Pure nonsense and fluff. I wrote this for narellew68 who wanted to see more of the 'Revenge' series. Hope you enjoy this very silly, pointless chapter! Just so you all know, I will continue with this series at least until the baby comes.

Thank you to all my reviewers. Hopefully I can get back to you this week but always remember that your reviews truly do inspire me to keep writing!

Jack was whistling as he walked into his office and his assistant looked up in surprise. If he'd stopped to consider it, which he didn't, he would have realized how unusual it was for him to come from a meeting with the IOC looking even moderately happy, let alone whistling.

"Uh, was the meeting cancelled General?" she asked.

He stopped and looked at her with a puzzled expression. "Meeting? Oh, you mean with the IOC? Nah, it wasn't cancelled." He resumed his whistling, wondering briefly why Captain Neely was looking so – confused.

"Oh, I see. So everything went well?" She sounded highly doubtful, although the whistling had thrown her

"No. They're a load of idiots. And that's classified Captain", he warned. "Although everyone knows it anyway." He walked past her to his office.

He'd barely made it to his desk when he noticed that Neely was right behind him.

"Was there something you wanted?"

"Just a few messages Sir", she answered, sounding vaguely put out. "Major Davis called and asked if you had some time to meet with him this afternoon. The Sect. of Defense's office called and the meeting with the Secretary has been moved to next week."

"He have a golf game today?" Jack asked, leaning back into his chair.

She frowned at him, reminding him of his fifth grade teacher. "His assistant said something important had come up", she scolded.

He sighed. "I'm sure it did Captain. Tell Davis I can see him at 1:00. Anything else?"

"Oh yes, General Landry called and asked if he could requisition another MALP."

"Another one", he exclaimed. "What the hell is he doing with the damned things?" he asked rhetorically, completely forgetting how many of the machines he'd run through on his watch.

"He said it was attacked by giant reptiles on the last planet they contacted."

"Reptiles! Of course there were giant reptiles." He sighed again. "Did anyone get hurt?"

"No Sir. They caught sight of one of the animals before anyone had gone through the gate. After the MALP was – eaten – he called off the mission."

"He could have sent Teal'c – he's a match for any old lizard!"

She wisely didn't reply but continued to watch him with what he was sure was a reproving look.

Captain Neely was efficient, that he wouldn't deny. She was also smart, unflappable and completely without a sense of humor. Whoever had assigned her to him had either decided to play a rather cruel joke on him, or they didn't know him at all. He'd started dreaming of Walter – in between dreams of Sam – which was seriously creepy! He suddenly looked at his assistant with narrowed eyes. "Did you ever work for the IOC Captain?"

"No Sir", she answered calmly.

"How about Senator Kinsey", he asked, still feeling a stab of the old loathing, even though the Senator was long since deceased.

"No", she replied calmly.

"Baal?"

She sighed heavily. "I worked for Colonel Smithfield and before that for the office of Veterans Affairs."

"Oh." He stared at her for a moment. He wondered if she'd been a prison guard in a former life. "Okay then, if that's all?"

"I just need you to sign these requisitions Sir, and what did you want me to tell General Landry about the MALP?"

"Didn't I just sign a bunch of requisitions?" He looked at the pile of paper she'd put in front of him like it was one of those reptiles that had eaten Hank's MALP.

"Yes Sir. These are new ones."

"They must reproduce on your desk!" he grumped. He pulled the pile towards him and started signing, the whistling a now distant memory.

"And the MALP Sir?"

He let out a huge 'huff' of breath and stopped signing for a moment. "I'll call Hank myself – and tell him I'm sending him a bunch of those balsa wood boomerangs. It'll be a lot cheaper. He can toss it through and it will come back in just a few seconds", he explained.

"It couldn't come right back Sir", she told him seriously. "It cannot come back through an outgoing wormhole."

He stared at her in what looked like complete surprise. "Really? Since when?"

She frowned at him, the little lines above her nose more prominent then ever. "That's always the way the gate has worked Sir."

He wondered briefly if she'd ever read his history. Surely she had to know he'd gone through the gate for eight years? Oh well, he might as well have a bit of fun. His own was about the only humor he experienced at the Pentagon

"You're kidding. Why didn't anyone tell me?" he asked, sounding peeved.

"I don't know Sir. Maybe they assumed you already knew." Her tone of voice suggested that she thought he was one straw short of a load.

"See", he whined, "they shouldn't assume anything. Heck I could have gone through the wrong way and come out the other end backwards!"

She just looked at him – he was sure he saw intense pity in her eyes. "Yes Sir", she finally said.

"Make a note of that Captain – we need to send a memo to Hank and the folks at the SGC making sure they know about this.

She nodded and stood silently and watched until he lifted his pen. She waited until all the papers were signed and then headed out of his office without saying anything more. After the door shut he sighed and leaned back in his chair. He wondered idly if he could entice Walter to come to work for him. He was pretty sure Hank wouldn't let him go but hell, maybe he'd trade him for a new MALP?

By the time Paul Davis stopped by he'd regained most of his good mood of the morning. The IOC meeting really had been painful – and normally he'd be steaming, but today there was too much good stuff to think about to worry about the morons who made up the oversight committee. He wondered briefly if he could ask Hank to take them on an oversight visit to the planet with the reptiles. That would be a fitting end for the IOC, and much less painful to him than losing an expensive piece of machinery.

There was a soft tap on his door, which opened on his quick 'Enter'. "General O'Neill?"

"Hi Paul – come on in. It's nice to see a friendly face."

Paul Davis – one of his favorite people in DC – entered with a grin. "Do you see a lot of unfriendly ones Sir?"

"Hell ya! Give me a simple Goa'uld – or even one of the Ori – over the representative from China or Russia! Those guys are scary – and I don't think they like me", he whined.

Davis laughed. "I'm sure they think you're – fine Sir. It's just that they feel they have to temper the military side of things."

Jack made a rude sound with his mouth – which he figured was probably both unprofessional and beneath the dignity of a General – but he really didn't care. "Have a seat." He waited until Davis – he wondered idly why the man hadn't yet been promoted – was seated. "What can I do for you Major?"

"Well Sir", Davis fidgeted slightly, which wasn't like the man. "As you know I was reassigned to the Defense Department – working with the Western European division."

Jack nodded – he knew that, and had thought it a waste of the man's talents. "I do. Not happy there Paul?"

"Oh – it's fine Sir. I report to General Chetwind, and he's a good Commander -"

" – but?"

"Well Sir, I kind of miss the work I did with the SGC. I really found it interesting and hope I helped the program by –"

"You did", Jack said calmly. "Would you like to transfer there?" He wasn't really sure if there would be a position for the Major at the SGC. He had been a great liaison between the Pentagon and Stargate Command, but Jack rather thought his talents lay more in Washington than in Colorado. Although, to be fair, the man was a great officer. Maybe he'd do well at the SGC.

"Uh no Sir", he replied. "I think I'm best suited to DC but-", he took a deep breath. "Look General, I think you're doing an incredible job here, and you've gained the respect of everyone, but I know how much you hate to deal with the IOC and some of our – Earthly allies. I thought I might be able to fill that role for you – you know, be your liaison."

Jack sat staring at him, and suddenly had the urge to start whistling again. "You're saying you'd like to work for me?"

"Yes General, if there's a place for me and you think I'd help."

"Think you'd help! God Paul, I'd take you in a second if I could". He stopped abruptly, seeing the look of disappointment on the other man's face. "Wait – let me talk to a couple of people to see if I could steal you over here." He smirked. "I'm sure the IOC would be happy to have you as my liaison as much as I would. Maybe I can get them to put in a good word for you! I'll check on it Paul, and get back to you."

"Thank you Sir", Davis stood up and saluted. "I appreciate that. If it doesn't happen – that's okay too. You know I'll help in whatever way I can."

O'Neill thanked him and watched as the Major headed towards the door. "Davis!" he stopped the man just before he left.

"Yes Sir?" Davis turned around, one hand on the doorknob.

"Uh", he lowered his voice. "Do you know how I go about – changing assistants?"

Paul looked puzzled for a moment and then bit his lip to keep from smiling. "I assume you mean" he made a motion with his head towards the outer office.

Jack nodded. "Not my – type", he clarified, although he frowned when he realized how that sounded. "Not like that", he clarified.

"I know Sir", Davis grinned. "I know you and Colonel Carter are - uh well uh – I think you just need to talk to HR and they'll – help."

"Thanks!" Jack waited until the other man had left and then he picked up the phone. He had decided that he not only wanted, but he needed Davis to work for him. He started whistling again.


"No – you cannot go in there if you don't have an appointment."

His assistant's calm – but definite sounding voice leaked through the closed door. He stopped writing and tilted his head to listen.

"I am sorry", Neely said, speaking slowly as if to a young child, "You cannot disturb the General, I don't care who you are. You have to make an appointment to see him. That's protocol!"

Jack could tell, by her tone of voice, that there was no way whoever was there was ever going to get an appointment to see him. If Captain Neely didn't like you you could forget getting inside the doorway to his office. Jack grimaced slightly – it had actually been one of the few things he'd liked about her – at least he had when she was keeping IOC members away from him.

Still, he was curious and decided he needed to investigate. He was pretty sure she would be capable of keeping out the President himself if he didn't have an appointment. Protocol was everything to Captain Neely. He could hear a low voice murmuring in response to her objections, but he could only tell it was a male voice, not who it belonged to.

He opened the door and stuck his head around the corner. He had his mouth open, ready to utter some completely fictitious reason why he needed her, when he caught sight of the person – no persons who were in the outer office.

"Teal'c!, Daniel!" He strode out into his assistant's sanctum sanctorum and grabbed first Daniel, and then Teal'c in tight man-hugs. "It's so good to see you guys! What are you doing here? Come on in!"

"Yes, well, you almost didn't – see us, I mean", Daniel turned and glared at Captain Neely.

Jack turned and lifted an eyebrow at the Captain and was pleased to see that for the first time she looked uncomfortable. He knew it wouldn't last – she'd be back to trying to control him tomorrow. He really had to find someone with a sense of humor! "Next time either of these men come to see me you are to tell me they're here, is that understood Captain?" He pulled out his 'General's' voice – the one he used rarely, but which people knew meant business. He decided that he'd had enough of this.

"Yes Sir", she nodded respectfully, although he was sure he saw her eyes glow.

"Okay guys – what the heck are you doing here? I didn't think you were going to get in until later!" The reason for his good mood today was because Teal'c and Daniel were planning to spend the weekend in DC. They had a meeting on Monday and were to present to the Committee, so Jack had arranged for them to come early and to stay with him and Sam. Sam, of course, was 'transporting herself' over after work, with the Asgard device.

"We decided to come on an earlier transport O'Neill", Teal'c explained. "General Landry gave us the day off to be able to come and spend more time with you."

"He tell you to bug me about the MALP?" Jack asked suspiciously.

"He did not", Teal'c answered.

"Except he knew darn well you'd be happy to see us and he figured you'd be more likely to grant his request", Daniel explained matter of factly.

"Yeah – I figured it was something like that."

"So, you gonna let him have one?" Daniel took a seat on the couch in Jack's office, peering around as he did so. It was the first time he'd seen O'Neill's DC office.

"Oh yeah, probably." Jack grinned. "But I'll let him stew about it for a few days. Don't want him to think I'm a pushover!"

Daniel rolled his eyes and Teal'c gave the eyebrow. "Nice place you have here. Feels very – important." Daniel had stood up and was checking out the books in the bookcase. "Wow Jack – have you actually read these?"

"No Daniel. I asked my assistant to go out and buy books to impress people. My comic books are in my desk."

"Really?" Daniel turned to him with big eyes.

"Daniel Jackson, after all this time do you not know when O'Neill is pulling your leg?"

Daniel looked at him consideringly and then sighed. "Yeah – you'd think I'd have figured it out by now, don't you? So you have read these. I am impressed. By the way, what's with your assistant? She's a bit -"

"Yeah", Jack sighed. "She is. So", he stood up and went to the rack to grab his cover and jacket. "Let's get out of this place before Landry calls and tells me he's lost a scientist or something!"

"You can do that? Just leave, I mean?"

"Daniel – I'm the man. I can leave when I want!" He turned and held his finger to his mouth and then whispered. "Now, when we go into the other office, pretend like we're all going to a meeting."

"I thought you were the man and could leave when you want?"

Jack frowned. "I can – but it makes my life easier if she doesn't know. I think she's a Goa'uld." Without saying any more he opened the door and walked past Neely's desk. "We're off to our meeting Captain. I don't know when we'll be back so you can leave right at 5:00."

"Yes Sir." She watched until he reached the door, followed by his two companions. "Uh General, your driver will be downstairs in ten minutes to take you home."

It wasn't until he was out in the hall that he swore. "How the hell does she do that?"

It was only mid-afternoon by the time they arrived at the O'Neill's house. It was a large four-bedroom colonial, so each man had his own room.

"Nice, Jack", Daniel said, looking around. "Sam must have decorated."

"I'll have you know Jackson, that I am perfectly capable of decorating my own house!"

"When did she do it?"

"Uh – just last month. Come on, you guys want a drink?" After he'd served them the three men went out into the backyard and sat on the patio, drinking beer and talking about what was new in all their lives.


"Jack!" Sam's voice called from the living room a few hours later. At Jack's return shout she walked out onto the deck and gave each man a hug, ending with her husband.

"Have a seat", he instructed his heavily pregnant wife, "and I'll get you something to drink." She sighed and plopped down in the chair beside him, leaning back in relief.

"You are looking good Samantha", Teal'c told her.

"Yeah Sam – you look great!"

"Thanks! You guys are such good liars. I look like a hippopotamus!"

Teal'c regarded her carefully. "You do not", he informed her a couple of seconds later. "I see no resemblance to a hippopotamus."

"I think she just meant she feels big, Teal'c", Daniel explained.

"She is big Daniel Jackson."

Daniel grimaced and looked apologetically at Sam. "Uh Teal'c, it's probably better you don't point that out."

"Why not?" his friend asked. "It is clearly the truth. I am sure Samantha is aware of it as she most likely sees herself in a mirror on a daily basis."

"Yes Teal'c", she sighed, "I do. However, Daniel's right in that I don't particularly want to be reminded of the fact."

"Reminded of what?" her loving husband asked, stepping outside and handing her a glass of lemonade.

"Samantha does not wish to be reminded of the fact that she is very large", Teal'c explained.

Jack froze, in the process of lifting his beer to his mouth. He blinked a couple of times and then finally found his voice. "Uh – you didn't tell her that did you?"

"Yes. As I informed Daniel Jackson, it is the truth."

"I was right", Jack turned his head in awe. "Teal'c is the bravest man I know."

"Jack, Daniel", Sam laughed. "Stop bugging Teal'c. He's right – I am big but since it's your baby O'Neill, I totally blame you!"

"Of course you do", said her faithful husband, taking a swig of beer. "That's what marriage is all about. Although I don't think you're huge. I think you're beautiful and sexy!" He sounded very pleased with himself.

"And you are a total liar Jack O'Neill", his loving wife informed him, "but a very, very smart man."

"Does that mean I'm gonna get lucky tonight?" he asked with a hopeful look.

"Ewww!" Daniel chimed in. "Teal'c and I will leave if you get all – icky."

"Icky?" Jack said. "You sound like a ten-year old."

"I believe Daniel Jackson is correct", Teal'c added. "I believe that 'icky' is appropriate."

"Hey you guys", Sam said, sounding peeved. "There is nothing remotely 'icky' about having sex when pregnant! That sounds like something out of the Victorian age!"

"It's nothing to do with you being pregnant Sam", Daniel explained. "It's the thought of you and Jack having sex at all that's icky."

"Indeed."

"How do you think Sam got like that", he pointed to her belly, "If we didn't have sex?"

"Immaculate conception?" Daniel said.

"I was going to say 'alien intervention'" added Teal'c.

"You guys are so funny", Jack gave a fake laugh. "I assure you there were no aliens or angels involved."

"Jack", warned his wife.

"Don't worry – I'm not going to give them any details – like the time we snuck into that storage locker on level 28. Or there was the time under the Briefing room table – remember, we almost got caught by Walter? And we really won't tell him about that time Daniel was away with Sg5 on a mission and we snuck into his office – you remember those fertility statues you have Daniel?" He turned to a stunned looking Daniel. "You should be glad to know they work", he pointed again to Sam's stomach.

"Jack", his wife laughed. "What are you doing?"

"You didn't! Not on my table?" He looked back and forth between his two friends and then down to Sam's belly. "I mean – you didn't, right?"

"I believe O'Neill is again attempting to trick you Daniel Jackson", Teal'c said seriously. "I am sure he and Samantha have never done those things."

"Oh, I don't know Teal'c", Sam suddenly confessed. "I mean – it was just so tempting. Jack, should we tell Teal'c about the time he was away visiting R'yac?" She looked at her large friend. "I'm sorry Teal'c, but those candles made for such a romantic atmosphere – and we did change the sheets."

This time Teal'c looked rather – flabbergasted. It was as both of the men were staring at them in horrified fascination that Jack and Sam lost it, clutching each other and then bending over with laughter.

"Your faces!" O'Neill said, practically choking. "I bet Teal'c will have a hard time lighting those candles for a long time."

"And every time Daniel sees those fertility statues ….!" Sam went into hysterical laughter once again.

Daniel and Teal'c looked at one another in disgust. "She's gone to the dark side Teal'c."

"I believe you are correct Daniel Jackson", his friend answered. "She has been infected with O'Neill's – dubious – sense of humor."

"Great! Maybe we should leave the two of them to enjoy their little joke in privacy."

"Oh, I wouldn't do that guys", Jack said, wiping his eyes. "You never know – we might just decide to have sex on the deck."

Sam giggled. "We already did Jack, remember?"

Daniel and Teal'c rolled their eyes and sat back in their chairs. After a couple of minutes both of them began to smile, and then to laugh. Watching the love between their friends – and their joy – they couldn't help but be happy for them.

"Alright guys, you've both had your little joke" Daniel informed them. "But you have to promise us that there will be no more talk of sex this weekend, okay? Teal'c and I want to enjoy ourselves."

Jack regarded his wife seriously. "No talk of sex? Do you think we can do it?"

"Hmmm", she considered it. "Sure." She turned to Daniel and Teal'c. "Okay – Jack and I promise not to talk about sex this weekend."

"Thank God!" Daniel said in relief.

"I too am thankful", Teal'c added.

"But that doesn't mean we won't do it", Jack added.

His friends groaned.