Disclaimer: Star Trek is not mine nor do I claim to own it. This is purely a work of fiction.

Warnings: Surprises, Language, and much-much more : D

AN: I'm sorry no comments that haven't been said already. Here is the conclusion of the first arch. Which was basically Jim returning to Captaincy and getting a standing again. Losing Spock was kind of the start of change and plot, now we are coming into what the next arch will be about. Which spoilers result in me not being able to elaborate further. Hopefully you like it so far, here there's some angst. I apologize in advance but I can't seem to keep away from it all the time haha. Don't let it deter you.

Please enjoy. :D


XXXXXXXX

The One I've Loved

Chapter Four (Part Three):

XX

Vulcan.

It wouldn't take more than a couple hours to reach the place, and yet the uncomfortable silence that overtook the bridge made it seem like it might take days. The word had escaped Jim's lips with fear of an uproar or protests, and yet it brought silence.

Right now he was wishing that it had turned into an argument. That he had been able to at least voice why it was he had chosen Vulcan, and yet not even Nyota or Chekov spoke up any further on the matter.

McCoy also slunk away, and everyone seemed to be either too stunned to speak or deep in thought.

It left Jim feeling unsettled. It left him feeling like they all doubted him, and that now they regretted joining him on this journey. Perhaps they would follow his lead to Vulcan if only to amuse this as an irrational first idea. They would believe him to have a list of potentials for other possible places, and after Vulcan all others would seem more realistic. Hit the most unbelievable first so that the others all seemed like a good idea.

Yet, there was no other destination. McCoy had mentioned this himself that Spock could be anywhere in this galaxy or in the entire universe. There was no set destination where the Vulcan could be found.

It left Jim feeling lost, and again he came to realize that subconsciously he had begun to finger the golden locket.

Spock.

He knew what he had seen when he opened the locket, yet it was different this time. The small mirror showed him the Spock he knew. It was strange as if Jim was peering down at the other from an odd angle. As if he was there looking down at his Vulcan lying upon some unknown bed in some unknown room.

It was darkly lit but it was easy to make out Spock, it was easy to see the confusion in those auburn eyes.

'Where are you…?'

The thought rang out repeatedly in Jim's mind as he tried to understand where Spock could be, or if what the locket had shown him was even current.

The Suxens could see time itself. This gift may be one of the reasons they managed such things. Perhaps it was showing him a possible future instead of the present? Or possibly this had happened in the past? There was no way to be sure. Yet, Jim feared opening the locket again.

Right now in his mind Spock was alive somewhere. Right now the locket showed his Spock, his mate alive. He couldn't open it again in fear of it showing otherwise.

So he fingered the locket, holding it close, to treasure and recall the image of his Vulcan looking up at him. He would get Spock back. He would find some way to get his Vulcan back.

XXXXXXXX

"Sir incoming message from the admirals and from the space station."

Nyota turned and the sound of her voice over the screeching silence was like a jolt to his system.

He sat up almost immediately and tried to shake away the pounding of his heart. It had taken longer than he had estimated for them to call out. He knew his program only gave him a 45 minute window, and it would take time to get everyone involved and updated on what happened. However, he had believed it wouldn't be long after those initial 45 minutes that the admirals would be calling.

"Patch them both through Uhura. On the screen if you would."

"Aye, captain."

Worried glances drifted to meet Jim, but were quick to turn around. "Leave the bridge now if you don't want to be seen adding and abetting."

Shoulders tensed and straightened as not a single member on his crew backed down.

This left a warmth settling deep within the pit of Jim's stomach and he was glad that the grin wouldn't have to be forced as both the admirals back at Earth and admiral Pike back at the station pulled up on the screen.

"Evening gentlemen."

"James Kirk. You call this your definition of best behavior?" Barnett practically growled at Jim as soon as their image settled on the screen.

All of the admirals were present this time. Not just the three and really they shouldn't have, it almost made Jim feel special, seeing as earlier only three had been capable of making the meeting.

"I suppose the English language is difficult, sir. Lots of varied definition for certain words." Jim smirked, his eyes briefly floated over to meet with Pike's. Pike was the man who stayed behind, knowing that he was letting Jim break laws and regulations if he let them go.

A small incline of his head, was all Jim could offer at the moment in appreciation for how greatly Pike was entrusting Jim at this moment. No longer was there that doubt from their argument on bridge. Jim was not the mutinous boy trying to play at captain again.

Jim was Captain of the Enterprise looking back at his role-model and supporter. Pike was there for the young captain again, even if he did not always agree with Jim's methods he knew that whatever Jim was up to; it would be worth it in the end.

"…and Admiral Pike I'm sure you had no part in all this."

Jim really shouldn't tune out when being reprimanded. He knew that the other admirals had continued speaking about how many laws he had managed to break. About how much trouble this was causing and what did he possibly think this would accomplish. Yet, when they brought Pike's name up, Jim's attention was brought back.

"No more than the rest of you." Jim replied before Pike had been given the chance. "I may not be 100% my old self, admirals, and you may think I've lost who I was completely but know that I am not blind. You all spoke with me hours ago, and all three of you knew that something was going on. It was evident not only in the way you held yourself before me but in your words. However, not a single one of you tried to prevent it.

You asked me to stay on my best behavior. I'm at my best captaining the ship…you know that. You left my own men in charge of guarding me…men that I would know best how to tackle. More importantly you left me out of custody. Now you can try and quote any form of procedure and regulations at me. You can try and explain your methods for handling this situation delicately, but it doesn't change the fact that you all were aware that this was a possibility, just as much as Pike did.

Yet, you left him in charge of dealing with the Element survivors. You kept everyone away and I was left to myself. Really I couldn't have gotten this far without your assistance. So, please don't mock me by laying blame on any one in particular unless you wish to blame me. For in the end I was the one who accomplished it, and I am the easiest one to point fingers at.

Star fleet's Golden boy goes rogue to save missing crew members, and perhaps…just maybe there is some other reason beyond this. Perhaps when we spoke you all were too concerned with what was not handled correctly or what regulations I broke to realize I was the one who informed you of the mutiny. Not Pike, and not someone else. Why then would I willingly give myself up?I wanted everyone off this ship…no I needed them to be off this ship."

Jim chuckled and pushed to stand to fully face the group of Admirals,"The anomaly back at the Space Station Element. The reason it blew up. Did you not question that further? Was it so easy to dismiss?"

Jim sighed and ran a hand through his hair, "The Element had the misfortune of being located at the center of a tear…or a crack. The smallest splinter and the start of a rip in our universe that is what destroyed the Element. Not some attack. Now, you ignored the concern earlier, but I hadn't. So, understand that my crew, they got ripped into that tear alongside a good portion of the Element. I plan on getting them back and preventing such things from happening again. So, you want to point fingers, go for it. You won't stop me."

Silence.

Jim's heavy breathing was the only sound that rang out from any side. After such a speech it seemed no one knew what to say. It shouldn't have been as annoying as it was but Jim growled out as everyone continued to just remain blank. He was sick of the silence.

"Nyota cut the transmission. That's all I have to say to them."

"Jim."

Pike finally spoke up. Pike finally broke out over the silence at Jim's own words, and Nyota hesitated, waiting to see what Jim would say.

Jim held up his hand in wait and turned to face Pike. "You can't get me to stop, Chris. I need to do this."

"Just be safe, you bring them back if you can, but you keep yourself alive this time." Pike replied and his eyes narrowed in the sternest look he could muster, but it was quick to even out. "Try not to pull too many stupid stunts, and let me deal with the politics for when you and your crew finish saving the world again."

Jim laughed out at this but nodded in appreciation, "I'm sure I'll appreciate that when I get back, Admiral."

"Th-This…no! No we are not just alright with this. James Kirk and his crew should be ordered back to the nearest station and detained."

Komack's shout was like a splash of ice water to those on the crew, and before any more protests could come from the communications the screen began to flicker. Suddenly it went completely blank.

"Captain. I'm afraid we must have hit an-"

"Ion storm!"

Chekov's shout startled the communications lieutenant, but didn't stop her as she carried on with mirth lacing her voice.

"Yes…yes, I'm afraid we hit an ion storm and lost the call captain." Nyota smirked at Chekov's assistance and they all turned to face Jim.

The captain laughed at their antics but gave a relieved sigh. "Thank you." He stated and really meant it. He was glad to have their support.

"So Vulcan…iz next tear going to be zhere? Iz zhat vhy you chose it over anyvhere else, Keptin?"

"I don't think so." Jim replied evenly and made short steps over to a certain abandoned station. To a station once reserved to a certain first officer. He didn't care if eyes followed his progress there, or what anyone thought of him by displaying so much just by doing so.

His fingers trailed lightly over the screen and chair.

Spock.

"The Suxens seemed to believe the tear was meant to be there. They knew that it was coming and that was why we had been informed and called there. It was all planned out. We needed to see it first hand, and yet no one was meant to be lost. They-they don't know if the others survived. They said he's alive, Spock is alive, and that I would know how to find him." Jim paused to lift his gaze back to the others, "There isn't any reason I can really give—just that I know we have to go to where Vulcan was. We may not find Spock there, but I'm sure there will be an answer."

"Alright Jim."

McCoy nodded in understanding, "If there's nothing at Vulcan we'll just keep searching until we find them."

Jim's eyes lowered to gaze at the blacked out screen that Spock would normally have alight. It shouldn't have been off…not while all the others were on and working. Even with the first officer absent this station still remained.

Yet, the screen was black, and the reflections kept Jim's eye. What he saw left him feeling cold rather than strong and resilient. Something was causing all these problems and apparently it was Jim who was the reason behind it.

You have been followed.

You have been watched.

From the darkness of the screen, eyes not his own stared back alight with a foreboding gleam in the dark hues.

"Or until it's too late."

XXXXXXXX

The words hadn't meant to be so foreboding but Jim walking off the bridge and into the briefing room, left all those remaining uneasy.

McCoy gave them all a hesitant smirk, "Ignore him and his bloody mood swings. I'll go talk with him. Just keep us on path."

It wasn't really all that reassuring, but there wasn't much else to do. Beside let McCoy go.

The doctor entered the room and stared at Jim. The captain was basically facing completely away from everything and staring down at the locket once more.

It was open this time and a type of relief pulled the strain from the young captain's face. It was comforting and yet concerning.

"Jim, mind explaining what's going on? This is past just heading to Vulcan…your keeping something from me."

Jim's thumb stroked at the pendant and he chuckled weakly at Bones' words. Yes, yes he was keeping something from them. He was keeping much from everyone. He hadn't informed Spock, he hadn't informed Bones, and now Spock was gone and it was no longer just his dreams. It was no longer just the mirrors. It was the cup of coffee settling to reflect back at him. It was the panes of glass in the lifts shining back at him. The blank screens. The polished metal. The stone on Suxen.

Every turn he made he saw what had once brought him to his knees.

They said he was being watched, and it was true. He couldn't escape what followed him. It was everywhere now, and it took everything he had to try and pretend he didn't see it. It took all his willpower to try and ignore the chill it sent down his spine.

He was not insane, and yet the more and more it happened he was struggling convincing himself of this. The Suxens spoke of it, and in doing so reassured him that it wasn't just his mind playing tricks on him. Yet, it left him struggling with what it meant; what could be happening.

"Jim."

That was his name, and yet he couldn't draw his eyes up. The locket was the only reflection that showed him something good. Showed him not what a mirror was meant to reflect, but what he wished to see the most.

"Jim!"

He was shaken this time as McCoy literally pulled Jim's eyes up and away from the trance he had fallen under.

"Look at yourself Jimmy! You're going to scare the crap out of everyone. You can't lose it now." McCoy growled and watched as Jim shook his head, "What's going on."

"I can't…"

The words were barely a whisper but they struck the doctor cold.

"What?"

"I can't look at myself." Jim's eyes lifted and the concern and fear was evident, "It was just…a memory of what happened when Spock dragged me out of my mind. Just a bad dream. Then it started with the mirrors." Jim shook as he spoke and a laugh fell from his lips but it was vacant of any mirth, "Now I see him everywhere."

"Who?" McCoy barely managed to breathe the words out. He was stuck looking at the cast of emotions in Jim's eyes. Never before had McCoy seen such fear alight in the other, and yet Jim physically shook just at the thought.

It didn't matter that it didn't make sense. It mattered that Jim was truly and deeply shaken by it.

"I'm not insane Bones…I'm not."

"It's alright Jimmy…no one is saying you are. It's going to be alright." McCoy set a hand on Jim's head pulling the other close and letting it fall to rub at the other's back, "What is it you think you're seeing Jim? What's getting you so shaken?"

"Can't…I can't even explain it. It'd just…I can't right now. Not without it sounding insane. Not without it breaking me. I can't stop seeing him. It's not as bad…not like in my mind, not like before, but it shouldn't be there. I shouldn't have to worry about turning and seeing these false eyes staring back at me. It's wrong. It's so cruel. I just…I need Spock back first. I need him here and then if it still remains-"

Jim sucked in a choked breath at this and McCoy pulled the other closer, "Hey…hey it's going to be alright Jimmy."

Jim pulled from the embrace and wiped a hand along his face trying to pull some semblance of composure. His hands shook as he set them back in his lap and lifted his eyes to meet McCoy's.

"If…if it still remains, maybe it'll be best to keep me grounded. Maybe I didn't fix everything up there."

Jim tried his best at smiling, and even managed to jokingly bump his own fingers to his head, in an effort to emphasize what 'up there' meant.

"Jim."

"I'm not insane. I know what I'm seeing. Even more so now that I've opened the locket. Seen what was inside…" Jim fingers curled along the locket and drew McCoy's gaze down. "I fear what we're going to find when we get to Vulcan. I fear the answers that will come."

"Come on Jimmy." McCoy leaned forward enough to place his head against the other man's. "You're a force to be reckoned with. James T. Kirk doesn't lose a no win scenario. No matter what, just know that when we get there you will have every one of us alongside to help you. You're not fighting alone Jim. You're not alone this time."

"Thanks, Bones." Jim smiled as the other pulled back enough to ruffle Jim's hair and Jim could understand now why Chekov was so adamant earlier against this. It really made him feel like a kid, but McCoy only chuckled at Jim and at his words.

"Yah, yah. Don't go getting all sentimental on me. We've got your hubby to go save."

"Oh, god. Don't call him that!"

Bones laughed out at this appreciating the honest smile from the captain. "Come'n Jim lets head back on to the bridge."

"Just…let's stay here for a lil' longer."

"Alright."

"Thanks."

XXXXXXXX

"Captain…Jim. We're here."

Jim groaned as the words filled the room. At some point he had found his way into a chair and curled up drifting off.

When was the last time he had slept? Was it really back just before Spock had vanished? Was that really only two days ago?

Every time he tried to close his eyes he couldn't stop himself from seeing things he didn't want to see.

Explosions.

Forgotten words of goodbye, and barely there kisses.

Eyes.

Eyes constantly watching.

Following.

Jim's breath hitched and his own eyes flew open. The room wasn't cast in darkness but it had been dimmed to a lower setting, and there not far from where he sat, was McCoy.

The doctor was someone who always seemed to look after Jim and was an always present friend to the other. So, seeing a reassuring presence left Jim to settle back into his own skin once more, and allowed him to muster up a weak smile.

"Shouldn't have let me doze off."

"You seemed like you could use a little shut eye. Not the best accommodations but I'm guessing it's been at least a day since you gave yourself a moment to just stop."

"Still."

"Don't argue with me, it's already gone and passed anyway."

Jim chuckled at the gruff dismissal, and pushed up. His eyes immediately turned to the door and he stilled taking a deep breath. Here and now, they would find out whatever was pulling Jim towards Vulcan. Whatever answer this place could have in the search for Spock.

"Ready?"

McCoy met Jim's eye and really, Jim knew that over everything else he was ready. He was prepared to take that step over the threshold and back onto the bridge. Ready to figure out what was going on.

"Yah."

XXXXXXXX

The doors slid open and McCoy let Jim step out first.

It was like stepping through a web. You don't see it at first but it lingers on your skin sending a shocking shiver pulsing through your system both in disgust and in alarm.

However, there was no web to pull away, and Jim's eyes couldn't bother to look down, for as he stepped back onto the bridge the view screen and the room flickered around him. His eyes caught on one thing; the planet that shouldn't exist anymore. A planet that shouldn't be there and yet no matter how he blinked it didn't disappear.

"Are you seeing this?"

Jim took another step forward and it was like the rest of his surroundings were washing away.

"Jim."

That was McCoy's voice yet, shouldn't it be closer. Wasn't McCoy beside him moments ago?

"Jim!"

The word was a muffled sound like he was underwater, so far away from who was calling out to him. Yet, he knew that it was meant for him. It was because of this that he managed to pull his eyes from the planet before him.

It was because of this that he was able to note that his surroundings had at some point changed.

He turned to look at McCoy, who had been just behind him, and yet the Doctor was not there. His crew was not there.

Though, as he turned in search of McCoy he was met with someone else; someone he hadn't thought he'd see.

"Hello, James."

"Spock."


AN: Alright there is the end of arch numeral uno. : )

Yay cliff-hangers! haha but a good one maybe? Yah...I'm sure next post will be interesting. Expect the unexpected. ^ ^

Hopefully post again soon. Hope you enjoyed, please let me know. I love to hear from you all. Like, hate, love, confusion...reviews help.