DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of these characters...
Warning: Yaoi situations. If you don't like don't read!
Please enjoy!
Chapter 6:
An On-coming Storm
-Roxas POV-
The sun came bursting through the curtains and the light was glaring into my eyes. I pulled my black and white covers back over my head, blocking the sun-light that was trying to wake me up. The door was slammed open making me jump out of bed to fast and burning my eyes with the sun.
"Roxy! You need to make breakfast for me and dad!" I guess that only I can cook because we don't trust Sora in the kitchen and Cloud just can't cook...
"fine...let me get changed first..." I yawned loudly and received a hug from my brother.
"Be quick! I love your cooking and you know it!" Sora let go and ran down the stairs loudly. I got up and stretched my tired limbs. I strolled over to my closet and pulled out my favourite white and black checkered tank top and a pair of black short-shorts. I like short pants and tank tops...
I quickly slid them on and made sure to wrap up the words on my arms with bandages again. As I made my way down the stairs I saw a woman with long black hair walking up with a complete frown on her face. When she walked past me she was even worse. I heard her swear and I just continued walking and ignored her. So this was the lovely Tifa that Sora and dad talked about...
"Hey...You... Your Roxas right? That retard's brother and that slut's child right?" Okay sure Sora is a retard but my mother isn't a slut.
"Yeah! That's right, but, my mother isn't a slut. I'm pretty sure you are because aren't you just mooching off of my father and making him treat you like your the queen when all you are is a piece of fucking bull-shit." Okay sure I was sassy but this was my birth mother she was talking about...
" Oh, wow... You're already trying to cause trouble with me just like your brother. I know what your mother let happen to you. Didn't you feel loved? Having those men treating you like top-shit when you are just a fucking brat who was raped and tortured for 10 fucking years. I know you cut you fuck-tard, it's obvious with the way you bandage your arms and,Oh yeah! Your uncle is coming down with your mother and fucking step-father in a week. Have fun with them you fucking Slut..."
She stormed off completely satisfied with her rant about me...
I felt like she just pushed me down 100 stairs and all I could feel was the pain of each word she said. I crouched on the step and started to cry to myself. She was a bitch who needed to . Sora came from the dining room and ran up to my shaking body.
"ROXAS?! What happened? Why are you crying?" I stared at him through teary eyes but stood up and just smiled.
"I'll go make breakfast for us now. I'm fine... Just sad that I didn't grab my favourite hoodie that's all."
. . All I could think of was making up a lie to make sure Sora wouldn't worry. He turned around but smiled and pat me on the back. He understood that I was lying to him for our sake as a family.
"Okay, let's have breakfast!" We ran into the kitchen and saw Cloud sipping at his coffee, he looked so official...
"Oh, Roxas! Can we have pancakes?" I just nodded my head and chucked on the first apron I could find and started making the pancakes. I made 3 mixes. An apple and cinnamon one, A chocolate one and a blueberry one. I cooked them all and served them up like yesterday. We all finished eating and ran to the car to get to school early.
-At school-
"ROXAS!" Axel had started running up towards Sora and I. He looked at me and smiled like he usually does. His face continued to remind of the moment we had at his place because of a stupid maid costume...
"Some new kids looking for you. Say's he knows you from your old school." Axel tilted his head to the left slightly and he continued to watch my eyes. I stood there, shocked and confused... So Fuu was right... He did come to torture me again...
" I'm going ahead...Sora...I'll be back later...See you in Chemistry Axel..." I ran ahead asking people about where the new kid was. I ran into Fuu who led me straight to him. He was sitting in the locker room in front of my locker. I hope Axel doesn't come by... He glanced over to see Fuu standing in front me.
"Roxy... Come now, You know you have to run into my arms." Seifer. My creepy obsessive ex-boyfriend from my old home town. He was still wearing that ugly black beanie and blue sleeve-less jersey.
"Oh, Seifer. You haven't changed abit in fashion and ugliness..." I started to turn around before being slammed into the closest locker. Sorry Demyx...
"You know I still own your fucking body you brat." His face was inches away from mine and he forecully held my arms against the locker. He placed his knee in between my legs and restricted any movement I could do.
"Your still as cute as ever Roxy... I wonder if you still yell the same..." His eyes were dark with lust as he started to rub his knee against the bottom of my crotch. His lips started to move down my neck and onto my bandaged arm.
"You still cut, it was never my fault you did these things..." His voice was in a whisper. It sounded disgusting and I just wanted to throw up from seeing his face. His knee was lowered and he placed his leg over my crotch and started to rub me with his leg.
''Ahn...n-no...s-stop it...mmhnn.." He was thoughtful when it came to me, but he never thought about stopping when it came to trying to get in my pants.
"Now now Roxy, You know you want to just scream out, Ahhhn...M-more Seifer...Ahhhn...Don't stop! Ahhhn..." He was trying to mock me, the bastard. He continued to rub my crotch and when he pressed his body against mine I could feel a bulge through his black jeans. Shit...
"I hope you know that I'm rea-" He was thrown off of me leaving me standing there scared and in shock. I clutched my arms and fell to the ground rocking myself back and forth. I looked up to see Axel clutching seifer by his tacky jersey.
-Axel POV-
This fucking bastard... He was not going to rape my fucking Roxas... I turned my head to see Roxas clutching his arms and rocking himself back and forth.
"B-bastard! What the hell are you doing!?" So it looks like this fucktard can still speak huh? I slammed him into the locker and made him cough up a bit.
"You ever fucking touch Roxas again I'll kill you new kid..." I'm sure you could hear the hate dripping from each word said because this fucktard was looking at like he was about to cry. I heard Roxas moan slightly and quickly let go of this kid and ran over to the crouched down blonde.
"Ax...el..." He was crying silently to himself. I softly pat his head and just hushed him quietly. I heard the noise of footsteps running away, Faggot must have ran away.
"It's okay Rox... I'll protect you.." He looked up at me shocked, his tears had stopped and he wrapped his arms around my neck and hugged me softly. His body was still shaking but he was happy. Tears of Joy flowed from his eyes and stained my top. His small arms were wrapped tightly around my neck, clinging for life.
"Thank you Ax...Thank you..." He let go of my body and then wiped away his tears smiling. He was still sad but he was better. I couldn't fully help but I knew that I had made a place in his heart...
-Riku and Sora At the moment-(Riku POV)
"Sora, I still love you, I hope you know that..." I sighed casually, looking down at the brunette who was staring at Roxas and Axel hugging. I stared shocked at the scene before my eyes. Axel and Roxas were getting closer and Sora wasn't happy about it..
"Sora...Do you lov-" He cut me off and walked away angry. Was I right? Does he love Axel? Does that mean I can have Roxas?
I quickly ran after the brunette worried and confused, he was furious and if i'm correct, with Roxas. The brother he loves so much and would brag about, the brother he would always cry for. That Roxas?
"Fucking Axel..." Sora muttered under his breath but I could clearly hear what he said. It was my best friends name...
"Sora? Why are you mad at Axel?" The brunette turned around and glared at me, tears in his eyes, fists trembling. "Because Riku! HE'S STEALING MY ROXAS FROM ME! I'VE ALWAYS BEEN THE ONE THAT ROXAS WOULD HUG! ME! WHY DID IT BECOME AXEL? why...why did he replace me?" The tears that he was holding back fell from his eyes and he couldn't help but to fall to the ground.
"Sora, Roxas is your brother, he will always have a place in his heart for you... L-like you do to me... Sora... You're in the most special part of my heart... The spot which is for the person I love..." I looked down at Sora who was staring at me completel confused, his tears had stopped atleast...
"Okay, what i'm trying to say is..I...L-lo-love...You...forever and ever, I will love you..." I looked down to see tears falling from his eyes but this time he was smiling. Tears of joy? Tears of embarrasement? Tears of sympathy?
Before I could speak again I was cut off with a hug from the younger boy. A hug? Wait what did that mean again...they love you back right? Yeah! that's right it's love! Love...LOVE...
"WAI- WHA-!" I stood there with my mouth open as Sora started to giggle.
"I'm the same as Riku, I didn't want you with Roxas... That's why I got mad with you...sorry..." I looked down to see the most innocent and beautiful boy ever...
"The only reason why I would like Roxas is because he looks exactly like you!" I chuckled lightly and received a jab in the arm from my little lover.
"Better keep you away from hair dye when I die huh?" He was smiling like we used to... That beautiful smile...
I ducked my head down to meet with his and then softly kissed the boy. I heard a few 'aww! and a little bit of "KISS HIM AGAIN!OMG YAOI 4LIFEZ!" Friggin' Yaoi fan girls... i opened my eyes to see Sora blushing but kissing me back softly. What a cutie..
We continued to hug and kiss until we heard the warning bell go off. He grabbed my hand and quickly dragged me along to chemistry. I love you so much... You are my treasure... Forever...
-Roxas POV-
"Okay, Class... We have a new brat joining us today... His name is Seifer, Seifer Cross. he's somewhat intelligent but please be easy on him because his stupidity may be contagious which is why I'm standing at the back of the class away from this idiot-disease carrier..."
.Shit and Shit... Seifer is in our classes... I looked over to see Fuu sitting there fidgeting with her thumbs, So she was doing the same as me... freaking out over the max...
"Now go sit over there... Only free seat left in the class." Snape, I freaking hate you even more... Seifer looked over to me and then licked his lips. Fucking great... Sora and Axel were glaring the hell out of him while Riku was restig his head in his arms asleep. Worst part is, because of stupid Vexen He has to sit in the middle of Axel and I...
"Hey there Sora, Roxas! Did you two miss me. Oh hey there flamer! I have a lovely bruise from you!"
"Well, SEIFER, Roxas ddn't miss you at all. He moved here to g-" I shut Sora up quickly, he almost made things worse.
"Roxy? You told me that because of your step-dad, you were forced to move? I mean he did do all those things to you over those 10 years didn't he? Plus, your mother didn't care." I stood there scared. he was going to tell them all everything.
"Yeah, that's why I left Seifer... I m-missed you... B-but we have to split up now...If we didn't then it would have gotten worse..." I quietly whispered it but he heard me, I could tell because he wrapped his arm over my shoulder. I feel sick...
"Don't touch him like that, Seifer? Your name reminds me of the word syphlis for some reason? Did you ask to be named that?" This is why Axel is my favourite.
"What did you say you bloody Flamer?" Axel just glared at the boy who was practically a mere pebble in his eyes. I smiled at the emerald eyed boy with complete delight.
"I'm here for you Roxy! You know i'll protect you forever!" This is the first time someone has told me that they would protect me... twice...
"Thanks Axel!" Seifer stared at me, the same face he used when he raped me that one day... I sat there frightened to death as the boy moved his hand to his side slowly moving it to my ass-cheek. I quickly moved further away but his hand continued to follow. I quickly moved my head to face Axel and looked to see him being talked to by Vexen already.
"What's wrong Roxy? You keep on moving away from me?" Seifer was quietly whispering, loud enough that only I could hear.
"I...I'm just...uncomfortable...your hand keeps on touching my...m...my...B-butt..." I looked down blushing madly with anger and embarrassment.
" Roxas? Please sit closer to Seifer instead of moving away. He needs help from the second smartest in the class. Who's the first? Me! The almighty Vexen! Hahaha!" Fucking Vexen...
I moved closer to Seifer, making him happy and feel smug with himself. Axel looked to see me trembling and he slowly pat my shoulders from behind Seifer.
"Axel! Didn't you drop your pencil? You're not trying to touch Roxy are you?" I looked up to see Sora looking grumpily at Ax. Thanks alot Sora, you just made Seifer even worse.
"Oh yeah, Roxas helped me grab it just before by moving away from Seifer who was touching his butt. I pat him on the shoulder for helping me Sora." He smiled, showing a chesire cat like grin.
"Oh how nice of you Rox! Seifer stop touching Rox okay?" Sora was still smiling. Why was he being nice to Seifer but not Axel!?
The lesson carried on with me being sexually harassed and then being saved by Axel...
-Seifer POV- Music class -
Fucking Flamer... Working with My property which I branded years ago... I looked around to see the losers in my group. I was still working with my Roxie-poo but he was busy working privately with Axel... I swear... Roxas is going to get it when I see him alone...
-Axel POV-
"So I think that you should sing this part here.." I paused pointing to the point in the song, "quietly so that people then feel the true emotions of the song!"
"So you mean like this?" He opened his mouth slightly, singing the tune perfectly and quietly. I stared at the Cobalt eyed boy and smiled softly, nodding my head in agreement to his soothing voice.
"Hey, Ax... Can you please stick with me when Seifer is around..." I looked at the young boy, did he just ask me for help? Roxas? Asked me for help? Not Sora?
"Of course I will Rox! I don't like that guy either way!" I gave the blond a re-assuring smile, hoping to brighten his mood. He looked at me brightly, showing his white teeth with a smile that brightened up my mood.
"Thanks Ax! Now then, Shall we practice our song with everyone?" I grabbed my bass guitar and dragged him over to everyone. Wait a minute... What does Seifer even do?
"hey guys! let's practice already! Seifer grab whatever it is you play and watch what we do, You understand me?" He just sat there and looked at me, didn't even care for what I said...
"Ax, Seifer plays the drums and bass guitar, he's also a vocalist like me but his voice goes lower and deeper." Roxas had quietly mumbled behind me telling me about this retards music skills. He plays my instrument, Riku's instrument and he can sing with Roxy... great...
"Okay, Thanks Rox. Seifer, You sit there and memorize the lyrics and listen to Rox okay?"
He just sat there staring at Roxas, completely looking past me. I stepped forwards towards the beanie-boy and coughed loudly.
"Okay!?" He just nodded his head and added a little, 'humph...', I seriously hate this guy...
We walked over to our practice area and got into positions
Demyx on lead guitar, Sora on back-up, Riku on the drums, Roxas on Vocals and Me with my Bass. We started off with a slight instrumental and not long after that. Roxas breathed in and quietly sang his words, adding a haunting feeling to the song.
Rushing, away, from all of the pain...
Racing away from an on-coming storm...
Hoping to run away far enough...
To escape from the pain of that storm...
We picked up the pace and Roxas sang louder than before, enchanting everyone around us, making them stop to listen to his voice. I looked over to see Seifer smiling for once. He liked Roxas' voice like we all did...
You can't force me to race into the rain,
You can't make me claim all of my love for you...
I hate the way you made me do things,
The way you would trick me with that smile...
You don't even know that we were never going out...
We looked towards the sky
In the rough of that storm...
Hoping for tomorrow to be a clear blue day...
We were stopped only because we heard Seifer get up and sing the part that was for Roxas and I to sing. When he opened his mouth and started to sing we all quickly started to play to fit his tone. (Seifer= Bold Italics)
You broke away, from all the fear I had made...
(hoping that you won't notice...)
I knew it from the start...
(How did you notice?)
because I remembered the face you made...
(Remember,Remember,Remember the pain...)
That face you made when I inflicted the pain...
I looked to see Roxas singing harder than before... He was trying to keep up with Seifer's voice instead of me working with his... It made the song sound better than before... I hated it...
I'm rushing into the on-coming storm,
Rushing away from you..
(Chasing you forever more..)
Into the oncoming storm...
Sora and Riku walked up towards Roxas who was sweating and holding his throat softly. He strained it but enjoyed the challenge... When he spoke his voice came out sounding raspy.
"Here you go Rox." I handed him a throat lozenger, smiling softly.
"Thanks Axel! Sorry about making this." He opened his mouth and I looked shocked. Can I kiss him instead? please? No? Fine then,stupid body! I won't...
I held the lozenger and placed it in his mouth, he closed it gently and he sorta kissed my fingers. (YES!ACCOMPLISHMENT!) We walked out of the classroom chuckling away and still chatting like usual.
"fwank hew fwahxel!" I chuckled at his lovely little comment. His voice sounded heavenly even when he was eating something at the same time.
"It's alrig-"
"Roxas Strife, get your butt over here!" what the hell? why do people continue to ruin my moments with Roxy? He clutched on to my arm tightly showing signs of not leaving my side. I looked over to where the voice was coming from. A tall muscular boy standing around with Seifer was trying to get Roxas with them? I don't think so...
I hugged the small blond softly and I made sure Seifer could see my face. He stared at my smug grin and quickly walked up towards us. The tall muscular guy held him back and strolled over first. He quietly whispered into my ear a warning. Not for me, for Rox...
"You just buried Roxas' grave for him... I can't stop Seifer when he gets like he is... Protect Roxas or else he will get hurt like last time..." i stared at the muscle-head and just nodded my head. He quickly looked at Rox and smiled sweetly at him.
" It's good to see you without Seifer, Rai..." Rai just nodded his head and then walked out with his bag slung over his shoulder.
"He seems like a nice guy... I think I may make him a friend of ours..." Roxas looked at me shocked and smiled brightly. His smile was brighter than the sun at this moment. It was blinding...
"That would be great for him Axe! I'm sure he'd enjoy being with us!" I hugged the small boy again and pulled him into my side making sure he was wrapped up safely in my arm. he just blushed slightly, making his white cheeks shine a soft pink colour. I walked with the boy, leading him to the cafeteria.
-Cafeteria-Roxas POV-
Axel was great to me... He helped me during everything that I needed him for, he treated me like I always love to be treated and he also listened to everything I had to say. He protected me from my biggest fear. Seifer.
"So, I think we should have a band practice finally, Dem and I can't think of a song to make," Axel did his dramatic sigh and smirked before continuing his sentence, "So we're hoping that we could use that song you sang on the first day you were here!" I quickly flicked my head towards the side, blushing, and nodded my head fast.
"I-I'd like that.." I heard Axel jump and I think he was pumping his fist or something because when I turned my head towards him he quickly moved his hands behind his head while whistling. Funny guy...
"So shall we walk to my place today? Or would you like a ride there?" I continued to think while walking with my eyes closed. Bad Idea. I bumped into Seifer and he quickly grabbed me and ran ahead. Great... I'm being kidnapped again... I already know what's going to happen now...
I looked back and saw Axel rushing towards us already. He was fast but not as fast as Seifer... I started to reach my hand out for him but he was too far away. Like everything else. Tears ran down my face as memories of Seifer raping me and torturing me started to play through my mind. He quickly ran around the corner completely losing Axel because he hid in the closest room locking my arms together and pinning me to the wall.
"You're mine now Roxie..." He quickly stole a kiss and moved his lips down to my neck. I continued to struggle but he slammed me against the wall again making me gasp out in pain.
"Don't ruin the mood Roxy dear, this is your punishment for betraying me..." He moved one of his hands to pull my shorts down and as I tried to cry and scream in protest he quickly kissed me, shoving his tongue deep inside my mouth. I just wanted to vomit...
"It'll feel like it used to Roxie... You know how that felt... Since I pretty much helped you get over your Step-father and Uncle being inside you... You enjoyed it so much... I want to hear your voice calling out in pain.." He had a smirk on his face with lust in his eyes. I stopped thrashing around knowing it would make it worse for me...
"Just get it over with Seifer... I-I don't want to have to do this for long... I hated it so much," I paused because I was crying so much but I continued to speak loudly at him, "I hated the feeling of you inside me! I just want you to leave me alone now! Please...Axel...Help me... Pleas-"
He slammed me to the ground this time and punched me in the face to shut me up. I layed there shocked and scared. He punched me a few more times, cutting me on the cheek and lip and even under my eye. I stopped moving and just cried without speaking or moving.
"Good boy, You're finally giving me what I want..." His voice was low and husky, it was sickening that his voice hasn't changed... I felt nothing. His hands moving over my body, his lips touching places he wanted... None of that could be felt... When he finally got what he wanted, which was making me either suck him off or have him inside me, I chose to suck... He let me go... I sat there grabbing for my t-shirt and a bandage to wipe away everything.
"It wasn't that bad Rox...y-you've been through w-wor-worst..." I looked down at the used bandage and saw that it was stained with my blood and even abit of his cum. I felt sick again... I looked around the closet he had left me in and saw a jersey left behind. I picked it up and quickly fixed my boxers and pants, running towards the bathroom and then throwig up whatever contents where in my stomach. I needed to go get a bandage wrap for my arm too...
"Roxas?" I turned towards the sound the voice was coming from. I saw a dirty blond standing in the door-way looking at me with sweat beads falling from his brow. I turned my head towards the mirror and saw what damage Seifer had done. It wasn't much, just a bruise and a few cuts. I turned back to Demyx and smiled weakly, walking towards the exit.
"Roxas! Wait!" Demyx had grabbed my arm, straight at where my cut was. I stopped and smiled weakly again. I wasn't going to faint today...
"Axel has been running around the school looking for you! We all joined in and no-one could find you! Are you ok?" I nodded my head but Demyx wouldn't let go. I started to struggle against the dirty blond and was slammed into the wall again.
"N-No! D-Don't! Not again! P-Please Demyx, No,Let Me Go! STOP! I don't want to... t-" I stood there crying, my whole body was shaking and Demyx let me go until he wrapped me in his arms hugging me softly.
"Shhh... It's okay Rox, I won't rape you." I stood there and looked up at him shocked. He shook his head and just sighed.
"None of them have guessed that you've been raped, they only think that you've been beaten by all of HIS Thugs..." When he said the word 'His' I could hear him hiss the word out and I could also hear the hate in his words.
"H-He didn't R-rape me... I had to...S-su-" He cut me off when he heard a noise behind one of the toilet doors. I stared straight at the source of the noise and was scared... Was it Seifer? Please don't be Seifer...
"It's okay Rox, I'll text Axel and tell him i'm busy talking with you at the moment. You can tell Auntie Dem what's wrong in return for helping me get with Sexy-Zexy." I nodded and allowed myself to be rushed and pushed out of the bathroom. He pulled me around the school until we reached the field. We found a private spot where we hid ourselves from everyone.
"SO Tell me what happened Rox, You can tell me anything okay? I won't tell anyone unless I have to or if If you tell me too." I cried knowing that someone would care and listen to me.
"He grabbed me and then ran into some dark room, I think it was the janitors closet or something... It was cramped in there..." I sighed and looked up to see Dem looking at me with a serious look on his face, Thanks Dem, "He threw me against the wall and kissed me a lot... He punched me a few times and he also... made me choose... Su-suck or have him inside me..." I broke down at the last few words of my sentence.
"And You chose to Suck him off Rox? I wouldn't blame you... I wouldn't want him inside me either." Demyx hugged me and helped me calm down... I felt him clutching my unwrapped arm and I whimpered softly in pain. He looked at me and tried to roll up the jersey sleeve but I shrugged him off. He stood there worried and I made up a lie saying that it was a bruise from being slammed against the wall and concrete floor. He took me to the nurses office but she or he wasn't there. (Never met the nurse yet...)
"Dem, Please wait outside, I don't want you to see something that will make you mad okay?" He just nodded and walked out the door, leaning himself on the wall next to the door. I could see him just standing there with a stern look on his face. I quickly took of the borrowed jersey and then searched for the wrap. I finally found it and sat down, starting to wrap up certain parts of my arm.
"Roxas..." I turned and looked towards the sound in the room, I saw that Axel had barged in and he was luckily blocking the view for Demyx to see. Axel was staring at my arm and at the cuts on my face. (Note to self, Grab small bandages for the cuts.)
-Axel POV-
"Roxas..." I stared in shock as I saw the small boy wrapping his arm which was covered in cuts. I blocked Demyx from coming inside and continued to look at his arms. They weren't from fights or an accident, he was cutting. I could see the top of a word but I couldn't make it out because he was covering it. I could on see the letters dy engraved into his arm. He stood there scared and worried.
"Roxas, I've been looking for you all over the place, I'll finish bandaging your arm for you okay?" I smiled softly and made sure to not notice the cuts he made. He sat there and turned pale white, ghostly white even. I dragged a chair over to him and took hold of the wrap and quickly wrapped his arm for him. He looked at me and hugged me close.
"Rox... I'm sorry I couldn't find you at all... Do you know where he took you? I'll be sure to protect you for good..." He looked at me and shook his head. I looked down at him and held him tight to my chest.
"s-sorry Ax...sorry..." I held the shaking blond and slowly patted his head and back gently.
- Roxas POV -
The bell had gone and we had walked off towards our next class. English. All we learnt was the 'true' meaning behind Romeo + Juliet by William Shakespeare. We moved along with the rest of the day. I finally met Mr. Lexeaus, the giant mouse. He was sorta innocent...
By the end of the day, Axel and I were walking off towards his place. I continued to look up at him and quickly flick my head back down ahead as he spoke.
"So we're going to work on a lot of songs today okay?" I nodded my head slowly.. I'm still not feeling right about the way he was staring at my arm... I'm sure he thinks i'm a freak or something...
I felt an arm pull me into the red-heads chest as a passer-by came jogging right next to me. I looked up at Axel and he smiled, showing his teeth. I smiled back and wrapped my arm around his waist, he looked shocked for abit but continued to hold me softly to his chest.
We carried on walking down the sun lit road and continued to cuddle each other...
I'm sure my heart was beating way too fast than it normally is... It feels like it's about to burst out of my heart... I think... I love Axel?! I can't... I'm still trying to get over everything... I can't use him for that purpose! I can't have him near me if i'm going to get rid of him after I forget all of the pain that Others have inflicted on me... Even if that other is also me..
