Author's Note: Hi guys, remember that I promised you a happy ending? Don't forget that, a promise is a promise :) ! Now we're finally getting somewhere in this chapter, I hope you like it!


"I don't want to", I say and try to swallow the lump in my throat away but my mouth is too dry. I sound pathetic and scared and incredibly weak and I hate myself for it. What has happened to the woman I used to be? This emotional wreck can't be me.

I want to look away, but I can't. This whole graveyard gives me the chills although sun is shining brightly and all the gravestones look so peaceful. There's nothing bad in here, it's a calm and beautiful final resting place, but just looking at that familiar church makes the knot in my stomach tighten. I remember that dark day far too clearly.

And I've never been here since.

"I don't want to face him."

I know Van Pelt has been here and the team too. On his birthday, on Christmas Eve. I always refused to go with them, the wounds were too sore and I was afraid to fall apart. So here I am, once again wanting to run away. I'm such a coward.

"Sooner or later you have to", Van Pelt says sympathetically. "It will help you."

"I don't know what to say to him", I say and stupid enough feel tears starting to gather in my eyes. This is just like with mom. It took me years to visit her grave, I was so scared. And when I did, I couldn't stop crying.

But strange enough, the pain faded away after that and I know Van Pelt is right. She squeezes my hand encouragingly saying she'll wait in the car.

After a short walk, which feels like forever, I'm standing here, finally facing him again. My heart beats loudly, so loud that it almost deafens me. It's like another nightmare seeing his name right there. It makes it all so real once again.

"Hi", I whisper. He doesn't answer. For a moment I'm completely lost for words and I just stand there feeling more stupid every minute. I should've brought flowers or candles to have something to do with my hands.

"I'm sorry I haven't been here. But I think you understand, you didn't visit Angela that often, did you?"

My voice doesn't sound like mine, I can't believe I'm this nervous talking to someone who can't even hear me. I take a deep breath, straighten my back and start again trying to pull myself together.

"I finished your revenge. I hope you're not mad at me. I thought it was the right thing to do, so you can rest in peace. I don't know where you are right now, or if you can hear me, but I do hope you're happy. Maybe you're really in heaven, looking down at me right now?"

I raise my gaze to the sky and wait for a sign, but there's only silence. I lower my gaze back to the stone shrugging. I thought so too.

"You're not here, are you?" I ask with a wry smile, putting my hands in my pockets. Joking with him makes me feel instantly better. Maybe this is going to be a lot easier than I thought.

"Van Pelt wants me to talk about you with everyone. She's really worried about me, although I've told her I'm fine. People just won't believe it. But you know this already, you've been through worse. I guess I never really understood your pain, but now I do."

My little crooked smile fades away slowly.

"I'm sorry I haven't thought about you. It has been difficult for me. I've always been like this, never knew how to grieve for people. Never thought I should be grieving for you."

I try to leave but my legs won't move. One part of me still wants to say something.

"You were the only one I could talk to", I say my voice shaking a bit. "That's why I'm here. I have no one else who understands. It was so easy with you, you knew me so well. I miss you so much. I just want to see your face again, I miss your smile. I –"

I crossed the line. I should've left while I had the chance. One single quiet sob escapes my lips and I close my eyes trying to fight against the tears but I know I'm too late.

"I need you, Jane, more than I ever did", I whisper tears rolling down my face. "Please give me a sign that you're still here with me."

I wipe my tears away angrily and wait for something. Nothing happens, just a little wind breathing against my cheeks with a familiar scent -

My eyes fly wide open with shock. That scent is so familiar, a mixture of tea and… his aftershave -

I turn around swiftly and scan the graveyard, heart hammering in my chest. But as I thought, there's no one there.

"Jane?" I ask carefully. "Are you there?"

I scan the forest at the other end of the graveyard, but see nothing. Then I get a funny feeling that someone's watching me.

I turn around just as quickly to face his grave once again, but this side of graveyard is empty too.

No, wait, isn't there someone standing –

I blink and it's gone.

I don't know how long I've stood there, when Van Pelt comes to take my hand.

"Is everything alright? You want to leave?" she asks with a worried expression and I snap back into the reality. I blink again and the graveyard stays empty and quiet, even the little faint wind has died away, there's no one here. I'm such a fool.

"Yes", I say. "I think I said everything I wanted to."

We start to walk away from the graveyard and strangely enough with every step I take, the burden slowly lightens. When we reach the car, I'm feeling oddly serene.

"If you still wanted to come over to my place -", I start without a second thought, surprising even myself. "I mean if you have nothing else to do, you could come. I'd like that."

Van Pelt looks at me bewildered and for a moment I'm afraid she'll say no. Then her face brightens delighted.

"I'd love to."


Next morning I wake up feeling oddly calm and serene thinking that maybe Van Pelt was right. We had a lovely evening yesterday. She kept her word and we didn't talk about Jane, but everything else. It felt good to hear about her new hobby and her and Rigsby's relationship and Cho's new girlfriend (when had he got one?). Then we ordered some Chinese takeaway and Van Pelt wanted to watch a movie. She was clearly really disappointed in my movie collection of action and horror films (does every woman have to have all the romantic comedies? I mean, I do have some of them, but I've hidden them, 'cause everything romantic makes me cry nowadays) so in the end we watched Resident Evil and Van Pelt surprised me by saying she liked it.

So I'm feeling great going to work today. But as soon as I enter my office, I have to take only one look at the empty couch and the pain comes back worse than ever. I try to go through the morning, but it's a nightmare. This place just screams his name, I can't take it, and finally Cho realizes that everything's not alright and tells me to go home. And for once I'm grateful for it.

Funny, there was a time, I could do nothing else than work. It was the only thing that made me really happy. After he walked into my life I started to enjoy other things too. Like hanging out, eating pizza with my team, with my friends, get to know people around me, get to trust them, get to enjoy life, get to fall in love…

I wipe the thoughts out of my mind. I don't feel like working anymore, it's just work. It doesn't make me happy, I've changed. So what is there left for me? What am I supposed to do with my life? I'm just so confused.

I pass a little coffee shop which Jane and I used to go to. After a moment of hesitation I step in line thinking that coffee used to cheer me up once, so maybe it'll help now.

I get my coffee and think absently about all the times, when Jane brought me here. It was usually after a long and depressing day when he said that I needed cheering up and he insisted to buy me a coffee. I always lied that I hated it and he should stop buying it just to mess with him, but of course he always knew the truth and ignored me. It was the way we usually did everything. I acted like I didn't like it and he acted like he believed me.

Maybe it was the same thing with my feelings for him. I acted like I wasn't in love with him and he acted like he believed me.

I take a sip and it tastes just as wonderful as I remembered, but also a bit bittersweet. Was this what Van Pelt meant? That from now on whatever I'll do, I have to face every single memory connected to Jane. I'm not so sure I'm ready for that.

I turn around to leave when something catches my eye. There are lots of people sitting on shop's terrace drinking their coffees and having ice cream and they're all smiling widely and laughing. It's a beautiful sunny day indeed, but that's not what I'm looking at.

There's someone sitting at a corner table alone. He has his legs crossed and I realize he's staring back at me. I hastily turn my head away and keep walking. But then I stop again.

Wait a minute.

I turn back to look at him. He's still looking at me and I glance at his hands. He's holding a tea cup. That's what I was looking at. Everyone who drinks tea reminds me of him.

But wait a minute, that wasn't all. He wears a vest too. A three-piece suit. Who wears three-piece suits except -

I take a few steps forward suddenly feeling very anxious. I know I've seen him somewhere before. He looks so familiar. He has blond curls and blue eyes and there's a wide smile on his face and -

It's like waking up from a nightmare. I can hear myself gasping for air, trying very hard not to scream, trying to understand what's real and what's not.

It can't be. It just can't.

"Hi, Lisbon", Jane says and his voice rings through air like crystal bells, he raises his hand and waves at me. I can't move. I'm frozen to my place, having trouble breathing, it's like someone just hit me. I can't think, I can't breathe, nothing makes sense, I -

He rises from his table with a concerned look on his face, but then everything starts to blur.

"Lisbon, are you –"

I hear him coming closer, almost running now as my feet fail me. I faintly hear someone screaming, feel someone catch me. There's a warm and familiar scent and his voice saying words that I try to understand.

Then it all goes black.