Disclaimer: Star Trek is not mine nor do I claim to own it. This is purely a work of fiction.
AN: A couple of things.
First I'm on the fence on the direction I want this story to go. I'm posting this initial part, or intro, into the second arch but posts may get slower. I feel like maybe this story has gotten too dark, so just an early apology. Secondly, my other story I'm at a stand-still on and trying to write out this scene with Spock, Pike, Nyota, and Sulu/Chekov is taking longer than I had intended. I'll post as quickly as I can but apologize for the delay. There aren't many tales from the side of the Prince so I'm trying to get creative, but it has not been given up. Finally thanks Ithilien Archer and Lusca Luna for the reviews, you both are basically the only two who reviewed that last whole group of chapters I posted and the reason I'm posting this chapter is because I appreciate the pair of you sticking with me. Thanks.
To everyone else reading thank you and to everyone who has reviewed along the way I still appreciate all your kind words.
Please enjoy.
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The One I've Lost
Chapter One:
XX
"Hello, James."
Jim stilled as he turned. There before him was the only other he had not expected to cross; not this soon. Thus blue eyes widened at the sight before him.
"Spock."
To say he wasn't surprised, would be a lie. To say he was pleased, was putting things lightly. Within a moment he went from stock-still to lax with relief. His feet carried him forward before his mind truly caught up, and he found himself standing before Spock. His missing Vulcan, finally found.
"Thank god it's you. I didn't know if you'd still be here…look at you. You're alive." The laugh was warm, but the smile was wet as Jim's fingers shook and rose to press against the Vulcan's cheek to make sure that this was real. Pale skinned-fingers brushed against the green-tinted cheek of the other, the movement a slow caress as he took in what was before him.
It was strange being this near and yet the link that had always hummed warmly between Spock and him seemed silent. However, it had been this way for some time now, and it was easy to believe that perhaps it had something to do with their current location.
Jim's lips sealed chastely over the Vulcan's. Delving in for a sweet but lingering kiss before he pulled back; placing a quick closed mouth kiss to the corner of the others mouth before pulling away completely.
His fingers remained to stroke the cheek of the man he loved, "I thought you were dead for a while there." He breathed out with a watery laugh, "I'd really appreciate it if we stop playing games with each other's hearts. From now on you are never leaving my side. I don't care how annoying that sounds because I don't ever want to lose you."
Jim was met with another kiss, this time as the Vulcan leaned forward to capture the human's lips with his own. The kiss was passionate and fierce-fiercer than any before as if to possess the other and claim him as his own.
It left Jim panting and dazed when they had to pull apart.
He smiled weakly up at the other and let his fingers slide down to rest on Spock's shoulder. "Giotto came over with you Spock. Do you know where he and the others are?"
Spock remained silent, his eyes lingering on Jim's for a bit longer before he bowed his head in thought, "Yes." The words hovered between them as if they were not quite the answer to the question and yet it was all the same.
"Can we find them? Are they here?" Jim questioned his eyes finally pulling away from the other to glance around the room he had found himself in. It was a bridge but on a much larger ship, and completely vacant of people. Before them was the very Vulcan that Jim had seen. They were most definitely not in Kansas anymore.
Jim turned back at the touch of Spock's hand on his arm. Blue returned to meet auburn once more.
"We need to get back Spock. Wherever this is; staying here isn't good. It's ripping a whole in our universe; it's why you're here in the first place. Something must've started it and the tear grew. It's why the Element was destroyed. There was never an attack it was just smack in the center of a tear. You…you were pulled in." Jim's fingers shook and immediately he reached out to capture Spock's hand in his own.
Jim tensed at the contact, but only briefly allowing his eyes to lower as he spoke, "I thought you were just my mind playing tricks on me, I thought you weren't real."
"I am not a false image, I am real. I am here."
"No, no…I can see that." Jim looked up with the best smile he could muster and squeezed the hand in his own gently, "Let's find the others?"
"Very well."
Spock's words were collected and precise, but still he followed true; turning and leading Jim off this bridge in search of the others. As they walked along halls Jim was aware of one thing, and it settled with a disgruntling weight in the pit of his stomach. The halls were empty, not once had they passed another soul.
Knowing the Vulcan was aware of his concerns by their touch he attempted to quickly change his thoughts.
"So, I've been thinking a bunch about this bonding ceremony…" Jim spoke the words softly and with a fondness as they continued; as he allowed himself to be led by the other.
"Yes."
Spock's words were short and direct and Jim's hand felt clammy in the palm of the other.
"What does it entail? Can we invite others to it…? I'd like the Alpha crew to join us, and Pike of course. His place in both our lives deserves him being there."
"Others are…permitted. I cannot see why they should not join us."
Jim smirked at this but it was quick to fall. Something felt off, he had to be sure, so with a soft sigh he spoke words he would never breathe to the man he allegedly loved. Words he knew could bring pain.
"I'd like for your mother to be there too. I know your father will be there, as well as Ambassador Selek, seeing as he was there during the whole Nero fiasco and has aided much in the new colony. When you speak to them next you could invite them?"
"All three would be welcomed, I will be sure to do so immediately…upon our return."
"Yah…" Jim replied and at Spock's look mustered a pleased smile, "So, Giotto and the others have been sitting tight? Do you know where our location is?"
"It is an emperor ship. Currently its location is above the planet Vulcan."
Jim's eyes flashed up at this. "Why here?"
"It appears the location was important in introspect to the captain of this vessel."
Jim remained quiet as his footsteps fell in time with Spock's. "You have met this captain or have stayed beneath the radar?"
"Do not be frightened Jim, our place here has not been revealed."
"Don't worry, it takes a lot to freak me out…either that or it takes something pretty extreme."
"Indeed."
Jim followed along behind Spock, allowing the other to lead him down through many halls. Each step he took was measured, each turn marked within his memory, until finally he was led to a room. Spock stood to the side, turning now to face Jim. It was obvious the other wanted Jim to enter first.
Jim was hesitant to do so, and was even more so after the doors slid open leading to darkness. The room was completely blanketed in shadows. Without contact between the pair Jim had only to mask his features to hide the concerns this brought with it; to hide the doubt.
"Didn't want to be found if someone walked in?" Jim questioned, allowing himself to be directed into the room. He listened as Spock followed in behind him; the other just a step away.
The movement had to be quick and fast as the door slid closed; washing all the light from the room. Jim struck; pivoting on his heals before slamming the Vulcan into the wall. He knew that when it came to strength he was not as strong but he hoped that combining it with catching the other off guard would allow him a better chance. Before the Vulcan even had a chance to react he was grabbed and thrown away from Jim.
Yet, it would never be that easy. Like a switch flipped on, Spock immediately caught up and used Jim's throw as momentum before slamming Jim down on the floor beneath him.
"Where is he!" Jim growled arching in an effort to throw the other off.
"Lights." The room flooded with a momentary blinding light before Jim's eyes adjusted. They were in someone's quarters. The room larger than any he had seen on a ship before, but not something he lingered on longer, because Spock spoke up again. "I am curious when it was you figured out I was not him?"
"You sick fuck. Get off!" Jim snarled throwing his arms in an effort to catch the Vulcan's side; this only accomplished both of Jim's arms being pinned down above his head. "You've been watching me. I don't know how, but you're the one from all the reflections."
"Answer my question Jim and I shall answer yours." Spock shifted pinning both of Jim's hands in one before settling his left hand at the others throat, "When did you realize?"
"Fuck you." Jim growled out but choked as familiar hands strengthened their hold both against his throat and upon his hand. The pressure bordered on pain before finally letting up. Coughs and gasps for air were met with an amused auburn gaze. Jim's eyes were glowering as he responded, the words raspy after such events, "Your touch isn't the same…that's when I first realized…had to be sure. Your mom…she didn't survive Vulcan's destruction…wouldn't be able to invite her."
"Very clever…very-very clever, my Jim." Spock's voice was practically a coo as his fingers stroked at quickly forming bruises. "I am unaware how or when exactly it started, but I had begun to catch glimpses of you in mirrors onboard this ship. It continued from there until every time I caught any reflection it was always yours. I've seen you everywhere I have turned, but it was not always just you. I had thought I had been rid of you. Thought finally you were destroyed, but then I caught a glimpse of myself alongside you. How you reacted to this other version of me. How the pair of you were.
I had believed this a mockery of what could have been. T'hy'la…those words whispered from my own lips to show me what you were. You are mine…I had to make you mine."
Spock's fingers clamped along Jim's jaw forcing the other in place as their eyes met, "I have stopped at nothing to get to you and now I finally have you. Do you truly believe I would simply lead you to the others so that you may return to your universe? Not after all that effort, not after I have you."
Jim tried to shake off the hold but stilled at the words.
"You have the others?" His eyes glared up at the Vulcan's, "If you have harmed them-"
"You have no means of preventing any such occurrences, nor will you ever truly know the answer to such a question. It doesn't matter if I have them or not. They are no longer a concern. You are not leaving Jim, you are mine, my T'hy'la, and I will not let you go."
"If you think I'm just going to lie down and accept that!" Jim growled trying to force the other off only to be slammed harshly back to the floor.
"Oh Jim, there would be no pleasure if you were to make it easy for me." Spock lifted the other to press his lips to Jim's. He chuckled, the sound itself unsettling coming from those lips, but as Spock pulled away he wiped at the blood dripping from his lip.
Jim glared daringly up at the other, "You've been watching me, than you should know that I don't back down. I don't bow to the whims of others, and I definitely do not just roll over. If you have my Spock and my crew members then know that I will find them. I will get them back and get off this ship and back to my universe. You can't keep me here, you can try, but no one has stopped me when I'm determined. And keeping Spock from me, keeping my mate from me, I will tear apart your universe if that is the only way to get him back. If that is what it will take."
"Is that not what I have done? To return you to my side I have reached out even against all odds to bring you back to me."
"Yes, but I am not yours!" Jim snapped and struggled to break free of the hold, "I don't know where you get off on this, but let me go now and I'll let this go. I don't care what type of fucked up version of Spock you are aware what I am capable of, what James Kirk is capable of, you best let me go!"
"You are correct. You are not my James. That man was incapable of seeing past his own power." Spock smiled as he watched Jim still in his hold, "I had to kill him there had been no other alternative. It was unfortunate that after such an event the reflections began to show, and I realized his importance; your importance. I suppose you must've already witnessed your own demise by my hands? For I imagine the reflections began for you as they had for me."
Jim's mind seemed to stop at this mention.
XX
Images flashed before his eyes.
Past the silver sand, and the broken mirrors. Memories of being strung up by unbreakable bonds, and forced to witness the events within the mirror, flashed before Jim's eyes once more. Events that had left Jim screaming awake in the middle of the night, because each time he had relived what had been played out for his eyes to see.
Spock slaughtering his family.
…
…
Nyota.
…
Chekov and Sulu.
…
Scotty.
…
Bones.
…
Giotto.
…
…
They all had tried to fend off the other. To stop the fight from happening, to revolt, but they perished without even a blink of consideration.
"Spock."
Red viscous blood soaked the floors of the halls leaving Spock speckled with the color.
"What have you done?"
Jim had witnessed himself arriving at the scene. Watched himself bear witness to the mutilation that had taken place by the one he had always trusted above all else. Yet it did not end there. Spock had continued forward, as if unseeing of all the bodies he walked by, until he was beside Jim.
Try as he might the other couldn't fend off the Vulcan for long and, similar to his position now, Jim had been slammed to the floor beneath the Vulcan.
The ground was slick and the other Jim could not even attempt to use it to aide for traction to push himself up. Spock's hand settled against his throat and Jim, who had been strung up and fighting what was before his eyes, could only watch. He had given up fighting by then, stuck to watch the events play out. Everyone was dead. Spock had killed everyone left who he had cared for, and had turned on him.
These were scenes from his worst nightmare, and slowly Spock pulled the life from this other Jim Kirk. Watching as gradually the fight left the man and his eyes dulled.
Covered in the blood of their friends Spock relished the death of the man, throwing his head back in relief at the peril.
"Get this mess off my ship."
"The Enterprise will be mine. The Federation shall regret making enemies with the Vulcan race at long last."
By this point Jim had fought and broken the bonds. By this point Jim lay broken on the floor by the sight before him. Gone. Gone. Gone. All alone, always alone. The only light and good thing his life had led to; the only dash of hope was being smothered by the sight in front of his eyes. Yet, he tried looking up and realized that the other was staring back at him.
Those warm auburn eyes had never looked so viscous, so cruel. Not when Spock had struck out after the prodding of an emotional reaction on the bridge so many years ago, never.
XX
Those brown eyes that he kept catching in reflections; they were cruel and leering.
They were before him now.
This may have been Spock, but this was never even remotely similar to the one he loved.
"You killed him…" Jim breathed out and the position he found himself lying in finally struck home. Back on Earth during shore leave, Spock had caught him in a similar position and it turned all of Jim's blood to ice as he suddenly was reminded of this situation, of those events. Now this was much more similar, far too closely resembling the other moment. Jim feared if he stayed longer that the cool wetness of blood would soak through his cloths. If he were to remain the metallic scent would rise up and he would find himself living out that scene.
A gasp pulled from his lips as nothing else mattered except escaping this position, "Stop!" Jim struggled futilely his breathing increasing as panic sunk deep into the very marrow of his bones. "Stop. Stop. Stop." Jim breathed the word shaking in the hold as if like every other dream he would wake to his Spock reassuring him that he was safe, that he was back and this was all just his mind conjuring up what he didn't wish to see.
The grip loosened on his arms and Spock pulled back and up off of Jim.
This was not a dream. The images of all his friends…of all those he cared for was too close in memory that his stomach coiled, and he turned only just and relieved his stomach of all the contents within.
He coughed and gasped as tears filled his eyes.
All of them were dead in this universe. Everyone was killed by this man, and he had played foolishly into his hold. Even allowed it in an effort to find those he sought. He had known that he would be led to a trap, but the chance of finding them was too great to turn up. He needed to know if they were alive and yet now he was left with no answers at all.
Now he was stuck trapped in his own personal hell, and with no idea how to get to his own Spock and back to their universe in time to prevent the tear from destroying more, if not everything. His body collapsed away from the mess and curled even further away from the man.
This wasn't real.
This couldn't be real.
He was supposed to find Spock and return…he was never supposed to find the man from the mirror.
"I have brought you here Jim. I will not harm you. You are T'hy'la. You will be safe." Spock had at some point returned to Jim's side and surprised the human with a glass of water and a towel that was used to gently clean the other.
"You will find in time your place is here alongside me." Spock stroked the blond curls but Jim's mind was lost, too caught up on everything at once to even remotely respond. "Until such times you will remain here. I will return for meals with you, and evenings. When you accept your place you will find privileges throughout the ship. It will be ours. I will build us an Empire and we shall never fear loss again." Spock stroked along Jim's cheek wiping at tears that fell silently from the blue eyes, "You will love me and forget them, or you will remain in this room until you realize there is no them to return to."
Spock bent down placing a kiss to Jim's temple before rising.
"I have matters to attend to, rest. I will return in the evening and bring food if you feel up to eating."
Jim listened as the door hissed open only close with a resounding click.
How did this happen?
His body trembled as he struggled to push up. To move, and his fingers pulled up to the locket upon his neck. Quickly he forced it from its hold and with shaky hands opened it to gaze at what was reflecting back.
There within the small mirror was his Spock, auburn eyes gentle and warm even when they were calculating.
There was the one he had come in search for, and the one he had failed to find.
How could he get out of this situation and find the correct Spock in a universe so unlike their own? In a universe where everyone who could or would've provided assistance if he requested it were now dead—had been killed.
He couldn't leave without the others. He knew that if he did there would never be a chance of getting them back. He had to find them. He had to find Spock and get them all back. He would. He was James T. Kirk, and no matter the situation he didn't just give up. Spock was here somewhere. He was alive. That meant there was still a chance.
He would fight. He would find them. He would save the other this time…his beloved.
-His Spock-
Now all he had to do was figure out how.
AN: Hopefully you all enjoyed this, finally explained what Jim had seen in his mind so long ago.
