Total Drama Cartoon Network
Episode 3-
"B-B-B-Bad to the Hambone"
One person approves of the Tall People Alliance
Chris, as usual, is standing on the docks, ready to introduce the next episode. "Hello, Cartoon Network fans!" Chris says, referencing to the fake fans that I made up for this Fanfiction, not the real ones. "This is a special episode. You guys wanted to see Mordecai and Rigby come up with a challenge, and you got it! Anyway, last time on Total Drama Cartoon Network, the teams set out to complete the first elimination challenge of the season. Thanks to Ed's stupidity and love of chickens, the Dangerous Deer lost the challenge. But, in the end, Billy was given the boot after Grim suspected that he was suspicious of his new Tall People Alliance. However, much to Grim's dismay, Billy is staying as an intern. Who will win today's challenge, and who will be going home tonight? This is Total…Drama…Cartoon Network!" The theme song is played.
In the mess hall, the remaining 21 are trying to enjoy their breakfast, but they cannot. It's Chef's cooking; of course no one would be able to enjoy it. Edd picks up a "tomato."
"Um, is this edible?" Edd asks.
"Why don't you eat it and find out?" Chef Hatchet asks, grinning evilly.
"This crud is not fit for a boy genius!" Dexter yells.
"No, this isn't crud! We had crud yesterday, genius!" Almost everyone throws up at the sound of Chef's last sentence.
"Hey, Sockhead, um, remember when we needed to mail that letter home, together?" says Eddy nervously. Edd shoots up, and goes to Eddy.
"Yes, I do. Let's go now and get it over with. Heheh." Edd laughs nervously, and Eddy and him leave the mess hall suspiciously.
"I wonder what their problem is," Courage says.
"Hey, Finn. Since our team is going to cream you guys in today's challenge, I want to say goodbye just in case," Jake says.
"Dude, you guys aren't winning. So, maybe I should say bye to you!" Finn replies.
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah!"
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah!"
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah!"
Mandy is walking by. "Shut up you dorks. Finn, over here, I'm calling a team meeting."
"Actually, man, I'd rather be eliminated than stay on a team with her," Finn says, pointing to Mandy.
"Sucks to be you, dude." Finn leaves.
Confessional –
Jake: You know, I'm going to make sure that Mandy gets eliminated tonight! I'm going to lead our team and try extra hard for Finn's sake! Holmies have to stick together!
Sheep – (Sheep is eating one of Chef's "specials") Baa baa baa baa. (Subtitles: This tastes worse than the crud yesterday.) (He is about to throw up, but the camera fuzzes up).
End Confessional
"Alright, team, so we know what to do. Pussycat, you and I.R. Baboon stay in the shadows as you two are obviously the least useful members on our team," Mandy starts, but Gumball interrupts.
"I'm not useless! I can help! Man, those things Grim said about you behind your back are true."
"Oh really, what did he say?"
"Well, he said…" Gumball says a lot of rude insults.
"Thanks for the info, pussy. Later today I'm going to have a talk with Grim."
Blossom sneaks behind Darwin during the meeting. "Hey, Darwin. What are you doing?" she asks innocently.
"Oh, just listening to Mandy dictate and control our entire lives, but hey, if I win, I can thank her!"
Confessional –
Blossom: Darwin is sweet! He would even thank an evil and maniacal little girl for controlling his life! See, now that's what makes me a good leader. I find all the nice people and become friends with them!
Buttercup: Man, Blossom having a crush on fish-guts is interesting. Being sisters and all, I hope she realizes that developing a soft spot will lead to her downfall.
Lazlo: (singing) (Samurai Jack walks in)
Samurai Jack: Excuse me, what are you doing?
Lazlo: I need a place to spontaneously sing. At Camp Kidney, I did it at the bottom of Leaky Lake. Where's your place?
Samurai Jack: I don't think I have one…
Lazlo: That's awful! Here, let me take you to the forest, I'm sure there are plenty of places there!
Samurai Jack: No thank you, I'm good… (Lazlo yanks Jack out of the confessional)
End Confessional
Ed is confused. "Hey, has anyone seen samurai guy or monkey boy around here? Ooh! Hug the chicken!" Chicken tries to run, but Ed catches him. "Hug the chicken, hug the chicken!"
"Let go of me you smelly doof!" Chicken kicks Ed in between the legs and gets out. "Seriously, show some respect, will you?"
Randomly, Mordecai and Rigby spin in. "R-huh-ringtone pick up yo phone! R-huh-ringtone pick up yo phone! R-huh-ringtone pick up your phone! Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding buh-bee-bee-boop! Oooooooooooooooooh!"
After singing their trademark ringtone, some of the campers clap.
"That song is one we came up off the top of our heads, so you dudes get to improvise a song for us. Best team to sing the best song gets an advantage in the second challenge," Mordecai says, and Rigby continues.
"Yeah-uh they do! And to help you guys train your vocal cords, we're bringing back 2 of the original Total Drama contestants to help you. Since the Dangerous Deer have fewer members, they get the advantage. They get to work with Noah!"
Grim is bothered. "How is that even an advantage? He's not even that good of a singer!"
"Fine, would it be better if you knew that the other team had to deal with Courtney for 10 minutes."
The Dangerous Deer cheer, and the Vicious Seagulls sigh, even though Courtney is a great singer.
"Okay," Mordecai says, "10 minutes to warm up! If you start planning lyrics, then your automatically disqualified. Courtney, Noah, come on in here."
Courtney and Noah walk in. Courtney is crossing her arms in frustration, while Noah is too busy reading his book.
"Go!"
"So, Noah, what should we do first?" asks Cow, even though he's not paying attention.
"I don't know, start singing, or whatever," Noah says.
"Okay, ahem, do re mi fa…" Chicken closes Cow's mouth.
"Not right now sis. Hey, where's samurai guy?"
In the woods, Lazlo is dragging Samurai Jack to some random place. "Come on, Jack, I remember finding this awesome rock out here. It's pretty cool."
"Um, thank you, but I believe that we should be getting back to our respectful teams now."
"Relax, it won't matter, oh, here's the rock!" Lazlo points to a rock that sunshine is lighting on. It's perfectly round, and perfect flowers are growing around it. "Now that's a neat rock! Here, I'm going to start the song!"
"Um, actually, do we have to sing?"
"That's why we came out here, isn't it? Okay, ahem."
Lazlo: Oh, Samurai Jack I think your cool, you have a cool sword and it makes me look like a fool!
Jack: Um, Lazlo, I'm good…
Lazlo: Just listen and watch all of nature! Don't you just see smiles!
Jack: Actually, I…
Lazlo: Come on, Samurai Jack! Slicing robots can't be your o-only strength. You have a heart full of gold, but you've never expressed it yet!
Jack: We should be getting back!
Lazlo: Not until you sing!
Jack: Alright Lazlo, I'll play your little game. I just don't like, um, singing.
Lazlo: Come on, you can do better than that!
Jack: I just really can't, I'm not that great with…is there a rabbit biting my leeeeeeg?
In fact, there was a rabbit biting his leg, and a turtle munching on Lazlo's arms.
"Wow, Jack, I didn't know your singing was so horrible that it attracted attacking animals! That is so cool! You have to teach me!"
"I cannot, I believe we have other problems." A bunch of angry animals circle Lazlo and Samurai Jack, and they don't look too nice.
Back at the campsite, the teams were ready, if you can call it that. Courtney was too busy on her PDA to help, and Noah didn't even look up from his book.
"OK," Chris says, "Dangerous Deer, you're up! I want to see you win out there!"
Ed: I am Ed!
Eddy: I nickname him, uh, lumpy!
Jake: His name is Eddy, and my name is Jake!
Bubbles: We are friends with each other!
Chicken: Yeah, sure whatever. Chicken hugger's giving me a hard time here!
Cow: Oh big brother we're in the top 21!
Chicken: Seriously sis, I think I'm gonna hurl!
Blossom: I hope someone thinks that I'm a very special girl.
Courage: I'm not a good singer, seriously! Go back and watch those reruns of CCF
Grim: With that attitude you definitely won't be the last one left
Courage: The Grim Reaper, he's threatening me!
Ed: I am still Ed!
Jake: I can grow large.
All: And together…we will wiiiiiiiin! Yeah!
"Impressive. I give you 8.5 out of 10. Next up, the Vicious Seagulls. Sing me what you got!"
Mandy: Uh…
Gumball: Uh…
Darwin: Ooh I know! I'm pretending I'm in a show!
Mandy: Shut it you fish head
Gumball: I don't like your tone
Buttercup: Come on guys, leave the argument alone!
All: Because we need to win the challenge!
Finn: I'd rather be messing with my sword right now
Baboon: I are not a good singer
Weasel: We all know that, and that your red bottom is fat!
All: We need to win the challenge!
Dexter: Double Dweeb, my competition, shake my hand and let's become friends!
Edd: Yikes! Your hand had electrocution trace! Luckily, I have the perfect remedy
Dexter: Just give up hat boy. You are stupid, and whiny, and stupid!
Edd stops singing. "Well, that's hurtful, isn't it?"
Chris stops the performance. "Since you guys failed to complete your number, the Dangerous Deer win the first part of the challenge!" The Dangerous Deer cheer, while the rest of the Seagulls glare at Edd and Dexter. "Dangerous Deer, as your reward, you get a laptop filled with special sound effects, including some songs like 'Livin' on a Prayer,' 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun,' and, my favorite, the 'Campfire Song Song.' It also has exploding effects, a recording stereo, multiple disks for information, dual walkie talkie system, and internet access. Vicious Seagulls, once again you get nothing!"
"Hey, guys, I need to talk to Double D. He, uh, owes me a quarter. I'll be back!" Eddy says nervously and he walks over to Edd. "Hey, Double D, remember that quarter you owe me." Eddy winks.
"Oh yes, I do need to do that," Edd says nervously, and runs off with Eddy.
Confessional –
Dexter: Hmm, Double D and Eddy seem to be doing something suspicious. I'm not going to get to the bottom of it, though, since then I'll have a target on my back from Eddy. I can let someone else do the job.
End Confessional
"Now, each team has to come up with an awesome, and remember, this is was Mordecai and Rigby's idea, hamboning routine for a hamboning competition!" Chris is getting blank stares from everyone. "Yep, Dangerous Deer, you get all of the information and recording you guys want to make the perfect routine. Vicious Seagulls, you have to come up with something yourselves."
Edd and Eddy come back. "Okay," Chris starts again, "now where is Samurai Jack and/or Lazlo?"
Back in the woods, Lazlo and Samurai Jack are running for their lives. "Who knew that my downfall would be a few dangerous bunnies," Samurai Jack says. Lazlo is screaming.
"Run for your lives! We're all going to die! Help me!" Lazlo jumps into Samurai Jack's arms, and Jack runs into a tree, knocking both of them out.
At the teams, no one knows. "Eh, it doesn't matter I guess. Get to work!" Chris says, and the teams are off to work. Jake immediately comes up with an idea.
"Hey, guys, I have a plan! How about I grow 50 times my size to make the loudest noise possible! You guys stay behind me, and do even beats. We can add the explosions every few seconds. What do you think?"
Everyone nods. The Vicious Seagulls watch in awe as Jake is demonstrating his plan. "Man, he's good!" says Darwin.
"Yeah, guys, Jake sometimes practices hamboning when no one's looking, or at least he thinks no one's looking. And, we're pretty much dead now that we have no plan or anything!" Finn sighs and sits on a tree stump, then gets off of it. "Oh, sorry, stump."
"Man, I am surrounded by idiots. Finn, we're not in the Land of Ooo anymore. Stumps aren't alive! Get your head straight!" Mandy says.
"I'm trying to, guys. But my best bro is on the other team! I can't cream his crop, or whatever people say outside of Ooo. I've lived there my whole life! I can't just randomly come to some place in Canada!"
"Snap out of it! We have a challenge to try to win! Come on! Like I said earlier, cat and baboon, you guys stand in the back and try to do barely anything. Buttercup… hey, where's Buttercup?"
Buttercup is sneaking in on the Dangerous Deer. She sees them looking up the "Best Hambone Routine in History." Unfortunately, Grim catches her.
"Hey guys, I captured the enemy! Mwa hahahaha!" Grim says. His teammates come over and see that he has trapped Buttercup in a magic grid thanks to his scythe.
"You guys are taking this too seriously!" Buttercup says, trying to get out.
"Well, by Underworld law, if you are caught sneaking up on the enemy illegally, you have to help sabotage your own allies or face a horrible curse!"
Everyone gasps.
Confessional –
Grim: That law doesn't exist, of course. I just wanted to see the other team lose! Hmm, I hope Chris thinks of me as the villain this season! That would be pretty cool if I could tell that to my friends down under.
Chris: Eh, he has some potential. We'll see.
Cow: Yes, Grim told me he was lying. In fact, if he trusts me this much, then I think I made a new friend! The Grim Reaper! Oh, my big brother will be so excited!
Chicken: (Ed is hugging him) Get off of me!
Ed: But you are a chicken and I love chickens!
End Confessional
"OK, let's go over this again. Slap slap, on the legs. Now, this is important, three slaps on the arm. That doesn't just give the routine originality every time, but it strikes a sense of care. Does everyone have that?" Weasel instructs everyone. Everyone, left that is, nods, except Baboon.
"I are confused! Do you want I.R. to slap his…"
"No, I do not! In fact, no one does! Put some pants on, man!"
"Why don't you put pants on then, Weasel!"
"OK, that's it, do you want to take this outside?"
"We is already outside!"
"Oh, so now you finally use the word 'is.' Gee, how long did that take you? 20 years?"
"I are insulted!"
"Stop!" Buttercup interjects, attempting to sabotage them. "Weasel, we all know you're superior, and so is Mandy! Baboon, Gumball, and all the rest of you losers should be fighting with each other to get a good title, because that's the only way you're going to win."
Some of her team starts arguing, much to her enjoyment. She goes back to Grim. "Hey, Grim, am I finally free of your stupid deal?"
"Almost done. I have one more thing for you to do."
"What?"
"Take one of our sound effects."
"Why?"
"Because, then your team will be disqualified for theft, and, if you want, I can tell everyone that Mandy did it out of desperation."
"Ugh. Fine. Give me a tape." Grim hands Buttercup a tape, and she leaves.
"Hey, guys!" Buttercup says, back with her team, "Look what I found on the ground! I guess someone took it and put it in the bushes. But hey, we should use this for our performance!"
"But, won't we, like, get in trouble for this?" Gumball asks.
"Well, I don't know, but I think we know one certain leader who'll take a fall if we do." Everyone stares at Mandy, and agree with Buttercup. "Now let's practice some hamboning!"
Mordecai and Rigby meet up with Chris and Chef. "Hey, Chris," Mordecai starts, "I think we should bury the hatchet of that prank war from yesterday. It was juvenile and stupid. Put her there." Mordecai and Rigby hold out their hands.
"Fine, let's handshake them, Chef," Chris says. They shake Mordecai and Rigby's hands, and nothing happens. "You guys should know better not to use a joy buzzer. We have Chris McLean brand rubber, idiots. Now, you guys need to go down to the teams and judge their stupid hamboning contest that was your idea."
"Man, Rigby, I can't believe he didn't buy it!"
"Nope, we don't buy those kinds of pranks. Now go, guys go! We have a time limit, you know!" Mordecai and Rigby leave.
As Mordecai and Rigby arrive, Jake is stretched into a giant. "Ready to perform, guys."
"Alright, ready, set, go!" Rigby says. All of a sudden, "Thriller" is being played. Jake's plan is working, as his incredible sound is, almost, literally blowing their minds. "Whoa," Rigby says, "this is amaaaazing!" The song is perfect, the rhythm is perfect, and everyone is doing their part. It is really a sight to see, even if they are just slapping their arms and legs.
All is well, until Ed randomly screams, grabs his foot, and falls back on the others. He causes a domino effect, and everyone stops. Mordecai speaks up.
"That was amazing! Until the end, and since you couldn't complete your challenge, it's an incomplete, or in other words, 0 out of 10!" Mordecai and Rigby leave.
"What the heck was that, Ed?" Chicken asks, stomping his foot in frustration.
"I don't know, something just stepped on my foot and I started screaming."
Courage speaks up. "I think Jake's foot was right next to his. He must have stepped on it."
"What? I didn't step on Ed's foot! Of course, when I'm at that size, I sometimes don't feel everything. It could've happened."
Confessional –
Courage: (sweating). I hope no one finds out that I stepped on his foot! It was an accident! Also, I didn't want to blame Jake. I just couldn't come up with anything else on the spot. Oh! I feel so guilty.
End Confessional
"Since that was a complete fail, Mordecai, I'm not sure how the team that actually got the extreme advantage lost so horribly!" says Rigby.
"Yeah-uh they failed! Maybe the Vicious Seagulls will do better." The 10 of the Vicious Seagulls, which would be 11 if Lazlo was here, are standing in a line. Buttercup plays the tape, and it turns out to be annoying classical music. "Ugh, what is that?" Also, all of them are out of tune. Gumball and Darwin seem to be going too fast, Mandy, Finn, and Weasel are going too slow, and the rest just seem to randomly do things. The music starts skipping, and the same, high-pitched opera voice is playing. After Buttercup kicks the radio, it finally stops, and so does everyone else.
"Nice job, Double D, you went all out of rhythm!" Dexter says.
"Why do you target me?" Edd asks.
"Because…" Mordecai interrupts him.
"Wow that was really horrible. But, since you guys somewhat completed it, you get 1 out of 10." Grim comes by.
"What! You're not going to disqualify them when they stole one our effect tapes!"
"Well, that wasn't against the rules. Rigby or I never told them they couldn't steal, and by one point they are safe from immunity."
Rigby continues. "Yeah-uh they do! And, their very special prize is… a pack of free lollipops thanks to our friend Pops!"
Grim is annoyed. "But I told Buttercup that she would be cursed if she didn't sabotage her team. I lied! She should be facing elimination, not me!" Buttercup comes up and attacks Grim by first punching him in the face. "Oh man, Billy, help me! Wait, where is Billy?"
"You said I was going to be cursed forever, and you wanted me to take the fall! No one backstabs me!" Buttercup says.
Samurai Jack and Lazlo finally show up, but they are running away from a herd of animals, led by Billy who is riding a rabid beaver. They are panting, and their clothes are tattered. Chris shows up and speaks.
"Where the heck were you guys?"
"One tip, never sing in the woods of Camp Wawanakwa!" Lazlo says. Billy gets off of his beaver.
"Yeah, I was king of the jungle, huh Grim?" Billy meets a bouncing skeleton whose name is Grim. "Hey Grim, watcha doing?"
"Getting pounded by a temper filled little girl! Oh yeah, and here's another tip to everyone, don't mess with a Powerpuff mon!"
"Man this is a weird episode," Chris says, "so, Vicious Seagulls, congrats for your second win in a row. As for the Dangerous Deer, they have to face elimination.
The Dangerous Deer are talking to each other at the cabins. "Who should we vote off?" asks Courage.
"I don't know, but Lumpy's got to be safe – he didn't do anything except for being stepped on by that menace of a dog. Jake, have any defense?"
Jake sadly shakes his head.
"Bye Jake, see you sometime later!" says Cow. She and the rest of her teammates, save Jake, leave for the campfire pit.
Confessional –
Jake: I still don't get how I stepped on Ed's foot. It makes absolutely no sense. I usual watch my footsteps. Unless if the only other person standing next to Ed did it. Well, I guess it doesn't matter, now, since everyone already casted their votes. Oh well, Camp Wawankwa, you and your excuse for food won't be missed!
End Confessional
TOTAL DRAMA CARTOON NETWORK
Chris stares at the defeated Dangerous Deer for the second elimination ceremony in a row. "Wow, this is disappointing. How did you guys manage to lose twice in a row? Well, I don't care; let's just see what went wrong. You guys' team had an awesome plan, but it failed. What happened? Ed happened, again. But, the votes make no sense when you watch the footage again. Let's watch it, shall we? Oh, and no changing your votes afterwards, guys!"
The scene of Ed screaming is seen, and Jake's foot was right next to his, except something different happened. It turns out that Courage's foot stepped on Ed's, and then he screamed wildly, messing up the routine.
After it ends, everyone is shocked, and is gasping. Courage is trying to cower away, but gets stern glares from his team.
"Okay, now you see what I mean. First marshmallow goes to, ironically, Courage!"
Courage is about to catch it until Eddy catches it instead out of anger.
"Next one goes to Eddy!"
Eddy catches his second marshmallow. "Thanks, Chris! At least we have one trustworthy person here!"
"Grim, here's yours!"
"The Underworld will send you a thank you letter."
"Even though you missing all day, you still get a marshmallow, Samurai Jack… hey, dude, can I just call you Jack? Because saying Samurai is kind of pointless."
"Actually, Jack isn't even my real…"
"Bubbles and Blossom," both of them cheer. "and Cow and Chicken."
"Alright, sis, we made it!" Chicken says, hi-fiving his sister.
"Okay, Jake, thanks to Courage, you're on the chopping block. Ed, you also racked up some votes for screaming when Courage's tiny foot stepped on yours. On this logic, the person with the last marshmallow is
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Ed."
Jake doesn't even look disappointed, an Ed swallows his marshmallow whole.
Chris is curious. "Dude, you're not upset that you lost the chance of winning a spin-off series?"
"Of course not. I'm way too overpowered anyway! I'd rather leave early and not get caught up in the drama than lose respect and friendship. I hope everyone learns that lesson. Now, since I'm the first one to take the Submarine of Shame, do I get a prize or something?" Everyone hands Jake their marshmallows and say goodbye to one of their best players. "Thanks guys. And Courage, you make want to watch your back now." Jake encounters Finn, who was watching the entire ceremony.
"Dude! I can't do this contest without you!" Finn says.
"Don't worry, man, I'll take care of Beemo for you. You don't have to win, even though that would be pretty awesome."
"One last time?"
"Sure."
At the same time they yell "Adventure Time!" and Jake gets in General Skarr's submarine
"Where to, Loserburg or Failureville?" General Skarr laughs maniacally and takes Jake away.
Courage is being glared at by the other eight Dangerous Deer.
"Wh-wh-what?" Courage asks.
"You just eliminated our best player! You better prove yourself in the next challenge, or you're going home next!" Eddy yells, and the rest of Courage's angry teammates leave.
"Wow, what an exciting episode of Total Drama! Tune in next episode to see who succeeds, and who utterly fails. Find out on Total…Drama…Cartoon Network!" Chris signs off.
Notes – Yep, Courage is in some trouble now. I never planned on having Jake go far, but for those Adventure Time fans, I decided to make this episode revolving around his small amount of his friendship with Finn. And this entire challenge was a huge throwback to Regular Show, for all of those fans as well. Thanks for reading and please review. (I also do not own "Livin' on a Player," "The Campfire Song Song," or "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun." But I do own the horrible songs the characters were singing)
Poll: Who do you think is taking the Submarine of Shame next?
Votes –
Grim: Jake
Chicken: Ed
Samurai Jack: Jake
Jake: Ed
Cow: Jake
Ed: Jake
Eddy: Jake
Courage: Jake
Blossom: Jake
Bubbles: Jake
Who's Left –
Dangerous Deer – Blossom, Bubbles, Cow, Chicken, Courage, Samurai Jack, Ed, Eddy, Grim
Vicious Seagulls – Edd, Sheep, I.M. Weasel, I.R. Baboon, Lazlo, Dexter, Buttercup, Finn, Gumball, Darwin, Mandy
