Chapter Six: A Game I Couldn't Win But I Wanted to Play
I find myself hiking to the top of Griffith Park, overlooking the whole city of Los Angeles. I can see the San Gabriel Mountains on one side and I can imagine the beaches on the other. The view is incredible but for some reason I have the impression that this is not a good day. Although the sun is shining bright, I feel clouds eclipse my head and my heart. I feel like something is going to happen. I walk up to the edge of the hill after seeing a familiar figure standing there. When I approach her, I am tempted to tap on her shoulder to grab her attention, but before I can even do anything, she turns around. And I am face to face with Loren. She has that smirk on her face and her eyes are dark. She chuckles a little and looks straight behind me, where a shadow appears. I am blinded by the sun and cannot distinguish the person's face. But as he walks up to us, I recognize his blond hair and tall posture. Cameron comes near us and positions himself beside Loren before giving her a rough kiss. I cannot help but cringe; I should be the one kissing her, and my kisses would be soft and delicate. My fists are unwillingly clenched and I am starting to sweat. Suddenly she tells me "I'm better off without you. I don't even know why I started dating you when he was always here for me. He treats me right, Eddie, and that's something you were never able to do." She leans towards him and stares at me, still speechless. "So I guess this is goodbye, huh?" My heart sinks and I cannot help but notice that the sky covers up with gloomy clouds. With one last smirk, Loren grabs my shoulders and pushes me down the hill. I tumble, stumble and plummet down the cliff, and the wind is gushing through my hair; I can still see Loren and Cameron up there staring down at me and laughing and I close my eyes and await death. But before I can reach the ground, I wake up, sweaty and panting.
I realize that I have been awoken by my buzzing phone. I take a moment to try to get over my dream and get up too abruptly. The room is still spinning when I reach my phone and groggily answer.
"Hello?"
"What the fuck, Eddie?! I hope you can explain this!"
"Dad? What's wrong with you?" I am definitely awaken by his yells now.
"What's wrong with me?! What the hell is wrong with you?! I thought you said you were going to fix this, not make it worse!" he exclaims. He sounds mad. Really mad.
"What are you talking about?"
"Stop playing innocent, for fuck's sake!" My dad never swears and I just heard him drop the f-bomb twice in fifteen seconds. I know that whatever I did, I am in huge trouble now.
"Dad, I'm serious! I have absolutely no clue what I did!"
He chuckles humorlessly. "Loren broke the engagement off, are you fucking happy now?!" Three times now. "Is that what you wanted?"
Wait. What? I come back to my senses. "She broke her… engagement off?" I am confused.
"Yes! I don't know what you did, or what you said, to make things worse than they already were, but she called it off with Cameron."
I thought I would be the only one coming out of this with a broken heart. Apparently not.
"Where is she?" I ask my father.
"We have no idea. She just called Nora earlier this morning bawling, but we can't find her. We've looked at Mel's place, we called Cam… He said she might be at Griffith Park; supposedly it's where she likes to hang out, so we're currently driving there. But for now it doesn't look good." My dad actually sounds worried.
"Can I meet you there?"
"No, we'll be fine. We'll call you if we find her, and you try to fix it on your own."
"Sure…" I am not. I have no idea where to look; I do not even know what happened. She told me she was married, did she? Or did I just completely imagine that in my head? Plus, my flight which I am supposed to take to move on from Loren is leaving in a few hours. I was planning on going back to New York and start a new chapter, and try to forget her, but that is apparently already a failure.
"But dad –" I am answered by the dial tone, and I am left hanging there in the middle of my living room with my mouth wide open.
• • •
It is time for me to act like a man and step up my game. Instinctively, I decide to forget about my flight for now, but if I can find Loren before and catch the plane, then I will go back to my life in New York. If not, then Jake will be furious at me for making him, the plane and all the crew wait, but I honestly do not care; it would not be the first time anyway. Loren is all I have on my mind right now; everything else is bull. Nothing else matters more to me than her. I do not understand what happened but I am willing to fix it, even if it means bringing her and Cameron back together. I am confused as to if she is married or not, but whatever will make her happy will make me not hate myself.
I am driving to her apartment in hope of finding some clues there. I do not know if it is a good idea or not but it is all I have. It comes from my guts, from my heart; today my brain's on strike. As I park my car in front of the building, I am rehearsing the things I will say to her when I find her – if I find her. I jog up to the elevator and nervously ride it to Loren's floor fidgeting with my hands. As I hear the ding telling me I have arrived on the fifth floor, the last time I have been here replays in my mind and reminds me that I should not be here. She does not want me to find her; she does not want me at all.
Before I can even knock on the door, it swings open. I am taken aback and try to take a peek but instead I bump into a man's tall and broad chest: Cameron's. "What are you doing here, Duran?" he asks me. I cannot respond; I do not know either. "You're looking for Loren, huh? Well she's not here, I checked." He walks out of the door and pulls out two suitcases with him. "Are those…" I cannot help but wonder.
"Yeah, I'm moving out, didn't you hear? Is that what you were planning to accomplish by coming back?"
"Look, Cameron, I'm not here to pick up a fight. I know I've been horrible to Loren when we first dated, and I know I hurt her really bad – trust me, I've been told enough times – but I'm thankful that you were here for her." He looks curiously surprised. "She's opened up to you and I can tell that she loves you. I don't know why you two broke up, I mean I thought you guys were married," I chuckle, "but I hope it's not because of me. I've never wanted to disrupt anything or be a home-wrecker. And to be honest with you, I don't know why I'm here either; I guess I just felt like I had to."
He nods, as if he is absorbing everything I just told him. "Well, thank you. I mean, without you she wouldn't have come to me in the first place!" I come to the realization that it is me who has pushed Loren into someone else's arms. "And yeah, I'm glad she could trust me, but she never totally looked at me the way she looked at you. I guess you just had that effect on her; she never forgot about you. Don't worry though, we didn't end things because of you, at least I don't think so. The world doesn't revolve around you, Duran."
It is almost painful to hear. "So what now?"
"You tell me. You're the last one left in the game. Chase after her, and tell me when you find her."
"What tells you that I will?"
"I just know. You knew her better than I ever could," he grabs his suitcases and calls the elevator.
"Wait… You're just leaving like that?"
"What else can I do? I can't find her, we called it off, and I don't think she wants to see me again. I mean, I'm not completely innocent either," he cracks a bittersweet smile. "Don't forget to lock the door on your way out; the key's on the table." He turns around, gets into the elevator and leaves me stranded in an empty hallway with a door left ajar and an apartment haunted by her presence.
Author's Note: Sorry for the short chapter, but I wanted to make up for my absence. I hope you enjoyed that chapter!
