened the bottle and dropped two cold pills in my palm. I popped both of them in my mouth. "Swallow, Bella." I heard Jasper in the background. He knows that if I really didn't want to take them, I would hold them under my tongue and wait for a moment to spit them out. This time, I followed his instruction and swallowed the pills dry. I cough. "Maybe you should drink some water." He said.

"I'm fine." I said in a dead voice.

Alice sighed. "Emmett, can you help her to the couch?" she asked over my head. I guess he nodded because I was lifted off the floor. The next time I was put down, I felt the cushion under me. when I felt someone's weight on the spot next to me, I leaned on them. I didn't know who I was leaning on at first, but when I felt the small shoulder, I knew I was next to Alice.

She placed her hand on my shoulder. When she did, someone put a bottle of water in front of my face. I looked up and Jasper was still holding his jaw with one hand and holding the bottle of to me with the other. "Take it, Bella. It would get me a better set of mind if you're not dehydrated from all that crying." He explained.

I was trying to be a people pleaser tonight. I grabbed the bottle and took a sip from it. I closed the bottle and looked at it.

"How is she?" Emmett said behind me.

"She's okay." Alice responded.

I shook my head. "I'm calmer, but I'm not okay. Nowhere near." I corrected her. "I don't know what to do." I told her as I rested my head on her shoulder again.

"You don't need to do anything."Jasper said. I looked to him and saw him walking over to the couch.

"What do you mean?" I asked him.

He put his hand on his jaw and moved it side to side like he was trying to square it or something. "Nothing, Bells." He mumbled.

I sighed hard. I hated when someone starts something and backs out of it like that. "Don't do that, Jasper."

He shook his head. "You don't need to hear it right now." He said.

"I don't care, I want to hear it. Please, I can't have you not talking to me too." I said.

He shrugged. "Okay…I meant, you and I both know we did nothing wrong. If he didn't want to listen to reason, he can fuck off for all I care." He said in annoyance. He was probably still piss his brother punched him the jaw. After his speech, he gave a groan in pain.

"How can you say that?" I snapped out of shock.

"Told you you didn't need to hear it." He mumbled.

"Sorry. Continue." I asked.

He sighed. "I said that because he's just being a big ass baby. We were drunk, we made out on the couch by accident, and stopped before it got too far. We both know that's all that happen. It was one stupid, drunken mistake. I would have explain it to him, but his hardheaded ass was trying to hear anything because he already had his mind set on something he knew not a damn thing about. He's always been like that." He said then tried to fix his jaw again. "Ahh," he groaned in pain again. "Em, can you give me some ice or something? I think that jackass broke my jaw." He placed his fingers on his bottom lip. He groaned again. "And busted my lip." I looked at his bottom lip to see it was swollen and was bleeding; but not much.

Emmett nodded then walked in the kitchen. He came back in with two dish towels, one of which was bulked with ice.

"Thanks." Jasper said as he took the empty towel. "I have to give to him; he has quite the right hand. Damn, who knew baby bro had it in him?" he said. I could tell that a small bit of pride was behind his words. He used it to wipe the side of his lip to get the blood off. It wasn't that much. When he finished he handed the towel back to Emmett who hung it on his shoulder.

Emmett chuckled. "I did." he said as he handed Jasper the ice. "Remember?"

Jasper rolled his eyes. "He needs to learn needs to find a different way how his damn angry. One of these Days, he's going to do that to the wrong person." Jasper mumbled, as he gently placed the ice on his jaw. He clinched away at first before finally setting the ice on his jaw.

"Are you guys serious? My heart is breaking and you're talking about his right hand?" I asked them in an unwanted calm voice. Stupid pills; those damn things are nothing but trouble.

"Sorry, Bells." Jasper said.

"Yeah, we're not being sensitive." Emmett agreed.

"He sure as hell wasn't sensitive to my face." Jasper mumbled. I gave him a look to tell him to stop bring that up. He sighed hard. "Sorry." he said again. He walked over to where Alice and I were sitting.

"I'm sorry he did that to you." I said for Edward as Jasper sat on the other side of me. Even though I did tell Jasper to leave him alone and he didn't listen, I was upset that he punched him in the jaw like that. That's what I was afraid would happen, that I would could between them like that. I didn't want them to fight because of Jasper pit as, a stupid, drunken mistake. I was glad he let Alice hold him back like that. I know he knew that would have bothered me if he fought with his brother.

Jasper shook his head. "It's not your fault he's a fucking tool." He said before placing the ice back on his jaw.

"You don't mean that." I mumbled.

"The hell I don't. I hate he found out like he did, but that doesn't excuse him pushing me like that."

"Jasper." Alice said in a tired voice, telling him to stop.

"What?" He looked at her and rolled his eyes. "I'm sorry, okay? But the guy punches me in the face, challenges me to fight he knows damn well he can't win, calls me unclean – which is not true – and then walks away without giving anyone a goddamn chance to explain. I don't care if that's my brother, I should've just pushed pass you and gave him the ass-kicking he was begging for. Maybe that would have knocked some sense back into that empty ass head of his." he mumbled the last part as he placed the ice back on his jaw. He would remove it every time he talked so we could understand him.

"No, you shouldn't have. You did the right thing by not doing anything. He was just acting on impulse." She told him.

"So I don't have a right to be pissed because he thought it was better to hit before talk?" Jasper asked her.

She sighed. "I didn't say that. Look, do you really have to express your opinions right now?"

"Can we just stop talking about it please?" I said before he had the chance to response. He sighed. He put his arm around Alice and me.

He kissed the top of my head. "Everything will be fine, darlin'." He assured me. Something he always says when something goes wrong. He said it when Edward was arrested; when Emmett and Rosalie found out; when I went to the hospital after my first anxiety attack; even when Edward found my pills. All those times and many other, I believe him. This time, I wasn't so sure. So I just sighed.

"You think you will be okay?" Emmett asked.

I sighed again. "I don't want to talk about it right now."

XXX

We were still in the living room. It was the same position we've been in. Alice was hugging my still body, Jasper had his arm around me and Alice as we leaned on the back cushion and Emmett had the single chair pulled to the front of us and was rubbing my knee. That was the only place he could reach.

As we sat there, I heard the soft footsteps of someone walking down the stairs. "You guys are still sitting there?" she asked.

"Thanks, Rosa. I'm fine." I muttered sarcastically. She had left to change her clothes sometime between when I was on the floor and when Emmett carried me to the couch. She said she went to change, but I think that was an excuse to get way from all the drama. I had to admit it, I didn't blame her. I would have left too if it was my drama.

"I just don't think they need to console you like you're some baby. Sorry." She said.

When she said that, I couldn't help but turn to her. I gave her a confuse face. Was she serious? What, did she black out during the whole scene between me and her brother? "Excuse me? Did you not see that thing that happen between me and your brother?" I snapped her.

"And excuse me, but don't you think you kind of deserved it?" she asked.

"What?" I said as I popped off the couch. "Rosa, I love you, but this is not the time for you go all bitchy on me; okay." I snapped again.

"I love you too, Bella. And that's why I'm telling what you need to hear and not what you want to hear. I'm not being bitchy. You know, I don't think it's fair that when I'm the only one to point things out that no one else is seeing, I have to be the bitch." She snapped back.

Emmett got up and walked to her. "It's a time for everything, though. You always chose the wrong one." He said to her.

She looked at him. "No, I don't pick the wrong one because there never is a right one. You guys have to stop sugar coating things for her like she's a child. We're her friends, not her parents. Our job is not to pat her head and tell her everything will be fine. We have to tell her the truth. And the truth is that she decided to lay down with big dogs and now it's biting her in the ass. She thought she was big girl when all this started, now she needs to put on her big girl pants, and take control of this herself." She said. I had to give it her; she does tells things like it is. I do love her for that because people need to hear what everyone is thinking, but is too afraid to out loud. But like Emmett said, right now was not the time.

"Not now, Rosa." I said in an angry voice.

"Once again, its never right time, Bella." She repeated.

"Rosalie." I warned her.

"If nothing really did happen between you and Jasper, you should've forced him to listen to you. You should've pushed passed Alice and gone after him. but here you sit, crying like someone killed your puppy. Am I the only one who find something wrong with that?"

"They're both upset and she doesn't need to go after him right now." Alice said.

She looked at Alice. "Well she needs to do something, Edward is pissed. But I wouldn't say he doesn't have a right since you did screw his brother while he was away for you."

"Rosalie." I said again. I felt myself getting more and more upset. I wish we could just stop fucking talking about this like it didn't just happen.

"Bella, I didn't like you with one of my brothers, so I damn sure don't want you with both. Please don't tell me you're going to go after my father as well."

When she said that, I was more than piss. "Rosalie, I said not now." I yelled as I threw the empty water bottle – that I forgot was still in my hand until now – at her. I was glad that she ducked. I didn't want to hit her, well… not really. I couldn't take her talking about something she knew nothing about. I just wanted her to stop talking and that was the only thing I could think of to make her.

"What the hell? Did you just throw a fucking water bottle at my head?" she snapped at me when she recovered herself.

I sniffled. "I'm sorry." I said softly.

"You sure as hell will be." she said as she started to step towards me. Before she could take another step, Emmett grabbed her around her body and held her in her place.

"You can't say you didn't have it coming. Just be happy it wasn't full." Emmett told her when she gave him a look asking him why he stopped her.

She looked at me then at him. Then she rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Can we be at their house next time their angry management starts to fail? I don't want them destroying anything else." She said before removing herself from him and walked to the kitchen.

I sighed. "I am really sorry for all this drama." I said to Emmett.

He shook his head. "It's okay. It's not like you planned it." he said. I noticed how he didn't say it wasn't my fault. I don't know if he did or didn't mean it like that or what; but I did notice it.

I didn't bring it up. "I'm tired." I looked at Jasper. "Mind taking me home?" I asked him.

He shook his head as he got up. "Not at all." He looked at Alice. "Are you riding with us?" he asked her before picking his keys from where I dropped them. I don't know why he asked her that since that was the only way she was getting home. I looked at her as she nodded. She got up and grabbed her bag. She wrapped her arm around my shoulders then walked me to the door. "See you guys later." Jasper said to Emmett before reaching around us to open the door. He beeped the car as he followed us out the door.

Alice rode with me in the backseat of Jasper's car as he drove me to the house. I was happy to have her in the back with me. I appreciated her comfort.

"Need me to sleep over?" she asked as Jasper parked in the drive way of the house.

I looked at her. I really wanted to say yes, or at least nod; but I didn't. I knew I had to be alone, through I hated it. As much as I hate to admit it, Rosa was right when she said they shouldn't console me like a child. I needed to deal with this on my own and that starts tonight. "No. I should be fine." I told her.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

I hesitated before nodded. "Yeah, I am." I reached over and hugged her. "Thank you. You're a great friend."

She nodded against my shoulder. "I know you would do the same." She said. I would. It was an unwritten rule that we will always be there to catch the other when they slip and/or fall. She pulled away and smiled. "Sleep well?" I noticed how she questioned it.

I gave a small smile. "Easier said than done." I told her. I leaned over the head rest of the driver's seat. "Thanks for the ride Jazz. You're a great friend too." I told him.

He turned his head and looked at me. "You know I'm here for you." He said. He tried to smile, but couldn't. He groaned in pain.

"Sorry again about your jaw." I said, still feeling bad.

He rolled his eyes. "Thanks. I'll be fine." he told me. I nodded before opening the door and stepping out. I turned and waved at them. Remembering Edward had the keys, I used the one I thought about keeping under the mat. Cliché, I know, but it came in handy.

When I opened the door, I went straight upstairs without thinking about doing anything else. I just wanted to sleep. Before I could do that, I needed a shower. Maybe some of this feeling had would go that the drain with the rest of the dirt.

When I got out, I changed into the pajamas I left in the bathroom this morning. I found that I didn't feel any better. I needed some sleep. Maybe that would do it. I walked in to the room and turned on the lights. The sight shocked me.

It was a mess.

The drawers were yanked out. They were clothes spilling out of them, most were mine. I saw that some of my lingerie was on the floor. It looked like someone was in a hurry and was looking for something. I looked closer and saw his clothes were missing. I wasn't sure how much.

I was about to walk over to the closet to see what was missing from there, then I heard a crunch and felt wood under my foot. I stepped back and looked down. I picked up the frame that was face down. I turned it over. I looked at it and I gasped at the sight.

When he came back home, we put the picture of us I gave him back in the frame and put it by the side of our bed. We said we were going to keep it there the way it was, wore and tore, because of how much of our relationship it represented. The picture meant so much to us. Which is way it hurt me so much when I saw it on the floor with the glass broken.

I looked and saw that there was glass on the floor around where I found the picture. I also noticed how it was by the wall where you first walk in. all the evidence pointed to one thing; he threw it against the wall.

I walked carefully around the broken glass on the floor – I will have to clean that up – then made my way to the bed. I sat on the side of it and looked down at the picture. It funny how many times it seems like I'm going through déjà vu.

I sighed hard. I really fucked up this time. Now I need to find a way to fix this.

XXX

I was pacing back and forward in the living room. This is how I spent my days now, pacing with my cell phone in one hand and the house phone in the other. I think sooner or later I will run a hole in the floor. I wanted to say that was important, but it wasn't; now right now at least. I wish I could say I eat, sleep, pace; but it seem like I haven't do much of the first two. I was stressed out.

It's been a week since the whole scene at Emmett's and Rosalie house. Edward still hasn't been home. He hasn't even called. I didn't know where he was, how he was doing…what he was doing. I needed him back home. I needed to know he was safe. I needed to talk to him.

I stopped and looked at my phone for the…I don't even know how many times I looked at the phones in my hands. I lost count somewhere along the line. It was around noon. That meant I've pacing for three hours straight. It also meant it's been about an hour since I left my last message.

I sighed hard as I dialed Edward's new number on the house phone. Yes, he had a new phone. The day after Carmen came over, I took him out and got him a new phone. I thought it was the least I could do since I threw his last one in the water like a softball. It was my sorry-for-ruining-your-phone, congratulations and birthday gift to him. Who knew I would be calling it to get him to come back home?

The phone rang about six times. His voice came through, but not the way I wanted to hear it.

"Hey, you reached Edward. Sorry I missed your call. I might have been doing something important or didn't hear it ringing. Anyways, leave a message, and I will get back to you as soon as possible. Bye." His damn voice mail said to me again.

I sighed hard when I heard the beep telling me to leave a message. "Edward, I hate your damn voice mail. I know you don't want to talk to me because you haven't answered the last ten or twenty times, but I need to talk to you. Listen, what happened is not what you think. I know that's a cliché line, but whatever. It really is not what you think. We did not sleep together. And if you will just call me back, we can talk about it. Just please call me; better yet, come home. I need to hear you, and not your stupid voicemail but you." I stopped to sigh hard. I knew I was rambling. "Just…call so I know you're okay. Give me that much. Even through, you might not believe this, but I love you. Bye." I sighed again before I hung up.

It was the same thing I said in the last messages I left. I didn't know what else to say. I knew he was screening my calls. He usually answers after the third or fourth ring. He never left his call go all the way to voicemail. When it does, it goes straight to it which meant his phone was off.

I know I just left him a voice message, but I couldn't help myself. I took my cell phone and slid it up to show the keyboard. I was going to sent him another text. I don't know why I sending you this since you might not even read it since you haven't response to anything else I sent you. Edward, please come home. I need to talk to you. I know what I did was wrong, but…I don't have an excuse I guess. I just really need to talk to you, so please.

I keep sending him messages off all kind, text, voice; I even sent a few emails to him. Nothing was coming back. Part of my mind told me to give up. Every time that part came up, the other part mentally cursed it out and told it to shut up. Giving up was stupid and was not an option. That was never an option when it came to Edward. Then a part of me told me to go find him. That wasn't a bad idea. The thing was I had no idea where to look. The first place I would go would be Jasper's bar. That was out of the question because Edward was pissed at his brother as well, if not more, than me. The other thing was that he wasn't just not answering my calls, but everyone else as well. No one knew where he was.

I sighed hard as I started pacing again.

Then I heard someone open the front door. I turned at the sound. "Edward?" I questioned hopefully.

"Nope. Just your friendly neighborhood Spider-man." Emmett said as he took the extra key Edward gave him out of the lock. He, Rosa, Jasper and Alice all had one just in case him or I couldn't get in the house. He gave me a small smile, hoping I would laugh at his joke.

"Hi Em." I said in an extremely disappointed tone. I was just hoping Edward had finally came back home.

"Hey Bells." He said. I saw he was kind of disappointed himself that he didn't even make me crack a smile, even a small one. I couldn't smile until Edward was back.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him. He closed the door behind me and walked over to me.

He handed me the bag that was on his shoulder. "It's your and his clothes. You guys left it there last week. I meant to give it to you, but I've been busy. You know, trying to fix that big ass hole he left."

I nodded in understanding."Sorry about that." I said.

He shrugged. "It's okay, I guess. I also brought this." He said as he handed me the container that was also in his hand. I opened it and saw brownies in there. I looked at them with a confused face. "They're from Rosa." He answered my unasked question.

I started to hand them back to him. "In that case, I don't want them. She might have poisoned them or something." I said. he laughed but I wasn't at all joking. I mean she has to be just as pissed as Edward that I keep screwing him over like I was doing.

"Don't worry, they're not. I ate one to be sure. She said they're apology brownies. She said she was out of line for saying what she did and that she didn't want to fight with you anymore. She thought these make you feel better."

It was a nice thought, but too bad it was not right one. "Thanks." I mumbled for both things. I just couldn't even pertain to be happy about anything right now. I placed the container on the nearest table and threw the bag by the stairs, not really caring too much about it.

"He's still not back?" He asked. I looked at him and shook my head. "How are you doing?" he asked.

I groaned. That was the million dollar question. "I'm awful, Em. I haven't eaten anything without feeling like it was going to up back up in days. I haven't slept for more than two hours a night. I have a paper due when I go back to school on top of all this. I can't sit down and write because my mind is too force on where is he and if he's okay. Because of all this damn stress, is really getting to me." I ranted on and on. Somewhere along the line, I started pacing again.

"Have you been taking your pills?" he asked. I guess that was the only thing he could say about the whole rant. Hey, he asked how I was and I gave him an answer.

I sighed. "No. I can still long enough to calm down enough not to need them like I think I should." I stopped pacing and looked at him. "Has he called?" I asked. I was hoping he at least was talking to someone and someone knew something I didn't, which was anything involving Edward right now.

I felt another wave of disappointment when he shook his head. I groaned. "I left him like twenty voice messages, fifteen texts and at least three emails. He hasn't response back to anything I sent him." I complained as I looked at the phones in my hand again.

"Well, Bella, can you blame the guy for being pissed. He has a right to be after what you did to him." He said the same thing his wife did two weeks ago. I appreciate that he said it in more of a softer tone than his wife, but that didn't make it hurt less; though I'm sure that was his idea. It was more annoying that they were saying it. I think it wouldn't be so bad if not only Jasper and I knew the whole truth. Even Alice just knew that we made out on the couch. She didn't know how far we gotten and why we stopped.

I placed my hands that were filled with the two phones on my head. "I wish you guys would stop saying that." I mumbled as I shook my head.

"Bella…"

I don't know what he was about to say because I cut him off by groaning loudly. I removed my hands as looked up. "I didn't sleep with Jasper, okay." I snapped without fully meaning to. I did kind of want to snap at him because they were talking like they were in the house with us that night. I just wanted them to stop.

"What?" he asked with a confused face.

I shook my head. "We didn't sleep together. Don't get me wrong, he was every right to be pissed with us because we were dangerously close to it; but we didn't." I told him.

"That's what Jasper meant?" he asked. I nodded. He still looked confused. "Then why does Edward think you did?"

I sighed. "Because he overheard me talking to Alice about it. I said 'hooked up' and never clarified what that actually meant." I told him.

"Why didn't just you tell him?" he asked.

I snorted. "That's much easier said than done." I told him. I looked to see he was still just looking at me for a straight answer. "Emmett, you saw how pissed he was. I could barely move, let along talk. And every time I would try, he would snap and yell at me again. Plus it's a little more complicated than just a few words." The reason I keep saying that because I want to tell him everything. It was hard to tell him when I was so afraid of him. "But if he just fucking calls me back, I will be able to." I whined as I slumped to the couch and flopped on it. This was the first time I sat down since I got up. "I wish he would just come home." I mumbled as I stared at the ceiling.

I felt Emmett's weight next to me. "I know how you feel about wanting to talk to him like you do." He said.

"How?" I asked, unsure if I really believed him. No one could know I feel right now.

He chuckled. "Trust me, I do. Did he ever tell you how Rosa and I started dating?" he asked.

I shook my head. "Jasper did. He told me so I know how Edward is always so controlling."

"Mmm… then that story works for two things." He said more to himself. Where was his point, I wondered. "So he told you how he punched me in the face?" he asked.

I nodded. What was with him and punching people? Maybe he really does need some anger management. At least he hit the male that was involved and never the female."That explains how you know Jasper's pain but not mine." I told him.

"So, I'm guessing he didn't tell you what happen after."

I nodded. "You guys stop talking." I said.

"Actually he stopped talking to me." He corrected. I looked at him with a confused face. I thought it was a two way decision. "Yep. I tried to talk to him anyway I could, like you. He wouldn't listen to me. We've been friends forever so we had our fair shares of fight where we stop talking to each other. But it never lasted as long as that one did. I thought I had lost my best friend." He said as he shook his head.

"So what did you do?" I asked, hoping I could get a clue on what to do.

He shrugged. "I broke up with Rosa." He said simply. I looked at him with another confused face. That seem like that wouldn't help anything. "When I finally corned him in the locker room, I told him he was my bro and back when we were like in fifth or fourth grade, we told each other we won't let a girl come between us after we fought each other for a girl who ended up not like either or us. I figured his sister went under that category and I was keeping my promise." He told me.

"So what happen?" I asked.

"One day, I was at the park practicing my free throws. He came and asked he could play. After that, we were cool again. That's how we say sorry without actually saying it. When one of us is playing ball, the other comes over and asks to join. If he said yes, he was forgiven." I rolled my eyes. They had a weird way of apologizing. "Then he told me I was allowed to date his sister, just as long as I don't hurt her or he would hurt me." He said the last part with a chuckle. "Apparently, everything worked out." He finished his story.

I sighed again. That didn't help me like I thought it would. "What was your point?" I asked him, kind of forgetting it.

He chuckled. "He'll come back." He noted.

"Okay, so what do I do so that he does? I technically cheated on him." I asked.

"Technically?" he asked as he tiled his head to side.

"Like I said, we were close. But I'll tell you when I tell him first." I told him.

He nodded then shrugged. "I wish I knew the answer." He said.

I groaned. "You are no help."

He chuckled. "Sorry. I guess our situations aren't really the same." He said as he rubbed his hand on the back his neck.

I shook my head. "Not really."

"Hey, look at it this way: it took him about three months to come back to me." I cocked an eyebrow at him. It really wasn't the time for one his bromance jokes. He rolled his eyes. "You know what I mean. It might take him a shorter time to come back to you. You have something I don't." he said.

"What?" I asked confused. What could I have that Emmett didn't?

He smiled. "I think I can name two right now." He said as he pointed at me. I followed his finger to see he was pointing at my chest. "And the other is whatever happens behind your bedroom door." He teased.

I gave him a tired head shake. "You're repulsive."

He chuckled. "I'm a guy." he corrected.

"I fail see much of a difference." I told him.

He rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Rosa has something to do in a few minutes so I have to get back to Angel." He said as him and I got up. I walked him to the door. "Are you going to be okay?" he asked when he got there. I nodded.

"Thanks Em." I said as I hugged him good bye. When I pulled away I looked at the phones because I thought I heard of them ring.

He chuckled at me act. "Don't worry. He will come back." He assured me. I looked back at him. "Just give him some time to think. He'll be back." He told me before walking out the door to his car.

"Tell Rosa I said thanks." I called after him before closing the door.

Just give him space. He will be back. I told myself as I slowly set the home phone back on the base. I decided that one more text wouldn't hurt. I sent him my last text message before setting my cell on the coffee table and walked in the kitchen.

Just give him space. He will be back.

XXX

It's been two more weeks, he still wasn't home. I took Emmett's advice and I haven't been calling Edward. But I do keep my cell phone with me at all times in case he does call. The only place I didn't bring it was in the shower.

During the third week, I thought someone might have heard from him. I took the phone and called Emmett. He said him and Rosa hasn't heard from him. I called Jasper next. I figured if he was talking to him, he would talk to me sooner or later.

It rang about three times before someone answered the phone. Come to my surprise it was a female voice. "Hello, Jasper's phone." The girl answered.

What the hell? I knew that voice all too well. "Alice?" I questioned.

"Hey Bella." She said into the phone. "What's going on?" she's said like it was normal to be answering his phone.

"Umm…nothing. Why are you answering Jasper's phone?" I asked.

"He asked me to answer it." She answered simply.

"Ar-are you at his house?" I had to ask.

"Uh huh."

"Why?" I said in a confused and shocked tone. I was in shock she was there. Why was she there? What was she doing? What were they doing?

She laughed. "He asked me to come over. He said he likes it better when I'm his nurse."

"His nurse? What the hell?" I repeated in a shock tone.

She laughed again. "Calm down. It's not like I have a uniform or anything. I just bring him ice packs and remind him to take his pain killers when he's in pain and I keep him company."

"Alice, he just got punched in the face. It's not like he got his leg broken or something."

She laughed again. "Good point."

"How is he, by the way." I asked.

"He just fine. He's strong."

"You're still going over?" I asked. It seem like if he was just fine, there was no reason for her to keep going over there besides the obvious of her just wanting to be there.

"Yeah, I guess. I like coming over here. It's private. Is there a reason you called?" she asked.

"Why? Did I interrupt something?" I teased, knowing she knew what I meant.

"No. we were just talking."

"But you want more." I said for her.

She sighed. "No comment. So what's up?"

"I want to talk to him. Where is he?"

"In the bathroom." She said.

"Okay, I'll call back."

"Okay. Wait, here he is."

"Who is it?" I heard him in the background. I assumed she told him who it was. I waited a minute while the phone was being passed from one person to the other. "Hey, Bells. You hear anything from Edward?" he asked right away.

If he was asking that meant that he didn't hear anything either. "No. I was actually calling to see if you have."

"Nope, sorry."

I sighed. Why the hell wasn't he talking to anyone? He could at least call Emmett so everyone knows he was still alive. But he was too fucking selfish and stubborn to think that everyone here wasn't worrying about him. Okay, I might be the only one who was stressing over his missing, but I know in the back of everyone's mind, they were thinking the same thing I was: where the hell was Edward Masen?

"It's okay. So how's your jaw?" I asked him. I wanted to hear it from him. Alice might be giving him way too much credit.

"It's fine. That brother of mine has quite the hook. I went to Carlisle and it turns out that it was broken, so I was in pain for a few days." That's right, I forgot. The day after the whole thing, Jasper went to see Carlisle to tell him his other son had leave town to clear his head for a while. I'm guessing he left out the main reason why Edward left. Anyways, turned out his jaw was broken, or at least fractured. Carlisle said he would be fine and it was nothing, but he did need minor surgery on it so it wouldn't set wrong. I guess he was still in a little bit of pain afterwards. "As of now, I'm just fine." Jasper continued in my ear

I smiled. They made fun of us, I think it was time for a little payback. "So I hear. I also hear you had a little help with that." I said.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I hear you have your own personal nurse there with you." I said. I waited for him to say something. When he didn't, I laughed. "So busted." I laughed.

"Bella, it's not what you think." He said.

That line just made me laugh harder. "I know, she told me. I was just joking."

I heard him sigh in annoyance. "Is that all you wanted because I have to go. I have to get ready for work." He said.

"I do have one more thing." He waited for me to continue. "So, how exactly did she do take your temperature?"

"Bye Bella." He said before hanging up. Aww, what a spoil sport. I wish I could have seen his face; now that would have been funny. At least one thing came from that call; I got a good laugh in. This was the first time I laughed since he left.

After the call with Jasper – and apparently Alice – I went back to hearing nothing about or from Edward. I thought he would at least leave one text message saying that he was okay, but still nothing. All I asked for was one lousy sign that he was okay. Was that so much to ask? Could he really still be that mad at me? I guess him not being home was my answer.

But now I was back at school. Since he still had the car, I was riding my bike. One very small price to pay for the guy I love being pissed with me and not being with me; I get to ride my bike. I haven't ridden it in so long.

I had just pulled in the student parking lot. I was glad my bike was small and didn't take up much space or I would have a hard time finding a spot.

"Hey hottie with the red motorcycle." I heard someone call. I was not in the mood for this. Not only was I still so stressed, I was crabby. Because of stupid Edward, I spent the rest of the time I had waiting for him. So I had to stay up until one in the morning to finish the damn paper I had to get an extension on. Not my best work, but it should be enough to pass. Not only that but we were in the middle of exam week and I can't concentrate on my tests so I'm not sure how I would finish out.

So I turned around, all ready to curse out whoever dare talk to me like that. But the words didn't get the chance to come out. The person who was standing a few feet away from me made something else come out instead.

"Jacob!" I cheered. He took a few more steps while I set my bag down. He opened his arms. I didn't think twice before running into them. I could use anything good now.

I hugged him around his neck as he hugged me around the waist and lift me off the ground with ease. I gave him a kiss on the cheek before he set me back down. "What are you doing here and why didn't you call?" I said as I hit him in the chest.

He chuckled at my attempt to hurt him. "Sorry. I tried to call your cell, but I guess it was off or something." Once he said that, I took my phone out. The screen was black. I tried to turn it on, but it wouldn't come on. Damn it, the battery was down. I will have to charge it as soon as I get home. With my luck, Edward would call while my damn phone was off. "Then I called Alice and she said she was on her way to class because she had an exam. So I was going to wait out here until she was done so we can go to your house, but I recognized the bike and saw you getting off. I thought I would say hi."

I smiled. "Well next time you want to say hi, don't shout sexist comments across the parking lot. You almost got curse out." I told him.

He laughed. "Right; I'll remember that. I'm glad I caught you through. I wanted to talk to you. Do you have any time?"He asked.

I looked at my watch and sigh in disappointment. I looked at him again. "No. I have an exam in a few minutes. And I have one right after that. But are you free in two hours or so? We can do lunch." I said to him.

He said. "I'm always free for my best friend." He said before kissing me on the cheek. "Good luck. I'll see you in a while." He said before we walked in opposite directions.

XXX

After I was done with my exams, I used one of my classmates' phones to call Jacob. I told him to meet me at the small café down the street from the college. When I got there, I saw he was already there. He looked up and smiled when he saw me. he waved and I waved back before walking over to the table. He got up and greeted me with a hug.

"Where's Alice?" he said. When we were on the phone, he told me to tell Alice to come too. She passed.

"She went to the bar to hang out with Jasper. She told me to tell you hi, through" I told him as I sat in the other chair.

"Those two are getting close. Have they gone out yet?" he asked as he took his place back in his chair. I shook my head. He chuckled. "I don't know what's taken them so long." He said.

I laughed. "You and me both." After I said that, a waiter came over and took our orders. We both just ordered a milkshake. He wasn't hungry and I still couldn't eat. "So how did you get here?" I asked him, asking how he got to the college and the café.

"Paul gave me a ride."

"You went down to the rez?" I asked. He nodded. "How is everyone?" I asked because I hadn't been down there in a while as well.

"They're cool." He said, not really going to in. it was a good thing; I don't think I care enough for anything more than that. A few moments after he said that, the guy came back with our milkshakes. He set them on the table and walked away.

"So what brings you back to our rainy home?" I asked him.

"It's not raining today." He pointed out. I looked out the window to see he was right.

I shrugged. "You caught us on a good day." We laughed. It was weird that it wasn't raining in May. "So why are you here?" I asked again, knowing there had to be a reason.

"Okay. Truth is I wanted to talk you about something. I actually wanted to talk to both you and Alice, but she's not here so I guess I'll ask her later."

"Why couldn't you talk to us over the phone?" I asked.

"I didn't want the chance of Leah overhearing. I wanted to get your opinion on something."

"Okay." I said before drinking some of the milkshake. He said he wanted to know what I honestly thought. I nodded. He took a deep breath before pulling out a small box from his pocket. "What's this?" I asked him.

"Just open it and tell me what you think." He said.

I lift the top of it and saw a diamond ring. "Aww, Jake. This is beautiful, but you know I can't take this." I teased.

He rolled his eyes. "Shut up, you know this is not for you." He said.

I laughed as I looked at it again. "This is really beautiful, Jake, but it kinda looks like a…" I stopped and looked at him with my jaw hanging. "No way." I gasped.

He smiled. "I'm going to ask Leah to marry me." He said. Forgetting we were in a public place. I couldn't help but scream when he said that. I got mean glares from everyone around us. I looked around, totally embarrassed, and said sorry. I covered my mouth in shock as I looked at the ring again.

"This is really gorgeous."

"It better be. That was my pay check for two months. I knew I was saving it for something." He said.

"Fancy." I approved. "So why didn't you tell us about this months ago?" I asked as I handed him back the back to him.

He shrugged as he closed the box and put it back in his pocket. "I didn't tell her I loved her yet. After you guys left, I was sure."

"What was the defining moment?" I had to ask.

"We were walking from somewhere. We stopped by a flower cart and I got her one before she had to ask. I knew what to get her so I didn't have to ask her. She looked at me and we both just said it." He said with another shrug.

I smiled. "That's so sweet. So when you going to ask her?"

"When I get back. But I wanted your thoughts on it first."

"Jake, I think it's great. There's no reason to wait anymore."

He nodded. "That's what I thought."

"It's good someone's relationship is working out." I said before drinking some more of my milkshake.

"Yeah, speaking of relationships…" I looked at him to see he had a serious face on. "How are things with you and Edward? Alice took me you guys are going through a rough patch."

I sighed. "Bad. He would have to be home for it to be anything else."

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"I mean he's hasn't been back home in about three weeks."

"What happened?"

I sighed again. I looked at my glass to avoid eye contact. Admitting this made me feel rightfully ashamed. "He found out I hooked up with Jasper." I said in a low voice.

"Jasper? His brother, the guy your best friend has a thing for, Jasper?" he said in a shocked voice.

"I know, okay. I feel bad enough." I groaned.

"Wait, when you say hooked up?"

I rolled my eyes. "I mean the farness we got was making out on the couch. And we were both drunk."

"Did you tell Edward that?"

I shook my head. "He would have to call and actually listen to me for me to do that." I sighed again. "Maybe I should just leave him and never come back. It's obviously he doesn't want to be with me anymore." I said. Now that I say that out loud, maybe I that's what I should do.

"Don't do that." He said. I looked at him. "Look, I know I make jokes about you two, but you're perfect for him and him for you. You can't break up because of one little mistake. I know you guys don't want to believe this let alone hear it, but you two are not perfect. You have to realize that. In fact when I realized that Leah was far from perfect, but I still wanted to be with her, I knew it was love. And I knew I wanted to marry her."

"So are you saying I should pop the question if he ever comes back?" I asked, unsure.

He chuckled. "No. I'm just saying talk things out. Once you do, well…" he shrugged, telling he thinks I knew where he was going. I nodded. I did.

I took another drink from my milkshake. "You're right. I just want he comes back before he does something stupid."

XXX

After we drank our milkshakes, Jacob and I rode my bike to his father's house. I stayed there and talked for a while. It's been a while since I seen Billy. We talked about school and my mom. I was happy the subject of Edward never came back up.

Before I went home, I stopped back a sandwich shop on the way. I haven't been making my dinner lately. I haven't been feeling like it so I get take out instead. Not that healthy, I know, but I didn't care. I sat at the table and ate my sandwich. Well, I tried to. I took a few bites out of it before I didn't want to eat anymore. So I put the rest in the refrigerator with the rest of the leftovers. I figure I might eat it later.

I went up stairs and quickly brushed my teeth and changed my clothes. I knew I wasn't going to be able to go to sleep so I didn't go in the room to try. I went back down stairs and grabbed a throw blanket and laid on the couch. I flipped through the channels and found a movie to watch.

I don't know when, but somewhere in the middle of the movie I dozed off. In the middle of the night, I was woken up by the explosion or something. I sighed as I looked at my watch to see what time it was. I couldn't see because it was too dark. Then I felt something's weight on the couch at my feet. I looked and saw a figure there. I let out a scream as I scrabbled to get off the couch and reached for the light. I turned the light on to see what it was. When I looked I couldn't believe my eyes.

I gasped.


*that moment when you realize the story's almost done.* man, that's just crazy.

Luv &Rockets.

"This heart, it beats for only you."-Paramore. R & R-ing luv you guys.