BIG THANKS to both my beta's Mad_Hatter_Usagi and LucifersHitman


Cas falls and finds the bunker.


Cas has been walking for hours and crying for even longer, it's taken him almost two days to relocate the Winchester's new home without his grace. Now, leaning on the closed doorway to support himself, Cas contemplates knocking. Once again, Cas has messed everything up, and once again Dean tried to warn him, tried to get Cas to think things through. But of course Cas, being the ignorant, not to mention arrogant, angel he was, didn't listen. He knows Dean must have seen the angels falling and Cas can't even picture how Dean's going to react when he opens the door and sees Cas on the other side. If he had his wings right now he would probably fly off, but here Cas is, sweaty and tired, with nowhere else to go. He needs Dean now in every way imaginable. Like Dean once needed Cas to keep him safe, but he probably won't need him anymore, since he's now powerless and useless. Cas, with tears still rolling down his cheeks, straightens up and adjusts his trench; looks at the hard wood in front of him, sucks down his worries, and knocks on the door.


Dean's pacing back and forth, stressing about Cas and Sammy. He's been a nervous wreck since he saw all the angels fall two days ago and Sam isn't getting any better. Sam hasn't been able to get out of bed for the past two days, and Cas is nowhere to be found. Dean's called hunters, psychics, anyone he can think of to try and locate the fallen angel, but no dice; leaving Dean starting to lose his mind without his family intact, and pacing back a forth like its actually going to help his situation. Dean's been at the same pace for around thirty minutes, contemplating his next course of action. Nothing is coming to mind, and then suddenly a loud, unfamiliar knock startles him out of his on-going thought process. Dean instantly springs towards the noise, the pounding gets louder as Dean rushes towards it. He knows it can only be one of two people, Charlie or Cas, he's praying to God—who Dean knows is long gone—that it's Cas.

He swings the door open to find Cas red-eyed and dirtier than Dean has ever seen him. Cas is maintaining his composure better than Dean expected, since he was imaging so many terrible things, including Cas already popping pills, or drunk like the Cas he met in 2014. But Cas looks sober, just tired and out of tears. Cas meets Dean's eyes and begins to sniffle and softly cry. Seeing the angel—former angel— whatever Cas is, with salty tears streaming down his cheeks almost makes Dean lose it himself.


Dean opens the door and for a moment all Cas's worries are gone. He sees Dean and, at first, becomes overwhelmed with warmth and happiness. Feelings, Cas realizes, feelings he's never felt in all his years of being an angel.

When Cas focuses in closer, he sees the way Dean's face is wrinkled from all the worrying; and the guilt, the nasty bitterness that's been stinging Cas's insides these past two days, takes hold of Castiel again. He looks in Dean's eyes, something he's yet to do as a human, and this time he sees nothing. Normally he can see a reflection of Dean's thoughts, Cas had always been able to see what Dean's feeling; but this time he only sees Dean.

Castiel stares, and all he sees are beautiful green eyes that are beginning to grow teary, and a thick five o'clock shadow. He sees a chiseled jaw and sharply defined cheek bones sprinkled with light freckles. Cas sees the man he once raised from perdition, but this time as he stands in front of the righteous man, it's different than all the others times before. This time he's numb to the hunter, Cas can't feel Dean at all, only himself.

The only thing Cas is feeling is his heart stop. For a minute Cas thinks he might actually die, that his heart might actually be falling out of his chest; but he soon realizes it's nothing but a sensation and, even though Cas is trying so hard to hold back, he instantly start to cry.


Dean, not wanting to see Cas like this, reaches out and grabs him by his tattered trench coat's lapel with a firm, sweaty fist, and pulls Cas in close. Noting the feeling the former angel's new found heat against him. Cas actually hugs back this time, and Dean soaks up every new, lean muscle he can now feel. After instantly wrapping and holding Cas in his arms, Dean squeezes him as tight as he can. Dean never meant for this to happen, and he wants to put every inch of his regret into this one action.

This is all his fault, he thought, if he wouldn't have pushed Cas away, because of his own anger the last time the angel visited, then he never would've ran off and signed up with Metatron in the first place. Dean, feeling tears sting his eyes, fights back his own desire to cry and holds Cas even tighter. Trying his very best to let Cas know everything will be alright by pressing their rapid heartbeats together.

If only he and Cas could ever be on the same page. Dean feels like ever since he met the angel they've either been one step behind, or one step in front of each other. Dean wants to comfort Cas, but he has no clue where to start.

Still in contemplation, Dean decides, when nothing better comes to mind, to start with something small and simple by saying, "it's okay Cas, it's not your fault."

Cas pulls back a bit, although keeping his arms still firmly around Dean, and gazes quizzically up at him.

"What did you just say?" Cas asks.

"I said it's not your fault," Dean repeats, letting his tight hold falter a little to back up and get a better look at Cas.


Cas, unlike the first time, stops his crying and actually listens. He listens to Dean's words, words that Dean has said to Cas on multiple occasions, but this time something's different. Something new inside Cas has burst open, something warm and delightful. A sensation of pure bliss, that's overwhelming and just plain strange.

"Say that again," Cas asks as he looks back up and meets Dean's steady gaze.

Dean looks up as if he's contemplating his actions for a second, then brings his unfaltering, green eyes back down to meet Cas's and repeats himself again.

Upon hearing Dean's forgiving words again, Cas instantly smiles, because he realizes what's different this time. Unlike as angel, when Cas was far too stuffed with grace, keeping him overly-humble; this time, Dean's words sink in, this time Cas can actually allow himself to believe what Dean's saying.

Whereas before, though Cas would act like he believed Dean, he really wouldn't, knowing deep inside that Dean was wrong. This time, after feeling that peaceful burst inside of him Cas was actually able to.

Cas also realizes that what he's feeling warming and probing his insides are probably emotions, which are what Dean feels all the time, and they are tiresome, Cas admits to himself.

Cas gives Dean a small smile, and sniffles as he wipes his nose onto his filthy sleeve, "you really think so?" Cas asks.


Dean is beyond shocked by Cas's reaction, since he's expecting Cas to stay resistant like he always has when Dean tries to comfort him. But, ignoring the strange change in Cas, Dean offers him an equally matching toothy smile; and trying to spill out every ounce of heart Dean can manage into his reply he says, "yeah Cas, I mean Metatron had me fooled too."