Disclaimer: Star Trek is not mine nor do I claim to own it. This is purely a work of fiction.
Warnings: Abuse, angst, illness, hurt, dom…just…warnings. Haha step carefully there may be land mines throughout. It'll probably all lead to some fluff by the end of chapter two...part 2 maybe...and some surprises.
AN: Okay a couple of things.
First—this is not from Spock's pov I tried and struggled and tried again but it wasn't working out. Thus I actually full out skipped writing anymore of chapter one. I'm leaving it open for further changes in the future if I realize where I had been planning on going with that.
Second—I'm basically winging this for now. I have multiple plans for new directions with this story but haven't quite determined the extent of which way it'll go. I'm going to play it from feel for now and see how that goes.
Third—I want to apologize for the overly ridiculous delay. There are so many reasons I can list for you that will just sound like excuses. Just know that I'm sorry that it's taken me so long to post this. Blame it on lack of inspiration because I really struggled getting this written.
Finally—I got a message the other day that was expressing a concern or well…it was actually addressing a concern. Supposedly the site is starting to delete stories that are a mature rating with violence. Basically that sounds like a threat and I dunno if it's true or not, but I'm one of those people that search out stuff when informed and it looks like people are actually signing petitions against this.
So this is me saying that I'm afraid my story and stories may be deleted. I know that currently I have Even the Stars finished and this story, as well as the fairytale story, is still on-going. All of which are mature and all of which include violence.
If someone has more information please let me know. Otherwise I want to let anyone who is concerned or just wishes to keep reading my stories know that I'm planning on getting another site account, Ill post the url when I next post. Just as a precaution.
AN2: Other then all that I thank those who reviewed and for everyone who has kept reading. Hopefully get some new pages cranked out for you guys.
Please enjoy. :D
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The One I've Lost
Chapter Two (Part One):
XX
Jim was sick.
He was sick of how long this was taking. He was sick of what his days were amounted to. Mostly he was sick of everything and anything to do with this universe and its people, but mostly it's Spock.
Worse though, was that not only was he emotionally sick, he had become physically sick. It wasn't something common for him. Especially not with Bones constantly on Kirk-watch, but every now and again Jim's humanity showed. Right now, though, he really wished that the good doctor had somehow jumped universes alongside him. If not for moral support than just to keep him from succumbing to this.
Whatever was going on was more than just a common cold.
This seemed worse, in a way that settled like a heavy weight deep at the pit of Jim's stomach. Settling like when they found themselves in a situation that there would be no coming back from and Jim knew it before everyone else could realize. In the way where Jim knew it was either he let it pan out or where he was bound to pull something dangerous and ridiculously stupid to prevent it.
He felt alone and trapped. Both of which were not good for him and far worse for those who put him in that situation.
If it were not for the unknown probabilities he wouldn't even have allowed it to go on this far. It started out with fighting. Trying to break free. He had been tortured and trapped for two years, so honestly sitting tight wasn't on his agenda. Yet, nothing he did seemed to be working.
He tried evasive. He tried rash and straight forward. He tried everything to break out of the room, and when that failed he tried everything just to learn that his men were okay.
It seemed that Spock.2 was not very slow on the upkeep, because it wasn't long until he realized waiting Jim out wasn't going to work. So like any chess game played with Spock, the Vulcan made his most logical move, and revealed his own strategy all while displaying that he knew Jim's as well. He took out one of Jim's knights to prove his point.
Thomas J. Sanders.
He was one of those men who didn't like to stand under the radar, but who didn't force himself upon others to get attention. He worked hard and went to great lengths so that by the end of the day you remembered that he was one of the men you're happy were on your side.
He was one of Giotto's first picks on away missions.
He had a fiancé back on Earth's space station.
A little girl on the way.
Jim had to swallow down the guilt that pressed like a knife to the chest with the memory of the life leaving the officer's eyes. It left him feeling all the more hollow and all the more trapped.
This Spock wanted Jim to realize that he had more power and control in this game, and right now all of Jim's remaining pieces on the board only remained because this Spock allowed it to be that way.
XXXXXXXX
Thomas was dead.
Jim had no clue if the others were as well or if they truly were here or not. He hadn't even been given the chance to coax answers from Thomas. The other man barely was given the chance to realize that it was Jim he was knelt before.
It was hope that showed alongside recognition, in his eyes, when Thomas finally caught on.
Hope that faded along with all signs of life as Spock stated his claim.
XXXXXXXX
Jim was sick.
He felt hollow and his body shook with signs of a fever setting in. His skin was clammy to the touch and all he could think about was that when he had pulled himself off the floor and promised to find his Spock; that this wasn't how he had seen this going.
The swoosh of the door, revealed the time of the day.
One of the few things this Vulcan had in common with his Spock, he was always precise. Like clockwork.
Cold fingers brushed along the length of Jim's throat from behind. It was the same gesture every day, and with every visit. This Spock's words echoed with precision and clarity in his mind.
"Fa-wak tor du ra karthau. Kiv tehnau fa-wak stau nash-veh du."
(-AN: Fa-wak tor du ra karthau: You will do what I command, Kiv tehnau fa-wak stau nash-veh du: If you resist, I will kill you-)
Jim smiled weakly and ruefully. Those were words that he spit at and clawed away from the first weeks here. The threat was obviously not one to follow through seeing as Spock wanted him alive, but now Spock had made it very clear that a threat by him was one to be followed.
Thomas paid the price for Jim's resistance.
So, when Spock's fingers pressed just so at the back of his neck; Jim tilted his head up and allowed the other his request.
Lips clashed and moved against passive lips. It was over just as quickly as it happened and just like the day prior and the one before that, Spock beckoned in a meal and sat before Jim.
"Eat, beloved. You are not well."
Jim barely registered the voice. His mind was off. He was steps ahead and far behind. He couldn't afford to be in the present. Not when he had blood on his hands and promises to keep. Not when he kept trying to figure out what way was right and wrong. Being in the present meant accepting this and if there was one thing Jim would never do, it was to accept completely that this was it.
He may be at the whim of the other, but it wouldn't last.
Fingers pressed against his chin and obediently his eyes lifted to meet with the brown (His Spock's were auburn) gaze across the table.
"Are you still there?"
Spock's question seemed to puzzle Jim enough to stagger the backward and forward thought process.
"I am sorry."
Jim's response. It was automatic and probably didn't make sense in the context but it was one of the few responses that seemed to appease whatever went on within this Vulcan's mind.
"Good. You are very good my James." Spock's fingers stroked along Jim's cheek and once he might have felt compelled to lean into such an action, once he could have tricked his mind for a moment that it was the same touch. Now he remained still. "Have you broken my James…did the loss so thoroughly break you into pieces?"
Jim remained impassive; his eyes blankly looking ahead as the other continued the caresses. He couldn't afford to be in the present. He had to keep his mind several steps ahead all the while cling to all those steps behind.
"T'hy'la."
Spock's voice cut into his mind tainting that word.
It wasn't his to call.
Wrong.
Wrong.
Wrong!
"Thank you."
Jim breathed the reply listlessly and felt the touch leave.
"You need rest."
Jim couldn't resist the small sigh that slid past his lips at this. He was tired. He was emotionally and physically sick and thus he was tired.
Spock would go now and he would try once more to figure this out.
Hands around his waist and hoisting him to stand, forced his body to clam up.
"No."
Jim tried to drop his weight but even still this was nothing to a Vulcan. Spock seemed to ignore his protest as if granting Jim deaf ears at the attempt to disobey.
It wasn't until his back hit the bed that Jim realized just how worn he had become. Arms snaked around him again, and he tensed up immediately at this. When had this Spock gotten onto the bed alongside him? How had he missed this movement?
The arms were secure and taunting as Jim fought to no avail.
"Let me go!"
This wasn't good he was spending too much energy trying to break away. Too much energy on the now. He couldn't. He needed to keep his mind on the future. He needed.
"No!"
Jim jumped as Spock's hands wandered.
"Cast out your fear my James…do not resist…"
"No."
"Must we repeat this process Jim?"
The words echoed in his mind.
"Fa-wak tor du ra karthau."
(-AN: Fa-wak tor du ra karthau: You will do what I command -)
Cold fingers pressed against clammy skin.
Sick.
Jim felt his stomach coil at the touch.
No.
No.
Wrong.
The touch was wrong.
"You will not resist."
"Fa—" Jim choked on his words as his struggles led to him being pressed down and held.
"Fa-wak shroi ri nash-veh nemut zhitlar."
(-AN: Fa-wak shroi ri nash-veh nemut zhitla: I will not listen to the words of my enemy -)
The words were spoken with a rasp and not as collected as he had wished, but as the tension rippled through the form of the Vulcan; Jim couldn't have been more thankful for all those lessons with Uhura.
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Jim chuckled into the darkness.
The touch of the other in forms of bruises and beatings was better than what he had avoided. He knew that the cost could be a hefty price once more, but now he needed to know. He couldn't sit back and let the other play him.
He played his next piece knowing that it may cost him another, but this was not Spock's game. There was never a power that would halt Jim's fight. He would just need to act fast and soon before Spock chose his next move.
Because, really, Jim never liked the game of chess. He played it because he liked the opponent and the challenge. He liked how his Spock never could get over when he and Spock first played and his unusual strategies won him the game. Jim liked how Spock would play him again and return the request days later because it was intriguing to the Vulcan how Jim's mind functioned and how brash some of his plays were.
Jim felt sick.
He missed the touch of his T'hy'la. He missed the link they shared, and he knew that something was wrong.
He just hoped that his guess as to what that was, hadn't been too far off the mark.
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When Spock played his next move. It wasn't what Jim had imagined.
First the Vulcan had taken Jim out of the room. The room he had been spending months trying to break free of. Just like that he was out and being carded down the long halls back to the bridge. Back to where he had first met with this other Spock.
Memories of passionate kisses shared and hope at possibilities hurt more than Jim wanted.
It was like a slap in the face. Here is where you had believed fate would be kind to you but you should have known better.
The second thing that was wrong was that when Jim arrived to the bridge they were not alone. Guards and what Jim could only assume were crew members filled the surroundings.
It was strange to see and what was worse was that they all seemed to not even look at anything. All of the crew on the bridge seemed capable of sight but their gazes seemed as if to look through rather than at.
Jim stilled even before Spock halted their movement.
He didn't want to be here. Surrounded by emotionless and lifeless drones. If this was Spock's play, showing him that all others submitted eventually and that Jim should take note, well it wasn't having the desired effect.
Jim wasn't scared into the want to obey, rather he was enraged for all those here. For those who seemed to want nothing more than to serve. His mind conjured all sort of possible lives they may have had and yet he felt no pity for them when he realized they had willingly gave in.
All these crew members would rather serve then fight.
He tried to catch their eyes. He tried to pull their gaze and yet he could have been invisible. To them he was just another piece to their captain's, or master or whatever this Spock went by, agenda.
Jim's lack of compassion didn't come until one of them stepped forward and he recognized her as one of the members from his beta shift crew. This universe's version of course. In fact many of those crew members were recognizable to a degree. Many of them were Vulcan's and yet just as many were humans.
This surprised Jim enough until he realized that all of the shared the same vacant gaze. The lights may be on but there was most definitely no one home. Jim scowled as they followed ever order that passed Spock's lips.
They had the option to fight and his crew gave themselves to this Spock's will to survive.
"There is a resistance against my rule."
Spock's voice in his ear made Jim tense but he didn't reveal much else.
"I had thought that by sending those who resisted down to my home planet they would be taught the wrath my people held for what they have done. Yet, there were those who remained unfaithful even in my own kind. Those who smuggled the survivors into secrecy and let them grow and continue on.
I express anger at this misfortune...especially during our trails."
Spock's fingers stroke along Jim's spine digging in at the end of his sentence.
"It was an act of insubordination and needed to be dealt with. I found your Thomas in our first wipe through."
Jim's breath caught at this.
"They had been hiding under my own soil, and yet what a pleasant advantage it gave."
Jim went to turn, to look, but Spock's fingers had risen at some point and slipped a restricting hold at the base of Jim's neck. Jim let his gaze drift in the direction he was, but caught nothing. All he could see was the planet Vulcan.
"Be it my surprise that upon the second sweep we found a much larger group. They were much more resilient to be caught, but they are few and I have many at my beck."
"You sick fuck." Jim growled low and felt the hand press down warningly.
He seethed silently trying to control what this could mean. Thomas was found on Vulcan…that meant that the survivors hadn't been on this ship…that meant the survivors had been on Vulcan. That meant in the next sweep…
"No."
"Now, it would be most logical to wipe away the resistance as it is a cause of possible future rebellions to arise. However, I found the timing most convenient seeing as you still resist."
Jim's heart was pounding loud enough he knew by this point those in the room with sensitive hearing had to be able to hear each pulse. Once again he tried to turn, to look.
"No." Spock's words were sharp and followed by a harsh jerk of his head and a pull that sent Jim pressing back against the other.
Jim breathed sharply at the contact and lifted his neck as Spock's fingers curled around in front rising Jim's chin only slightly to brush along his jaw line.
"Be it my surprise who all I found." Spock breathed out.
Jim body was pulsing. A thrum settling in the back of his mind like a tantalizing aroma; you could smell it and it made your mouth water in expectation but it was so far out of reach.
"Please."
The finger dug into Jim's jaw at the low sound. The words felt like a betrayal as they slid from Jim's own lips, and he shuddered at the pleased thrill he felt from the Vulcan's touch.
"Begging already?"
Jim's eyes slid shut at the question. This wasn't how he had expected any of this to go. He had to retract and rework so many of his thoughts.
His fingers twitched with the desire to reach out for his locket, but he had kept it hidden. Left it well kept in an attempt so that this Spock would not find it.
"Do you wish to reunite with your mate?"
Jim stilled as this Spock's words breathed tauntingly into his ear. He didn't know if he was required to answer. He didn't know what would happen had he said yes or if he said no. This all felt wrong. This all felt off.
"Do you wish to see him once more?"
This time Jim's body tensed at the words. They shook him like a horrible echo as Spock's fingers trailed the length from his jaw to the farthest dip of Jim's neck.
"Do you wish to reunite with the one you love? Is that what you want my James? To be with the other…to leave?" Spock's voice was cunning like the hiss of a rattlesnake to its prey.
Jim remained still. By now he knew that no matter what answer he gave, any answer at all would not be taken well. So he waited. Waited to see what Spock's move would be.
"My James…what would you pay to save the one you love?"
Jim choked at those words. Hysteria playing wonders on his mind as he recalled this conversation. He recalled his own thoughts at the words when he had heard them once before. It was almost cruel looking back on it now; that they had spoken this conversation to him.
They had used these biting words to pull his favor, as this Spock was doing now.
What was it Jim had internally answered? What did he secretly promise?
-Anything-
-Everything-
-All I have and more-
"What would you give for the one you love?"
Spock's words dug into Jim's last resistance and pulled him out of his mind. Pulled him away from the past and the future, and left him staring at the present. It left him balking at the now.
"I want to see him…"
Jim's voice was practically an exhale, "Let him live and I will give to you all that I have and more." Jim breathed the vow reaching his own ears like a piercing shrill and yet he knew it was no more than a whisper.
Spock's dark chuckle and release left Jim to slide to the floor.
He did not pity the crew nor was he compassionate towards them. He could only hate them because he understood that the longer he stayed here he would soon become them.
"Let me see him…and I will stay." Jim's eyes lifted and Spock's hand moved to caress his cheek. For the first time in weeks, Jim leaned into the touch. Ignoring the betrayal and letting his eyes slide shut.
He would give anything, if it meant that his Spock would be safe.
"I will allow it."
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Jim was sick.
He knew that something was wrong, but soon it wouldn't matter.
He would get Spock safe. He would do what he promised.
Yet as he was pulled away from the past and the future thoughts, he dragged with him one thought. It hadn't struck him till Spock's echoing of their words. After all that their words were clear in his mind.
…
…
…
"A purpose hangs greatly around you, a protection that will always bring you to survive until one fatal date."
