Natsuki stood on the edge of a darkened road on a cold and stormy night. She wasn't wearing a jacket and shivered whenever a cold wind blew through her wet clothes and hair. Shizuru stood before her, her mouth was moving but she couldn't hear her, only the wind blowing passed her ears. The wind let up long enough for her to hear Shizuru's words. "It's your fault, Natsuki."

"No, I didn't..." She tried to reach for Shizuru but ended up pushing her instead. Shizuru fell towards the street as headlights rushed towards them. Natsuki screamed.

-IPR-

Natsuki woke up screaming from the same dream she had been having all week. It had been seven days since the accident and the dream had become a recurring nightmare of self doubt. She sat in a chair next to the bed that Shizuru now lay in, the tubes and wires that kept her alive strung around her like Christmas lights. She sighed in the darkness and reached for Shizuru's deathly cold hand. I'm sorry, I wish I could take it all back, but now I can't even do that.

A knock on the door sounded and a nurse opened the door and was surprised to see Natsuki sitting there. "Excuse me, visiting hours are over. You'll need to leave."

"The doctor said it was okay."

The nurse shrugged, Natsuki could tell that she didn't take her job very seriously. She checked the EKG and Shizuru's pulse, seemed satisfied with the results and left the room again. Natsuki still held Shizuru's hand in her own shaking hand, "I don't know if you can hear me in there, but I love you, Shizuru."

She lay back in the chair and rested her head, her eyes closed and she drifted back to sleep.

She woke up to the alarm she had set going off. She had taken a few days off of classes and work to be by Shizuru's side but those days had run out and she had to get back, as much as she didn't want to leave. She dressed and was headed for the door when it opened and Masahiro Viola entered, a somber look on his face. He set his hat down on the chair that Natsuki vacated and consolingly wrapped her in a hug. "No changes?" Natsuki shook her head and Masahiro gave her a sympathetic look. "How are you doing, Natsuki?"

"I'm fine." Natsuki didn't face him when she said it, a sign that he understood to mean she was lying.

"Don't go to work, Natsuki, go home. Take a shower, relax and get some sleep. You look terrible."

"How can I relax when she's like this? How can I sleep when I know that I might never see her again? How can I, knowing it's all my fault?" Natsuki's shoulders slumped as she spoke, her voice never leaving it's solemn tone.

"It's not your fault. There's nothing you could have done."

"I should have been there, Masato. I should have been there but I was so focused on my work that I completely forgot about her. Now she's like this, so close and yet so far away."

Natsuki walked out of the door and a few minutes after Reiko entered. She handed Masahiro a cup of coffee and stood next to him drinking from her own. "Natsuki isn't taking this well, is she?"

Masahiro shook his head. "No. While I watch one daughter waste away I get to watch the other kill herself. I understand now how someone can feel so helpless."

Reiko approached the head of the bed and ran her hand through Shizuru's hair. "If she gets worse, we might have to send her to a therapist."

-IPR-

Natsuki didn't follow Masahiro's advice and went straight from the hospital to work. She wasn't there for an hour before the shop foreman sent her home after nearly ruining an engine she had been working on. She was walking to her bike when he called her name and caught up to her. "I heard about what happened. Are you doing okay?"

"I'm fine, just tired." Natsuki visibly slumped to prove her point. "I'll be back tomorrow."

The foreman, an older man with a long beard that was greying at the edges, gave her a sympathetic look. "Don't come back unless you're one hundred percent, I can't have you freaking out on me." He put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "It's not easy, just have faith."

She shrugged his hand away and walked silently to her bike, she kicked it on and took off down the street leaving the foreman to watch her drive away, shaking his head in worry.

She rode at a faster speed than she was used to, using the speed and thrill as a counter to the despair she felt inside. She took a turn at full speed, nearly scraping the ground with how hard she leaned, and kicked the bike even faster down the empty road. She caught air off of a small hill in the road before her, her heart pounded in her head replacing the feeling of emptiness and hurt that was there before.

She slowed down as she neared the hospital, pulled into her usual spot and turned the engine off. She took her helmet off and breathed cold air into her lungs, lungs that burned with an intensity that mirrored her dreams. She clutched a hand to her chest, tears fell from her eyes, though whether those were tears of exhilaration or depression she couldn't place. All she knew was it felt better than despair.

She threw her leg over the bike and felt the sting of tired muscles, she dismounted and walked on unsteady legs through the front door, into the elevator and up to Shizuru's room. She stopped when Yukino exited the room. "I was looking for you, Natsuki."

"Oh?" The two hadn't spoken since the accident. Yukino didn't look like she was taking the accident well either. "How's Haruka doing?"

"In about the same condition as Shizuru. Haruka doesn't have the scars on her head, though. What happened to her?"

"She hit the tree while Haruka was thrown free. The impact crushed in part of her skull and damaged her brain. The doctors tell me that she might never wake up." She choked on the last words, she had yet to talk about it to anyone, but she swore to herself that no one would see her cry. "I'm sorry, Yukino. It's my fault this happened."

"It's not your fault, it was an accident." Yukino showed genuine confusion, she could not understand how Natsuki could blame herself.

"I was supposed to be there to have lunch with her. If I had shown up she wouldn't have crashed and everything would be okay."

Yukino stepped towards Natsuki, who took a step back, and caught her in an embrace. She held on tightly, Natsuki struggled for a bit but eventually gave in to it. Yukino let her go and Natsuki struggled not to tear up. "You looked like you could use one of those. I was just going to lunch, would you care to join me?"

-IPR-

The same dream again, the cold and wet, Shizuru standing before her, the headlights. The scream.

Natsuki was thrown violently from her dreams and into consciousness. She didn't recognize her surroundings, a comfortable bed in a room sparsely decorated, floral patterns in the walls, a ceiling fan turns lazily above her. She reached for the memory. Yukino and I went to lunch, I remember that, but what happened after that? How did I get here?

She sat up, still wearing the clothes she had been wearing before, and dangled her legs off the edge of the bed. Her shoes were sitting neatly nearby, she grabbed them and put them on her feet. The door opened and Yukino stood in the frame looking at her. "Do you feel better?"

"How did we get here?"

Yukino noticed the genuine confusion on Natsuki's face. "You really don't remember? We ate at this restaurant downtown and you asked if you could stay here for a while, because you didn't want to be alone. I thought it was a good idea, I've been kind of lonely too."

"Oh." Had she said all that? "I'm not alone, though, Shizuru is still alive. She'll come out of it soon, she has to."

Yukino approached the bed slowly, cautiously, as if gauging Natsuki's reaction to her moving closer. She sat down on the bed next to her, keeping a respectful distance, she knew Natsuki wasn't one for close quarters. "What did you dream about? It seemed pretty violent, you were crying and thrashing around earlier."

Was it really that bad? "I...can't remember." She remembered perfectly well but feared that the dream would show others the disintegration of her mind, a fact that she would go to great lengths to hide. "I don't ever remember my dreams."

"Ah. I remember mine every night. Rather vividly too. My dad would always say that I was close to the dream world." Yukino smiled when she mentioned her dad, Natsuki did not. "I loved my father, he was the closest person to me in this world, but now he's gone." Yukino's expression turned dour. "He looked my mom right in the eyes and said 'I don't love you. Now that Yukino is grown up I think it's time we moved on.' It was hard losing him, I remember growing up when he was always just a cry away, now he's a twelve hour flight away."

Natsuki put a comforting arm around Yukino, who buried her face her in her hands. The gesture touched her, especially since Natsuki was not a touch-feely person. "I'm sorry."

"Even with all of that, I can't imagine what you're going through." Yukino took Natsuki's hands in hers. "I know you love her and that you'll never leave her, but you need to start thinking realistically." Natsuki was afraid of the next words. Don't say it Yukino, don't you say it. "What if she doesn't wake up."

Natsuki stood up quickly and turned her back on Yukino, she walked away casting an angry look back at her as she stood in the doorway. "If she doesn't wake up then I'll join her in her sleep. I won't live without her, Yukino." Yukino's eyes widened at her words, not just what she said but the intensity of her words would stay with Yukino. She knew that Natsuki meant it. Natsuki's voice softened, "Thanks, for what it's worth I hope Haruka gets better soon."

She left the room and the house, finding her bike parked next to Yukino's Cadillac in the driveway. She kicked the engine on and felt the familiar rumble through her thighs as she mounted it. The feeling of power again overtook her and she tore out of the driveway faster than was safe. As soon as she was gone, Yukino picked up the phone and dialed a number. "She was just here. She said some things that have me worried, I think she needs help."

The hospital was twenty minutes from Yukino's house, Natsuki made it in ten. The sun had started to go sown when she pulled into her usual parking spot and shut down the bike. She took the long way up the stairs rather than the elevator and gave a nod towards the head nurse who knew her and allowed her to pass. She opened the door to Shizuru's room and found her condition unchanged. The nurses had put in a feeding tube to keep her alive, the sight of it made Natsuki want to vomit. She sat down in the chair next to the bed, a chair that she would sit in for hour after hour over the next six months.

A few relatives of Shizuru's came by to visit over the course of the evening, Natsuki met an aunt and uncle, a few cousins and a fellow student from her college. Who she didn't expect to see was Reito Kanzaki, who strolled in without the usual kick in his step. He gave Natsuki a nod before kneeling beside the bed and wincing at Shizuru's wounds. "I just heard today. How did it happen?"

Natsuki looked at the floor. "We were supposed to meet for lunch at this restaurant downtown, but I got called into work and forgot about it. She was taking Haruka home when their car hit an ice patch and hit a tree." Natsuki hung her head. "I'm sorry, it's all my fault."

Unlike everyone that she had spoken to recently, Reito made no mention of denying it. Perhaps he did think it was her fault or, most likely, he didn't care. Either way Natsuki respected him a little more for his silence. He looked up at her, took in the disheveled state she was in. "You look terrible. When was the last time you were home?"

"What's it matter to you, 'Prince'?"

Reito angered at the mention of his high school nickname, he was never proud of it. "You're right, if you had been there none of this would have happened. It's all your fault." A lot of that anger came from her having won Shizuru's heart, a heart that Reito had yearned for. His intention was to hurt Natsuki who had once hurt him, Reito had grown into a petty man. He succeeded. He set a vase of white roses on the table next to Shizuru's bed and left, having struck a mean blow against an already wounded warrior.

As soon as he was gone Natsuki couldn't contain the tears any longer. His words hit home and she fell apart, the final destination on the path she had been on for a week. She screamed, stood from the chair and smashed the vase, crushing the white roses underfoot. "Bastard!" She screamed at Reito, at Shizuru, at Haruka at everyone around her, but mostly she screamed at herself. "Coward!" She threw the chair against the wall and hit it until it smashed to pieces. She punched the wall until her knuckles bled, until her right hand broke. She was beyond the pain. "You did this! You did this!"

Several nurses rushed in to try and contain the raging Natsuki, she was bigger and stronger than all of them so they were unsuccessful. She ran from the room and down the hallway, passed the nurses area where all eyes turned to watch the screaming woman tear passed them and down the stairs. She tripped on her way down, tumbled down a full flight before she managed to catch herself, falling into a sitting position against a wall with the number 3 largely stenciled in red above her. This is where they found her, her head in her hands, her face streaked with tears, her hand broken and her body bruised and battered. This is where they decided that she needed help.