ACT I SCENE II

Scene set in CALVIN and SUSIE'S kitchen. SUSIE is talking on the phone with CALVIN'S MOM, who is standing on an empty part of the stage. HOBBES is sitting cross-legged on the kitchen table.

CALVIN'S MOM: So, did Calvin finally go to therapy?

SUSIE: He did, he did. The doctor says he has schizophrenia or something of the sort. He gave him some medication. I'm just glad that this will finally be settled.

CALVIN'S MOM: Susie, are you sure that this isn't too much for you? Are you sure you don't want us taking care of Calvin until he's better?
SUSIE: Don't worry, it'll be fine. Trust me, I dealt with worse when we were kids. I want to help him now.

CALVIN'S MOM: Oh, you're a saint. You know, somehow I always knew you two would end up together.

SUSIE: (laughing) I think the world knew! Oh, speaking of which, is your husband around? I might as well say hi to him too.

CALVIN'S MOM: No, he's out biking again. I tell you, Susie, I worry about him; he exerts himself so much with all of this biking I'm afraid he won't be able to take it anymore. He's sixty years old, he's stressed from work, he refuses to retire, and then he bikes as an attempt to de-stress, but it doesn't worry. I don't really know what to do.

SUSIE: I wouldn't worry too much. He has his coping mechanisms, just like we have ours. (a beat) I'm gonna go now, I think I hear Calvin, and we're going to eat lunch.

CALVIN'S MOM: Okay, take care. (they both hang up. CALVIN'S MOM exits)

SUSIE: (seeing HOBBES on the table) Ugh, Calvin left his damn stuffed tiger on the table again. Calvin!

CALVIN: (entering) I'm here, what's up?

SUSIE: Can you take your tiger out of here so we can eat lunch?

CALVIN: Don't you have any tuna so he can eat with us?

SUSIE: No, Calvin, you ate it all.

CALVIN: Ew, gross, I hate tuna. It was Hobbes, I swear.

SUSIE: Calvin, please.

CALVIN: Fine, okay. (he drags HOBBES off the table)

HOBBES: I guess next time I won't eat all of the tuna?

CALVIN: (taking him aside) Hobbes, I'm sorry, but you and I both know that you aren't real.

HOBBES: Calvin, who are you going to believe, some doctor or someone who's been your best friend for over twenty years?

CALVIN: I don't know, but right now, Susie just wants to eat lunch with me. Okay?

HOBBES: (shrugs) Whatever. It's cool. Choose the girl over your best friend.

CALVIN: It's not like that I – I just want to get better.

HOBBES: What's to fix? You're seem perfectly okay to me!

CALVIN: Because, Hobbes, whenever people see you, they just see a stuffed tiger!

HOBBES: But what if other people saw you, all they saw was a stuffed doll? Why is it that my existence is the one in question? Why isn't it yours? (pause) See, you don't have an answer for me.

CALVIN: Please, let me and Susie eat. (he leads HOBBES out of the room and goes back to sit at the table)

SUSIE: (bringing over a sandwich) Here you go, Calvin! It's crushed eyeball sandwich!

CALVIN: (looking at the sandwich and then back to her) It's jelly.

SUSIE: (sits down with Calvin with her own sandwich) You usually play along with these jokes. What's wrong? It isn't because I made you put Hobbes away, is it?

CALVIN: No, no…I'm just thinking…how do I know that I'm not the one who's imaginary? Why shouldn't my existence be questioned?

SUSIE: That's a very…existential thought.

CALVIN: I mean, think about it. Who are we to say that we are real and something else is imaginary? How do we know that we're real? Or even that our existence here on this planet even matters?

SUSIE: You're worrying me, Calvin.

CALVIN: But you know what's beautiful? We have that ability to try to defy what someone says is right because don't like what they say. "Hey, your best friend isn't real!" Well, I get to say "SCREW YOU!" to what people say is true or right, because I'm an autonomous human being.

SUSIE: (she thinks for a moment) The fact that you feel the need to defend this position, and that you are in complete denial about Hobbes' inexistence makes me sure that there's something wrong.

CALVIN: But why?

SUSIE: Calvin, are you even listening to yourself? You sound like you're out of your mind!

CALVIN: Like I said, Susie, I'm a free spirit! I can rebel against the system if I want to, because I have that choice!

SUSIE: But why make it? Calvin, you are a twenty-five year old man, why won't you just grow up?

CALVIN: (he stops short – suddenly he is pulled back to reality) I…I don't know…

SUSIE: Calvin, do you love me?

CALVIN: Of course I do.

SUSIE: Then I want you to promise me something. Promise me that you will at least try to solve this. Try to get better. For me.

CALVIN: (takes a deep breath) Susie Derkins, I promise that I will not only try, but I will get better. For you. I'd do anything for you. I love you.

SUSIE: (leans in and kisses him) I love you, too.

CALVIN: Susie, I know it's not much, but we have been dating for about eleven years now…and we've talked about it a few times…do you want to get married?

SUSIE: (smiling and blushing, she looks away shyly) I would like that very much, yes.

CALVIN: I don't have a ring yet, but I'll get one as soon as possible, okay?

SUSIE: No rush. (They share another kiss)

CALVIN: Are you going to eat your mushy brain sandwich?

END OF ACT II SCENE II