A/N: Chapter 6 guys! Woot woot! Review!
Chapter 6: The Memory
WARNING: SOMEWHAT GRAPHIC
"Oh, Jesus, you're so sexy." He whispered in my ear, his hot breath making me shiver not from anticipation, but disgust and hatred. "I hate you, I hate you!" I screamed. He merely chuckled, his body closing in on mine as he straddled my hips. "You know you love this, and if you don't, you will learn!" he snapped. My face contorted into one of rage and anger, I spit my saliva straight into his face. His face twisted from one of agitation to one of red hot anger. Out of nowhere, I saw his hand fly up, and only merely seconds later, I felt the sharp sting of a slap, and heat on my cheek. I let out a cry as he slapped me again. "You stupid slut, you think you're so tough? What's with you, all the sudden, you never fought back all these years…" he whispered cunningly. Tears ran down my cheeks, I tried gasping for air but I was far too hysterical to think clearly. "Boo hoo hoo, the spoiled little bitch is sad." He said with a mocking chuckle, and I let out another cry. He ripped off my shirt like an animal, and unhooked my bra despite my protest. "Oh, baby, no need to hide. Daddy just wants to take a good look at ya," he said with a drunken laugh. I screamed in frustration, trying to wrench my wrists away from his hands that were keeping me stuck to the mattress. "I hate you! I hate you! You aren't my father!" I yelled. His face grew red and his nostrils flared. "You know, I was always nice enough not to take you for myself! All I ask if that you let me have a little fun!" he growled. His slobbery lips cascaded down my collarbone in drunken kisses, and my cries grew louder. Using one free hand, he maneuvered my jeans off with skill that came from a lot of practice, and shoved his hand down my panties. My cries grew more fearful, and I blacked out.
"Wake up, sweetie, wake up! Please!" shouted a feminine voice. I sat up in my bed with a start, gasping for air. I ran a hand through my hair which was soaked with sweat, and wiped away tears I didn't know were there. Emily sat next to the bed looking frightened. "R-Rae?" she asked quietly. "What…What happened?" I asked in a raspy voice, although I already knew the answer. I searched around my room, and saw that Sam was standing in the doorway looking sympathetic. "Sweetie, you had a nightmare. I heard you screaming down the hall. Are you alright?" she asked softly. Embarrassed and shaken, I ran past her and Sam and locked myself in the bathroom.
I instantly knew what I needed, and I knew if I didn't have it soon, I would go into a panic attack. I ransacked through the caddy that hung in the shower, and found my release, my relief. Desperately, I slid the blade across my arms. Small splurges of calm overwhelmed me as I continued with shaky hands. "Control…it's all about the control." I thought to myself, as I imbedded another wound on my milky white flesh. Suddenly, I heard a knock at the door. "Raegan? You okay in there?" said a voice I instantly recognized to be Sam's. "Y-Yeah, sorry, I'll be out in a minute!" I exclaimed, rushing to put the razor back and wash off my arm.
Once I opened the door, I wished I had stayed inside the bathroom. Sam was staring at me seriously with his buff arms crossing his chest. "Everything okay?" he asked sternly. I nodded my head, not able to look at him in the face, and skidded by him. "Raegan, we are not done talking about this!"
"Please, Sam, I don't want to talk. I'm fine, it was just a stupid nightmare."
Catching up with me easily, he spun me around, hand on my shoulder. "Raegan, I'm serious. We can't just avoid this. I don't know how it worked in your household, but here, we talk it out, whether you want to or not."
That struck a serious nerve. The mention of my mother's poor parenting that I was desperately trying to forget brought about hurt feelings. "Raegan, I'm sorry-"
"It's okay, I'm fine. Can I please go back to bed?" I said in a monotone voice, trying to void myself of emotion. After a few seconds of skeptical staring, I squeezed past him, and locked myself in my room, making my best effort to pretend this had never happened.
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Paul's POV
I woke up extra early, wanting to spend as much time with Raegan as possible. I took a shower, not even checking to see if it was hot or cold, and threw on a pair of khaki cutoffs and a white v neck, along with a pair of sneakers. I was surprised that I was actually wearing shirts now, although I knew why. I didn't want Raegan to feel uncomfortable, which was something easy to do, especially with as bashful and quiet as she was. I practically whistled as I walked to the house that was only a few blocks away, absolutely elated.
The minute I walked through the door, I could tell something was wrong. My smile fell off my face in a matter of seconds, as I saw Sam and Emily deep in conversation, looking concerned. "Is everything okay?" I asked. Sam pinched the bridge of his nose as he took a deep breath, and nodded. "Everything's fine, Paul. Why don't you go see if Raegan's awake?" Emily said softly. Nodding, I headed down the hall, sending a last suspicious glance at them. They seemed really worried, should I be? Did it have to do with Raegan?
I finally reached her room, and knocked on the door tentatively. No answer. Just as I was about to knock again, the door opened a crack. "You…You can come in." she said in an emotionless voice, completely catching me off guard. Walking in, I saw her with an encyclopedia-sized book, her face completely buried in, with the exception of her eyes that stared at me as I made my way over to her desk, sitting in the chair. After a few minutes of silence, she continued to read, sending me glances occasionally. I made myself comfortable, and then remembered I brought 'Animal Farm' with me. Taking it out of my back pocket (where it surprisingly fit), I quickly flipped to the page I folded, and although I was much more interested in staring at Raegan, I made it my best effort to not make her uncomfortable. "Y-You shouldn't fold the page l-like that." She said quietly. Looking up at her, she shrunk under my gaze, eyes still focused on the book. "What?" I asked hopefully. She looked back up at me nervously, then back at the book. "The p-page. You s-shouldn't fold it like that." She whispered. Even with my enhanced hearing, I had to lean in to her what she said. "Well, how will I know where I stopped reading?" I asked curiously. Looking at me with a slight amused expression, she quickly averted her eyes. "I-I don't know…a book mark?" she said quietly, although I sensed the slightest bit of sarcasm in her voice. I smiled brightly. "Well, I don't have one."
"Make one."
"How do I do that?"
Getting up from her position on the bed, she went over to where I was sitting, and after a few minutes sleft over from Emily's annoying scrapbooking days. Without a word, she tour the paper neatly in half, folding the slip into a ruler sized shape. She grabbed a black permanent marker, and after shielding her writing away from me, she pushed the paper in front of me. In blocky, cartoon-like letters, the blue paper read 'Paul's Bookmark', and a little drawing of a book was underneath it.
I don't know why, but I was touched. My imprint, who barely even spoke to me, just made me something. Even though it was a bookmark, it was of her own creation, and she did it willingly. I stared down at the bookmark with cheerful eyes, eternally grateful and happy. She made me a bookmark! "Thank you!" I exclaimed. She took a step back, obviously taken back by my excitement of such a small token, and blushed. "It's…It's just a bookmark." She whispered, a giggle threatening to come out. She climbed back onto the bed, grabbing her book and raising it so she could begin reading, but still stared at me. I held the bookmark in my hand, absolutely elated. Turning away, she started to read. "No! Don't go away, once you start reading, I probably won't get you back!" I thought to myself desperately. Hurriedly trying to come up with an idea for conversation, I racked my brain for something interesting to say. "A-Are you excited to start school tomorrow?" I squeaked, sounding like a complete nerd. She raised an eyebrow at me, but it looked like she was seriously thinking about the question. "Yes…and no." she said sounding pensive. "Why?" I asked. Was she afraid? Did she like school? Did she not? Struggling to find words to say, she sighed exasperatedly. "I-It's hard to…explain."
"Why?" Jeez, I was starting to sound like a little kid.
"Is it really possible to tell someone else what one feels?" she said with a far off look. What the fuck did that mean? "What does that mean?" I asked. An amused, but small smile crossed her features. "It…It means exactly what it says…it's just an opinion. Leo Tolstoy, 'Anna Karenina'." She explained, looking at me like I was an idiot, which I definitely was.
"Who?"
"L-Leo Tolstoy. He was a Russian writer. One of his most famous works was 'Anna Karenina'. I'm reading his book right now, 'War and Peace'." She stated. Oh my God, she was so smart. So, so very smart.
And I was incredibly dumb.
Looking at me with a blush, a smirk, and a raised eyebrow, I felt suddenly very inferior. I really needed to step up my game. Unlike other girls I won over, flashing my muscles and dimpled grin wasn't going to impress her. But brains just might do it.
Unfortunately, I had gotten so lost in my head, she had already gone back to her book. "So…um, what are you looking forward to about school?" I stammered. Looking back up with a sigh, she placed the book down and turned her body to face me. "I, I don't know…I guess maybe the actual work." She said honestly. I gulped, I probably should have guessed she was going to be a school-person. "What's your favorite class?"
"English and History. I can't choose. Um…how about you?"
"You know, I've never really liked school…if lunch was a class, it would probably be my favorite."
Giggling, much to my surprise, she rolled her eyes. "S-So you like the idea of eating old, reheated freeze-dried food with large crowds of people?" she asked. My eyes widened. "No! I mean, I just like the idea that I don't have to work. Like, it's probably the only time in my day I don't get assigned something I don't understand. You sit down, eat, and leave. It's something you can count on, because it doesn't change." I explained, hoping she understood what I was saying. Slowly nodding, she kind of smiled at me. "Y-You know, it actually kind of makes sense. You like consistency, and I guess in high school, where that's you can either accept change or hate it, it's the one thing that's reliable, the one thing you absolutely know will happen." She replied.
Oh my God, was she really coming out of her shell right now? Was I making her comfortable around me? I nodded dumbly at her, still trying to grasp the idea that she was actually acknowledging what I was saying as something she 'understood'. Trying to hide my smile, I pressed my hand over my mouth. "So, are you really going to sign up for all those clubs and stuff that you said yesterday?"
"W-Well, I'd like to try. But…Aunt Emily says I shouldn't."
"How come? Aren't extra-curriculars supposed to be, like, good on your college applications and stuff?"
Raegan smiled at me. "That's what I've been trying to tell her! But she thinks it's going to consume my whole life and that I'm not going to have time to myself. I've dealt with a lot more on my plate then just a few extra clubs..." She said, trailing off at the end of her sentence. I tried to ignore the way she said it, but I knew I would wonder about it for a while. "Well, I think you should do whatever it is that you feel is best. And if you decide that sports and clubs are your thing, then go ahead. And if they aren't, they aren't. As long as it makes you happy." I explained, kind of proud of myself. Smiling even wider now, she nodded her head. "T-Thanks, Paul. Maybe this friendship thing won't be so hard after all."
My happiness was quickly replaced by confusion. "Friendship thing?" I asked, trying not to get angry. Sensing my mood, she averted her eyes, her smile faltering. "Y-Yeah, Emily told me I should, um, probably get to know someone who would go to my school, so I-I could have a…friend." She explained. Feeling stupid that I thought it was a bad thing, I practically had to sit on my hand to keep me from facepalming. "Oh! Okay, sorry, I just thought…"
"Yeah…"
Starting to feel nervous now that conversation had taken an awkward turn, I started talking again. "Well, what else do you like? Besides school." I said. She glanced up, startled by my interruption of the silence. "I, um, I like violin." She said quietly. I didn't play any instruments, and I had skipped music class since school started, so I didn't really know what to ask. "So, what music do you like?"
"I-I like classical music, older music, like big-band and ragtime, and I like jazz, I like…you're going to laugh at me." She said, mumbling the last part. "I promise I won't."
"…Promise?..."
"Pinky promise."
"I, I like soft rock. Not metal or anything, but the nice kind. Folk rock." She said softly. Surprised, but not at all teasing, I grinned. "Cool." I said genuinely. Her eyes bore into mine, searching for any signs that I was lying, but she must have liked what she saw because she turned her head away, blushing and biting her bottom lip with the tiniest smile. "H-How about you?"
"What about me?"
"W-Well, um, tell me about yourself…"
Trying to hide my inner squealing little girl at the fact that she was curious about me, I cleared my throat. "Well, my last name is Lahote, for starters. I don't really do the, um, *cough* school thing, but I like science. Even though I don't really have good grades in it. I like rock music too, but more alternative stuff, like Green Day, and Blink 182. I don't play any instruments or anything, but I like the outdoors and stuff." I explained, trying to muffle my snicker at my last statement. She nodded her head, obviously approving. As happy as I was that she wanted to know more about me, I couldn't help but feel the slightest bit of doubt that she really did; maybe she just felt obligated. And I also wasn't nearly as interested in talking about myself as I was hearing about her.
Suddenly, my curiosity...with everything about her…overrode me. "Why do you like books so much?" I asked before I could stop myself. Startled, she blinked a few times before sighing softly. "W-Well, what's not to like?" she said, almost defensively. I would have thought she was mad if I didn't see her pouty lips flicker into a smile. "Nothing! Nothing's wrong with books. I'm just curious."
Looking conflicted, she let out a deep breath. "I, I don't know, I guess they are an escape, if that makes sense." She replied.
"Escape from what?"
Raegan stiffened noticeably, sucking in air and her mouth forming a grim line. "Things." She practically seethed, although I could tell she was trying to sound nonchalant. I didn't press the issue, not wanting to make her anymore upset.
Which led me to trying to apologize in the best, and only way I knew would possibly work.
I braced myself and did a silent prayer. "So, what's 'War and Peace' about?"
A smile lit up her face, and the walls of shyness and lack of comfort fell down as she chattered away.
A/N: On to chapter 7! Review guys!
