Disclaimer: Still don't own the characters, Vincent Valentine is from FFVII; as always, any tunes used are copyrighted to their appropriate artists


Chapter 4-Without You

But I know

Because I die without you…

I die without you…

Without You-lyrics by Jonathan Larson, from the musical RENT

Without you, a simple enough term that could be said and used in a number of ways; without you in my life would be the best, without you would make this easier to be able to move on and make things better. Without you…I could…and would…die. Leon had assumed that role, without you; you life being Cloud, he would die, and Cloud, could he die without Leon? And could Leon die without Cloud? There was only way to find that answer out; it was slowly showing itself in Cloud, who had become a creature of habit. He had become that person after falling into a steady circle of creature after becoming enthralled with Leon. Leon may come off as slight OCD, but that was what made the man a different creature of habit compared to other creatures of habit. It was also what made Cloud interested to the level of pursuing Leon till the man had broken down, or all the formal barriers within the mind of the man had been broken down. Creature of habit have ways of hiding within their habits; Cloud was doing just that as he lay on the sofa of the family home, sedated and lost within his scattered thoughts and emotions over seeing Leon never once giving a singular gaze his way.

It threw the man into the thralls of the part of his mind to hide away.

Memories of how he had chased after Leon, time and time again when he was first pursuing him slowly were ebbing into his sleeping mind.

No one could see what he was doing.

Everyone was blind to it.

~Flashback~

Leon had been enjoying some time off of working on restoring Hollow Bastion, especially since it seemed that small teems of Heartless that were within the old World were holding up in the Dark Depths Ravine. It meant that a slow ebbing of peace and relaxation could be felt and be allowed among the Restoration Committee; Yuffie had seemed to be letting up on bugging Leon too much, which for Leon, could mean many things. She was planning or she was just planning something that was going to involve Leon being the victim of her scheming; Aerith was working in her small garden that she had started to peak, Cid was being Cid, working on making an ancient computer they had managed to uncover within the restoration, Cloud was being…Cloud. A brooding ex-swordsman who had thoughts of latching on to the thing that has taken his interest as of late, but the thing he had interest in was unaware of the man's interest. Tifa had shown up shortly after finding her way to the World, only after receiving word that her friends had moved to Hollow Bastion from Traverse Town. And she had become a fast help for Aerith in the kitchen, all that was needed was for the long missed lover, Vincent Valentine that had taken to seeking refugee for a time after the Planet's destruction in Halloween Town.

"Hey Leon, can I ask you question?" Yuffie piped up as she popped up beside Leon's chair as the man sat, reading a book in the library by himself, "Have you ever thought of dating again?"

A stone cold stare was on the man's face, no flipping of pages could be heard, "Leon?"

"…My personal love life is my own business, not yours, Yuffie…"Leon seemed to growl as he fought to go back to his book, but Yuffie had his attention now and wasn't about to give up, "I know what you're doing, more or less, thinking, and the answer is 'No', Yuffie."

"Come on…Just one little date?" her pout was infamous, Cloud had almost sworn it could've, but nearly, rival that one of the one of his departed friend, Zack Fair's pout, and she was wearing it, "I'm sure you would enjoy going out on at least one date with either Tifa or Aerith…?"

The man rolled his eyes as he attempted to escape from the library, "Please, Leon…? Just give them one try…and if you don't like it, then I guess that'll prove my debate with Merlin."

"…What debate?" Leon spoke up as he stopped in his tracks, "Don't tell me you're debating over my personal life, again?"

"Promise you won't blow up at me when I tell you?" Yuffie's face turned to pure innocence as she waited for the man to answer her and hopefully without anger in his voice.

A grumbling sigh came from Leon as he turned around, leaning in against the doorway with arms crossed across his chest, "You have ten seconds to explain yourself before I chase you out of here so I can relax in peace."

"We'redebatingonwhetherornotyoumaybebi-sexualoratbestgaybecauseyouneverwanttogooutwithanyofthegirlsandCloudhasbeen askingaboutyouandweallthinkyouwouldnevergiveintoCloud'sinterestinyouwouldyou?" Yuffie had all but tied herself into knots and covering her head, out of fear of Leon striking out at her or at least screaming at her for such a stupid debate topic, but when Leon didn't speak, "Uh…Leon? You going to say anything?"

A faint twitch could be seen in the man's eyebrow and a nervous twitch was developing in the grimace on the man's face, "Get out."

"What?"

"Get out. Now."

"Is that the 'Get out of here now, you're out of your mind' kind of 'Get out' or is that the…"Yuffie didn't get the chance to finish that sentence before a rumbling roar was heard from the Library and the others were put on alert, "LEON'S NOT IN A DEBATING MOOD RIGHT NOW!"

There had been a great chuckle earned after things had settled down and eventually, Leon had come around; thankfully, without the assistance of a pesky and yaoi indulged Ninja to help it along.

Cloud couldn't have imagined life without Leon after that day; especially after, innocently cornering the brunet, calling him out on his outburst to earn an answer to Yuffie's question. Leon had and did not want any point to come out to anyone, especially the ex-swordsman that he had been hiding it from his closest friends and even the one woman he had been dating before his World's destruction that he had been eying guys while dating her. He hadn't been sure how anyone would've taken to the man's interest in both sexes, especially since Leon had buried his interest in Cloud after the man's first attempt to get close to him after he had been introduced to the blond. The man all but shown his full interest in the man in the way the man's eyes had eyed him up and down as he shook his head during introductions. Even now, he didn't have any of that.

Not even a simple passing glance of the brunet's simple smile.

That was gone.

Leon was gone.

No more Leon.

No more…

"…Leon…Leon…" the man was lost in the haze that the sedative he had been given at the Hospital to keep him from attacking Leon, "…Leon…Sorry Leon…Sorry…Forgive me, Leon…"

Aerith and the others were at a loss for what to do for the man as they sat in the kitchen, pondering what to do for the man for the last hour, watching Cloud moan in his sleep. It killed them to watch the man in the thralls of pain over the loss of the only thing that was keeping the man within the limits of sanity. Memories of the take down of Cloud in the Hospital as he had charged after Leon had brought on nightmares for everyone; no one had taken in the thought of sleeping that night. The mere nightmares it was going to bring on would've been enough to keep anyone awake long into the morning hours; Cloud had taken off after Leon as he was being wheeled out of the Hospital. Tifa had attempted to tackle the man to the floor while Aerith watched on in horror as she waited for Cid or Vincent to make a move on the man. Luckily, it didn't need Tifa's assistance to stop Cloud; Security had been placed around Leon's chair to assure that things such as Cloud's actions were prevented. Cloud's body language told it all as the man was pinned to the floor as the Male Nurse that had been talking to Leon's Therapist's injected Cloud with a sedative.

~Hospital Flashback~

"…Night, night, blondie…sorry about that man, but, can't have you harming an already fragile man…" the man picked himself up off Cloud as the Guards kept their hold on Cloud till they were sure that the sedative had taken its hold on the man, "If you want, I'll be more then happy to help carry your friend here home for you…"

Vincent stepped forward, unlatching himself from the grip Cid had taken to holding on the man's arm as his arms slipped under Cloud's limp form, "Let's go home…before we have to admit Cloud for the same thing or worse."

~End of Hospital Flash back~



Two family members had fallen into a state of cold to the world, one was passed out from mere exhaustion of emotions of the stressful situation and the other, the other was out due to use of unnatural causes. The second had been put out cold by a sedative, while a third, was committed to a Rehab center for the next week; hopefully, it would help the man.

Life was perfect.

Tch, yeah right.

"…How long did they say he was going to have stay at the Center?" Tifa spoke up as Cid kept his face buried in his hands with Vincent rubbing the man's back to soothe out the man's upset mood, "Did they give you any idea how long they're keeping him, Cid?"

Aerith kept her eyes turned towards the soup that was cooking in the pot in front of her, "Tifa, can you check on Cloud, make sure he's still breathing? I don't want a death in the family…"

The woman nodded as she moved to check on Cloud, "Doc said they're gonna keep the kid at the Center for about a week; if he doesn't start to show a change for the better by the end of the week, they may keep him longer and do some harsh therapy…" Cid sighed as he ran his hands over his face, "I don't know how the kid is gonna survive in a place like that."

"Leon is a strong young man, he'll pull through…"Aerith spoke up as she turned about with the pot in her hands, "…Dinner anyone?"


Four days.

Four long days.

Four long exhausting days.

It had been four days since Leon had been admitted to the Rehab Center and not once had he attempted to speak to anyone; he had given up trying to speak to his Therapist. She was the reason he was here, she was the reason why he was away from his friends and family, she was the one that had told him that he was to be a virtual prisoner in this personal Hell. She was also the reason he had broken into an emotional mess which had pushed it for him to be admitted to this place; a place that he had no reason being here. Within the earliest moments of being admitted to the Center; he had given into his own reasoning; he wasn't meant to be here, that was it, but if that was the reasoning and truth, then why was he still here? What sane person was going to put up with listening to an insane man ramble on about how he destroyed his life, sent his dysfunctional family into a tailspin, and all but destroyed his relationship with the only man in his life? Short of losing a sane man's sanity, no one was going to step up to the plate and take that bullet, at least, the woman who had been assigned to be Leon's therapist was at best willing and able to, but it was up to Leon to make the first step forward.

He had to be the one to want to talk about things.

"Leon?" her voice was heard close to his field of hearing, but he had played this game with her since Day 1, "I know you can hear me, Mr. Leonhart."

Nothing.

With a soft sigh and a push of her glasses further up her face, "You're family has been asking about you; they would like to come see you, but I've told them until you start to talk and open up a little, I can't allow you any visitors."

A faint shrug came from Leon as he fought to hide his eyes from her with his bangs, but her gentle fingers brushed against his face, "…Don't."

"Well, that is some progress…" a soft smile came on her face as she watched him faintly blush, "For a man of few words, your body language sure talks loudly."

Another faint shrug of the man's shoulders, "So."

"A person's body language can tell a lot about how they're truly feeling without so many words being spoken and…"slowly, she leaned forward to look into his face from the side, "…It says a lot about a person; you're a very quiet, reserved young man, you enjoy your alone time and times when you can have time to yourself, but then there are times when…"

"…I'm that way because…it's been with me for as long as I can remember…"

A spark seemed to be brewing and growing in the moment of Leon seeming to speak more then just singular words, "Care to talk about it?"

"…Can we do it in private?" Leon seemed to look about the room, making sure that no one could see or hear him, "It's kind of a personal thing…"

"Of course," the therapist's smile was true and honest as she took Leon by the arm, guiding him towards a private room, "From what I heard from your "Father"; you aren't from this World and had some problems adjusting to this World, what was your World like before you came here?"

A soft sigh came from Leon as he closed his eyes in soft remembrance; he could almost see every square inch of Balamb Garden, the pristine halls that had been the home of several sounds of footsteps, snapping fingers of finding out they hadn't made into SEED, to the laughter that had filled them. Smells were still lingering as if they had not disappeared with the utter destruction of the Planet; everything had its still pristine gleam and colors. Classrooms were holding sessions of class, students were fidgeting in their seats and some were at best attempting to keep their attention locked on their Teacher and the lesson upon the board. Then the memory turned almost nostalgic as sniffling chuckle could be heard from Leon's lips as soft tears started to creep out from the corners of his closed eyes. It was almost too much to see the place he had called home most of his SEED life, but as the memory faded from the sight of him looking to the desks of his friends, even the ones that weren't in attendance to the School or Classes. The memories faded out to an open field where standing in front of him was a mere flashback in his old man's memories, the image of the woman who would be his Mother watching in utter amusement of his Father falling all over himself. A simple look of wonderment was on the woman's face as she chased slowly after the man till her eyes became a look of puzzlement and shock as she found pure joy in the presence of the man.

It was then, that the memory started to crumble like Leon, "…I think we've touched on it enough for today," the Therapist's voice seemed to draw Leon from the nostalgia as his tear filled eyes opened upon her face; he could not see in her face the face he had before, "Come on…I'll help you back to your room…"

With a soft nod, Leon came without hesitation and without problems as let his long bangs hide his crying face from the others in the room, but they were all focused in on their own problems for being here. He could hear the soft scuffling of his feet against the floor as the sounds of doors opening, muffled conversations, hushed tones being spoken; they were all he could hear. Reality was sinking in, all that he had remembered, could not be here; the pain he had felt of rejection, abandonment and every singular emotion that had controlled his life since his first bout with rejection…it couldn't hurt him now.

It was all in his head.

It was a demon.

Torturing his very soul.

The only thing left to do was…

"…I'll be by to check on you later, Leon," the woman whispered carefully against his ear as he simply nodded, taking to standing in the middle of the simple and singular room.


For almost the first time in the four days he had been here; Griever had found reason to slip forward, wrapping his muscle built form around the man's heart, giving strength to it; softly nuzzling at it and the man, "Proud Prince going to be alright? Need the Wild Wolf?"

Like he had done with the Therapist; he simply shook his head, "…No, I'll be alright…just tired."

"Then sleep Proud Prince…Sleep…come the morn…Sisters come to see you…I know this because I've spoken with one Sister who has great Healing powers…that Sister will be a great healer for you…"

"…Aerith," Leon whispered under his breath as he crawled into the bed; eyes growing heavy, "…And…Tifa…and Yuffie…"

Griever purred to himself as he nestled close to the man's heart; a goofy grin spreading along its furry lips, "Yes…Love little Sister, as crazy as she is, this one still loves little Sister…Now, rest."



"Patient Leonhart seems to slowly be coming around, but I feel that there is still a more complicated reason as to why he proceeded with the act that he had done to present himself here," a pencil scratched across the notepad as the Therapist tiredly pushed her glasses up her face, "…I didn't mean for us to reappear in your life like this, Squall…only a small portion of ourselves are in these people you've seen, but what was then…can't be here now."

A pair of hands slipped onto her shoulders as a set of lips brushed against her cheek, "Squall was always a smart kid, even when he wasn't out on Missions…This was just a speed bump we didn't expect, but I'm sure he'll pull through; he always did."

"I hope you're right, Irvine…" the Therapist spoke up to the man whose badge read "Aaron", "I truly hope you're right."


Dinner had been quiet, no one had spoken throughout most of the meal; most of the time, the dinner table at the Committee House was usually lively and vibrant filled with various acts that resorted in someone facing some kind of strange consequence by the end of the meal. Sometimes, the meal would become part of the act; then there were times that a player would leave before the meal was served because of a bad combination relationship with another player. That part was usually reserved for the odd lovers; Cloud and Leon, Leon wanted to just sit at the table, eat his dinner and go home to possibly draw up a bath and then lay in bed next to Cloud. Simply cuddling until sleep overtook one or both of them, but Cloud usually ruined that daydream with a simple, "accidental" slip of the hand that sometimes caught Leon unawares till he was almost groaning to near moaning at the dinner table. There had been a couple of times that Aerith had caught Cloud at play with Leon; one night in particular had been when Leon hadn't been looking due to his eyes were diverted towards trying to stay awake at the table. Cloud had all but gotten his hand down the man's pants and nearly on something between the man's thighs when Yuffie bumped "accidentally" into Cloud. Unfortunately for Yuffie, Cloud had been enjoying trying to give his half asleep on his feet boyfriend head under the table and she had gone and ruined that.

A flurry of noise and turned over chairs mixed in with a softly snoring Leon at the table had erupted from the mess when Yuffie had called Cloud out on his hand down Leon's pants. An image everyone wanted to avoid at dinner and a dinner topic that was not needed or wished to be the topic of discussion that evening. Aerith had taken pity on Leon by asking for Tifa to help the man to the Guest Room where Leon tended to frequent whenever he and Cloud had fights or when the blond would be gone on long distance delivery/mercenary missions. Cloud had been roped in by a less then appeased and pleased Cid and was given a stern almost three hour lecture about Dinner Table Manners which Vincent had been agreeing on till Cid had started to give the man tips on how to assure to not get caught ever again. That's when Vincent had stepped in and ushered Cloud out with the quickly spoken miniature lecture of that his lover/boyfriend was not a main course to be eaten alone in front of your family. If he wanted to do that kind of thing, do it in private; that was before Cid screamed out from the room as the sounds of a chair was breaking and the screams were replaced moaning screams.

Who they belonged to?

No one was about to ponder on that one.

Tonight.

It was quiet and no one had bothered to stir Cloud awake from the sofa, but Yuffie had been helped out to the Dinner table; her face was tear stained, long after sleeping off her passed out state. She wasn't her usually jubilant self. As cliché as it may have sounded and probably distasteful towards Vincent, the house and dinner table were as quiet as the grave; with the exception of silverware scraping now and again against the dishes.

Cid sighed as he had for the last five to ten minutes, Tifa seemed to pick at her meal, Yuffie seemed to be having a staring match with hers, Aerith was happily eating it; hiding her heartbreak while Vincent seemed to stare out over the family, "We're still a family even if we aren't all together right now…Our family is strong, nothing can change that. Leon is strong. Have faith, children."

"…Leon…"the group's eyes turned to Yuffie, but when they saw she had begun to eat out of hunger; it was figured that it hadn't been her as their eyes drifted to Cloud, "…Want Leon…"

The man had crawled onto the window seat of the bay window that had been built into the main window of the Living Room area of the Committee House; it was sad to watch, the man was merely pawing at the bay window. Eyes staring out at the twilight that had fallen on the dusk colored town, a sob sound could be heard in his voice, each time his fingertips pads pawed at the glass. He had become a sad puppy, waiting for its Master to come home and love on it and tell it that it was still wanted and loved by its Master. Cloud was a sad kicked puppy and the tears softly running down his face showed it to those who were watching on with heartbreaking glances.

"Want Leon…When Leon coming home? When is he coming home?" Aerith couldn't bare to hear the man talking like a lost child as she pushed away from the table and sat beside him on the window seat, embracing him, "Sister Aerith…when Leon coming home…? I can't feel him here…"

She watched him nearly begging with his eyes to find the answer he could seek in her forlorn gaze, "Leon's just on a trip…he'll come home soon then you can fell him here again…"

Cloud shook his head; he knew that Leon would return to the home and home would slowly pick up the shattered pieces Leon had created in it, his hand curled around her fingers as he pulled her hand to his chest, "…I don't feel him here…It hurt…Make it stop hurting…"

"I wish I could, honey…but, it's up to Leon to make it stop hurting and you've got to be willing to work with him to make the pain stop," Aerith couldn't look into his eyes as she ran her free hand up his face, tracing the tear stained marks on his face, "It takes one person to cause the pain and another to make it stop…what do you want to be?"

"…I want to be the one to make it stop…"Cloud whispered with a shuttering breath as his hand clutched tighter to her hand upon his chest, "Never want to hurt Leon again…"

Yuffie's hand clutched around the fork in her hand as she slowly turned in her seat, tossing it in Cloud's general direction as it fell short of the man's form, "YOU SHOULD'VE THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE YOU WROTE THAT STUPID LINE IN YOUR NOTE TO HIM BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR THAT MERCENARY JOB! YOU CAN'T EVER MAKE THE PAIN STOP! YOU'RE ALWAYS GOING TO HURT HIM! HE'S FRAGILE! EASILY BROKEN AND HURT! YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT COMPASSION FOR HIM, CLOUD!" Tifa watched on from her downcast gaze at her plate as Cid and Vincent let Yuffie continue her tirade, "YOU HURT HIM THE FIRST TIME YOU DECIDED TO MAKE LOVE TO HIM! HE'S TOLD ME THE STUFF YOU'VE DONE TO HIM! HE MAY TAKE IT ALL IN STRIDE, BUT HE FEELS HURT WHEN YOU LEAVE! HE HAD PLANNED TO DO THIS LONG BEFORE YOU CAME BACK…you gave him the tools to his destruction…I hope you're happy…"

"Yuffie…"Aerith cooed softly as she watched the Ninja draw her knees to her chest at the table, "…She is kind of right, Cloud…you never were that gentle with him or kindest…"

Cloud could feel that all the daggers were being pointed at him, "…That's enough, it's been a hard week so far, and this isn't helping anyone," Vincent spoke up as he lightly shook at Tifa; she slowly started picking up the dishes, "Rest is best for all of us, hopefully in the morning, things will look better."


Cid nodded at that as he started to feel his phone vibrating in his pocket, "You heard the man, get yourselves up to bed for now," as he saw the caller I.D. he pulled Vincent aside, whispering in his ear that he would be in bed later; he had to take the call regarding Leon, "…I'll give you the verdict once the kids are asleep…"

"Alright my Captain," Vincent softly kissed the man as Cid strode quickly outside from prying ears as he took the call, "Hello?"

The therapist wasn't expecting to hear from Cid by this time, "Mr. Highwind, I assume?"

"Yeah, what's up?" Cid gruffly spoke as he searched for a cigarette, "How's my "son" doing?"

"That's why I was calling," she leaned back in her chair, "How do you feel about coming out and seeing him tomorrow?"

Cid nearly dropped the cigarette and lighter at that question, "W-What?"

"I managed to get him to open up a little, but I still want to keep him here till the end of the week and then I'm going to suggest that he possibly take it easy for a couple of weeks; with what he did to himself to land in the Hospital that night is a stressful topic and issue," she paused as she rubbed at her tired eyes, "If he goes anywhere outside of Radiant Garden, like to another World, I want him to be with an escort he can trust just to keep an eye on him…"

"Of course…Yeah…Alright," Cid started to agree with the woman's words as he listened to her talk about Leon's condition and the condition of them visiting him tomorrow, "…I've got to make a short run out to Traverse town for a about a week or so and then part of another week in succession off in Port Royal; got to pop in on some friends, and I guess I can take Leon along."

A soft sigh of relief came from the Therapist as she leaned forward on her elbows, "That sounds like a wonderful idea, but, what of the man who attempted to attack him at the Hospital when we were taking him to the Center?"

Cid dragged a weary hand down his face, "He'll probably go find something to do since he's been acting kind off kilter since the kid got placed in the Center and as far as we can tell, even without Leon home; he's probably going to give the kid some breathing room for a while…"

"I understand, well; then I guess I'll see you tomorrow afternoon?"

Cid nodded his head, "Sure thing…"

"Good night, Mr. Highwind."

"Night."

With a clap of his phone closing and then pocketed into his pocket, Cid made his way back into the house; reaching towards his bedroom, locking it behind him and crawling into with Vincent, "What's the word on Leon?" Vincent murmured as he nuzzled his head up under Cid's chin.

"We can go see him tomorrow, but for the next two weeks I'm taking him with me on my run to Traverse Town and Port Royal," Cid sighed as he ran his tired hand down his face, "The therapist figures it'll be a nice break for Leon since he's probably not going to be functional around here for a while and with Cloud here, I don't know how the kid will adjust."

Vincent's human hand's fingers began to trace softly against the man's chest, "You know what's best for our son…I know that you know what's best for people at times my Captain…just bring him back with some token of the man our family remembers…"

Cid chuckled to himself, "I'll try, Vince, but I'm not promising any miracles," his coarse lips found the top of the man's head, "Now, I just want to sleep…going to go see our kid tomorrow in the whacko basket."

As the house began to settle, there was as it would've seemed not a mouse stirring about the house, save for a blond haired one that had propped itself up against Cid and Vincent's bedroom door. Cloud had enhanced hearing from the Mako that was in blood from his time as a "SOLDIER"; he had heard everything, but he wasn't low enough to go and follow the family to the Center tomorrow to visit his lover, if Leon would still have him. No, he had another way. He would travel to the Worlds that Leon would be going to as side trips from his Delivery Route while Cid was to be away in hopes of spotting Leon when he could.

"…Keep him safe, Cid…I will do what I can to find a way to fix this broken mess…Leon…please…wait for me…"Cloud whispered into the shadows as he slowly slipped to his room; sleep was null and void for him, he hadn't found a reason to sleep, not even now, knowing that it his bed was cold without the man.