A/N: hey guys! Sorry it's taken me so long to update! School's really been kicking up the pace lately and I've had to get two new teachers with only three months of school remaining...funnnnn (not). Anyway, here is chapter 6! Warning: Lots of angst and internalized feelings and stuff like that between Emma and Killian. this chapter really deals with some of their demons that keep haunting them for...well... I'd guess most of their lives. There's also a lot of fluff and mushy stuff that gave me a lot of feels while writing.
As always, Thank you SOOOOO SO SO SO MUCH to all of you who have fav/followed/reviewed this story! you guys are literally the main reason I keep drabbling with this. You all have also given me some great ideas as to where to take this and my muse is going CRAYCRAY. (I love that word, i mean, how can you not like a world like craycray? it's just so great :D) please keep giving me feedback! It helps so much!
So, here you go! Enjoy!
ps. if you want some good tunes to listen too while reading this (in no particular order):
"The Thread of the Thing" - Fay Wolf
"Dead in the Water" - Ellie Goulding
"Stay" - The Glass Child
"Say (All I Need)" - OneRepublic
"So Cold" - Ben Cocks ft. Nikisha Reyes-Pile
"Smother" - Daughter
"Turning Page" - Sleeping At Last
"Between Us" - Peter Bradley Adams
okay really enjoy now :D
Chapter 6
Emma stared down at the stick she held in her hands and let out a breath she hadn't known she was holding. The little symbol gave her the answer she was desperate to know: negative. She wasn't pregnant. She sent up a little prayer to whatever god may be in thanks. She did NOT need to be pregnant right now.
She opened the bathroom door only to find a highly anxious and worried Killian standing mere inches in front of her. He looked as if he had been about to open the door himself to find some answers, and he braced himself for whatever the results her strange pee-stick gave them.
"Negative," she breathed. "We're in the clear; I must have just had a really bad case of the stomach bug or food poisoning or something." She tried to rationalize the nausea and vomiting she had been experiencing for the past two weeks.
Killian allowed himself to breathe again. He wasn't quite sure what emotion was going through him at that moment. On the one hand, he was not ready to be a father, and he knew children were the last thing Emma was thinking about as well. And yet, a part of him, a very small voice in his head, thought that maybe starting a family wouldn't be the end of the world. True, this was not the way to go about it, but the idea of being a father did not completely repulse Killian the way it might once have. He supposed his interactions with Henry were partially to blame for this change in attitude, but then, no, it was more than that. It was the thought that his true love, his Swan, might have a swollen womb, ripe with his seed. The thought that they might have a child, perhaps a girl, with black, curly hair, and sea-grey eyes and a smile that was all too much like her mother's, or a boy with blonde hair and ocean blue eyes, whose sense of adventure was far too like his own for them to be able to sleep peacefully at night. He wanted to start a family with Emma, but he was going to do it the right way. He had never wanted anything more in his life.
Emma was trying to decipher her own feelings and thoughts at that moment as well. She had been paralyzed with terror when it had dawned on her that not only was she three weeks late, but she had been vomiting for two of those weeks. The last time she had gotten that sick was when she was pregnant with Henry. But, as she sat on the toilet, waiting to hear her and Killian's fate, it hit her that maybe being pregnant again wouldn't be such a bad thing. Maybe, she and Killian could be half-way decent parents and raise a kid better than they had been brought up. Perhaps the lost boy and the abandoned princess could do something right in their life for once. But as soon as she saw that singular pink line, that fantasy was dashed. Was it really such a bad thing, though, being pregnant again? And with Killian's child? Yes, it was a disaster waiting to happen. She still had nightmares about Killian leaving her, of him disappearing in the middle of the night, and so often she would wake up in the morning screaming his name (and not in a good way). She supposed it was her deep-rooted fear of being abandoned again causing the terrors in her dreams, and yet, she could not shake the feeling that there was something more there, that the nightmares meant something. Then Killian would take her hand or rub her back reassuringly and all worries would completely disappear from her mind.
As both of them stood there in silence, processing this information, Henry entered Emma's bedroom.
"Hey, mom, can I watch TV for a bit? I've already gotten my homework done," He pleaded.
Emma cleared her throat and looked into Killian's stormy eyes, begging him to say something, to react outwardly so that she could have a clue as to what he was thinking at that moment. "Sure thing, kid, we'll come down and join you in a bit, okay?"
"'Kay," Henry said as he ran out of the room to the TV. Killian followed him to the door, only so that he could close it.
"Killian…" Emma trailed off, her voice begging him to speak, to let her into his thoughts, for him to drop the stormy mask that he now wore on his face.
He held up his hand, demanding her to not speak as he sat down on the edge of the bed. "Em…please…."
"Please what?" She barely whispered.
"I…" He cleared his throat and rubbed his face with his hand. "I…um…Honestly, I don't know what to say."
He turned his head so that she couldn't see his emotion as his mask cracked before her. She ran to him and knelt before him.
"Killian," she pleaded as she took his hands in hers. "Killian, please, just tell me the truth. What are you thinking about all of this?"
"Emma, love, you honestly don't want to know what I think about this…"
"Yes, I do. Please, Killian," She was actually groveling now. "Please, don't shut me out. Not right now, not when I…when I need you." Her voice cracked as the last two words of that sentence came tumbling out of her mouth. She felt something wet on her cheeks and realized that she was crying and she didn't know when that started.
Killian, still not looking at Emma, felt her tears drip onto his hands still clasped tightly in hers. "Oh, love," he sighed as he wrapped her in his arms in a tight embrace. "Alright, I'm thinking that…that it wouldn't have been such a bad thing if you were with child." He pressed a kiss into her hair. "I was thinking that it's really quite disappointing that you aren't because I was just starting to warm up to the idea of being a father, even though the concept is foreign and terrifying. And you don't want children, and I do not want children…for now. All of this is terribly contradictory and confusing, and I do not know how to make hide nor tail of it all."
"Killian," she sighed into his shoulder. "Kids…they're a lot to deal with. As if we don't have enough on our plate right now. I just…I think we should wait…for a few years. I mean, we still don't know what Greg and Tamara are up to, and they could attack at any minute and…and…"
"Emma, you don't have to justify this to me. I know perfectly well that now is not the time for a child to be created, nor do I wish to have a child in such troubling times as these. I am not father material quite yet…"
"Yes, you are," Emma interrupted, wiping stale tears away from her eyes. "You're great with Henry and I know that you would be great with our child."
"Lass, look at me. I'm a pirate, and my fathering experience was…less than pleasant. Henry…he's an easy lad to love. After all, he is half yours. Don't mistake me, though, Emma, I do want to start a family with you…just…not right now."
Emma half smiled at him before leaning in to give him a sweet and gentle kiss. "I'm right with you there, idiot." She whispered her favorite term of endearment for him next to his ear. He pressed his forehead to hers and they sat there, in a tight embrace, simply studying each other's faces. Their thoughts at that moment went unspoken, and yet were completely understood by the other. Thoughts of love, protection, and contentment with the way things were. They were in no hurry to mess up what was happening between them. They were in no hurry to change their personal status quo. And in that moment, sitting there on the floor in front of their bed, they were perfectly happy to spend the rest of their lives staring into each other's eyes and holding each other.
A/N: well, I don't know about you but I'm a mess of feels right now. *sigh* alright, hope you liked, even though it was super duper mushy. Let me know if there is anything you want to see happen coming up, because I am a people pleaser and would love to try and work it into the plot i sorta-kinda have right now. Thanks for reading! - Thegigglemaster
