Disclaimer: Star Trek is not mine nor do I claim to own it. This is purely a work of fiction.

Warnings for all of Chapter Two…so not all may apply to this post in specific, but expect it to show up: Language is kinda heavy here…at least form a certain Doctor of ours (Wink-Wink). Lol. Also there will be anger, angst, comfort, heavy loving (SMUT!), fluff, and hmm…other surprises in store for chapter two.

AN: So part Two. : )


The One I've Loved

Chapter Two (Part Two):

The words hit everyone like a sharp blow.

Here they have been trying to bring Jim back into captaining believing he had given up on the idea of captaining the ship again. Believing Jim hadn't believed himself capable of running the ship and finally letting the idea go. His words just moments ago helped solidify this statement.

So what? Big deal

Were those not his own words? Jim had made it so easy to see that he didn't want to be captain again. What had once been I can't seemed to morph into I won't. Yet that last sentence. The one spoken the softest of all the others. That sentence struck them all the worse.

Jim wanted to be captain again?

Was that not what they wanted? Shouldn't this be a happy moment? Shouldn't they all be rooting and joining forces to get Jim back into that seat? Hell they'd glue him to it if they could.

Yet, here and now, no one was feeling happy.

"Jim."

McCoy.

The one who had braved over all others to voice out over the silence that had fallen. No one dared even think of stepping forward and facing Jim head on, but McCoy had.

A man who had stopped at nothing to keep Jim alive just this past year, but who had oddly become distant upon his return. A man who had always been Jim's closest friend, but who had stepped back during this time of need. A man who called out harshly and bluntly during the mandatory meeting and who had written Jim down for treating them cruelly with his presence.

Here he was stepping forward to aide his hurting friend.

Jim only sent him a pleading look, one that was so brief if McCoy had blinked he would have missed it, because Jim's eyes were back on Spock. Always on Spock.

"There just so happens to be one thing that I foolishly wanted even more so than captaining." Jim smiled weakly and brushed almost annoyingly at a tear that escaped past brimming eyes. Blood smeared, unnoticed by the owner, upon his own cheek.

The entire situation seemed to be spiraling uncontrollably downward.

No one knew what to expect. They were all waiting for more words to slide past Jim's lips. One last parting sentence to finish it all off, to explain what he meant, but the man just shook his head and turned to walk away.

He made it as far as the door before he realized Spock had snapped out of the dazed trance he had fallen under at Jim's words.

"T'hy'la wait."

"Don't." Jim sighed and pivoted to send the Vulcan a watery smile, "Don't."

Jim turned around and left them all wishing that they had handled that situation differently. Had looked beyond what their eyes were showing them to what Jim had been trying to tell them all along.

XXXXXXXX

The room was left with an unsettling feeling as the doors closed leaving them all just hovering there. Jim had not only walked in on, but overheard, the wrong part of a conversation meant to help Jim. Now the ex-captain was led to believe that they only wanted him back as a captain. He couldn't understand that they wanted him there for fear of losing him otherwise.

However, Spock hadn't assisted at all! The Vulcan who declared only minutes before that his concern was for pushing Jim too far and yet there he went getting the human to emotionally blow up at him. Now all the alpha crew members present feared what the result would be because of such a turn of events.

"I hope you are might happy you damn space elf! Where do you even get off on bringing that shit up! I can't imagine you of all people could miss Jim's desire to return to captaincy. It's were the kid has always belonged and where he's always wanted to belong." McCoy growled swinging around to stare down the Vulcan, "Didn't you stop to think that maybe Jim had something else that was more important than captaining the Enterprise?"

"I would be inclined to believe that by something else you are referring to my own person."

"Don't ask me why, but the fool is head over heels for you, can't see how he could be especially looking at it now, but yah I was referring to you. However, you have to understand this is Jim we are talking about. You want to know the first thing he did when considering captaining again came up, the fool went and looked up the new regulations about relationships between same-ship officers. Old and new regulations both are pretty clear on the views of such things.

"So, in his present state of mind he knew that he wouldn't be able to cope with the idea of being back on the Enterprise and possibly losing you along with it. He'd rather sit it out.

"Damn fools been digging for plot holes for the last couple months trying to find a way that the pair of you can stay together and still remain on-board the Enterprise. The ships his home, but it wouldn't be if you weren't there…so stop pressuring him when you don't know all the facts!"

McCoy's anger was met with only a brief alteration in the Vulcan's position. A slight shift in his footing and the Vulcan was standing up straight and posed after the reprimand that left not only Chekov but all three on the side-lines plopping back down in their chairs.

Spock seemed as if compelled to walk out after Jim and yet stuck on the words that the Doctor had spoken. It seemed the later won out for the moment for Spock was compelled to reply.

"If Jim had been plagued by such things then would it not have been wise to include me? If I recall correctly relationships between terrans work in a joint manner as they do for Vulcans. So, would you care to explain why Jim would feel like he must separate me from all this."

"Because you would give anything for him!" McCoy snapped these words as a quick retaliation but calmed almost considerably after they rang back on him. "Because you would do anything to make Jim stop hurting anymore. It's as plain as day to see just by the look you get whenever you're near him. If Jim came to you with this problem—Damnit!"

McCoy seemed as if to fully realize the meaning of his own words, seeming to surprise himself with this new understanding. "Jimmy knew that if he came to you he risked losing you in favor of gaining the Enterprise. It was never a choice. He couldn't tell you."

"I admit confusion at your words, Doctor. Please explain to me why Jim seeking my assistance would cause such a reaction?"

Spock turned to look at McCoy and it seemed to drag everyone along with him.

It was becoming obvious now that their initial thought of McCoy's and Jim's relationship was wrong. McCoy hadn't become distant since Jim's return. He just took up a different role.

McCoy had stepped aside because Jim needed him too. He had spent the past several weeks researching for the fool on every regulation or code that did not allow relationships on board a ship. He had promised to be straightforward with Jim when he stepped over a line, because Jim couldn't step over that line between being on board and being captain.

Jim knew he couldn't be Captain. If he so much as sat back on that chair he threatened everything. He could lose Spock, questions could be brought up and answers thrown to the surface about how the ship was running. New regulations and codes that had formed during Jim's two year absence left too many holes to dig through in order to find a plot hole. In order to keep his family together.

And here McCoy had stepped up to aide Jim on the sidelines. To be the man Jim couldn't ask Spock to be. Spock who he needed a different form of support from. McCoy would be harsh because Jim needed it, but also diligent because Jim deserved it.

Though, it was further than that. Pike had become involved long before McCoy.

Pike had been involved as soon as Jim woke for real and it became apparent that what Pike had seen wasn't just a show of loyalty between a First Officer and his Captain. Pike was the one to drop the ball, but he was also willing to help Jim catch it.

He offered his help and when Jim requested him to take up captainship of the Enterprise in Jim's place, because asking Spock would bring up too many questions. Because Jim couldn't cope on so many levels yet. Pike agreed.

There was a tension both from Pike and from Bones. Neither enjoying Jim's refusal to include Spock in on this. This tension bled deeper into discomfort and annoyance the longer they were on board the Enterprise and Jim continued to refuse to include Spock. But now. Now there was only pity at themselves for having not realized why Jim would wish not to share with Spock. Why Jim would be adamant and stubborn…even fearful of such a thing.

McCoy felt foolish for having taken until now to see it.

"Jim still can't see why you would choose him. Hell, the kid can sing any word you need to hear on command, but take a good ol'look and you'll see he's terrified you'll open your eyes and realize he ain't good enough. Too many people have left him throughout his life for him to not feel that doubt.

"But even still Jim is fighting to stay with you because he knows that deep down you don't wish to leave him. You don't want to and that is why he couldn't tell you. Think 'bout it Spock. Who out of everyone here wants Jim back in the captain's seat more than anyone else? Because as much as that sounds great to me or any of the other crew members, you want it more than just for yourself.

"You want Jim back there because you want Jim to feel normal again. To stop hurting as he has. You want him to be happy again above all else?"

McCoy paused to laugh at this. Of course it had been so obvious but he hadn't even stopped to consider this until now. Until his own words hit him smack dab in the face.

"You would give anything for Jim even if potentially that meant terminating a relationship that could tear his "family" apart and possible cost Jim his position permanently. He's read all the new and old regulations Spock. He knows you have too. And you know what?

"Jim knows you, and that's good enough to doubt what would happen if he included you. He was afraid you would make a choice he wouldn't make. That you would let him go all in an effort to make things right once more. All in an effort to give Jim what he needs.

"Jim would become captain again, and without a relationship tying him down or hanging a threat over his head then all of us could remain together. No one would be forced to leave. Everything would be back to normal."

Spock went to speak but McCoy sent the other his most threatening glare as if to say you hold put until I'm done.

"Now you listen to me, and listen good. Jim would rather give up captaining entirely if it meant he could be with you. But if you made him, if you did all that for him, he would bend himself backwards in an effort to return day after day to that Captain's chair. He would smile and pretend everything is alright until he ain't Jim no more but a shell of who we really want, because above everything else Jim doesn't want to pretend that what you two have never existed. Damn fool wants you Spock."

"Doctor. If you are done, I would now like to follow after my Jim so that I may conclude what I had tried to accomplish earlier. You have heard it yourself…Jim wishes to be captain. I had not expected matters to play out as they had, but found this to be a situation that could not be passed up. Now that he has had roughly 10.4 minutes to himself in a means to 'cool down.' I would like to go to my mate to sooth away the hurt I have placed. If you continue to block my path or prolong this, I will be forced to physically move you." Spock quirked a brow at the doctor, "I apologize for the forwardness of my words but they are true all the same."

"What the blazes do you mean by that!"

"Jim needed to see that he could still be captain so to overcome his denial…so that he can heal." Sulu whispered out the response in amazement.

That seemed to make more sense than the Vulcan suddenly arguing with Jim as he had.

"You emotionally compromised Jim so that he could get over some impassible hurtle?"

"Jim had used a similar method towards me back during Nero's attack. I had just altered the scenario in his favor. However, I would insist that you not mistake this as me wishing only to get Jim back to Captaincy, or be foolish to believe that I will so easily dismiss his views on the matter. I have been aware that James wishes to keep things as they are between us, I would be more inclined to assist in focusing on him having both, rather than having to choose one over the other."

Spock once again shifted in the only sign that he was growing impatient at being prolonged.

"Lucky for you he didn't react as brashly."

"I would say that his reaction was worse than if he had struck out." Spock replied evenly the brief admittance to being affected by Jim's words seemed to still any of the doctor's remaining anger. The Vulcan's words seemed to bring home the fact that Spock had just willingly allowed himself to take upon Jim's anger and hurt so as to help push Jim past his denial.

"Fine, but this ain't over." McCoy threatened, "Go…you're probably the last and first person he wants to see anyway. Just make sure you bring him down to sickbay after to fix up that hand. And I will hold you accountable for that! You hear!"

"I will try and persuade Jim after we have finished our discussion."

"Very well. Go on get. Go make right, and for the love of all that's holy don't let that boy tell me about it after word!"

If Spock's lips curled up at the doctor's words well no one saw it as he was already passing through the doors in search of his beloved.


AN: Sorta ended on a happier note...? Anyway more to come with Spock searching out Jim...more happier stuff...fluffy stuff...smutty stuff...? haha. We'll see. Hopefully turns out good. Hope that didn't get too depressing tried to keep it emotional but straightforward ^ ^.

Wonder if anyone saw Spock having played Jim as he did? Sneaky Vulcan. : )

Part Three will be up within the hour. Expect it soon...also. Probably something surprising if not slightly unexpected. No plot twists so don't worry there won't be any vanishing acts haha.