So, the ending of ME3 broke my heart, and the only way I could console myself was to head canon what really happened. This is just my interpretation, please let me know what you think! :)
Also, I don't think I mentioned it before, but none of the characters belong to me. I'm just borrowing them from Bioware.
The Fourth Time (Part One)
He couldn't do it.
Staring at the plaque in his hands, holding it reverently as though it were a part of her, he came to the realization that he couldn't do it. Not yet.
"...Garrus?" A gentle hand on his arm, offering support he didn't want. Liara understood, of course, even if she wouldn't admit to it. He gently shrugged her off, turning to face the rest of the crew with a heavy sigh.
Ashley started to speak, her voice quiet and wavering. "This is hard for all of us, but her name deserves to be remembered properly with the-"
"No."
The human's dark eyebrows drew together, but he continued before she could question him.
"Putting her name on that wall is an acceptance. An acceptance that she's dead. Until I find her body, until I actually put my hands on her lifeless corpse, we're assuming she's still out there somewhere. Alive."
James and Javik looked at the floor. Ashley and Tali looked at each other. Liara was the only one who spoke.
"Garrus, I- I want to believe she's still alive as much as you do, but-"
"So, believe it." His interruption was curt, his voice coming out louder than he had intended, and it made her flinch as though he had struck her.
No one would meet his eyes. He stalked past them, plaque in hand, and hit the elevator button for her cabin.
She was out there, somewhere, and he would find her.
Ten days.
Days spent calling in favors with recon teams, checking in with every hospital and clinic he could find, scouring comm channels and extranet sites for information...
They were still piecing it all together, the brightest minds in the galaxy attempting to figure out what had happened. As far as they could tell, the Crucible had emitted some kind of pulse, a massive blast of energy which seemed to target the Reapers directly.
All the soldiers on the ground knew was that the Brutes had stopped charging, the Banshees had stopped screaming, and the Reapers had fallen from the skies. Of course, the Geth had fallen, too. He thought of Legion, wearing a piece of N7 armor. He thought of EDI.
It was a bittersweet victory.
He heard her name constantly. It was cheered in bars, vids of soldiers and mercenaries drunkenly singing her praises flooding the extranet. The politicians called her a hero; her sacrifice would forever be remembered as a turning point for a galaxy now in control of it's own destiny.
It almost made him laugh. He could picture her face, rolling her eyes as she muttered some complaint about the Councilors...
The door to her (their?) cabin chiming startled him out of his thoughts, and he called for whoever it was to enter. Glancing up from where he sat at the desk, he nodded at the Asari entering the room.
"Liara. Need me for something?"
Visits from the rest of the squad were rare. They - mercifully - gave him space. Perhaps it was due to his utter refusal to accept that Shepard was dead, and that any attempt to convince him otherwise inevitably ended in an argument.
"Garrus, I think I have something. I...don't want to assume anything, but-"
He was on his feet before she had finished her sentance.
"Glyph and I were looking through data feeds from my agents. They had all been informed that any information regarding Shepard's whereabouts - alive or otherwise - was to be sent straight to me."
She handed him a datapad. He distantly noticed her hands were shaking.
"This is a recording of a conversation between two human doctors. They are working at a make-shift clinic just outside of London. The area is...very damaged."
He knew the type. These 'clinics' were popping up everywhere; the sheer number of wounded soldiers on Earth and the nature of their injuries meant that many people needed to be treated where they were, as soon as possible. There was simply no space left in the hospitals.
"Even my agent thought it was a long shot, but he was being treated there when he heard these doctors in the room next to him-"
He wasn't really listening. Scrolling through the datapad, he found what he was looking for and pressed play. The audio quality was poor, with rustling and footsteps in the background, but he could just about hear two male voices. One seemed nervous, excited even, while the other seemed bored and flippant.
"-can't be sure. It looks like her, though."
"You can't just check her suit's ID?"
"No! It's been badly damaged and all the systems have shut down."
"So. Jane Doe, huh?"
The other doctor seemed to be getting increasingly agitated.
"Look, I know this sounds nuts. I know everybody thinks she's dead. But just take a look at her and tell me that she's not Commander Shepard."
The flippant doctor was quiet. Garrus held his breath.
"The bruising on her face made her virtually unrecognisable when they first brought her in. But the swelling's gone down now and I'm telling you, it's her! I'd know her face anywhere, she's been all over the news-"
"Alright! Keep your voice down. Can you imagine the hysteria if people out there thought Commander Shepard was alive? In our shitty little clinic, no less!"
A door slammed shut somewhere in the audio, and the recording stopped suddenly. He exhaled slowly, dropping the datapad on the desk. Liara shifted from one foot to the other, wringing her hands.
She was looking at him expectantly. "It's a slim lead, I know. But it's more than we had before."
He scarcely dared to hope.
"...You know where this clinic is?"
