I can't believe I'm already on the third chapter. And NOPE, I still don't own Yu Yu Hakusho. BUT.. I'd like to! I'm not sure if anyone is reading these. I hope so. I didn't think I did too bad writing them but I really haven't gotten many reviews so maybe it really does stink. :(
*Kurama puts his arms around my shoulders to comfort me as I hang my head*
*While Hiei sends me images of people printing my story out to wipe their butts with...*
HIEI: *speaks to me in my head* 'Well at least your story is good for something'
ME: *sending him my own images to his mind of people wiping their butts with his face* 'Well at least your face is good for something as well...'
Oh, By the way, Just so you know. It's starting to get angsty so if you don't like that sort of thing. DON'T READ!
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``=Something In Japanese=''
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Previously:
Then I hear it, his completely, unexpectedly, deep baritone voice. It just sends delicious tingles through my whole body!
"=Something in Japanese=" Hiei says.
Botan picks her head up quickly looking at him, a stern look caking her features. She got a tone of her own in her voice, retorting back, "=Something in Japanese!=" There was rubbery stiff tension now, that I could feel pulled taunt across my chest, making it way too hard to breathe, in the terminal wait of a translation from her…
But whatever she said or he said I wouldn't know, and I can only continue to look to her to explain...~~~~~
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It's like a cold war.
The moment seemed to freeze and hold, an eternal impasse.
I continue to look from Botan to Hiei, hoping if I watch them close enough I can figure out what was said. I have a feeling though, that whatever he said, it really must not have been nice. I feel edgy, very edgy. This terminal wait wasn't helping.
Botan seemed disproportionately angry too, in her response to him. And that guy I knew to be trouble, Yuusuke, was stifling a grin. So what could I make of what was going on? Nothing! And the only thing I hate more than being stared at... is being made fun of!
So I turn to the only one I can speak to, clearly frustrated. "What did he say Botan?" I mumble in a voice that is eerily calm... like the eye of a hurricane. She looks at me suddenly, slightly startled, like she had forgotten I was there for a moment and managed a weak smile. "Oh, Don't worry about it. It's nothing really. He's just being a jerk, pretty much like always. Ha ha It's too bad you couldn't just meet him later after you'd settled in." she says, in her best imitation of non- chalant.
I'm not fooled.
This time, in a voice more stern, I say "No Botan. Tell me what he said...". She begins again to try to brush it off "No really. It's nothing to...". My eyes narrow to small slits, as I fight to control my rapidly rising temper. She stops avoiding to look at me, and picks up that she'd better tell me, that I'm about to explode guts all over this place.
Her eyes shift down. She clearly doesn't want to be the one to say it, as if there were anyone who could take her place. She looks uncomfortable. The red head, having moved nearer to us during all this, says something to her. I can see him from the corner of my eye. I don't know what he said, of course, but so what else is new today? She looks at the guy and shakes her head, putting her hand up.
Keeping those two in my peripheral vision, I made sure more to keep that bastard in his long black cloak in my direct line of sight. He has since propped himself against the wall behind him, closing his eyes against me and the room, as if this has now bored him and he's decided to take a nap. And I don't know what it is about him doing that, but for whatever the reason, it makes me even more agitated.
And I'm not even sure why Botan should be so hesitant anyway. I'm just a stranger after all, it's not like she'd be hurting a close friend. So why drag it out? Why not just give me the freaking answer? What's with this build up, like I've stepped into a Horror movie? And if I have stepped into one, let me tell you right now, I know just who's going to be the one who dies first…
Her fingers play with each other as she says "Well...if you really need to know...he said…" and here she pauses again and I really want to scream. Sighing, resigned, Botan continues "…'Congratulations Botan. You have found someone even more… uhm…uh… stupid then Kuwabara… uh... ahem… At least he can talk'. "
She tells me this barely above a whisper but I hear her clear like she shouted.
My face flushes out with mortification. I hear the tall guy with the funny hair start hollering at Hiei, who still insists on pretending to sleep. The little princess, Yukina tugs on the guy Kuwabara's sleeve, saying something barely above a whisper and the guys' shouts turn to quiet grumbling.
All this going on was with strangers baring witness to this insult towards me! An insult I couldn't even return, to redeem myself in a crowd of strangers. Unforgiveable.
Then just as quickly I am filled with rage. It bubbles like lava and my blood funnels into a volcano, burning my throat. At this point, I'm sure I'm fully capable of breathing fire. My anger is a dragon awoken.
In four strides I found myself standing in front of him. He, who thought it just fine to pretend I'm no longer here. His eyes had snapped opened like a puppet the moment I had taken my first swift step towards him, but he didn't attempt to run like he should have. That's just as well for me! When I got within inches of him, my hand flashed up to strike him hard, wanting him to taste his own blood on his lip...
But I never make contact.
In fact, my hand was only halfway. And there it is still.
It takes a second for me to register in my current violent state that I was unsuccessful. That I had failed. My hand, suspended mid-air mid-way because his hand caught my wrist and I never saw him do it. I never saw him do it, but he did… and held it.
I'm pretty fast, and I follow things with my eyes well enough, why didn't I see him snatch me? Why couldn't I have sighted his hand moving and avoid him stopping me? He used his right hand, which had crossed his body to catch mine. It should have been even easier to see! And to my mounting irritation it brought his face even closer to my own.
The tough and callused skin of his hand startled me. Its unexpected roughness scratching my wrist almost painfully. My hand twitched to recoil but could not move.
And so there we two were, in such a short period of time, joined together, as if engaged in some kind of ballroom dance. He in the lead, locked in the unforgiving embrace of each others' eyes. But this time, it was even more intense. So very close to him, my body pulsed with the thought of being touched by any part of his.
He was my height or just ever so slightly taller, or maybe that was just his crazy hair that swayed in chunks in all directions. Our eyes were level. Both of us, deeply scowled. I bared teeth, his lips pulled taunt and thin, our mutual and unconcealed expressions of violence. Neither of us, were going to give.
I stared hard into his red eyes and my brain slipped, started to grow hazy, registering that depthless red that seemed alive as the color shifted, glinting darker here and there. And in that moment, I slightly lost my footing in looking intimidating. But still, I was sure my own were flashing as well.
My hand, of its own accord, still struggled wildly against his, like a captured butterfly. It was just itching to complete its task. I wanted to hurt him so bad. So bad. Right now. But he was strong. Much stronger then I would have guessed initially, he had looked so slight in that long coat. So undefined. I had considered it easy to take him.
But now it had become clear that I had badly miscalculated. He held my hand fast and effortlessly, with such a tight grip, my fingertips had started to lose feeling and could no longer struggle much. His fingers wrapped so hard around my flesh, it burned from his touch. Who's body temperature runs that high? Does he carry a fever with him?
I tried to ignore it.
I wanted to focus on my anger. But the burn trailed down my arm, as if it were a living thing. As if it were some kind of poisonous snake that drug its fangs down me, as it continued further. He was so close to me now, and he just radiated heat. I was starting to sweat. It was making the feeling worse as my body absorbed it. I was starting to feel nauseous and then, unexpectedly with it came the sweet redeeming scent of pine needles and waterfalls. He smelled so wild.
And it hit me.
The desire. As frightening as it was unexpected. Curling in my stomach and sinking its claws through my body. Everything about him was like a feral animal. Rabid and foaming, but so vivid in its unrefined beauty. I licked my lips self consciously as my body raged war against itself. If I stepped in flames, I couldn't burn more hot than I am at this moment. I wanted to claw him to pieces. I wanted to kiss him. God... I've just got to get away.
I snatch my hand backwards away from him, or maybe he decided to release it, I can't be sure.
I stepped back from him.
Never breaking eye contact once, my body involuntarily shivered, finding itself suddenly without his heat. Then I abruptly turned my stiff back to him and came face to face with the most unpleasant fact that everyone was still very much in the room with us two...staring at me in open shock.
Besides whatever I may hate of this fact, it, at least, works to break the trance I was in.
Humiliation, would never accurately described how I felt right at this moment, but my face was a flash flood of red embarrassment, wondering how long this was going on.
I did what I could to quickly gain control of myself enough to make my face impassive and walked casually to Botan. In a voice too calm to really be mine, I hear myself say "Sorry about that! You know, I think I'd like to take a quick walk. It's kind of stuffy in here. I'll be back in a short while for dinner, ok?"
Flashing her a hollow smile, without a clue of how I managed it, I saunter out like nothing happened.
But that's a lie. I know it. And she knows it.
I quicken my pace once I reach the outside. The anger has passed. I really try to cling to it because I know what's coming to replace it once it is gone. The very thing I have tried to deny the moment I heard his words...the hurt. He had hurt me.
I mentally slap myself. How can he have hurt me? It's certainly not the worst thing someone has ever said to me. And I don't even know him. So, it doesn't make sense. It isn't true... it isn't.
I kept telling myself that he didn't hurt me. It's all in my imagination! I don't care what he says to me or about me. "You can't hurt me!" I growl but it only comes out a whisper as I speak to the wind and the image of him in my mind. "I won't let you..."
*click*
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*click*
There were thick rushes of trees outside the temple.
At this point, I'd wandered through heavy trees like a forest and into a clearing. The moon had come and is bright against me. I look up at it, as two large tears form at corners of my fierce eyes, then fall. I slash at them with the backs of my hands but choke as the hurt spreads its roots through my chest. This clearing feels too open. I feel too vulnerable.
I practically run now to get as far from Genkai's temple as possible. I don't know where I'm going, or if I can find my way back but if I can't stop myself from crying at least they won't have the pleasure of knowing...
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*click*
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*click*
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It took me too long to get a hold of myself. It seemed even longer to find my way back. Now I find myself hiding in the trees just before Genkai's temple.
I'm not sure how to handle the situation once I step back inside. Or maybe even, if I shouldn't just leave this place now? Maybe that's the best idea I've had all day? It's not really like I belong here, right?
At least, no one can bother me about it if I do go back in, since they don't speak English but I can't seem to get the frown off my face. It stays there stubbornly, an obvious advertisement of my feelings and that just isn't working for me. I feel the tears stinging the back of my eyes and threatening to come back full force. So I bite down on my lip HARD. I don't know why, but it works. Thank god the tears retreat but now my lip is bleeding. Great...
I'm just about to take that hard first step forward when I feel a hand softly grip my shoulder and I almost scream. I spin around and nearly fall backwards.
That Karama guy is there, grabbing my arm to steady me. I shudder in recoil of being seen like this. But he acts like nothing went on, and looks straight into my eyes, smiling apologetically at me. But why he would be apologizing, I can't guess. What did he do? So far as I can tell, he never really said much either. I cast my eyes downward, suddenly ashamed that he might see that I've been crying. His eyes seem to see far too much as far as I'm concerned, and I'm extremely aware of that right now.
His thin tapered fingers gently tilt my face up. Holding up a single finger with its perfect nail, he indicated that he would like me to watch a moment. I wonder what other choice he thinks I have right now when I'm trapped between him and going back inside?
I'm waiting for recriminations or laughter or sneering at having caught me like this but then he takes his hand and reaches into the back of his hair and pulls out the most beautiful rose I have ever seen. Even in the faint moonlight its perfection is unmistakable, and completely unnatural. I figure it must be a fake then, but what I don't get, is where he hid such a large and blooming rose? I laugh, relieved, surprised and annoyed at the undue stress all at once. Apparently I have a Houdini wanna be before me.
He takes the rose and pushes my hair back behind my ear. I shiver in surprise at the direct and intimate touch. And then he tucks the rose behind it as well. I smile my first real smile today, at such a nice gesture. I really needed that right now. Holding his arm out, how can I not forget my situation and take it?
Happy not to have to go in alone, I foolishly allow him to lead me back into the lion's den that is Genkai's home.
And I have a feeling that later, I may think back on this and how easily he pulled me along, and find myself suddenly very sure I've encountered a reincarnation of The Piped Piper.
*click*
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*click*
As I anticipated, everyone looks at me.
But I've already braced myself for this and have a smile plastered on my face as I look through everyone. Kurama doesn't stop long enough to let me stew, but leads me straight to the dining room, making a beeline to my seat. He sits down next to me with great and careful patience and clearly practiced obliviousness to all the stares and unasked questions, as he waited for everyone else to follow our lead. This guy is a wonder and I think to myself I ought to steal this page of his personality from him!
Botan cautiously came over and sits next to me. She is not nearly as clear as to how to deal with this blow out with a stranger she was the one responsible for bringing. I feel bad about the whole thing, but is it really my fault?
She says "Enigma, Are you ok?" And I am feeling a little more in control now than I was when I left, so I put up my 'the world is a happy place' face and say "Yeah? Why wouldn't I be? You should have come with me on my walk. The night is just beautiful!" She looks at me like perhaps I've lost it. And I can't even begin to say how glad I am when she smiles slightly and turns away to talk to Yukina, deciding to let it go for now.
Everyone comes to the table and settles in.
I continue smiling and smiling.
I turned myself into a puppet. I turned myself into a jester. I've turned myself into a joke. Here's me, made in alabaster plaster, the statue girl. Ah ha… yeah…
*click*
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*click*
They talk to each other. I zone out. Botan keeps turning to me to tell me the funny things they're saying, but as everyone knows, it's never quite as funny the second time as when it was first said.
So I giggle when I think I'm supposed to and she buys it so I must be pretty convincing. When that doesn't seem to be enough, I fight with my chopsticks, managing to ping more people with my rice, then I can seem to make into my mouth. Everyone pretends not to notice. Everyone seems to have entirely forgotten the previous incident. They talk and laugh and eat amongst themselves.
Maybe I should be insulted, but I'm able to relax somewhat.
Well, actually I should say ALMOST everyone. I can feel two people's eyes still on me. One of them is Kurama. I really don't mind him at all but, like I noticed before, he seems to see and notice everything so I can't really look at him right now, now can I? I know I should also be suspicious of how he found me, but I'm not up for facing more unpleasant feelings. I ignore.
And speaking of what I can ignore, there is the other person... him. Yes, I won't look at him. I haven't looked at him since I came back. But I can feel that horrid sensation of awareness. My skin is prickling. He's looking at me.
What I just can't figure out, is why? Does he want to continue the fight, is that what he's doing? Trying to start something with me? Antagonize me? Waiting for an opportunity? Just knowing that his eyes are on me, makes me instantly nervous. I can feel the heat creeping into my cheeks as well.
And I find myself in a horrible position. I both want this whole thing to be over, and yet, strangely, I never want it to end. I don't understand myself. In the end, it's really just torture. And the clock on the wall agrees with me, as it ticks 3 times too slow.
*click*
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*click*
Dinner reaches its end.
I've managed to push my food with the wooden sticks around enough that it looks like I ate. I help clean up the dishes and food as way to appreciate a place to stay, as much as to escape him. The girls are much easier company. They seem to be having so much fun talking amongst themselves that I think to myself that I really must learn Japanese as quickly as possible so I can join in!
But when the cleanings' done, with nothing else to do, they start turning their attention more directly to me. This is my cue to beat a hasty retreat before something else can happen. I turn to Botan and yawn, "Where can I sleep Botan? I'm really wiped out! It's been a very chaotic day!"
Outside, I laugh.
But inside I'm thinking 'I need a break from... him'. She probably thinks it's too early but thankfully keeps it to herself, telling me to go past the living room to the hallway and make a right. "It's the last door on the left. I'll check on you in a little while." she chirps. Then Keiko starts talking to her, allowing me to easily escape.
I take a deep breath.
All I have to do is walk through the living room with the guys in it and I'm home free...
From exactly what I'm running from, I skillfully block my mind.
1...2...3...
I plaster my 'happy face' on and walk through. The guys, they glance my way, but nothing more. Good. Hiei isn't even with them. Even better!
Things are finally starting to look up! I can feel myself relax just a little, for the first time all day. The worst has to be over, right?
Just as I'm about to reach the hallway, I feel a slight breeze tease my dress. I shiver heavily, getting goose bumps. Jerking around to find its cause and brace myself if necessary, I turn back to see the window open. Just a breeze! It's just a night breeze! Ha ha. I'm so stupid! I'm all jumpy and jittery for nothing! What, have I got a big fat yellow stripe running up my back, or what? Ha ha!
Kurama looks up and studies me. Feeling unnerved by it, I smile, and turn away, back towards the hall. It was obvious where it came from! Why am I being so paranoid and jumpy? Really, I should just relax!
Shrugging at my unwarranted paranoia, I step into the hallway.
Man is it dark! Where are the lights?
I feel for switch but there's nothing but smooth wall and I'm afraid I might scratch some ancient painting in this old temple and get myself in real hot water, so I give up on the light. How hard can it be to find the room at the end of the hall?
The only light then for me to use, is coming from the nighttime moon streaming in from the windows. It helps but mostly everything is in shadow. Kinda spooky, I admit. And despite my bravado from moments before, my senses go on alert.
I pad my way half way down the hallway, before I start feeling stupid again and I severely chastise myself! I'm not a child anymore! Get it together girl! This is a temple FULL of people. It's a freaking hallway for god's sake! How dangerous could it be?
I take the palms of my hands and slap both my cheeks hard several times to buck myself up. They sting and smart sharply, and I laugh at myself. I straighten my spine and step further into the darker parts of the shadows…
See? SEE? Nothing happened you big yellow chicken!
I keep going.
The darkest part is right before the door. Almost there! No sweat!
But then.. but then! My eyes jerk startled and I rear back hard when I suddenly swear the dark itself has moved, and then…
someone grips my wrist...
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WOW! Yeah! I did it! I finished another chapter. I'm really on a roll! Wanna know the sad part? I really don't even know where I'm going with this! I'm just writing whatever my fingers feel like! So it's exciting for me too! I don't know what's going to happen anymore then you do! LOL
KURAMA: Um… I don't mean to spoil your inspiration. It's a very nice story but...umm... isn't it supposed to be your character and Hiei not me?
HIEI: Shut up Kitsune!
ME: Oh, I'm sorry Hiei, do you feel shafted? Don't worry. It's still all about you. Kurama just has a large role here cuz he was kind enough to save your butt when you hurt all the poor characters feelings, readers can be rabid if they relate to her. AND… AFTER ALL, if he hadn't done, that my guess would be that you would have been castrated by one of them by now...
HIEI: O_O;;;;;;;
