Disclaimer: Star Trek is not mine nor do I claim to own it. This is purely a work of fiction.
Warnings: Jim may be out of character. I apologize in advanced...but I require him to be. Also, one step forward two steps back. Dark!again...So, hopefully doesn't deter too much : X
AN: Ta'da! Part three at ridiculous O'clock in the morning. Probably grammar or spelling errors, and shouldn't be posting, but meh. ^ ^
AN: enjoy : D
The One I've Loved
Chapter One (Part three):
"Jim, you have overslept…"
Spock's voice was a soothing hum against the human's ear and Jim moaned in protest to the idea of waking. However, as the weight against and above him shifted to pull away, only having just recently returned, his eyes sprung open.
"I believe you should wake up now if you wish to partake in your new daily routine."
Jim rose alongside Spock not letting the other put too much of a distance between them. Spock didn't even contemplate standing as he kneeled before Jim, and Jim sat before Spock.
"Morning." Jim yawned out the single word rubbing a hand lazily through his hair.
Eyes still lax with sleep, but observant as ever, lifted to meet with Spock's gaze and glistened with an alluring hint. He leaned up to pepper light-closed mouth kisses to the Vulcan's neck and face. "Stay?" he purred trying to lure the other back down to lie upon the bed once again.
"Jim." Spock tried to soundly protest the others actions but found his lips curling only faintly upwards at the mannerisms of his beloved. "Ashayam…I must report for shift in 30.02 minutes."
"So much we could do in 30.02 minutes, Mr. Spock." Jim teased flopping back down upon the bed as the Vulcan refused to be dragged along. Jim's eyes seemed to light up as they gazed up at the other, trying to entice him back.
"Jim. Do you not have matters to attend to this morning?"
"I'm practically booked today. What with all the alpha crew members trying to slyly incorporate me into some social matter or another. Very clever Spock. Who was it you managed to guilt trip?"
Jim smiled his hands lifting to pull Spock down enough to seat him against Jim's lap rather than hover over.
"I do not believe I know what it is you are talking about James." Spock replied allowing the alterations to his position but still refusing to let Jim pull him down to lie horizontally once more, "However, Vulcan's would not require the need to guilt trip others in an effort to gain results. Perhaps we may offer logic to lead to deductive reasoning. This may in turn lead to some observations in a direction more resembling my own."
"Hypothetically of course?" Jim smirked and leaned up to catch the Vulcan's mouth in a very brief chaste kiss before gravity flopped him back onto the mattress.
"Vulcan's do not lie, Jim."
"You are so clever with word placements. Nyota I suppose." Jim huffed , though was not expecting an answer as he shoved at the Vulcan, "Fine, fine I'm up. Let me take a quick shower and I'll walk you up to the bridge. I don't have anything until first break anyway. You'll be in the lab again today, right? So, I can meet with Chekov again? Otherwise I'm sure that means Sulu will be free as well and Chekov won't mind much."
"I find discussing another's love life not as enticing as you seem to have."
Jim chuckled at the slightly put-off look in Spock's brows and leaned to kiss away the lines. "It's endearing. Anyway, shower. I'll be quick. 30.02 minutes."
"28.496 now, James."
"It'll take me about 10 minutes. So don't worry."
"It takes approximately 15.25 minutes to walk with you to the bridge, 25.98 if you prolong us along the way." Spock replied but stopped as Jim just remained standing with an amused grin on his face as Spock listed off these facts. Facts that any other wouldn't keep mark of or even completely bypass.
"Well, I do not hear you complaining about being prolonged." His voice held a warmth to it that overpowered the jest his words were meant to imply. However, he didn't let Spock reply as he moved out of the room and into the bathroom to start the shower.
Sonic washes were much faster, but even if Jim knew they cleaned the same (if not better) than a shower it just didn't feel the same. He relished the water hitting skin; the relaxing beat and warmth against muscles.
It took two of the three months for Spock to finally cave into Jim's illogical desire for a shower over the much more efficient means to washing, but perhaps Jim won his favor over sharing a shower or two. With Vulcans evidence is always a more compelling way to win an argument.
Jim set about starting up the shower listening as the hum and pitter patter of the water filled the room. He sighed in content at just the idea of being beneath the warm stream of water, and the cleansing wash.
He managed to get as far as pulling his shirt off as something caught his eye.
XXXXXXXX
"NO!"
Jim's shout was a harsh cry over the sound of the water and he practically tripped over himself in the escape from the bathroom; leaving him stumbling and finally falling flat on his ass back in the confines of their room.
He shook almost violently as he backed away further; not caring or noting that he had fallen to the floor but knowing that he had to get away.
He moved until his back hit the bed and let his head fall and knees slid up close. "No…no…no…"
Spock showed up almost instantly.
He had just stepped into the entrance of their room to find a meal Jim could manage to eat during the walk towards the bridge, as well as prepare for the coffee his love seemed to enjoy too much. He had at one point thought over the idea of prohibiting such an unhealthy caffeine intake. Though, he would rather appeal to this addiction than deal with a grumpy mate later during the day.
At the initial cry Spock had been quick to move, and practically ran back into the bedroom. However, what he saw stopped him in his place.
Jim was…cowering?
Spock could recall only one other time he had seen Jim in such a manner and it was when Jim had taken the age of his eight year-old self. When both Nurse Chapel and Doctor McCoy had been unable to coax the abused child from the corner.
It was almost too surreal but at Jim's repeated words, Spock found himself beside his mate and soothing his concerns, "You are fine…Ashayam…calm yourself. You are safe. You are safe."
"…Mirror…" Jim choked out and Spock stilled almost more so than he had before.
His eyes flashed to the bathroom. The shower spray still running loudly and a slight fog emitting through the crack at the base of the sliding door.
Spock rose without a comment and moved to the bathroom.
The door slid open, and Spock was ready to expect just about anything. Yet, there was nothing. Nothing to promote such fear in Jim, in his T'hy'la though he did not doubt that Jim must've seen something.
Spock went about turning the shower off and allowed the fan to pull the remaining steam from the room. What was left he wiped away from the mirror.
All he saw was his reflection.
He remained there for some time before turning to return to his mate.
XXXXXXXX
"Jim would you prefer if I stayed?"
"N-no." Jim shook his head already standing up and moving about to get ready. Though, he managed the whole routine all while completely avoiding the bathroom. Going so far as to give it a wide birth whenever he passed by. "I'm fine. You're already going to be running late as it is. Which is almost unheard of for a Vulcan." Jim turned as Spock's arms settled around him; allowing the Vulcan to guide him into the embrace.
"What did you believe you saw?"
Spock's question was one he had dared not ask earlier, but now as Jim tried to muster a smile, Spock knew that the other would be at least able to attempt to explain.
Jim remained silent again.
'Do not carry this burden alone, share your thoughts with me, so that I may ease whatever pains plague you while you try to heal.'
How long ago was it that Spock made such a simple request, and yet here Jim wished to keep silent; to not share what he had long since tried to store away. "Something…something I didn't think I'd see again." Jim breathed out and dipped his head against Spock's shoulder.
He couldn't.
Even upon Spock's request Jim was not prepared to share what he saw.
Spock seemed compelled to push further, but could see how these events had plagued his mate. "Allow me to remain with you today? At least until you have calmed."
"No…really. I'm fine." Jim pulled back enough to give Spock the least reassuring smile to date. "Really, I'll just take a book and hang in the mess until Chekov arrives. I'll be good as new by then and with the atmosphere that surrounds that kid. I'm sure this won't even be a blip on my daily radar." Jim hummed and leaned up to place a kiss on the corner of the Vulcan's lip, "Now go. Before Pike has to comm to see if some attack occurred or to accuse me of keeping you hostage."
"If you require me at all-"
"We are on a ship in space Spock. There's really only so far apart we can be on here. If I need you, I'll come and find you personally or I'll comm for you. Now please. Don't let me prolong you more so than I already have."
Jim chuckled and practically had to push the Vulcan out of their quarters before reluctantly Spock headed off to the bridge.
Jim waited several minutes before sinking heavily against the nearest wall. Tremors still shook his hands and he scrubbed almost to the point of pain at his eyes.
Never before had his worst dreams bleed into reality.
He breathed evenly trying to calm himself, until finally he got up off the floor. He moved further into the room, willing himself to not look, and grabbed his book to head off towards the mess hall.
He couldn't stay in that room.
XXXXXXXX
"Where's Jim?"
Chekov lifted his eyes to meet with McCoy's. Well there was someone who had managed to have disappeared over the last several weeks.
"Hello Doctor McCoy!" Chekov beamed. It wasn't too odd bumping into others in the halls on board this ship, but usually whenever Chekov saw the Doctor it was usually him accompanying Jim or matters revolving around Jim. Which brought about the good Doctor's question; where was Jim?
Chekov chewed on his lower lip in thought, "Vell, he vas just in ze mess hall. I usually meet with him at zhis hour-"
As McCoy went to march off in search of the ex-captain he was stopped by a hand reaching out to catch his arm.
"Ah! Doctor wait you vill not find him zhere!"
"God, what in the devil do you mean by that? The mess is just down the hall. If you had just met with him I doubt he has gotten very far."
McCoy managed to cross his arms and stare down at Chekov in a manner that left the younger navigator feeling much like a puppy with its tail between its legs.
"Um…well…he…zhat is, he usually meets wit Mr. Scotty in engineering after break. Usually ze Keptin leaves pretty quick, but today it seemed like he vas wery popular. A couple of ze engineers seemed to really need hiz help and took ze Keptin wiz them as soon as ve were parting ways, Sir…Doctor…."
Leonard sighed frustrated and ran a hand through his hair, "Okay so I'll head on down to Engineering then."
"May I ask iz ze Keptin in trouble? He did nyet seem like he vas awoiding anyzhing."
"No, just…Pike's going to fill him in on the mission and asked that I bring him up. Apparently you all have been miraculously closed lip about the whole thing."
Chekov seemed to tense up at this comment and looked wide-eyed up at McCoy, "Ve did not vish to inform him for fear how he'd react. Keptin Kirk is very much happier these last weeks. Ve are trying to be supportive and welcoming of his decisions. Vhy are ve telling ze Keptin if we do nyet think the mission vill be more zhen a routine drop? Vas that not vhat Admiral Pike said it vas? Iz it-did somezhing change? Vouldn't it be best to not vorry ze Keptin! He's doing better, no?"
"Chekov. Breathe okay kid. In and out." McCoy tried to ease the panic that seemed to be rising up in the young navigator and realized that he wouldn't be escaping until Chekov was calm enough to report back to duty.
Chekov breathed out heavily but looked up questioningly towards McCoy. He hadn't even tried to answer a single one of the questions asked.
"Vhy are you awoiding answering?"
"Because you're being foolish. Now listen closely. If something changed why would Pike have Jim who ain't even the Captain anymore, let alone a bridge crew member, know? We're just filling him in is all."
"Zhat is all?"
"That's all." McCoy agreed and sighed as Chekov seemed to do a quick 180 and perked right back up. "Alright well I'm glad that's all patched up. I have a Captain…dammit now look what you started. I have to go find Jim. Go report back to your shift."
Chekov chuckled at McCoy's outburst but didn't need to be told twice as he raced off towards the bridge.
McCoy on the other hand had to make his way down to engineering all in an effort to find Jim.
…
…
"Jim? No…you just missed him. Scotty had him help with the new tweaks to the engines, but Jim had a meeting with his class again so he had to leave quickly."
…
…
"Yah, he was just here. Insane how much he can rattle about only in a couple hours. He had to split us in half because the showing was too large today. The other group I think went to the mess. You'll probably find him there."
…
…
"Jim bumped into Sulu today. I guess it's the Pilot's day off, so, they took a good amount of them off to the training room with him. I'd look there."
…
…
"Dammit Sulu where is Jim?"
"Spock comm'd for him. Said Pike wished to speak with him."
"Spock…comm'd…for…him…."
"Yah. Why have you been trying to follow him around?" Sulu's laugh cut with an intense glower. "He's on the bridge."
XXXXXXXX
"Jim, dammit you pick up your comm for the Vulcan but completely ignore when I try?"
Jim and Pike look up as McCoy barged into the briefing room. Of course the Vulcan would've been the best tactic to getting Jim, so of course McCoy hadn't even thought of that until he literally was informed of the idea because it had already happened.
His scowl fell as Jim struggled to send him his usual smile.
"Damn. You already told him?" McCoy questioned his eyes flickering over to Pike as he made his way towards the pair. He squeezed Jim's shoulders in a comforting manner, willing the other strength.
"The Element's under attack." Jim breathed out, "So, were going back to where you guys found me."
This morning was long since forgotten and Jim's earlier words to Spock now filtered back through his thoughts.
'I'm sure this won't even be a blip on my daily radar.'
He was right. All parts of the day were forgotten as Jim realized they would be returning so close to the place where the Romulan's had dropped him in order for their planned attack. Back to the place that started that cursed year back on board the Enterprise. A year where he spent the entire time unable to remember and practically lying every day to his crew. A place where he was introduced to a charm that tore his mind in two.
Oh joy.
AN: So, just finished typing this all out and realized I forgot to add in something pretty big or well...just important enough it should've been added. So Chapter One might be in four parts or I may just work it in to Chapter two...or create a whole chapter around it. I dunno yet, plus it's late and my mind is mush.
Anyway, hope you enjoyed. : )
