"Here we gooooo- Going through the same thing...HERE WE GO AGAIN!" -Boys to Men. I love that song! (ok, just that line) And no, I don't claim to own this song or Yu Yu Hakusho. Just the story. Oh! AND the 3 line poem at the beginning of this chapter!

Back again. But then again. It doesn't ever really seem like I leave...

ME: You're really going to like this chapter Hiei.

HIEI: hn. Why? o_O

ME: Why don't you read my mind and find out? :)

HIEI: Never. You're disgusting and twisted and I have no intention of looking in there again.

ME: I don't know what you mean. YOU'RE the bad boy...

HIEI:
=hissing= Don't tempt me to put you out of your misery.

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"But maybe, it just isn't with you..."
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Previously:

I can't open my eyes but I don't want to anyway. I feel light for a moment, as if my body has melted off my bones, then the pain starts to subside. I don't question it. I'm beyond exhausted.

I hear her leave the room again.

And just as I'm about to drift off into an empty and mindless sleep, I hear a deep deep voice, I swear I recognize, from the foot of my bed say softly…

"=Something in Japanese="…

before unconsciousness claims me again...~~~~~
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"Maybe, it is what it isn't

Or, it isn't what it is

But maybe, it just isn't, with you..."

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*click*

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I can't believe it.

The tape recorder's just fine! I thought it had really gotten damaged, but the button clicks down no problem now. It's weird but it's a terrible weight that's finally been lifted off me. I couldn't believe I'd already practically broken it for good. I was horrified and kicking myself. The button wasn't really wanting to stay down anymore but now it's working like new?

I didn't know what I was going to do if it didn't work anymore.

I know that I'm supposed to be talking to my future self and all, but right now I have to admit, it's like the close friend I don't have anymore. It's all that's standing between me and feeling completely isolated in this cracked up place and around these wacked out people. And yeah, I'm not exaggerating about the whole thing with them, I'm actually being reeeaalllyyyy nice about it! ha ha

I slid it into my jacket pocket and pat it fondly, like a dog. It's safe and sound now… I hope.

I guess I should be wondering why it's ok, but I'll take my miracles where ever I can get them! HALLELUJAH! And all that jazz…

Speaking of… you know, this forest is really pretty.

The dappled sunlight is leaking through the high high treetops that I almost can't see, even with my head stretched all the back to look up. I'm letting my fingers get scrapped as I reach out and touch the trees I'm walking by. The bark seems to almost reach back at me to hold on, as my skin gets caught.

I forget how much I love nature.

Particularly, I've got a thing for really wild areas. They smell so...well, earthy! I see in the darker patches, thick thrushes of mushrooms growing straight out the wetter sides of darkly shaded trees. They look like little families of arms with the hands bunched into fists, or maybe little people with wide brimmed hats bowing forward.

They glow a ghostly white blue from the deep shade. And I'm convinced it's magic. I'm enthralled. It's almost like I've entered the fairy kingdom of Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream.

'But if so,' I laugh to myself 'who's playing the horses' ass?'

Still giggling to myself, I stepped further along,

I see where some trees have fallen and the light had found its way in, in large irregular circles of bright light as if the forest had spotlights for a theatre. Where ever the light touched, there were thick patches of emerald colored grass shooting up in thick abundance and…and… flowers! Not common weeds, but daisies! There was an innocent bunch of wild daisies! How could I resist? I bent down to pick up a daisy for my hair and as I came up… I jump, crashing back on my backside!

Hiei stands before me.

"H… he.. hello..." I say, a little uncertain, clinging to my little flower, as if it could shield me.

I stare at him, quite startled but not nearly as unnerved as I feel I should be. But I just can't muster any really weariness or fear. I register that that is what is really strange, but what am I supposed to do about it?

Hiei, however, doesn't show any signs of consternation at finding me here. And as very odd as that is, even stranger, he looks at me widely, without any smirk at all. I stare up at him, how can I not? This moment seems unprecedented!

"Hello." he says back never once letting his eyes leave mine. I blink, then blink again. I scratch at my neck nervously.

"You c..can talk?" I stammer, feeling my throat dry out like the Gobi desert. The serene look he had evaporates into thin air and is immediately replaced with deep impatience and irritation. Ooops, I blew that serenity, didn't I? I guess I shouldn't have even breathed…

"Of course I can talk! Can't you?" he practically snarls. My eyes well up, way too ready to spill over. That comment really sounds familiar but I can't think of why that would bother me so much. And with that thought, the residual feelings of despair that were just there, now disappear. Maybe it's the magic of the mushrooms?

So I look at him placidly and say "No. That's not what I meant. It's just that, well.. um… how can you suddenly speak English?".

He smirks "No. The question is, How do YOU suddenly speak Japanese?"

He crossed his arms tightly across his chest and his sleeveless dark blue shirt is pulled taunt across the muscles of him, defining them completely. His black cloak is nowhere to be seen. I feel my breath catch, and mentally smack myself for tracing those muscles with my eyes instead keeping them on his face.

'Enigma! You fool! Don't let him KNOW he rattles you! Stupid! STUPID!' I rail at myself and force my eyes to stay trained on his face, against their will. But it's far far too late, it's clear he's already caught me. As his smirks deepens, perceptibly.

I scowl. I bunch up in a hiss. "I can't!" I say, getting really irritated at being at a distinct disadvantage. And throwing caution to the wind, I snap viciously "it's obvious we're speaking Ennngggllliiissshhh!"

"Is this some kind of trick?" he barks with that nerve wracking tone of his, coming right up to my face.

But fool or not, I won't back down. "That's a good question!" I snarl right back, suddenly much happier to be on hostile ground, instead of fighting embarrassment at being caught lusting after him.

In the choice between standing there and fighting Hiei or fighting the embarrassment of being caught red handed, pathetically gawking… yeeeaaaahhhhh, I'd definitely rather fight him!

We both stand there too long and realize that neither will confess to a damn thing, so whatever. I turn from him suddenly and go to walk off into the woods, out of this clearing and away from him!

But I don't even get more than a step before he grabs my hand, bringing me to a sudden and definitive halt. I whip around, yanking my hand like a snake caught by the tail. "What?" I hiss, "What do you want from me?" I'm suddenly full of nerves, prickly and cactus like. He doesn't answer me though, nor even does he even make eye contact.

But treating it as if this were some kind of every day normal thing, he just steps alongside me?

When I don't move, but stand there obstinate, he pulls me along as a ragdoll till I finally fall into pace beside him. I'm resentful at being drug alongside against my will, but he isn't looking back at me at all to antagonize me and I figure I'm curious to see where he wants me to go with him. So, I stop struggling and follow, suddenly fairly docile. I don't know what's with this, this really isn't me.

As we step into the woods, it gets very dark and shadowed.

I don't remember it looking this dark from the clearing we just left, but it's ok. I'm not alone.

Strange, that I should suddenly find his presence so comforting. He's no prince charming at all! I don't for one moment believe he would save me even from so much as a flea. If anything, I could see him actually rooting for whatever was after me! Yeah, he's much more a mischievous Puck making the world a worse place purely for his own amusement. That's my thoughts on it, and I'm sticking to them!

Still, I hold onto his hand. I glance at him. 'He really is attractive' I think. I hadn't really noticed it before now. Or maybe more, I'd not been this close to him without wanting to rip his face off. But now, as I look closely, his skin is so incredibly smooth, like a bowl of cream resting on a table. There isn't a single line anywhere! Like a child's. Smooth and rounded. The skin everywhere else on him so taut and fluid against his muscles, it all has such an unreal even tone. A doll. A statue. No, it almost looks unearthly, angelic even.

Then my eyes go wide. I hadn't thought of it before! Maybe he's an angel! He certainly doesn't act normal! Then I snarl into a full laugh at myself.

Man, Am I on crack or what! An angel my a$$! If ANYTHING, this bastard is a devil! Lucifer! If demons exist on earth, this a$$hole is it!

Hell! He'd probably enjoy being called some kind of demon, jerk that he is! Demons are too good an image for him! Like I'd give him the privilege of calling him one! Maybe I hit my head! I begin to laugh!

Then I remember something... I… I did hit my head, didn't I? I reach up to feel my head and it feels fine. How very very strange, I thought they said I really cracked my head open, but there's nothing there at all, not even a bump...

Then I look up confused, so deep in my thoughts that I had no idea when we had stopped walking. I'm standing there and Hiei is standing in front of me again... just staring.

Just staring… so quiet…

Blank with confusion, I stare back. "What's the matter?" I ask gently, my voice embarrassingly hoarse. But he just takes my hand that had fallen limp at my side and starts walking with me again.

And for some strange reason, in that moment I know I'll just go where ever he leads me, so long as he has my hand.

We then step into another clearing ahead.

This one isn't just some small spot but huge. It's large enough to place a building in. And there, to the left, against those trees over a little ways, I see the international representative from my graduation party! I'd recognize that crazy bat anywhere! She's standing there shock still behind her makeshift table with the pamphlets dumped haphazardly all over it in mass confusion.

"Why is she out here?" I wonder out loud, not really talking to Hiei, per say.

I decide to try to make some sense of it and start to go over to her, to ask her that very question. She doesn't even seem to see me but just stares straight ahead off into the trees. But as soon as I start walking I find myself no more than two steps before I'm jerked to an unceremonious stop.

Hiei isn't following along with me and my curiosity, and we are still connected by our hands.

I should just try to let go and make it easy on myself to move but I… I don't know why, but it seems really important to keep his hand. So, what instead? But that I try to drag him along.

It's like pulling dead weight.

No, I'm not kidding! Dead. Weight. Is this guy made out of cement or something? I didn't even think he weighed that much! He's like a compact machine of pure steele and concrete muscles.

I turn to look at him and he's still staring at me but says nothing about my efforts to pull on him. Doesn't he care one way or another? Shouldn't he at least bite at me like a rapid animal? Isn't that what he's good for?

Whatever the reason for the good luck of him being so uncharacteristically docile, I'll take it! So with all my might I manage to, literally, drag him over. Every step forward is cause for celebration and congratulations. He's really making this difficult! Why does he even hold on to my hand if he doesn't want to go too?

When I manage to finally reach her, Hiei in tow, the representative is still staring straight forward. I try to get her attention, to wave and shout at her, but she doesn't seem to hear me. I'm frustrated that I'd gone through all this hassle for nothing, when suddenly she looks over at me and then straight through me!

I hear her voice, like an echo say "Hello! Are you interested in gathering work experience abroad? Are you looking for an exciting change in your life? If so, please come see what I have to offer." She hands me a brochure… right through my stomach!

I shriek and jump backwards like a cat, completely startled and crash into the unforgiving brick wall of Hiei's body!

He doesn't even more back an inch. I think it hurt me more than it hurt him! He snarls but doesn't push me off. Hell, he doesn't have to.

I scramble off his foot and away from his chest at top speed, but get no further than the length of his arm that continues to tether me unsanctimoniously to him.

It's not that it hurt when she put that brochure through my stomach but more like it was a hologram? I touch it out of curiosity and it seems to solidify! I take that strange fact for granted, shrug my shoulders, and then look it over more carefully than I ever did the first time. It's the same one from before. I definitely remember.

"Hey lady? You already gave me this? Don't you remember? That's why I'm here in Japan at this moment." I look at her and wait for her to acknowledge it, to remember. She continues to smile at me, than she says "Are you interested? There are so many countries to consider!"

Is she deaf? How odd!

I turn to Hiei to see if he finds this strange but he seems absorbed in thought and won't respond. Or like, I don't know, like he's on pause? On pause? Like a TV button? What the hell?

But I can't seem to muster enough interest. Yes, I register that that is strange but I still turn away, back to the woman. The woman who seems to be more interesting than anything else that exists in the world at the moment. Why am I being so weird?

Then it dawns on me to ask her about the address leading to an ice cream shop. After all, wouldn't she have some responsibility for all that mess? Yes! It's because of her that I'm even in this situation right now, damn it! I turn around "Um. About the address..."

But when I look back... she's no longer there.

Then I hear voices coming from the other side of the clearing.

I turn and there is the whole group: Botan, Kurama, Yukina, Keiko, Kuwabara, Genkai and Yuusuke. They all look happy, just chattering away with each other. Dressed like they were going out for the movies or an amusement park, they struck me as a bunch of teenagers just gathered together for some fun. It was so out of place here. Where were they going and how did they wind up in a place like this?

I turn to them fully and wait for them to come, suddenly smiling to myself. I didn't realize it was so quiet till they came! Finally! Salvation from all this freakiness!

But as they approached and came within earshot, I found them speaking Japanese! Ignoring it, I called out them anyways "Where have you guys been?"

They just look at me and smile.

I turn to Botan shrugging my shoulders "Guess I still can't talk to them." She just looks at me, tilts her face. I can almost see the question marks rise to the surface of the reflection of her eyes. "Botan?" I ask.

"Nani?" she replies.

A great wave of disappointment finds me. I say to Hiei, a little desperately "Why can't they talk to me?"

"How should I know?" he says to me, like the answer is obvious anyways.

And they, the whole lot them, don't seem to find anything odd about Hiei's iron grip on my hand, or that were in a forest, or about a damn thing at all! They simply wave to me, unperturbed and keep walking, disappearing into the trees, in the direction we just came out of.

I attempt to start to walk after them but Hiei, once again, begins to pull me in the direction we were headed before, further into the forest.

Yes, it seems like we've been walking forever.

The forest has gotten misty. I'm starting to feel apprehensive.

Then I swear I smell fresh water.

I turn towards him and try to tug him to a stop. "Hiei, Where are we going? Why can't we go with the others? I don't want to go this way!" I plead.

And it's true. I don't know why but I have a bad feeling about heading in this direction...

He's still not looking at me but in the direction we were walking, pulling me mercilessly behind him. All could see was the side of his face and the back of his wild black hair. My anxiety was growing by leaps and bounds. "Hiei..." I anxiously try to plead again, suddenly shivering and cowering, pulling back hard, but still being drug forward. No! No! Not this way! I don't know why but NO!

Then, while I struggled against his grip, without any kind of warning, I find myself smashed hard against a tree!

And my brain just wasn't registering how it was that I was crushed by a tree behind me and suffocated by Hiei's body molded into mine from the front! He was so close! Too close! I was in overload! The bark of tree cut into my back and I yelped and tried to push him off, but it was no good. I couldn't budge him! And I couldn't get any leverage for any strength either! I was helpless…

And it was frightening!

He seemed to find my distress inconsequential.

His hand cupped my head just under my chin and ear, his fingers partially grazing my hair. His body pressed deeply against mine, molding itself to every inch of me. I felt the muscles of his stomach contract and slide. I felt the press of his chest into mine as he exhaled. I found myself breathing with him, in and out. I was no longer sure where his body ended and mine began...

My God, he's just so hot.

And he is, just scorching my skin with the touch of him. Touching him is like touching an open flame.

I squirmed, wanting to put some space between me and that heat, to try to make the world make sense again.

He says nothing to me, or about my useless struggling. These things apparently had no point to him. His eyes were zero'd in on my lips, and that was all. His own lips a mere inch from mine. I couldn't help but to whimpered slightly against him...

And then? And then he tilts his head a little to the side and pressing in swiftly without holding back… he kisses me.

The startle of his strangely soft but firm lips press tightly, searching...searching for what I don't know.

'Let him look forever' I think. His tongue flicks across my bottom lip and I feel sparks. My hands, of their own volition, come up behind him, than curl into his hair as I push him harder into me. I'm lost, and I just don't care.

Then just as quickly as it happened. It ended.

It was like, like he disappeared from my arms.

But really, he wasn't but about half a foot away and he reached for my hand again. I was panting, catching my breath and trying to bring my temperature down.

But he? He seemed just as detached as he was right before he kissed me. What the hell is going on?

I still felt on fire.

The sound of water came back to me in that moment and the mist that had seemed so ominous before, now felt so nice. Now I realized, I wanted to go find the source. To cool off. I am so friggin' hot!

He seemed to know this without my saying a word and we started to walk on once again.

The closer I got, the louder the rush and tumble of water became. It wasn't just water but a waterfall. I could hear it pounding down in its rhythmic fierceness. The scent, too, of the pine trees was becoming thicker and more intoxicating by the second.

I wanted to hurry.

Now I was pulling him!

Finally, we broke through the trees and I found myself abjectly staring. We were at the very top of a majestic waterfall!

It was absolutely breath taking. The smell of it all was permeating and saturating my senses and I felt light headed. How exciting to be chilled by the mist rising from the water, yet my hand in his was on fire!

Then, I looked across the wide water of the river turned waterfall and did a double take.

There, on the opposite shore was Jazz! My best friend was here? I couldn't believe it!

I shouted to her "Jazz! Hello! What are you doing over there?" I waved desperately with my only free arm, in wild greeting.

She looked at me and called out to me herself, but I couldn't hear her over all that violently rushing water. She didn't look happy though. She looked upset? And it took a moment to realize she wasn't even looking at me at all, but behind me... to Hiei.

I pointed to him and did the thumbs up sign and smiled but she didn't seem to get it. She shook her head. She was saying something and I tried so hard to read her lips but I just couldn't make it out.

I turn to Hiei, pointing over to her, to ask him if he understood.

But he isn't looking at her. He's looking at me.

He steps right into me. So close I feel his hot wet breath on my lips. So very inviting... and with him so close again, all other thoughts dissipate...

I'm no longer resisting.

He picks me up, cradled in his arms and then lowers me excruciatingly slowly to the ground, never once letting his eyes leave mine.

I'm not so light but he's handling me like I weigh nothing.

I watch him, as he moves to lie next to me and leans over, bringing his hand very lightly up my arm. His fingers smoothing out the skin of my cheek as his eyes intensely study my lips. He leans in. He devours me whole.

I find myself lost inside him, as he takes what he wants. He's dominant and demanding and I just don't care...

The passion wipes out all thought I've had since birth.

At this moment there is nothing that I can acknowledge exists for sure, but me and him...

But on a subconscious level I begin to register that my skin is starting to feel slick.

I'm not sure at what point this registers, during all this wet passion, just that I notice.

'Geez the waterfall gets everything around it quite wet' my brain lazily thinks, amidst the sensations of him assaulting my body.

He's sucking lightly at my neck and it tickles. I grab his hair. But then I feel it for sure, a moisture so syrupy thick and heavy that it's slipping down the sides of my body in dense rivulets.

It doesn't feel right.

That can't be sweat or from the river. I open my eyes. I can't see anything past Hiei's head or his chaotic hair swaying, as he nibbles at my neck. I'm starting to feel a slight panic. I push his head. He moves, but only to my opposite shoulder. Though, I can now kind of see down. But not really. What is that dark shine?

He bites my shoulders' tender flesh, and I flinch. And in the face of his intense and focused passion, I almost forget what I was doing...

But I need to see.

I try to separate from him... just for a moment.

But he doesn't want to let go and won't.

He just nibbles down my arm a little, shifting only slightly. But it's enough. I'm finally able to glance down at myself...

Where a moment later, I scream in a disbelieving horror against his lips...

I'm saturated in blood-

Blood. Blood! It's MY blood!

The hand of his that wasn't caressing me, was just below a gnashed and bubbling wound in the center of my stomach. It held the glinting silver steel of a dagger in the clutch of his tight fist.

He was twisting it, just ever so slowly, in a continuous and perpetual widening of the hole.

My ongoing scream hadn't daunted him.

Nor had the free flow of blood stopped him from pressing in his body onto the other half of mine he didn't have the dagger plunged into. And the blood has been seeping over to him, covering most of his own stomach in my blood.

And if it had concerned him, that I could see, that I was dying, that he was killing me, I wouldn't know.

As he continues to kiss me unperturbed, his eyes still tightly closed...

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Yes, I know I'm horrible to end it here but it's necessary. You'll see why soon enough. Hope you don't hate me...what a minute! I do. I'm evil! That's why I write a Hiei fan fic instead of Kurama. I love those dangerous bad boys... MWHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA : D

HIEI
: hn.

ME: Is that all you have to say? I thought for sure you'd love it. It'S violence. And death. And blood. What more can you ask for? You even get to be the one to inflict it all.

HIEI: hn.

ME: I just don't get you. I guess what they say is true. Be careful what you wish for. You just might get it!

HIEI: ...

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Readers! Review. Review! REVIEW! IF you're enjoying this story, REVIEW! It makes me happy. I write more. It's like payment! REVIEW! :D

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