Disclaimer: Star Trek is not mine nor do I claim to own it. This is purely a work of fiction.

Warnings: Language, confusion probably, angst sort of, and yah…that's about it : )

AN: So, this part got longer than I thought. Basically this part may all be confusing, or it may not be. Really I'm a biased reader because its already in my head, haha. So if it is confusing I'm sorry. It's meant to be for now. I'm trying to make it as clear as possible without giving much away…which is difficult. Haha.

I may end up carrying it over so perhaps a part five...It has yet to be determined. Seeing as I am writing this alongside doing homework for a debate...due tomorrow. My head isn't on straight. I think I'm going to have a part five, but it may be a short piece. Basically to sum up what's going on with Spock. I'll see. Hopefully this all sounds okay, and begins to note on some things that have been lying in wait, as well as beginnings for other stuff...man sorry brain functions are shot. This should all sound fine because I basically wrote it last night right after posting part three. Just some last minute add-ins and tada! haha.

Also a longer chapter woot! It was like chapter two was all shorter barely 3,000 limit and now chapter three couldn't stay away from hitting 4,000-6,000 words. That's good though right? Make up for slower posting.

Thanks for the reviews.

Please enjoy :D


XXXXXXXX

The One I've Loved

Chapter Three (Part Four):

XX

Jim was captain again.

Jim was captain of the Enterprise again. Yet, there was still one more thing he needed, because taking this step was only a part of it. He had his family and his friends, but he was still only a half of a whole. He needed his first officer. He needed Spock.

So his first order of business was figuring out if getting Spock back was even a possibility. Jim needed answers. However, he was not a hypocrite and before he could do anything else he needed to be the man his crew needed. He would not fight against something only to turn around and become what it was he fought against.

"Call in your immediate reliefs." Jim spoke up and barely managed to get the words out before the protests came.

"Nyet! I vill not allow ze replacement to aide you, keptin. If you can face zhis zhen I vill stand and assist az much az possible. I vish to stay and help."

"I hadn't planned on going anywhere, I'd also like to stay and help you, Jim. Can't leave you to find your way through this without a skilled helmsman."

Sulu's comment was followed by a smirk that drew one of similar stature out from Jim. However, immediately after Jim's eyes shifted over to meet the one he was most concerned over. She had been so quick to aide earlier during the argument, but that didn't mean she was ready to stick through an entire shift.

"Uhura?"

"Count me in. I can't leave you boys to handle this situation on your own. We'll have so much testosterone in the room, Janice will be sure to collapse when she returns."

Jim chuckled but fell back into the chair, "Alrighty then. I've got my A-team. Understand that at any moment you can't handle it or it's too much, you are all permitted to leave. No questions asked."

"You do so yourself Jim."

McCoy brought Jim's eyes over to the doctor. He had moved out of the way but he was still always close by. He was waiting for it to hit Jim, for everything to collapse down upon the captain and for him to fall into shock.

That wasn't going to happen. Not on Jim's watch. Not with Spock still having a chance of survival.

Pike had also remained in the room, he was planning to make good on his words. For the time being he would step down, but if Jim seemed to be losing it then he was going to jump back in. It was slightly daunting having the two hovering over his back, but it really only drove him to prove himself further.

He was ready to be captain again. It wasn't just the loss of Spock driving him to react.

Aiden's words had really struck home. Had truly drawn attention to something that every other hadn't been able to pull out of him. Maybe he needed an outsider's voice to truly strike home, but Jim hadn't been able to get past that hurdle until now.

A brief smirk lingered on his lips as he caught vibrant green eyes hovering nearby Bones. It seemed like the Doctor had a constant shadow now, but the kid was definitely not deterred by the fight that had just played out. Instead he seemed almost as excited as Scotty had been after Jim took on his Vulcan.

"Let's figure out who wished to play around with a federation ship and space station and find out who or what was transported and to where."

Jim's words were met with an immediate change in atmosphere and yet everyone turned to their stations as if bent on the gravity of the situation.

"Chekov, scan where the element was located, let me know if there are any anomalies that turn up."

"Aye keptin."

A smirk settled as he watched the others all turn to complete the tasks. However, now it required waiting. Waiting for them to find something, and for them to begin to further question what exactly was going on. The problem with this was that it left Jim to himself. Left his mind to wander and his gaze to lift. He was no longer turned from the view screen nor was capable of keeping his focus elsewhere. His eyes lifted and he was met with the destruction, and with the remembrance that for now it was more likely that Spock hadn't survived that blast.

His heart rate increased until it felt like a drum pounding in his ear, and yet he tried to sit as calmly and collected as possible. He focused solely on looking like his insides weren't screaming, trying to tear their way out and voice the anguish lingering at the loss. Invisible wounds that he would keep hidden from any close enough and wise enough to catch.

"Jim!"

His eyes pulled away almost on cue at his name. Welcoming the distraction as he turned to look at Nyota. Tear stains still remained marking her cheeks, but he was pleased to see that the wetness that had clouded her eyes dried up for the time being. For now determination held fast alongside hope.

He met her eyes across the bridge and the two shared a moment of appreciation and understanding of the remaining hurt, but also of the importance of what was to come. Nyota was the one to smirk proudly this time and Jim followed with pleased chuckle.

"No need to shout Nyota, what'd you find?"

"The transportations from before. They were to the nearby planet, Suxen."

Jim stilled almost immediately at the word, and his smile slipped away.

That name.

This was the planet where he had been found. This was the planet where the Romulans had left a shadow of himself to be picked up and planted in a desire to trick the Enterprise and thus the Federation. He had feared that returning to the Element would place them too close to the planet. That he would have to face whatever lingering chill rose up along his spine at the mention of the planet.

There he had been introduced to the charm.

There he had witnessed his mind collapse and his entity split into two. The Romulans didn't ever know of such technology, because whatever it was couldn't have been made.

It was a gift bestowed by the Suxens to the Romulans with the immediate desire that they use it on Jim. He hadn't been sure at the time if they wished to aide him or harm him. To this day he still was unsure what their goal had been, but he had no desire to find out. Until just now he had no desire of ever returning to the place and yet here Nyota's words rung out with one clear message.

The Suxens were involved; they'd need to communicate with their people.

They'd need to beam down to that planet.

He'd have to go back.

"Then I suppose we should pay them a visit. Sulu, you're with me…let's go get some answers."

"A-Aye, Captain?"

XXXXXXXX

"What? God dammit Jim! Nyota saying that does not mean let's go about beaming down there and jump the gun on this!" McCoy growled pushing to stand in Jim's path and block him from heading towards the door. "You want to be captain again. Good, fine, whatever, that doesn't give you ultimate power to do stupid shit. Now you've read new regulations and you know old ones as well. You don't just go beaming down onto planets. You have to contact them."

"They're already expecting us."

Jim's words stilled them, because honestly what did that mean.

"Now what the blazes are you spouting? They're already expecting you? I highly doubt that Jimmy how can anyone be expecting us if you hadn't even known they were involved 'til just a moment ago."

Jim chuckled at McCoy's words and clapped him on the shoulder, "Lieutenant Nyota contact the planet and let Doctor Bones here feel better about us beaming down. Sulu, you coming or not?"

Pike quirked a brow at Jim's actions, "Jim I don't have to remind you that captains are no longer permitted to beam down with the landing party until the planet is cleared?"

The threat in those words was clear. It had only been a short time span now since Jim took back captaincy and pulling this stunt wasn't going to aid in this at all.

"They're a part of the federation. They're clear by all means and deemed a safe planet with no possible chance of acting out against or altering courses towards violence." Jim labeled off these characteristics without much thought but turned to face the admiral, "They'll want me to be a part of the landing party…either I head down now or I head down later. It'll just be quicker to go down with the first group. They'll find it less offensive if we don't waste their time."

"Jim mind explaining to us how you know all these facts?"

Jim turned at McCoy's words and smiled a pain-filled smile. There was an indisputable reason as to why he knew these facts. He had been there. The others knew that, but they had all believed he had been there as a child. "The elders altered my time remember, Bones? That's what they told you when you picked me up from the Element. I had to have been on that planet before they pulled such a stunt."

"I thought you said the elders were a ruse?" McCoy's words were sharp and panicked as he stepped again blocking Jim's path.

"Jim…they're…they're requesting that you alone beam down. They said that-that the Doctor and the Admiral must not interfere and there is much left to discuss. They have the others. They insist that if we need any incentive to allow this that we should know they have the others."

"You have got to be kidding me? There ain't no way we are permitting that!" McCoy pivoted to meet the eyes of all those on the bridge.

Every single one of them seemed to be caught up on the fact that not only had the planet members known about what was currently transpiring on the bridge, but had responded to it and declared a threat that was perhaps the only one they had any reason to be tempted over.

"There was a reason I didn't want to come back here Bones." Jim breathed out and placed a hand on the others shoulder, "Why would I fear returning to this place? This was were I had been reunited with my crew, with my ship. So, why when everyone heard that this was the destination they tensed up? Why did you all think it best to hide it from me? This place holds a foreboding to it like nothing I've felt before…"

Jim let his eyes slide closed as if trying to recall something; trying to remember the events that happened while he was on this planet. Yet, he could already see everything. It was so simple to remember what had happened down there. So he couldn't understand why it was he felt this way, he just knew that he had to.

"I'm beaming down."

"No!"

"Jim you can't!"

"Keptin!"

The protests were stopped as Pike rose up. Here and now the other was stepping in. Would it really be so soon that Pike would make that call?

"Jim, what aren't you telling us?" Pike went straight to the point and Jim could only smile a tight smile.

"If they have any survivors it's our duty to go retrieve them. I know Starfleet doesn't bargain with hostages, but they're not bargaining anything. If they wanted me dead then I'd be dead already." Jim straightened up and gave Pike the most reassuring smirk he could offer, "Sulu I want you on conn. Nyota keep an ear on me at all times unless I say otherwise, and get Scotty to the transporter room."

Jim patted McCoy on the shoulder, "You're welcome to follow me to the transporting pads but even if you try they're not going to let anyone but me beam down. They're a highly advanced society with capabilities beyond what we can comprehend. They knew I'd be back…I just hadn't thought it'd be so soon or under these situations. My guess is they pulled this stunt to bring us here."

"I'm going with you. You're going to tell me everything! And I mean everything."

Everyone seemed hesitant to allow this and expected Pike to step forward now more than ever, but the admiral only took a seat once more. Whatever was going on apparently he was letting Jim take the lead.

It didn't make sense and yet they couldn't argue it further as Jim led McCoy off the bridge.

"This is so cool." Aiden's voice was practically a breath as he tagged along behind McCoy and Jim.

XXXXXXXX

"Jim."

Blue eyes lifted to meet the trio standing across the room. It felt odd being alone standing on the pads. He had always been accustomed to beaming off with a group, or at least being accompanied by Spock. However, right now…that was the purpose of this.

This was for Spock.

If he kept telling himself that perhaps the tremors would stop in his hands, and his pulse would decrease. However, at the moment it seemed like they were only words. As if they were just an empty hope he was foolishly trying to believe.

"Bones, you won't stop me."

The doctor knew already that there was no stopping Jim.

Coming down from the bridge he had witnessed the captain return full force in the other. Really, if he doubted it up on the bridge he knew it by now. From the way he was carrying himself to the smallest alteration in his voice, Jim was back, and right now he wanted to get his first officer back. His mate back. His fiancé back.

Jim had been right. They hadn't died in the explosion, and yet everyone else had been so quick to dismiss any chance of survival. What with witnessing such an explosion who could blame them? Yet, there was Jim denying them with reasons such as not enough wreckage left over. Leave it to Jim to notice such a small occurrence and have it play such a huge effect.

They hadn't touched much more on the planet or its inhabitants.

Jim had briefly answered a few questions. Such as there were elders, and that he had a reason to tell Bones what he had. However, because it was Jim he had managed to talk his way around answering what the hell that meant, and even altered the conversation into how Aiden managed to follow them along throughout this and over the duration of their travels.

Really McCoy couldn't recall how it was he came to accept the kid's desire to be on board the ship. It was just like he had to. Other than that there wasn't much else to say. The kid was as stubborn as McCoy himself, and after a while he just stopped fighting it and kept the kid in check whenever he had to.

They arrived at the transporter room not long after only for Bones to realize the entire conversation had been diverted. He grumbled about it at first until Jim mentioned that Spock was down there. That pretty much sucked the wind right out of McCoy's sails.

There wasn't arguing with Jim now. Not after Jim had shared information on Spock and his relationship status with McCoy. The other was clinging to strands here and if Spock wasn't down there McCoy couldn't imagine the damage that could cause. He wouldn't stop Jim from the chance to reunite with the damn hobgoblin.

However, that didn't mean he didn't like that Jim was heading down alone. In fact he was surprised they were all just allowing this.

Wasn't that the reason Jim had gone missing the first time? They had been beamed back to the Enterprise and left Jim alone. Thus he had been tortured and broken. Yet, here they were practically tossing him off the ship onto the planet. It didn't sit right with McCoy, dammit it didn't sit right at all.

Yet, when he went to voice his protest the words that came out seemed like a betrayal of his mind to mouth filter.

"Just be safe kid, and come back in one piece."

"Thank you."

Jim sighed and smiled at McCoy's words like they had meant the world to him. It was obvious Jim had been hurt by the lack of trust up on the bridge, and McCoy had tried to smooth it away with his pushing Jim into the captain chair. However, this seemed to really tie things over, because Jim was sending him one of those honest smiles and not another one of those plastered smirks.

He really truly appreciated McCoy's trust, even if McCoy had meant to say something else completely. It still brought out such a look and now McCoy couldn't even try and take back his words for fear that he'd put the pain back in those blue eyes.

"Energize."

XXXXXXXX

"Welcome. James Kirk. We have been expecting you."

Jim barely managed to fully beam upon the planet before three figures stepped forward to address him.

They were more humanoid than some of the other inhabitants he recalled from the planet; however, they were much lankier in comparison to a normal human form. With an extended neck and five set of eyes they were definitely not human. Their skin was almost lavender in color and a current as if made of orange electricity seemed to pulse just beneath the surface.

Their species would have been interesting had Jim's first encounter with them not been so traumatic.

"Yes, I remember you still from my last visit. You have the ability to see-"

"The possible futures. However, there are many alterations that come with the choices made." One of the closest of the three stepped forward as they spoke cutting Jim off. "We wish condolences for your suffering. You are much stronger than we had originally understood. Now we understand your capabilities. However, we regret that our gift has supplied an alteration.

"There had been mention deep in our own whispers of such an event occurring. We feared for it and in a desire to prevent such things from happening we presented the charm as a gift in an effort to prevent such events and alter the course of those timelines. However, that seems to not have been the case. Instead we have become the reason as to why the events are even a possibility. Had we not interfered this would not have transpired."

Another stepped forward to join the first and something shined behind them.

Two shifted closer and yet out of the way of something. Something Jim hadn't expected and something he hadn't been prepared to see.

His eyes clenched shut, and he immediately turned his head away, in an effort to not look at what was presented before him.

"You are lost James Kirk." She, for it had to have been a female in comparison to size and posture of the other two, lifted her hand and held it out to Jim. "You have wandered a continual path seeking answers and yet have found yourself meeting your own footsteps."

"Your dreams are not because of your hesitation to captain your ship. You had needed a drive to push you back into that position. We had supplied such a purpose." The first male spoke again addressing something that Jim had not expected and yet could not linger on as a greater problem needed to be addressed.

His eye snapped open to follow along with the ferocity in his words.

"You blew up a federation space station to bring me here! You destroyed so much in an effort to place me back in the captain's chair?"

"It was a necessary loss." The female bowed as if to offer a condolence for such a loss, "However, we had not been the cause of its destruction. It was you who brought about its demise."

"W-what are you getting at? I hadn't even been at command during the time. I was barely even on the bridge long enough to-"

"Yes, we are aware that you had not physically struck the space station. However, it was because of you that such events have played out."

The female took another step this time out of the way completely. Allowing Jim a chance to stare completely at the surface they had been blocking; to allow him to stare at the reflection in the crystallized stone.

Jim took a step back and cast his eyes to the ground clenching his hands into tight fists at his side.

"Stop."

"James Kirk…you have been followed. You have been watched." The third spoke up now after remaining silent for so long, "What is it you have seen? What had you witnessed in the landscape of your mind? What trapped you within those mirrors? What followed you out? What is it you see now? What followed you out?"

Jim pulled back further and stumbled away clutching at his head.

"No. It's my mind…it's my mind playing tricks on me. They're lingering events. I…I haven't been seeing anything."

"James Kirk you have been lost."

"You have found yourself drifting and have become fearful of you own reflection."

"What is it you see?"

"Spock." Jim choked on the words and shook his head in desperation, "Where are the survivors? You said that you have the survivors. Return them to me,"

"James Kirk you pose a threat to our universe."

"You were meant to be torn to shreds with our gift. We had insisted that your demise was vital. The Romulans had truly believed you were an obtainable death."

"Why is it you live?"

"This some kind of sick game? I lived because I wasn't ever going to let you or any Romulans drag be down. I fought and I won. That's how I work. Haven't you heard by now? I don't do no win scenarios." Jim's words were a strength he barely realized he was capable of pulling up still, and he lifted up to stand proudly as he spoke. He hadn't let them destroy him, he had survived, and he wouldn't let them alter that now.

"James Kirk we offer you another gift."

"Take it and it will offer you a reprieve for the events that will surely come."

"I'm not taking any more gifts from you, especially after you just told me the last was purposely meant to destroy me. Now return my crew and those on board the Element." His command was direct and his dismissal plain. He was growing tired of dancing around the matter at hand. They called him down because of the people who survived. Now he wished to have them returned. He was done being played a fool.

"We express condolences at the suffering we have caused you. However, because our actions were meant to prevent such events we had believed you must die. We had been incorrect to assume this would have been manageable. A purpose hangs greatly around you, a protection that will always bring you to survive until one fatal date. We were wrong to assume, and now know that you are the only one capable of righting these wrongs." The female bowed low to lift Jim's chin. The shock of the touch leaving Jim straining to not back away. "You may cause the destruction of our universe or you may alter courses beyond our own perception...The choice is yours. Either way you will take our gift with you when you leave."

"And what makes you so sure of that?" Jim's eyes narrowed and he took a step back away from the trio, "What do you mean the universe is at risk? How does this have anything to do with me-"

"Do you wish to reunite with your mate?"

Jim stilled at the words and all anger and frustration fluttered away as concern returned full force. Of course they would know of his relationship with Spock. Would they truly use the other as a means to persuade Jim's hand in this matter. He wouldn't just sit back and let this happen.

"Don't you talk about him!"

"Do you wish to return to your fiancé?"

A pounding struck against his temple and he reached blindly to grasp at his head. A dull thrum once hovering like an echo in his mind now came to the front with a piercing scream calling Jim's awareness to the absence. Reminding Jim that there was something still remaining within his mind that was not his own. A presence he longed to return, to smooth away the echo of its once comforting place within.

"Stop."

"Had you truly believed him dead?"

Jim slumped to the ground his hands covering his face as he tried to drive away whatever was going on around him. This wasn't right. Spock was here...Spock was supposed to be here. Of course he didn't believe him to be dead.

"No."

"Do you wish to see him once more?"

Yes. Yes, please. He needed to see Spock again. Needed reassurance that the other was still alive and within reach. Why though did each word hold a foreboding tone to it? Why then did he want them to not say anything else?

"Please, stop."

"Do you wish to hold him again?"

More than anything. He needed it as much as breathing. Needed it to wash away this pain and to loosen this weight upon his chest-upon his heart.

"Yes…"

"James Kirk you will take our gift."

No...not after what had happened last time. It was too great a risk to accept such a thing. They couldn't convince him to take it.

"Understand that, though we tried to rescue all on board the space station we could not prevent the fate that befell your Vulcan and the other officers."

No! No please. He couldn't hear those words. His breath seemed to escape him in a choked gasp, and his knees slide out beneath him dropping him more fully to the ground below. He couldn't hear those words. Spock was here...Spock was supposed to be here.

"Oh god, no…"

"They live."

"Do you wish to reunite with your love?"

His mind was pounding and confusion was making his thoughts sway unsure now what to be feeling. Hadn't they just said...didn't he just hear...?

"I thought…you hadn't been able to save him."

"James Kirk you will take our gift."

"In it you will find the answers you seek, and a reprieve to your problem."

"You are lost, your mind trapped between two points.

"What would you give to return to his side?"

Spock wasn't here...Spock was still alive. Spock was out there. He could find him. There was still a chance. He would offer his mind again if that was the cost they requested. He would give them whatever they asked. Just bring him back. Just to see him alive again.

"What will this gift do in return for using it? What costs must I give for it?"

"What would you pay to save the one you love?"

Anything. Everything. All I have and more. You want the world and I will tear universes down if you return him to me...if you bring him back.

"I'll take your gift."

"Very well."

He felt the cold press of metal slip into his hands and pulled the object close, protecting the promise it brought with it.

"We will lead you to your people now."


AN: Confused? Hopefully not too too much, but there should be some confusion : )

So, sorry. No Spock on this planet...but really? Last we saw of him he was with Jim and there was a gun involved. I don't think that's quite here, and now. haha. There will be more in store on that. I'm actually...not going to do a fifth part to Chapter Three. So, please ignore earlier comment on that. I'm just going to wrap that all up at the beginning of Chapter Four.

That would make this the end of chapter three. Which means next chapter is more than likely devoted completely to getting to Spock...wherever that might be *bwahahaha* jk. Though man oh man. Some serious hints placed in this chapter. Don't fret if you don't catch them. I don't want you to ; )

If you do, then I tip my hat to you. Otherwise you'll see answers showing up for one of them here soon and another wont show until the third arch.

Oh! Which reminds me. Chapter Four will probably conclude arch numeral uno. Insane! haha. Though 12 pages in so far...I'd say it's working out well. Atm I'm guessing this story will conclude in the 30's maybe 40's but that seems pretty long so I'm not sure. I plan to keep to a faster posting schedule so shouldn't have to wait too too long for it to get there.

Hope you enjoyed and are enjoying this story so far. I will post again as soon as I can, because really I'm missing Spock and wouldn't mind pulling him back into our tale again :D