A/N: Thank you for your reviews, guys! But don't stop! Review, review, review!
Chapter 3: Over My Head
Raegan's POV
I had a lot of fun at lunch with Paul, oddly. I never thought talking about books would be so interesting, but Paul's constant curiosity made me feel special, in a way. I never hung out with anyone or had friends at my old school, so to say this was a new experience was an understatement.
Paul dropped me off at my house, saying he would see me at dinner, and left. Emily was sitting on the porch swing excitedly, and got up once she saw me. "Hi, Aunt Emily." I said quietly. She smiled at me. "So how was lunch with Paul?" she asked, trying to sound nonchalant but failing. I looked at her questioningly. "Good…"
"What did you guys talk about?"
"Books."
"Books? Anything else?"
"Not really…?"
Emily looked slightly disappointed. What did she think I was going to tell her? This wasn't a date or anything. Suddenly, she cleared her throat. "Raegan, can I ask you a question?" she asked timidly. I nodded my head. "When we spoke a few nights ago, about the argument Sandra-I mean your mother, and I had, and I asked you about Jesse, you seemed a little…off." She said curiously. My face paled. Oh God, please don't do this, Aunt Emily. I stared at the wall behind her. "I-I have no i-idea what you're talking about."
"Then why are you stuttering? Why can't you make eye contact with me? Please, Rae, I need to know."
I glared at her, suddenly angry. Who was she to get into the business of my past? "Aunt Emily, no o-offense, but this isn't any of your business." I snapped. Surprised, but not shaken, she took my wrist and sat me down in a chair at the kitchen table. Much to my dismay, and to my fear, tears welled up in her eyes. "Rae, baby girl, I know it's been a while since I last spoke to you, before you came her, I mean. I know you must hate me. But sweetie, no matter how much I tried, your mother wouldn't ever let me speak to you. I tried to call, but the phone service kept saying the landline no longer existed, and I had no idea where you guys even were. I-I need to know what happened."
I stared up at her. "Nothing ever happened, Aunt Emily, nothing! Please just drop it!" I yelled, my hands clenching up into fists. Tears fell from her eyes, and as guilty as I felt, I didn't show any weakness. "Raegan, I know something did. I know what I saw that day, I've spent all these years trying to convince myself what I saw was a misunderstanding. I tried to convince myself that you were okay; that you were perfectly fine in that home. But I know better now. You've changed so much, Rae. I can't stand myself for leaving you alone. I should have known. Please, baby girl, tell me. Tell me so I know I'm speaking the truth."
Tears started to pour out of my eyes uncontrollably, my body shaking in fear. I had never been in this predicament before. Besides the teachers at school, no one had ever cared enough to ask if anything was ever wrong at home. Jesse told me he would hurt me really badly if I ever told anyone. "Aunt E-Emily, I-I…I can't tell you."
"Sweetie, please, I promise I won't judge you. I won't ever tell a soul."
"It's….It's not that, I-I'm not supposed to tell."
Sobs racked my whole frame now, was there a possibility that she would believe me? Would she refuse me like my own mother? And even, if she did know, what difference would it make? "He told me not to tell!"
"Raegan, I promise you, he will never do anything ever again. But I need to know what happened!"
Taking a gulp and a deep breath, I slowly exhaled. Either way I looked at it, I had to tell her. I was far too deep in for her not to know something happened, and if I didn't tell her now, who knew what could happen? Plus, the nightmares would start up again soon and I would definitely need an explanation. "Aunt Emily, I need to know that no matter what I tell you, you won't freak out or get mad, and just know that there isn't anything that can change what happened."
She nodded for me to go on, and I coughed. "Aunt Emily…Mom…Mom did drugs. And she drank." I whispered. I heard a sharp intake of breath. "She left me alone a lot…she was always passed out, or out with people, so I had to do everything on my own." I explained. I wasn't staring at her face, to busy staring at my hands, but from the corner of my eyes I could see her shaking her head. "When I got old enough, I had to get a job. We were living off of welfare and child support. I paid all the bills, balanced the checkbook, had to make sure there was enough for us both to eat since all Mom did was spend money on booze or drugs. Then, she met Jesse."
"Jesse was really cool at first, you know? He was kind of like a friend. I…I trusted him. He was the only one who showed me attention. Then, then I got older…."
"Oh my God, no, no please don't…"
"…I got older, and I noticed he was being really weird…he…was…affectionate….too affectionate…"
That's when I broke out into hysterical sobs. Emily got up from her chair and kneeled down next to me, wrapping her long, graceful arms around me protectively, despite her own tears. "H-He…He…"
"Sweetie, you don't have to finish-"
"I…I want to. Jesse…Jesse abused me."
Emily tightened her embrace, taking a hand and placing it under my chin in a motherly way, making me make eye contact. "Raegan, how did he abuse you?" she asked, anger seeping through her words. I shook my head, refusing to answer. "Raegan, answer me." Emily demanded boldly, but gently at the same time. "He…H-He beat me, and he…he touched me. In bad places." I whispered. Emily let me go, getting up from her stance and grabbed a napkin to dab her tears from the counter. Shaking her head angrily, she let out a frustrated cry. "I knew it! I knew it, the day he…he put his hand on you the way he did, and looked at you…I knew something was wrong. I already knew Sandra was having problems, but I was too afraid to say anything. Why didn't I speak up? I could've saved you from that! I could have told someone! But no! I was so convinced I was seeing things, or hallucinating…Raegan, Raegan baby, I'm so sorry."
Gazing up at her in disbelief, I shook my head. "Aunt Emily, there was nothing you could have done. It's not your fault. I don't blame you at all, at all! Never think this was your fault. You didn't even live in South Dakota, you were only there to visit. Aunt Emily, you were…are…the best aunt you can be. Never believe otherwise."
"…You were only a little girl…Oh, God…How could he do that?! You had never done anything…So innocent…" Emily cried, wiping her eyes with the napkin in attempt to erase the tears that were shedding. I walked up to her, and much to both of our surprise, I tightly squeezed my arms around her. "Aunt Emily, it's done. There's nothing that can be done now. I'm here, not there, so now we just have to look past it. It's not your fault."
With that explanation, she just nodded her head, tears finally coming to an end. "Thank you. For telling me. I promise I won't tell anyone. Not even Sam. I swear to God, I won't." she said painfully. I nodded. With one last tight squeeze, I retreated to my room.
Locking the door behind me as I reached my plain, white room, I fell into a crying heap on my bed, trying to wrap my head around everything that just happened. I had never, ever told anyone what was going on. Ever. I never thought I would. And never did I think that I would tell my aunt, who I not only haven't seen in years, but I had only been with for about a week. But I also didn't think anyone would ever believe me; believe the truth about what I endured in that hell. Despite my fear, anger, and overall frustration over what just occurred, I couldn't help but feel like a small portion of the weight I was carrying was off my shoulders. But not completely.
I really meant it when I told Aunt Emily that it wasn't her fault. There really wasn't anything else that could have been done. She was not to blame.
I was.
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Paul's POV
After reading the first few chapters of 'Animal Farm', I had patrol. Running out to the forest in wolf form, I met up with Sam, Quil, Jacob, and Embry. "Hey guys, I just had the best time with Raegan. We went to lunch…"
"Lunch?"
"Ooooh! Someone's getting it in!"
Sam growled at the last comment, which came from Embry. "Shut it, that's Emily's niece you're talking about." Embry rolled his eyes, but the guys persisted. Not wanting to have to continuously explain the date (although I would in a heartbeat), I ran the memory through my head, a dazed, stupid smile on my face.
To say their faces were shocked would be in an understatement. Slightly pissed off at their lack of response, I growled. "What?!"
Jacob was the first to speak, trying to muffle his laughter. "Dude, you guys talked about BOOKS. BOOKS. You made it sound like you slept together or something. You know, a little action."
I growled angrily at him, daring him to say something else. "And? You're just jealous because you haven't imprinted yet. So what if we are talking about books? At least she and I aren't talking about her leech ex-boyfriend."
Not the least bothered by what I said, the guys continued to laugh. "Dude, she reads books!"
"I still don't see what the big fucking deal is!"
"How don't you see it?!"
"Fuck you all. If you aren't going to tell me, go to hell."
Embry finally stopped acting like a complete dipshit and spoke up. "Paul. She reads books. She's quiet. Shy. You…You are Paul. You didn't even know there was a library in this town!"
"Come on dude, you don't even read the school-mandated ones. When we read 'Gone With the Wind', you used the pages as paper airplanes. No offense, man, you're like a brother to me, but she's a little…out of your league."
"What Embry's trying to say in a nice manner is that you are totally whipped. And you barely know her."
Frustrated, I let out a snarl. "I'm not fucking whipped, Jacob, I love her! I want to know her interests! You know, of all people, I thought you'd at least be a little supportive. I'm the one who's gonna get the girl in the end. At least I have a girl to call my own, your leech-lover is so attached to her cold, dead boyfriend she doesn't even look twice at you."
"Fuck you, Paul! I don't have to imprint on Bella to know I love her! You wouldn't have ever noticed Raegan if you hadn't imprinted. And by the way, she's never, ever going to go for you. She's one of the few girls you've ever had interested in that DOESN'T have shit for brains. She wouldn't ever stoop that low."
"You know what? It's obvious that you guys have this under control. I'm gonna head to Emily's, and see how Raegan is doing."
Frustrated beyond belief, I ran into the direction of Emily's. Once I reached the small, comfortable looking house, I phased back, wrenching on a pair of shorts left on the back porch.
Walking in was kind of scary. Unlike usual, it was super quiet, and everything was very…still. Using my enhanced hearing, I heard quiet cries coming from the living room, and I immediately knew it was Emily. But the worst was something that made my heart ache terribly. I heard sobs coming from where the guest room was located, and I knew it was Raegan. I practically stormed into the house, where Emily was quick to get off of the sofa. "Paul…"
"Where is she? Is she hurt? Is she okay?"
"Paul, go home. Everything's okay. Tell the guys I can't make dinner, have Billy order a pizza or something…just, just go, okay?" she cried quietly, resting her small hand on my bare chest in protest, pushing me out the door. Bewildered and scared, I tried to get around her. "Emily, what's going on? Why is she hurting? What's wrong? Talk to me, Emily." I said anxiously, my heart pain increasing with every sob coming from that room. Emily merely shook her head, continuing to push me out the door. I finally complied, not very willingly, and she pushed me out onto the porch. "Emily, it hurts. It hurts so bad. What's wrong with her? Is she going to be okay?" I asked, almost fearful to know the answer. Wiping the tears from her eyes, she nodded. "Paul, I need you to do me a huge favor. It's for Raegan."
"If it's for Raegan, I'll do anything. Shoot."
"I…I need you to be patient with her, okay? Don't pressure her, please. It is more crucial than ever that she has a friend. You need to promise me you won't be needy or clingy. Raegan…Raegan has gone through some very hard things, and I need you to know that there's…there's a chance that…"
"A chance that what? Emily, please!"
"There's a chance she may never come out of this. She's hurting, really badly, and I promised her that I wouldn't tell anyone what she told me. The things that Raegan has had to deal with isn't for someone who isn't committed to her. And I know she's your imprint, but I need you to realize you are in for the long hall, understood?" Emily explained to me sternly.
"Emily, I promise over my dead body, I love her. I may not know her, but I am fully and completely committed to this. She is my imprint, and I will be whatever it is she demands I be, even if in the long run it won't be a decision I will like. I will take care of her, watch over her, and protect her with every fiber of my being. I know I don't have the best record when it comes to girls, but this is different. I will do everything in my power to prevent her from hurting." I stated seriously. Emily nodded, looking at me straight in the eyes, believing me. Ushering me to go home, I walked in the brisk evening back to my house.
Welcomed by the silence that was always accompanied when you only live with your mother, I threw the keys on the counter, and sprinted to my room before my mom could raise any questions. Locking the door behind me, I curled up in my bed, clutching my pained heart, as warm tears pricked my eyes. Doing something I hadn't done since I was little, I closed my eyes, mentally hoping for there to be a God. "Lord, please, make this pain go away. Make her pain go away. I will do whatever it is I have to do, just please, make her be okay."
A/N: Okay guys, that's it for chapter 3! What did you guys think? Please comment and review! I love all of you to bits, and remember, if you want to see what Raegan looks like, look up Emily Rudd, I based her physical appearance on her with a few exceptions (freckles, height, etc.) Review, review, review!
