It had taken the team six hours, two blankets, three pillows, their entire collection of fruits and nuts, and the accidental discharge of the Night-Night Gun before they finally got Abu safely back in his cage and most of the BUS back in order.
To say that Simmons was furious was the understatement of the century. Ward had been furious about Skye's betrayal. Agent Coulson had been furious when Simmons jumped off the plane. Hell, one can even say that Malekith was furious with the Asgardians. But Simmons… Simmons was beyond furious.
"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING, FITZ?"
"Okay, I know that capuchins can be naughty—"
"NAUGHTY?!"
"—But Tomas said—"
"TOMAS?!"
"—That Abu has been vet checked and DNA tested—and he's even diaper trained!" Fitz added that last part in hopes that it would appease Simmons a little bit, but it seemed to have backfired.
Sarcasm and venom spewed out of Simmons' voice like lava and smoke spewing out of a volcano getting ready to erupt. "Oh, so you thought that getting a monkey was suddenly okay with me because Tomas said it's diaper trained?"
Fitz reasoned with a smaller and smaller voice, "And vet checked and DNA tested."
If glares could kill, Simmons' would have killed, resurrected, and killed him three times over by now.
"Agent Ward," Simmons still hasn't taken her eyes off Fitz, "Could you please give us a risk analysis on adopting a monkey to this team?"
Ward had been taken off-guard. He'd been helping Skye clean up the last of the mess in the lounge (and his bunk and the bathroom) when he heard his name.
"Umm…" he assessed the situation: Fitz was sitting down on the couch, leg twitching, hands on his lap, giving him a pleading look—he really looked like a child in trouble; meanwhile, Simmons was standing right in front of Fitz, hands on her hips, foot tapping on the floor. She turned her attention to him, eyebrow raised. Ward knew which side to take. "Well," he cleared his throat, "I don't know much about capuchin monkeys, but," he sent an apologetic look to Fitz, "wild animals are very troublesome."
"He's been trained," Fitz cut in. Simmons shushed him with that glare again. (Ward was convinced she'd been hanging out with May.)
And just to make sure he won't be next in line for the firing squad that is Simmons, Ward added, "I recommend we return him."
Fitz looked towards Skye for backup, but she just turned around and resumed cleaning.
"I agree," Coulson emerged through the doorway, and what little hope Fitz had of keeping Abu disappeared with his arrival. "I just got off the phone with the NPC. They have a reserve in Peru. May's flying us there now. We'll hand off the monkey first thing in the morning."
"His name's Abu," Fitz said under his breath, crossing his arms.
"And Fitz," he stood up, ready to follow Coulson back into his office. But his boss lingered in the doorway. "I'll leave you to Simmons."
Ward and Skye followed Coulson out.
Fitz flopped back down to the couch. Why have you forsaken me?!
