Disclaimer: Star Trek is not mine nor do I claim to own it. This is purely a work of fiction.
Warnings: Language…I think actually that might be all this chapter has in it : / I may add in some small hints of things to come, but they'll probably not be obvious till later so it doesn't affect much now. Haha.
AN: Sorry all, I know I was planning on posting all chapter three in one go, and then through the span of this weekend. My brain is shot. Like good bye functioning hello mush. That's why I went ahead and posted the fairytale story; because I already had some of that written out (Check it out if you're interested I'd appreciate it). I also am trying to figure out exactly how I want to go about writing some of these upcoming scenes…which these parts are going to play a role in setting up for. So…I'm trying to handle it carefully and stage it nicely.
Thus the delay. Hopefully this chapter sounds okay I had it written up in a journal in parts and pieces so I just rewrote it and added some things in blank spots. Basically a chapter to wrap up Jimmy becoming captain at long last and leading into the start of some serious developments. Which I can't spoil so you'll see it in more so in part four…which should be the last part of chapter three.
Hopefully this post being roughly 5,000 instead of 3,000 words helps make up for slow posting.
AN2: Thanks for all the reviews! You all rock.
Please enjoy. :D
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The One I've Loved
Chapter Three (Part Three):
XX
Leaving sickbay was a bit of a hassle, what with McCoy adamant about Jim not being ready yet, but he slid by all the same. The ship was easy to navigate, going down halls and moving about as he made his way closer and closer towards the bridge.
So many crew members were moving about as yellow alert called them to be prepared. However, of all those wandering about it was evident not one was aware of all that had transpired up on the bridge. There was no alert or message given about the destruction or the loss. Everything was being concealed and kept away for the time being.
It was the correct precaution to take because at the moment they were unsure what had transpired. Yet, Jim was sure that it was a precaution taken not for this reason but for the desire to keep order on the ship; on his ship.
Basically they were being lied to that everything was still alright and it wasn't. Jim didn't like it…and it drove him to quicken his steps.
"Jim, dammit I said wait!"
McCoy hadn't been one to let Jim just slip away. It really shouldn't have surprised Jim, but one could hope. It almost amused him that McCoy was hot on his tails, but it was probably for the best. Everyone should be there for what was about to come.
The shouts of protests and arguments had fizzled out after exiting sickbay, probably due to McCoy's desire to not further tarnish Jim's standing amongst the crew. When they reached the lifts to get towards the bridge there was nothing stopping McCoy from bringing them all back home.
"Are you out of your mind, Jim? Is this what everyone wants, yes, but this is not the time to do it, most definitely not. Jim your still in shock and I'm leaning heavily towards denial because your acting brashly kid. You go up there bringing a storm and you're going to find yourself in the brig. Now stop and let's go back to sickbay."
Jim's eyes were stuck not on McCoy but ahead looking at the doors of the lift. Flickers and reflections and suddenly he was looking at McCoy again.
"Jim?"
"I'm not in denial. This is not me acting brashly and even if it was this is me doing what is right." Jim clapped McCoy on the shoulder, "The kid followed you up here. Aiden sit tight this may get bumpy." Jim threw a smirk to the pair and turned just in time to the lift opening up to the bridge. He slid out of McCoy's reach and right onto the bridge.
What he saw was worse than what he expected.
Jim knew that the sight outside of the Enterprise would strike him the worst. Seeing the remains would leave that hollow ache tensing up and coiling with a renewed strength. So, he kept his gaze upon the bridge and what was before him. It was this that struck him still.
Here he was arriving back on the bridge expecting to speak with Pike about taking back his position, but he wasn't expecting his crew to still be here. Pike he understood; the man was the captain and thus had to remain. The alpha crew, though? No, that was unacceptable, not after a blow like what had just transpired. Not after such a loss.
It was obvious none of them were handling it well. Nyota was at her station attempting to smother sobs and trembling to such a degree that Jim was surprised she could hear anything. Chekov was constantly wiping at tears attempting to mask them before anyone else realized that they were being shed, and Sulu had gone white as a sheet.
This was not acceptable, and Jim bypassed all prior thoughts as he immediately made his way to Nyota's station.
"Jim?" Pike's voice was like a distant echo in the back of his mind as Nyota's eyes lifted to be caught on the sight of Jim standing alongside her.
"Doctor what is he doing back up here? Get him back to sickbay. He shouldn't see this."
Again the words were like noise; static and unimportant to what was going on in the forefront. Jim smiled a sad smile, and an understanding smile, as he reached out to place a comforting hand on Nyota's shoulder. This seemed to break the last ounce of strength the lieutenant had and like a dam breaking Nyota released a pain-filled and broken sob.
She lifted only enough to pull Jim down into a fierce hug, needing any form of comfort and seeking to relieve the shared pain lingering from both of them.
"Spock." Nyota choked out the name on a sob that shook all of Jim's strength and determination, threatening to drag him back down.
"I know Nee, I know." Jim breathed out pulling her close and stroking her back just enough to ease the sobs and the shakes.
The room seemed to fall silent at the display, but when Jim pulled away from Nyota he was pleased to see that Sulu had taken this as an okay to comfort another and swooped in to help calm down Chekov's own tears. Wiping at the young navigator's cheeks and whispering soft words of reassurance.
Jim's eyes pulled from the scene and with one last supportive squeeze he moved away from Nyota and back to the center of the bridge. He moved to fully face Pike, standing with his back to the destruction, silhouetting Jim with the reason behind such distress. The image was fierce and blue eyes were piercing as they looked at the other.
"You…you can't do this. God, what even made you think this was okay, Pike? Look around you, no one on this bridge should have remained. As soon as I left you should have called for beta shift to take up position, you should have called in any of the replacements. Right now, this cannot happen. You can't push at them at this moment and not expect to have them break under the pressure.
"This is not one of those moments to keep going. This is one of those moments were you have to take a step back. They need a chance to collect themselves, Chris. You, need a chance to collect yourself. This isn't just an attack this was a strike to the heart."
"Jim."
"Not now Leonard." Jim's eyes threw only a brief glance over to the man wishing to step in, but he couldn't allow this to continue.
"No, I think right now is a good time for the doctor to step in. Jim you shouldn't be back up here. Let the doctor lead you back down to sickbay and cool down, your heads not on straight."
Pike's words were spoken with a calmness and collectedness of one trying to remain in a position of authority even during a tough time. However, they could have held a comforting or warm tone and Jim would've reacted all the same.
"And yours is? Look at what you're doing Pike! This isn't…this is not the best way to approach this matter. What are you even doing? Searching into the possibility of an attacker?"
"We have procedures that must be taken during such an attack on a federation vessel-"
Pike barely got the sentence finished before Jim took a step forward and threateningly towards the other. "Fuck procedures and use common sense!"
Pike straightened up and stood to stand just as domineeringly as Jim, "Jim are you questioning my capabilities of captaining this ship?"
"Jim, don't do this." McCoy's request was barely a whisper over the strain emitting between Pike and Jim.
"What are you doing back on this bridge Jim? You are neither a captain nor a crew member. You are a passenger along for the ride. I've been liberal about you stopping in, now I'm requesting that you allow Doctor McCoy to take you off this bridge before I need to force you off."
"I'm taking command back Pike. I'm taking my ship back, because right now you are not making the calls this ship needs."
"Dammit Jim, you're emotionally compromised and all together out of your idiotic mind." McCoy shouted stepping up towards the pair and trying to grab at Jim.
Jim shook the hold off and glared at McCoy, "I'm emotionally compromised? Who here isn't!"
Jim pivoted gesturing at those all remaining on the bridge as a whole.
"Nyota, who has known Spock the longest of almost all of us, and who had not only been in a prior relationship with the Vulcan but has constantly maintained a sisterly companionship with him. She is emotionally compromised.
"Chekov, who has always had Spock here as a supporting and structural role model, as well as a companion to talk statistics over is he not compromised as well? What about Sulu? He spends days down there in the lab with Spock, often into the late hours were it is just the pair of them. Spock, him, and I were often the ones beaming down planet side. How close do you think they had gotten during such times? After saving each other's lives so many times?
"Pike has got to be emotionally compromised. He had been one of Spock's leading role models. One who Spock often is most willing to elaborate and share times spent with. A person who Spock had willingly forewent his teaching path in favor of seeking a position as first officer; just to continue alongside and aide in Pike's desire to travel through space.
"And what about you Leo, are you not compromised by this? After spending these last two years with Spock? That first year where you all had searched out for me? Did you not say so yourself that you two had grown closer over my absence. That had it not been for Spock you all would've collapsed? Then you both were the ones practically taking care of me. You trusted him enough to look after me, a position you haven't allowed any other professional anyone. So, don't give me that."
Jim's blue eyes were dark with a slew of emotions mostly stemming from hurt and anger, but also from shared anguish and understanding.
"Of course I'm compromised by what happened, who wouldn't be? You're the doctor, Bones, you know that it is the pain and the guilt that makes us who we are. It makes us stronger." Jim's eyes returned to meet Pike's and he sighed out trying to calm himself down.
"This wasn't some attack. If it was then the attackers are already long gone by now. They would've been gone before we even got here. So, while you're too busy following Starfleet customs and procedures on how to handle this situation you've already missed some obvious problems with the possibility of an attack. You've also missed the fact that your crew isn't working at 100% they're probably not even functioning at 50% because they're hurting."
Jim's words were like a loud and sharp slap to the face. It took the breath right out of the room and left them all just stuck in place. Every word he said was resonating between those on the bridge, but it was Pike who managed to speak up first.
"So you think you are capable of running this ship better? You're not even capable of returning to command."
Jim scuffed at this.
"I'm not commanding this ship in your place right now, not because I'm not capable of it. I passed every single test given in an effort to evaluate how messed up I had become after two years spent captured. I passed any regulations thrown at me and you should already know that every single admiral granted me the right back to my place as captain if I desired it."
Pike went to speak up but Jim cut him off.
"No Pike, I turned down captaining out of my own decision, because I hadn't viewed myself as ready, and because I wasn't capable of handling captaining again and fighting regulations about being in a relationship at the time. This-this is me informing you that there isn't anything stopping me from taking back my position now. This is me letting you know I'm ready, and asking you to step down so that I may run this ship properly."
"You are going to pull mutiny on me? On some of the other admirals I could understand, but Jim you requested my taking up this position."
The room was practically dead silent. It was easy to overhear the breathing of just about every one of those remaining in the room as everyone watched what was transpiring before them.
Pike and Jim. Admiral Christopher Pike versus Captain James T. Kirk. Where they not close companions? Was Pike not the admiral they all hoped to have contact from in times of need? Was he not the admiral they all enjoyed hearing from?
Why was it now a choice between Jim and Pike? Where they even meant to decide who to follow? After the loss of Spock could they handle this?
"Pike I'm not pulling anything on you right now. This is me asking a friend and an admired superior to relinquish the position I asked him to hold while I coped."
"Jim your mind is clouded by your loss, you're angry with me because you are blaming for it, and you're blaming Starfleet for its new regulations. I understand I'm an easy target, but you can't be unable to captain this ship only moments before the attack and suddenly fine to after it. That's not how these things work."
"Well I've never been one to follow customs. Take a look Pike. The amount of debris left in the wake of the explosion is impossible. The space station was too large to have left so little amount of metal remaining. Not in comparison to the blast. Otherwise the Enterprise would've been struck much harder than we had been or engulfed in it as well." Jim pointed out into space to prove his point further before continuing on.
"If you have that to consider than its easy to understand that whatever happened it was either set up or there is more to this than what we are seeing. Going about searching for an enemy, and thinking that this is another attempt at war. That is not what we need to be doing. We should be looking into readings before the blast of any transmissions or transportations from outside sources."
Eyes all shifted to look out at the remains of the Element, all except for Jim's. In memory of the attack on Vulcan there had been so many ship remains littering the sky up until the entity swallowed them alongside the planet.
Here and now there was hardly enough remains to make up the space station or truly recognize it as the prior station.
"Chekov if you would do a check for me? Scan the area where the space station had been before the attack. Check for any anomalies. Nyota look into records before our arrival and leading up to when we initially beamed our men over. See if we missed anything. You'll find something. I know it."
"Jim you're trying to proof to yourself that Spock's not gone, but he is. You can do this to yourself. You can't keep hoping when it's going to cause you more pain in the end. Come on…let's stop this." McCoy took another step towards Jim, but received a threatening look in return.
"Jim, he's right. Let Doctor McCoy take you back down to sickbay. Stay there until we get this whole situation handled and I'll come and talk this out with you properly. You're being blinded by what you want to see."
"I'm not being blind!" Jim growled frustrated at the pair pushing madness and denial and suspicion at him. Treating him as if he was out of his mind, or unwell. "It's you who are being blind. Dammit look at the facts! Look at what's going on!"
"Doctor, get him off this bridge."
"Come'n Jimmy." McCoy reaches for Jim but again the other shakes him off.
"I'm not in denial! This isn't some foolish desire to pull rank on you or to prove that I can pull some impossible stunt out of my ass. I'm being serious."
"Doctor now before he makes more of a fool of himself."
McCoy sighed as once again Jim took another step towards the Admiral. He dug into his pocket reaching for something he had not wished to use but had brought with just in case. Jim wasn't one to back down, the stubborn fool was too stubborn for his own good, and right now he was too set to realize he just needed some more time to catch his breath. He just needed more time to cope with what had happened.
The hypo had barely even been raised up before Jim slammed McCoy down onto the floor. The clank and roll of the item forgotten as everything focused on Jim crouched hovering over McCoy. Over the one he had always been closest too, had never even thought of striking out against, not in jest or in any manner.
Here and now he had physically thrown the doctor down and forced him to release the hypo in his hand.
"Do not attack me right now." Jim's words were practically a growl and so unlike him, "I spent two whole years dealing with this shit from those Romulans. Do you really think that I couldn't take on any one of you?" He pushed up but only enough to stand and help McCoy up to a seated position, "Don't stop me, I need to do this."
The words were softer this time as he spoke to his friend and companion throughout so much. He needed McCoy's support here, not his refusal.
"Security to bridge immediately, set phasers to stun." Pike's words lifted Jim's gaze up and over to the man hovering by the Captain's chair. "Jim you've crossed a line!"
"Good, because it needed to be crossed." Jim pushed to stand the rest of the way and look at Pike fully, "You have no idea what you're doing because you've been too wrapped up in a world of politics and proper procedures to open your eyes. Hell, you're blind enough to keep working those who have just experienced a traumatic event. Who are all either; in shock or bordering on emotional collapse, because they're not machines and this isn't a school book procedure. This is out of your depth Pike, so stand down."
The words barely leave Jim's mouth before security bursts onto the bridge. Four of Giotto's finest, and every one of them expecting to find an enemy attacking those on the bridge.
What they found was McCoy sitting on the ground, Pike and Jim standing at odds against one another, and the remainder of the crew sitting unable to do much else than stare blankly ahead.
They're stuck unsure exactly what to do. Their phasers are hovering drawn as if prepared to attack and yet with no idea who they're meant to be threatened by.
"Get him off this bridge and seal him in his quarters!" Pike moves forward a step, and Jim remains holding his ground. However, it is obvious that he is speaking of Jim. "Right now he is a threat to the safety of this ship."
The security guards all are thrown off guard by this and hesitate to react. Hesitate long enough for Jim to break over the unease.
"I'm a threat? Spock, Giotto, Andrew and Thomas. Those are the men who you sent over to that space station. I know every person on this ship by name. I know who has family back home and who doesn't. I know why they joined Starfleet and chose to continue serving the Enterprise. I've seen all four of those men on that ship fight for me and for the Federation without batting an eye. Right now, I'm telling you they didn't just blow up." Jim gestured wildly as he spoke and pointed at Pike, "I am trying to do what is right."
"Jim you're in denial."
"Stay out of this, McCoy." Jim threw the Doctor a resigned look he had hoped, after what had just happened, the other would realize at least to some degree that Jim needed him to back off or to support him. He needed his friend to trust in him, but obviously throwing your friend to the floor wasn't the best way to get that message across.
"I think it's time you go lie down and take a breather, Jim, because what you're doing right now is not proving anything; it's only working against you. Now I'm willing to forget this whole ordeal happened but you need to step away and do so promptly." Pike once again tried to calmly speak to Jim.
It was like trying to talk down a man with a gun, and it really was only assisting in pissing Jim off. He was not a crazy person, nor was he threating harm upon anyone. He was trying to get answers and see about saving those who had been on the Element. If that were even a possibility, and yet everyone was so set on the disbelief that he could so suddenly be alright to handle this. Obviously being ready to captain again made him crazy because just having finally seen where he was needed couldn't be the answer.
"I'm not in denial I'm finally opening my eyes!" Jim huffed out exasperated, "Stop treating me like I'm insane, and trust me when I'm telling you that I'm ready."
Pike stepped forward again and the look in his eyes actually made Jim think that maybe Pike was finally going to let this happen. That maybe the man would actually give it a moment and see that Jim was actually being serious here.
That was up until he turned to look at security and spoke up.
"Security, remove him from this bridge."
This was ridiculous. This was beyond annoying and bordering on full out maddening, because here was his best friend and father-figure fighting against him. If they wanted to force this on him they better expect him to fight back. Not after everything that has happened. Not when he was finally ready to stand up. When he finally realized that he needed to stand up again.
Security went to move as if to comply with the command and yet one look from Jim and they halted. One command from Jim and their phasers dropped to their sides.
"Security, stand down." The command was curt and simple and as the security officers listened a smirk tugged at the corner of his lips. His eyes turned back onto Pike and he knew his Vulcan would be proud of the brow quirk he managed to pull off. If only to further piss the admiral off.
"I said get him off this bridge!"
Pike's shout was met with a cool look from Jim, and a step forward. It was too close into the other's space that Pike had to take a step back.
"You want to lock me up, Pike? Try it. Let's see who is willing to follow your command over mine. This is my ship Pike, you all have been spouting that from day one. So, I really doubt you've forgotten it now. You see, those crew members on that space station. Those losses are on me. This is my family and I'm supposed to protect them, but I've been dismissing that responsibility. Now, I'm asking you to stand down." Jim paused to rub tiredly at his face. It took a moment to let out a uneasy sigh before meeting with Pike's eyes once more, "Admiral Pike I am requesting that you stand down, or I will make you stand down."
"Are you serious right now?"
Pike's disbelief showed heavy on his eyes as he looked at Jim.
"You can't trust me because you think I'm emotionally unstable or still incapable of being captain. Fine. I've known how to live without support from those closest to me. If you can't trust me I'm only sorry that at some point I made you feel like you can't anymore. However, I know my capabilities, I'm not acting out rashly I'm stepping up." Jim paused to sigh.
"Its timing isn't one I'm proud of but I can't just stay back and hold off now. Not when I'm capable of helping. Now I have always seen you as a friend Pike, you're basically the closest thing to a father that I've had. Don't make me fight you for this, not when I had been the one to ask you to take up this position. Not when I had been the one to seek your help."
Security had at some point shifted to place themselves alongside or behind Jim. They were basically awaiting his command and addressing their position on this matter. Those on the bridge as well all seemed as if to subconsciously shift in Jim's favor.
It was so obvious that beside the two others everyone else believed in Jim's capabilities. Were so willing to accept him back.
"I asked you to trust that when I was ready I'd return to captain the Enterprise. I'm asking you now to trust me."
The room went silent as Jim stared at Pike and vice versa. It was uneasy as the admiral seemed to be searching for an answer a reason to belief Jim's words during such a time.
McCoy had at some point stood up and tried once again to step between the pair, "Jim-"
"Captain?"
Everyone shifted at the new addition, unsure exactly who was being addressed though it seemed to not matter as Uhura quickly carried on, "You were right…there were readings of transportations prior to our arrival. They continued on up until just before we had beamed over our crew to the Element. It had been a different frequency that I hadn't even recognized it until now."
Jim smiled at Nyota's assistance and that she had taken the time to look into what he requested even during all the commotion on the bridge. His eyes returned to Pike's but not with a threat to them or a desire to prove himself. This time he looked upon the admiral with resignation, that if this didn't bring back even a bit of trust in Jim that he wouldn't try to push it anymore. He wasn't trying to assert dominance or make a fool of the admiral all he wanted was to protect his crew and take up the position that best offered him that capability.
"Something is going on." Jim's words were softer now as he spoke them, "I know you were all thinking that returning here of all places wasn't right. That returning here so soon after everything that happened felt wrong; it felt off, and it felt like something had to be up. This can't just be some random attack. If there is any chance, any at all that they are still alive…if there is any hope at all I'm not going to let it slip away."
"Jim, kid, look at what you are doing. You are threatening an admiral. Alright Jimmy, threatening. You may have power on this ship but that won't fly when word reaches them or when we need to dock on any federation space station. They can rip away all of your titles Jim."
McCoy's words were calmer now and on a similar level with Jim's. It was obvious now why the doctor was fighting so hard against the other. He couldn't let Jim throw it away. He didn't want to fight the admiral for Jim's sake. He couldn't let Jim lose Spock and the Enterprise in the duration of a couple hours.
Yet, Jim only gave a sad smile at McCoy's words.
"Then when we get back, if that seems like the best course of action, then I won't fight it. If that's what you want to do, Chris, then it's your call to make. Right now, this is mine. I've lived with many names and the loss of this one would be horrible but it would be nothing compared to keeping a title and knowing that I did not live up to the name. If I sit back and watch knowing I didn't do anything…
"You all spent an entire year searching for me. Even after I had ordered no search to be continued and the admiralty commanded the same. You all fought against your command, and I'm certain that in this case my position on this matter is not too far off. You all want Jim the captain back? Well stand down and let me show you I'm back."
McCoy sighed but gave a brief nod of understanding, "Alright, Jim."
Pike shook his head in disbelief, but it was obvious to see the man had already cracked under all that had just transpired, "Fine. If you think you're ready then I won't stop you. I've known you too well to know I can't win this argument, but you cross a line and I'm stepping in. If it comes to that, you bow out, you hear me? You asked me along to help. This is my offer."
"It'll have to do for now." Jim nodded in agreement and watched as Pike stepped down from the captain's position.
It was almost surreal as everything seemed to slow down for this moment. It had been long enough now that, though the action should feel familiar, walking towards the chair felt foreign and new. It was awkward at first because he was swapping spots with Pike, both figuratively and literally. Those who were on the bridge seemed to have all gone silent as they witnessed this play out.
Jim hovered for a moment having to take a second and just realize how big of a step he was about to take. He was actually going to do this.
Then there was Bones, shoving Jim down into the seat.
"Don't go spouting confidence and chicken out now. It's a chair for heaven's sake, now sit down. Captain."
Jim smirked up at Bones, appreciative of the other's support even after what had all just transpired. Beyond that, though, for pushing him that final step, for letting him not second guess himself.
"Captain."
The word rang out with salutes from all of those on the bridge. Over all other emotions still present every single one of the members on the bridge looked on with relief and with pride.
Finally.
AN: Okay wow...that chapter kinda just went away from me.
Hope you all don't hate Pike and Bones after this but I needed that last bit of confrontation to make sure Jim was actually sure he needed to be captain again. Can't have this be a rash and quick decision, because it's not. This is Jim finally realizing that he's ready to be Captain once more. I'm about to hop on over to the final part of Chapter Three which will probably be a mix of a ton of things but is basically answering what just happened to Spock and answering what's going on with Jim (just in case no one has caught the continuing problem Jim has been facing) it will be really addressed in part four of Chapter Three and answered in Chapter Four. So, be ready it's hopefully going to be insane with a dash of wtf. hehe. Also some excitement and watching Jim turn the world around in an effort to find Spock! :D
Please stay with me it's bout to become a bumpy ride ^ ^
