Disclaimer: Star Trek is not mine nor do I claim to own it. This is purely a work of fiction.
Warnings: Major warning for some very slight non-con (…maybe can also be taken as dubious consent since technically he had agreed to it, though, only because of Spock…) there will be some violence to come, and language. You've been warned.
AN: So, I deleted my last two chapters I posted and am currently fixing the ending. However, I'd like to restate that I am a horrible person. I know this is a WIP and people are fearful of reading those because they usually fail to update. With Even the Stars I promised not to do that and here I couldn't uphold such a promise and I'm sorry.
I ran into loss of time during school and then got major writers block. I had no idea how to end this and am still only now formulating the ending. (Obviously the rewrite should hint at this haha.) I went to see the new Star Trek movie (AMAZING!) and it was like I could breathe again. I was ready to dive back into the Star Trek storyline once more.
I don't know if I had an original intention on how to end this, because I foolishly never wrote it down, but I hope you all are alright with where it is now heading. I'm still going to incorporate all of the pieces I left along the way. So, it should all wrap up nicely and I may even put a bow on top.
So, please enjoy as the two Kirks begin to play out their plan to get the Enterprise, and hopefully our Jimmy will get Spock back at long last. : )
XXXXXXXX
The One I've Lost
Chapter Three (Part Two):
XX
…I'll fight for us here…
…
…
Jim let the other Spock press him up against the wall.
…
…
He responded in kind as lips sought out his own.
…
…
He turned his head away as the lips dipped towards his neck. The mock affection and gentleness made him feel ill all over again.
"You are still unwell."
It was a false display of concern as the other Spock did not stop his ministrations as he remarked on Jim's still deteriorating health. Jim felt a cold remark rise up at Spock's cool manner. The remark would have been about Bones being able to help had he not been killed off, but Jim thought better of it.
He was meant to be placating this Vulcan.
He was meant to be protecting his Vulcan.
"You…"
Jim was cut off as the other rose to seal his mouth over Jim's once more. The action demanding as he used the moment to force his way in.
…
…
His body screamed at him that this was wrong, but Jim didn't fight the Vulcan on this. He was being pliable.
…all that I have and more…
His Vulcan was strung up and sealed away. Right now his Spock was a carrot dangling just out of reach and being threatened away.
He had no sway in the matter.
…
…
He broke from the other to gasp for breath. Turning his head away, he tried to separate himself from what was going on. Yet, his mind couldn't pull away from his body. A body he had trained to react to Spock over the many months of shore leave. He was too tuned in to what was going on.
He could feel the press of Spock's length against his hip. His wrists burned where the Vulcan's hold on him began and ended. His lips felt swollen and sore from the continued onslaught. All of the presses against him were felt, though beneath it all they were not well received.
When Spock's hold released on his wrists he had to remember to leave them in place. When those hands trailed down the length of him, he had to withhold the initial flinch at the unwarranted contact. His mind and body were conflicting with all that was transpiring. It made it difficult to stay away from the here and now.
So, when Spock's hands stroked in an effort to gain a response, he found his body matching his mind. He lacked the ability to respond to this Spock in the face of the events playing out.
"Stop thinking of him."
Jim's eyes turned up at the demand.
Here was a replica of his Spock. Unlike the Jim he had been presented with, this Spock looked almost identical to his own. The only differences being that this Spock was as brittle as the Jim he had met. More importantly, this Spock did not bring comfort with his touch. This Spock's mere presence did not fill some longing deep within Jim.
He was a piece meant to be placed into a puzzle, but this particular piece belonged to a different set and therefor was not cut correctly to fit into such a slot.
He was and never would be, Jim's Spock.
…
…
Spock growled at Jim's continued reluctance, and reached up to capture his jaw.
"You will not think of him while you are with me. You are mine. My T'hy'la. Mine!"
The possessiveness in his voice thrummed with the word wrong again and again. Jim's mind fought away from the touch of this Spock. His body no longer hesitated to flinch at this touch. His arms fell to catch the wrist of the Vulcan and he jerked it away from the harsh hold.
"You promised he would be saved if I gave in! Yet, you hold him hostage still." Jim hissed and glowered up at the taller man. He did not move away as he longed to, nor did he strike out. His Spock was still at risk while being held. He could not afford to trounce over this conversation, he had to step lightly and cautiously.
"I let you see him, as per my word." The Vulcan remarked his eyes growing dark at Jim's actions, "He is still alive, and no harm has come to him. I have kept my word. Vulcans do not lie, Jim. I had never promised you that he would be released if you were to obey."
Spock moved forward with purpose in his steps as he grabbed Jim up and pulled him along. Jim's legs struggled to keep up and he lost all bearings as he was thrown upon the bed.
"You will obey me now."
Spock was above him and Jim thrashed in an effort to get away.
"Desist this at once!" Spock growled settling a heavy hand upon Jim's collar and applying enough pressure to hold the other down. "You will not fight me, or I will have him taken from you permanently. Do not test me of this. I allowed you to see him, I was kind to you. Now you will behave."
Jim bucked trying to throw the other off, but knew that even in perfect health he could not accomplish such a feat easily.
"You used what I wanted against me. You gave only to gain. I stayed as I promised. If you wish for a pliant version of me to bend at your will, then you will give me what I had requested. I want my Spock safe! While he is here in this universe such a thing is not possible."
Jim ceased his struggles to return the narrow-eyed glare that Spock had settled on him. In a battle of wills Jim could outmatch Spock or at least give him a run for his money.
"If he knew how to return to your universe, I imagine he would have done so already." Spock replied his voice calmer now, and the fingers pressed to Jim's collar stroked idly. The threat remained but the other was falling back to the emotionless Vulcan he proclaimed to be. "He is safe here. No harm will befall him as long as you give yourself to me."
"As long as he is here, my mind will always remain to him." Jim countered evenly and fought down the grin as the Vulcan responded as he knew he would to such words.
Deep brown eyes narrowed once again, and the pressure returned of the hand pressing him down.
"I can get him home." Jim added.
"You will take such an opportunity as a chance to flee. The variables are too vast and uncontrollable. Even if you were to make a promise, I could neither expect you to keep it, nor could I expect your Spock to uphold our arrangement. I will not allow him to have you now that you are mine."
Spock's fingers tightened until Jim knew that bruises were sure to occur as a result. "I give you my word, that my Spock and I will uphold our agreement. I just want him home safe. Allow me to send him home." Jim calmly voiced his pleas. To further the request he reached up and let his freed hand stroke along the cheek of the man overpowering him. "With him back there I will not have to worry. My thoughts will be my own again. Isn't that what you want?"
The Spock before him caught Jim's hand up by the wrist. His hold was bordering painful as he leaned over Jim. "If you betray me I will destroy him. Know that before you agree to terms you will not keep."
"I promise you I won't let him take me away, and he will not disobey that request. I understand that if either him or I act out against this promise I will not be surprised if you…if…"
"I will kill him."
"Yes. I understand that." Jim's eyes closed at the thought and his body trembled against the possibility, "Let me go to him, and I will send him home."
"That was not per our arrangement." The Vulcan's response was quick and his refusal swift, "You will inform me how to return him and I will see that it is done."
"No," Jim's head cocked back to gaze up at the Vulcan. "I cannot accept that you will follow through with it. I can't risk such a thing, and find out later that he was still here all along."
"Vulcans do not lie."
"I cannot risk it. If you don't allow me this, then I will forever doubt your word."
Jim waited with batted breath as the Vulcan considered such terms. It was apparent that the other was not pleased with the turn out of the evening. Jim hadn't really seen it going like this either, but he let out a sigh of relief as he noted the approval rising to spill over the Vulcan's lips.
"I will allow it,"
Jim's mouth twitched in a desire to smile broadly; one of which he fought down frantically.
"I will be present this time, as you have already been given your previously affirmed timeframe." He added on and Jim's happiness felt stifled once more.
"Will you allow me to at least say goodbye?" Jim spoke up, his phrasing purposely offering the power to the Vulcan. It was an obvious acceptance of submission towards the other, a hint at what was promised if all this followed through. If the Vulcan allowed everything to transpire as Jim had requested.
Spock took time to carefully turn Jim's question over in his mind. It was obvious the wording pleased the other, but Jim knew Spock would know Jim well enough to read into such a thing. It was a game of chess and both had to pay attention as they played back and forth, or fear that they might overlook a detail once considered minute.
…
…
"I will allow you to send off your Vulcan." He responded reluctantly. Brown eyes carefully appraised Jim, and he knew that the Vulcan suspected something. He knew that he was to be carefully watched and followed through the events about to play out.
XXXXXXXX
Like last time, Jim was marched through the halls to the room holding all the rebels.
Like last time, Spock was still at the furthest end of the room, and Jim made his slow way towards him.
Unlike last time, the other Spock remained just two steps behind Jim.
…
…
Jim didn't turn to throw a weary look at the other Spock. He did not hesitate to wait for a confirmation. He just settled down to his knees before his Spock. At the same level as the one he loves, he gave the Vulcan a weary smile.
"Hello again."
He can feel all the marks the other Vulcan left this time. His lips are still raw, his neck still sore from the earlier onslaught. They were marks of a claim not this Spock's right to take, but a show that he could. His mate saw them and immediately cast his eyes to the other Vulcan.
Jim tried not to find amusement here. Time and again he could recall Spock's statement that Vulcans do not show emotions. Yet, he could read the rage hidden beneath the mask on his Spock. He could practically visualize the taunting grin the other was withholding.
"Hey, it's alright." Jim talked to draw Spock's attention back to him. He didn't care that he was being watched. This was a chance to accomplish something he hadn't been given the right to the time prior.
He leaned forward and pressed into a kiss with his Spock.
This wasn't just his body recreating motions with or without his consent. He was here and now. His fingers rose up to stroke along the silken skin, enjoying the faint thrum of a still quieted bond. Their lips parted as they both returned the open mouth kisses with enthusiasm. Both of them longing to explore one another as though they had been parted for long enough to forget the taste and feel.
Being this close to him and actively enjoying the touch of his Spock left Jim feeling a thrum of right where he had so constantly been bombarded with the wrong. This was where he was meant to be.
There was still something amiss about their connection, but he didn't dwell on it as he delved further into the man he had been missing for far too long. He could only vaguely recall the feel of the soft press of lips that day the Element was lost. How many days had he sought out this very Vulcan? How many weeks? So much time lost, and just for this brief breath of time he could sink into nothing aside from his other half.
…
…
"Enough."
…
…
Jim was jerked back and away from his Spock, like an unexpected splash of cold water. He was brought back, and away from the small comfort he had found in the touch of his T'hy'la. The harsh press of the other's hand, separating them, was a cruel reminder of his position here.
"Now send him back." The other demanded.
Jim watched as his Spock took a moment to control himself, as his jaw twitched with the minutest of movements.
Spock's attention had gone from the other Vulcan who was threatening his mate, to Jim in a flash. Cold rage morphed into confusion and neither emotion was masked towards his bonded one. "Jim?"
If one was to take a moment here and truly listen to the word. If they knew the other as well as Jim did, then they would catch that the Vulcan's voice was off. It was just slightly, almost unremarkable in the difference. Just beneath the normal manner of speaking, you could hear the faintest of lisps.
"You can't argue, and I can't go with you. Understand that." Jim replied and shifted away from the other Spock's hold to pull the necklace from his neck. The charm from the Elders was a heavy weight in his hand, as he shifted forward to pass it off to his Spock. "I thought perhaps, just being beside you would've sparked enough of a paradox in this world to send us back to our own. I was wrong. Our last visit showed me that."
The feeling of eyes drilling upon his back left Jim longing to shy away from such attention. He knew that admitting the attempt to escape was not a factor the other Spock had even considered.
"I believe they gave me this so that we could return after I got to this side." Jim's words were spoken forlornly as he pressed Spock's fingers around the locket. "It should take you back." His own hand slid back to his lap as he concluded his thoughts aloud.
Spock reached out for him, but Jim was able to shy away from his own Spock, "I can't come with you, Spock."
It was obvious the reasoning behind this, and Spock's eyes turned up to the other Vulcan. His presence behind Jim spoke all the truth to such theories. He was a towering figure threatening his mate, and yet the pair had positioned themselves wisely. They were both just out of the reach of his chains. Jim had given himself the control of when he could shift into range or not, and it left Spock straining at his hold.
"I will not leave you here." Spock replied coolly and evenly. His tug on the bonds lessened as he moved to press the hand with the locket into his thigh. For now he was casting away what Jim requested of him. He was not leaving his Jim alone with this other.
He had already bore witness to the violence this alternative version of him graced upon what was not his own. He would not leave Jim to face further harm. "You cannot ask that of me again."
Jim choked out at the words, all composure he had leaving him in that instant. His throat catching on a sob and he had to duck his head to cast his eyes guiltily towards the floor. His heart ached at the mere mention of troubles long past.
With a deep inhale, he gazed back up into those auburn eyes, needing to continue. He would reflect more on the matter later. He had to remain focused.
"Spock, I traveled universes to just find out you are alive. You…you can't stay here. I can't have you be trapped for the rest of our lives. Go back, love. Be safe. That's more than I could ask for. You need to return, you can't stay here…I won't hold you back."
He just needed Spock to be safe. Whatever fell upon his own shoulders, he could handle, but the brief contact with Spock left him reeling in the loss he had felt. He could not watch Spock come to harm when he could prevent it.
"Don't argue." Jim added and it was obvious the reasoning behind this. "Just go back. We've got to make sure that someone is there to protect our family."
Spock dipped his head in acknowledgment of this, but Jim continued with this train of thought.
"Don't let Chekov mope around, and make sure Sulu sticks to his plan for training towards a captaining position. Nyota is strong but don't tune her out. She'll need you as much as you'll need the support of others. Don't let Bones run either. He may hate space, but he needed a place to call home. The Enterprise gives him that. You'll all be alright."
He shifted forward without thought; his hand seeking to give comfort, but he lurched back immediately. Spock's head lifted to note the movement he caught.
Jim could not offer comfort here. Not at this moment.
Spock's gaze was one of understanding as they met with the brilliant blue eyes of his beloved. He may not like what he was agreeing to, but there was only one that Spock would give such trust to completely.
"Very well, Jim."
Auburn eyes fell to the object on his person. His hand clenched around the cool press of metal as the unknown lingered heavily in the air.
With a click he pressed the latch to open the locket, and let out an even exhale of breath as it popped open.
His eyes fell to the reflective surface, reading over the inscribed words. For a brief moment his pupils expanded as realization came upon him, but passed away as though a fading memory.
…
…
The locket clicked once more as he slid it shut and turned his gaze at the two in question.
…
…
A delicately constructed brow rose up as though mocking his other, and he did not hesitate to voice what was already apparent.
"I believe that this was not the intended result."
AN: I kind of got carried away with this chapter. I was going to write more of the plan out, but it's already reached just about 4,000 words which is longer than most of the others so I'm splitting it into another page. I ended up helping my friend out with a project so didn't get as much written as I wanted. Figured I'd post this still, but I need some sleep so I'll get back to writing after I wake.
Hope this sounded alright, and look forward to more progress in the next chapter.
