Disclaimer: Star Trek is not mine nor do I claim to own it. This is purely a work of fiction.

AN: Here's to the hope of more to come. Going to be on break in two weeks. Fingers crossed that all goes to plan and I can get some serious writing done. Sorry for any errors or general bad writing skills in this chapter. It's late and it's been awhile since I've tackled this. Longer then last post so that's a plus, also a returning character...spoilers. : )

Please Enjoy.


XXXXXXXX

The One I've Lost

Chapter Two (Part Three):

XX

"How did he die?"

Jim's questioned seemed startling enough to widened the auburn gaze. The weight of age not taking away from the familiar quirk of his brow. Spock of any universe seemed to always be so characteristically Spock.

"I do not believe this is appropriate to talk about with you after such events that you had been through. Rest and relax Jim you have been found and returned to all those who care about you. Do not question such future events that may not even come to pass. Live your life, not in fear of the future, but with excitement for the days to come now that you are back."

Jim could only huff at such a response. The visit from elder Spock wasn't really unexpected. He had been gone for such a long time that it was actually predictable that Spock of any universe would seek him out with concern for his wellbeing.

He was still trying to get over what had happened to him and facing your own mortality often didn't leave you in the right place and yet, he was coping as best he could. However, since his return he couldn't stop thinking that he had been lucky to be returned to his Spock. He survived where in another universe he had not, but that other universe's Jim never had to face such events. The concern and panic rolling in waves off of elder Spock was enough an answer to that. Elder Spock's Jim had never lived through what he had...what his Spock had suffered through.

If not just from Elder Spock's reaction, it helped that Jim actually knew how it was other Jim went. It was mostly in flashes and vague like a dream you could only kind of recall, but it was there at the back of his mind.

"The Nexus?" Jim hummed in consideration, "It doesn't sound like an awful way to go…he even got a chance to return. Maybe I'll go and return."

"It is just as likely that no such events will occur. As we had never face off with D'Torak nor had we experienced such a rebellion against the Federation, it is quite obvious that Nero's alterations to this universe have led to a very different path. Your life will not lead out as his did, Jim. If you fear that you will disappear once more, I find that such events are…unlikely."

Jim took a moment to let these words sink in. It was still a little overwhelming the sense of ease that fell over him whenever other Spock was near. It didn't matter that they had only met briefly a few times, because Jim knew him. Jim lived a life with this Spock, not literally but he experienced that life and bond that had formed between this other Spock and his Jim.

It may not have been the same as this universe's Spock and Jim but it was still just as intense. The pair just never needed to…no they just never were given the opportunity to express themselves to each other.

"It isn't completely impossible either. We can't rule it out."

"What has brought this on Jim? It has never been like you to over analyze the future. I have found that one of your most amusing and frustratingly impressive characteristics is your ability to act on a moment's notice. You handle much face on and have never allowed something to hold you back."

"I just don't want to leave him again." Jim replied looking at elder Spock and finally moving to take a seat alongside the Vulcan. "Everyone has been through so much because of me that…I want to just stay. I…I'm afraid that if…that I may not be able to captain again. I'm afraid I'm not the man I am, but mostly I'm afraid of what might happen if I go back on that ship and we get separated again."

Jim paused here to drop his eyes to his lap and let out a shaky laugh.

"I wanted to stay." His voice was not but a whisper and yet he knew that Spock would be able to hear it with his Vulcan hearing, no matter the age. "When I was trapped in my mind. I was just…I saw that we were winning. I knew that it was so close to being over and yet I just wanted to give up. I wanted to be able to stop fighting.

I've fought my whole life to be something. To be anything that was worth keeping. My dad left, my mom left…Sammy left. I was alone all of the time and I just…I'm worth something to them, to my crew, and I was ready to leave them all. I deserved it, after fighting it all for two whole years. I deserved to let go and have peace. He would have let me to. Spock would have and he would have stayed.

I…I saw what me leaving him again would have done. It would have destroyed him, so I returned. I fought and survived and now I can't stop thinking that your Jim was just doing something so routine and just vanished. There was no fighting. There was no illusion that such an event would even happen. Not to James Kirk, but it did.

Going back onto the Enterprise I risk those events happening. I risk…he'll break if that happens. I know how your soul has been cracked I've seen the mourning you hold for your friend. My Spock…we are T'hy'la. He has already suffered through the loss once. It is not as strongly as yours but what you hold now that mended crack is what he has.

Once something is broken, it does not matter how greatly you have mended it. It will break much easier the second time and much more destructively."

"You believe the Nexus will happen and cause such an event." This was not a question it was a statement of fact. Spock's voice was calm but his eyes reflected more strongly that mourning; that remembrance of losing someone so dear. He could understand what Jim wished to prevent.

"I believe there was more going on than just the war and my capture." Jim eyes flickered up catching on their reflection across the room. A flicker of brown made his heart catch and he turned to look at elder Spock, "And I believe that knowing about something can help prevent events from occurring or at the very least aide in overcoming such events."

"So when you had questioned my Jim's death-"

"I wasn't asking how he died but rather what the Nexus is and how it could completely remove someone from existence as it had." Jim finished Spock's sentence allowing himself to answer the question in the affirmative with such a declaration, "However, I would also like to know how he managed to escape?"

XxXxXxX

Fine white-grained sand.

No…no the sand was red. Red like the planet. Vulcan and it's red sand.

It expanded out from where he stood and sunk with each foot step. It covered everything for as far as he could see; stretching to touch the horizon. The dunes billowed…no those…those weren't dunes the heat just softened them to his gaze. If he looked closer he could see the red rock hardening into cliffs. Everything was sharp and jutting out into slabs of rock faces, and those were not horizons that were cutting off the sand those were drop offs.

There was so much, infinite space to cover and so many options on which way to go. The heat on the air made it all seem like a mirage, but the red on the ground was not viscous it was dry and chalky.

He was in a beautiful world he had never believed that he would be given the chance to see. A world that was not his, a world that had solely belonged within the deepest corners of Spock's memories.

Yet he could walk for miles here. He could examine every corner. Visit every city and region and see a world that Spock had once been a part of. Yet, no matter how far he traveled and how many he met he would come to stop; exhausted with the realization that he was alone.

He was alone.

No…this was the part where footfalls would come near, and the sand would crunch beneath feet not his own. He would rise up and turn from his slumped position at the first whispered words.

You are not alone. Never alone.

Just as before, he would turn, in overwhelming hope, to finally meet with the other. To finally have, this was so much better than the pain of reality, this place in between.

Jim tried to cry out and speak but found his voice silenced as he opened his mouth. He choked on the dust and coughed nonexistent noise. It was worse; his feet would not comply to his wishes and where he had longed to rise up and lunge into those arms once more he felt himself sinking further into the clutches of the sand

I had promised never to leave you, James.

This was nothing like the dreams of his past. It was like a twisted remembrance. A past dream seen so many times pieces were missing and new worries corrupted something once treasured.

I don't want you to go.

Those…those were Jim's words. Why was Spock telling him that? He was right here. He was the one waiting for Spock to return. He was the one who had been left this time. He was the one who came to save Spock.

Haven't I already suffered enough? You were the reason I fought to survive. It's worth nothing if you are not there.

I can't—I can't continue this without you. There's no hope. I can't even go in search for you. You're just gone.

You're just gone.

Open your eyes, T'hy'la.

This was wrong this wasn't how it happened. This was…this was different and painful and his chest felt like it was being torn apart. He struggled harder to force himself out of the sand. He struggled to get up and go to Spock.

Open your eyes, Jim.

I don't want to lose you again.

Jim.

He felt himself get pulled under sinking fully into the sand. His hand outstretched as a final desire to catch Spock and hold on. He was absorbed into the dark depths of the sand.

XXXXXXXX

Jim woke coughing and sputtering. His chest felt heavy and he could not shake the taste of dirt from his lips.

How long had he been asleep for this time? It felt like all he did now was spend his days in bed. Two memories tonight…for that was what both of those were. One was a recollection of actual events. He could still recall that conversation word for word. The other was a memory of a dream; one he had often when he had not been sure if Spock was alive or not. It was always the same but each time he had it there were very slight alterations. Something he had never caught the time before. This was different. This was a warped and twisted version.

Spock was here, and Jim had given him up. He had thought it would be the correct decision. He knew he had once told older Spock that losing Jim would destroy Spock, but by now Jim didn't care. Jim would rather Spock be a glued together rendition of what he once was than not be there at all. If it meant Spock would survive in the end then Jim would let him break.

Yet, this other Spock was not going to just allow his Spock to leave. He had locked him away. He had given Jim hope and took promises from his lips without regards to follow through. He would never allow his Spock to leave. They would both be trapped here for eternity until he grew bored or they finally grew too weak to live on.

His chest hurt and his mind pulsed with an undefinable ache. He was struggling to stay afloat when all he wanted was to let the sand pull him down. Let the heavy weight settle and wash the pain away.

He was in too deep to struggle. He had been foolish to dive into this alone. So soon after what had happened, he should never had pushed the others away. When McCoy had called out he should have turned around. He should have planned ahead. Should have expected another universe.

The mirrors taunted him with the words carved into them. SexuN. NexuS. It was a clever ploy to make his mind think that they were caught up in something he could fight. Elder Spock told him the ways he knew of how to leave.

This wasn't the Nexus this was…this was a rip into another universe mirroring their own. A mirrorverse. The other Spock had informed him as such and he was foolish to disregard it. Now he was sick with a cracking bond and repulsion at what he had given trying to save the one he had fought so hard to get to.

He would die here.

He wasn't strong enough. He wasn't the same Captain he once claimed to be.

He…he was not alone in this room!

A hand settled heavily over his mouth silencing the cry of surprise that followed the shock of another. He went to fend off the other but was met arm for arm, like he knew the plan of attack before Jim could even strike. He was not strong enough to keep up and growled in irritation and despair up at his attacker.

Yet looking up his eyes met with a startling shade of…familiar blue.

"If you are done struggling. I'd like to help you get back to your Spock, but first I need your help. He said that you would be my best chance and I don't know why but I believe him."

Jim breathed harshly against the gloved hand and glared up at the masked man above him. Obviously his opinion on the matter was of no concern as the hand didn't let up.

"Get me back my ship, and I will aide in returning you to your universe."

The hand broke away and Jim couldn't resist the pull of his lips into a forgotten expression. Muscle memory refused to except though as his lips pulled up on their own accord into a pleased smirk.

"Deal."

XXXXXXXXX

A hand reached out to grasp his…pulling him up from the sand.

You are not alone. Never alone.


Kind of a strange chapter but it's all actually important information. If you take away anything from this chapter let it be that mirrorverse Jim is on the Enterprise and has just met up with Jim with an offer to help escape (I'll clear up the other stuff as we go along). Hope you enjoyed thanks to all who are still with me. I'll try and get another post up as soon as possible, but like I said at the top two weeks away from break so plan to expect something more towards that time frame. : )