AN: Thank you guys for patiently waiting for this chapter


Jane sat on the little stool coming face to face with her piano. It had been years since she last played. She remembered writing a song for Casey before he went to Afghanistan. She had played the song for him, hoping that he would change his mind and stay for her. But her plan had failed dismally. Casey had still enlisted, and she was left heartbroken with a song that would never reach the ears of anyone else. That's when she'd stopped. What was the point anyway?

Now she felt like she had a purpose - Maura. Words were not anywhere near enough when just spoken in their plainness, she needed to find something to do to them.

She sat at her piano for nearly three hours that Saturday afternoon, writing and re-writing words. Trying to find the best possible string of letters that could convey what she was feeling. Jane Rizzoli wasn't proud of herself. For years she had prided herself in loyalty. She wasn't a liar nor was she a deceiver. She was trustworthy, even if she said so herself.

The theatre outing last night had been a pathetic attempt at entertainment. She'd sat with a woman Roe had set her up with. Jane didn't even try to like her. She had never thought of herself as having a type, but now Jane knew that whatever her type was, it was certainly was not the woman her friend had tried to set her up with. Jane had a very active mind, she needed someone who could hold her interest, even if it was for one evening. And that's why all her few dates failed. No one was interesting enough. No one had anything to say to her that would make her want to hear more. They all left her wanting to put a gun in her mouth.

But that was all until she met Maura. The blonde could hold her interest for an eternity without having to say a word. Maura was everything Jane had ever wanted in a person. And being stuck with the date she had that night made her angrier by the minute.

Seeing Jane's frustration, and maybe feeling an inexplicable jealousy, Maura had tried her best to accommodate the pair – making it more of a foursome that a double date. It warmed Jane's heart, and that is the only thing that had helped her get through the evening. Every time she'd watched her friend with Maura, she'd felt hurt and angry at herself. She wasn't supposed to feel that way for her friend's girlfriend. Regardless of the moral talk, she found herself still trying to write something for Maura that Saturday. She'd been out of practice for a long time, so it was proving much harder than she though.

A doctor friend of Rosario's was getting married that Saturday evening. Jane wished she hadn't accepted that invitation. She wished so many thing now that she'd met Maura. Rosario's was going to be doing a lot of running around at the wedding so she had, three months ago, asked Jane to come so she could at least keep her girlfriend company.

Her clock read 4:00pm, meaning she had to start getting ready. The wedding was starting at five and Jane was not keen on being 'fashionably late'. What Jane hated first and fore most was the fact that she had to dress up. It took too much effort and time, both of which she was never willing to spare.

A dress had been out of the question the second Roe mentioned the wedding. If she was going to have an awful time, she at least expected to do it in comfortable clothing. Luckily for her, the wedding theme was grey and pale pink. She was glad it wasn't something ridiculous like green or purple, otherwise she wouldn't have known what to wear.

As it was, Jane had purchased a grey 'pant and jacket' combo that went well with the pale pink shirt. She was in her comfort zone in terms of clothing, despite the pink colour. Her outfit was to go with the black 'easy to walk in' heels she'd bought. She was all set, no purse needed.

She quickly got showered and dressed. Looking to make a change, she straightened her hair out a little bit and put it to a decent looking ponytail. She wasn't in the mood of blowing it out of her face all night. Jane then applied make-up. It had been a while since having to go through all of this. Last night she'd had done absolutely nothing for her impromptu date.

But quarter to five she was ready to leave, and she knew she was going to be a little late. The wedding was at a hotel about half an hour from her place. Thanks to no traffic, she made it there at an unquestionable time. A few other people were coming in as well, so she didn't feel too bad about her arrival time.

''Are you here yet?'', Roe answered into her phone when Jane rang her.

''Yeah, just about to walk in. You at the table?''

''Jane, Maura is all by herself. I thought you'd be here already'', her friend complained. ''I'm checking on the catering''

''Alright, alright, lemme get in. See ya''. Jane took a deep breath and walked in. The room was beautifully decorated in pinks and greys. It all looked fancy and too posh for Jane's comfort. She was happy to spot a few other women wearing suits as well, at least it didn't leave her feeling too 'butch', as her friend had put it when Jane mentioned what she would wear.

She greeted a few overly polite unknown people as she searched for their table. She almost tripped over herself when her eyes landed on Maura Isles. Her long blonde hair was curled beautifully and a few loose tendrils framed her face. Her lips were a pale pink colour as well, and she wore silver dangling earrings. The earth stood still as they starred at each other.

Maura was certain there wasn't anyone on earth nearly as handsome as Jane Rizzoli. She watched the tall woman swagger over to her, in her suit glory, looking like a champion. She stood up, in her pale pink, long dress to give Jane a hug in greeting.

It was amazing, how strong Jane was. With one arm she pulled Maura in by the waist for a hug, and planted a small kiss to her cheek that left the doctor looking almost the same colour as her dress.

''You look beautiful Maura'', Jane commented when they sat down.

''You…'', Maura didn't think there were any words to describe how awesome Jane looked. She was having a hard time equating her to the woman she'd only seen in casual wear. The brunette hadn't even bothered to look extra nice for Thanksgiving. She'd just worn jeans and a shirt.

...

Everything else going on at the wedding was truly lost on them. They couldn't keep their eyes off of each other. In just that one night, they'd had enough eye-sex to last them a year. Jane was actually scared of being in a private place with Maura. she was using all the self-restraint she possessed as it was, being alone would mean she wouldn't be able to control herself, and it didn't look at all like Maura could.

Rosario was on and off the table, having many things to attend to. She wasn't bothered though, she knew her girlfriend was with her friend so all was well. The friend getting married had trusted her to help make her 'big day' a success, and Roe wasn't planning on letting her down.

After the bride and grooms dance, the floor was open to everyone else to dance. They were holding a competition for best rival against the bride and groom. The two newlyweds had danced to James Blunt's You're beautiful, and the people willing to partake in the completion were to dance to the same song till the crowd picked a winner.

The bride and groom got to choose five couples they wanted from their guests, and they would all dance and the winning couple would receive their gift from the bride and groom. They picked the first three, and when they got to the picking a fourth someone from the guests yelled, ''What about us gays''. The whole room erupted in laughter. The bride and groom then began their search for a gay couple.

Maura and Jane were deep in conversation, oblivious to everything going on around them. They were both jerked to reality when a man from the next table nudged Jane. To their surprise, everyone was looking at them. ''What?'', Jane asked.

''Come and join the other couples'', the bride said. They had no idea what was going on. The man beside Jane quickly explained what was happening as the bride and groom picked up their last couple. The five couples were put on the spotlight on the dance floor in front of everyone else as the song began to play.

''My life is brilliant, my love is pure. I saw an angel, of that I'm sure…'', Jane put her trembling hands around Maura's waist as Maura's fell loosely around her neck. They moved slowly and methodically along to the tune just like the other couples. But they easily got lost in each other once against. Contest long forgotten, they were now dancing for each other only.

''….and I don't know what to do, cause I'll never be with you''. Jane looked sadly at Maura as that line was sang. How she wished they'd met in another life. Where everything was less complicated and being together only depended on whether they loved each other or not.

''You don't know that'', Maura said quietly to her, in response to that line that had just be sang.

''Don't go there please'', she begged. Though it seemed more like she was telling herself and not Maura.

Without thinking better of it, she pulled Maura flash against her. And the feel of Maura's body against her own almost had her undone. She could the swell of the blonde's ample bosom against her own, their hips against each other, and Maura's breath washing over the side of her neck.

''You're beautiful'', Jane told her as the song drew to a close.

''So are you'', Maura looked at her. It was that look that had made them almost kiss three times already. And it was happening again, that pull towards each other. And Jane didn't know what to do. She was going to kiss Maura in front of everyone, and she was going to ruin everything good in her line. Such an action had a domino effect. It impacted her family life, her social life, and most importantly her work life. She couldn't do that.

So while everyone began cheering, she disappeared.

''Jane'', Maura ran after her. Lucky for them, everyone else was invested in the couple had had danced the best. Maura wasn't sure if her and Jane had even been dancing. For all she knew, they might as well have been standing on the same place for four minutes.

''Maura, please'', Jane walked briskly out of the hotel conference room where the wedding was being held.

''Can you just stop for a minute'', the blonde begged. And Jane stopped, she decided in that minute that she didn't ever want to hear Maura beg her for anything – Maura deserved better than that. ''Where are you going?''

''Home'', Jane said as if it were obvious.

''Why?'', came a confused answer.

''Why?'', Jane chuckled mirthlessly. ''You didn't see that in there?'', she pointed to the place they'd just left. ''we almost kissed Maura!'', she raised her voice a little, then thought better of it. ''in front of everyone. We cant do that''

''I know'', Maura agreed.

''So I am leaving. Because I can't bear to be near you and not be able to kiss you. And not be able to hold you and tell you how gorgeous you. Its too hard. I've been trying all night. Heck, I've been trying since the day I saw you. And I don't know what you're going through. But I can tell you this, its difficult. I've never felt this way about anyone before so I'm just not sure what to do with all these feelings'', her voice cracked at the end. Maura was watching her in awe. She'd stayed awake long after Rosario had fallen asleep the previous night trying to imagine what could be going on in Jane's head. Now she had an idea, and as tragic as the situation was, that was the most beautiful thing she'd ever heard.

She didn't know what to say back, Maura wasn't as fiercely passionate as Jane was. ''I don't know what to say to you Jane, other than that I am experiencing the same thing that you are''

''Roe is my friend'', Jane chocked on her words, wiping the run-away tear falling down her cheek.

''I know'', Maura looked at Jane desperately, hoping to draw some semblance of strength from the already broken detective.

''This would kill her. She loves you so much'', Jane wiped another tear.

''I know''.

''So you understand when I say I have to go now?''

''Yes. But…'', she grabbed Jane's hand before the woman could go to her vehicle. ''This…this doesn't mean I'm not going to see you again does it?'', she couldn't hide the fear in her eye when they met Jane's. And any hope of Jane saying no went flying out the window at that look.

''I want to say yes it means that. I want to tell you that it would be best if we stopped spending time together. That it would be the prudent thing to do in this situation. But I can't. As long as you are here in Boston, I don't think I can keep myself away from you'', Jane confessed. ''You know when I look at you, it's as if we're the only people in the world. Like we're our own entity and everyone else is in a separate category. I don't know if it makes any sense to you Maura. But in there'', she gestured to the wedding venue again, ''I can't tell you what's been going on all night. The moment I set my eyes on you I was lost. And its dangerous Maura. We cant be like that around people, around Roe. I promise I'll try to pull myself together. I don't wanna be the cause of anything bad in your life''. She took Maura hand and kissed it, running her thump over the spot on the back of Maura's hand. ''You look absolutely stunning tonight. I was honoured to be in your presence''. And with that she walked away.

Maura stood on the same stop speechless. She could now understand how possible it was for Jane write songs and make music. She had a gift, it just flowed out of her without having to think about it.


Jane had her muse now. When she got home she didn't even bother changing. She went to sit on her piano and her fingers worked magic. The tune just came to her, and so did the words. That night, she completed her first song to Maura.

...

Maura went to bed hating herself. She'd never hated herself before, it was quite a strange feeling. The wedding had gone on, for everyone else except Maura. The doctor had found no joy in being there anymore. When Rosario saw her lonesome and sulky, she'd asked where Jane was and Maura had replied with a simple, ''she had to leave''. It wasn't a lie, Jane did have to leave, though the reasons remained unsaid.

Maura felt uncomfortable in bed, lying with her girlfriend and thinking of what it'd be like to be in Jane's arms instead. It sickened her, how she could do such a thing to the lovely woman who was her girlfriend. But had she really done anything? Was the situation not out of her control? They hadn't crossed any physical boundaries as it was. They had crossed some verbal ones though, but that wasn't so bad, right? She didn't know, and she didn't have anyone to ask. Maura didn't have friends, she had acquaintances and a girlfriend, but never friends. She knew she had what to give to those two categories. Maura could impart her knowledge to a fellow worker, and she could offer her body and heart to a lover. But what could she honestly give a friend? Many argued that it wasn't possible to be a lover and not be able to be a friend as well. It wasn't true, Maura knew how to make that work easily - being a lover and not a friend that is.

But with Jane, for the first time in her life she felt like she could actually be friends with somebody. Despite the raw sexual energy between them, Maura had actually talked with Jane. She'd shared far more intimate information with the brunette than she had with her girlfriend of one year. It was scary, and wrong. But Jane had a way of bringing things out of her, and of understanding and not judging - knowing when to push and when to pull.


On Sunday morning Maura woke up pissed off. She hadn't had enough sleep and her heart ached. Even in the little sleep she had, she couldn't escape Jane. Images of the brunette flashed through her closed eye lids like a movie. She wanted so badly to see Jane again, yet she didn't want to see her at the same. Distress overwhelmed her when she learned that they had to attend the traditional Sunday dinner at Angela Rizzoli's house. Maura had hoped, for her sanity and for Rosario's heart, that she wouldn't have to see Jane just so soon. But it seemed even the universe was against them. She at least had the larger part of the day with her girlfriend to bring some sort of equilibrium to her emotions. It was still very cold and gloomy, so they decided to stay inside. Rosario was tired anyway, and Maura didn't really have the energy to do much.

And if Maura thought she hated herself before, she was wrong. Now she bitterly loathed herself. Rosario made love to her, and all she could think about was Jane. Jane doing all those things to her instead. She wanted to stop her girlfriend, to tell her that now was not a good time. But what reasonable excuse did she have? Its not like she could tell Rosario that she was falling - had fallen - in love with her good friend. She couldn't very well tell Rosario that she was thinking of nothing else but Jane. When they finished she went into the shower and her guilt manifested in the firm of tears. Most of the day was spent in her own head. The two things she wanted were mutually exclusive. It wasn't possible for her to never see Jane again and to have some alone time with her at the same time.

"You haven't been yourself since the wedding yesterday babe. Is everything okay?". Rosario finally asked her girlfriend. She knew something was wrong but had waited hoping Maura would mention it. When the blonde had not be forthcoming she had to ask.

"I just don't feel well. I'll be alright though", Maura dodged the truth.

"Why didn't you say something Maura", Rosario was a mask of concern at hearing this news.

"It's probably something from the wedding I'll be okay". And by something from the wedding she didn't mean the food, she meant Jane.

"Maybe we shouldn't go for dinner at Angela's if you aren't well. I could nurse you back to health", Roe tried to joke with her.

She offered a small smile for her girlfriend's efforts.

"I'd appreciate that", Maura tried to convince herself. She had a decent way out of seeing Jane so she took. It would have helped if she at least felt good about it. As it was, the though of not seeing Jane was actually starting to make her physically sick.

When Rosario called Jane to tell her that Maura wasn't well and that they wouldn't be coming for dinner Jane felt her her heart shattering into a million particles. Her first thought was that she hated that Maura wasn't well and she wanted to make her hot chocolate and snuggle under the covers with her. But a thick and ugly cloud of realization descended upon her like torrential rain. She realized - sadly - that Maura had lied just so she wouldn't have to see Jane. If Jane wasn't 97% sure Maura felt the way she did, she might have thought she'd been too presumptuous in her declarations to the blonde. But she knew, and she figured Maura was trying to set boundaries and distance herself as much as she could from her. As wise and noble as is was, it hurt the tough as nails detective.

...

"Is something wrong?", Angela asked her daughter once again during dinner.

"Again, I'm fine Ma", Jane loudly dropped her fork in her plate.

"I wouldn't keep asking if you actually looked fine. Or if you'd eaten more than three half spoons of your food".

And just like that Jane couldn't take it anymore.

"Sorry Ma, I gotta go". She rose from her seat and bolted out the door in record time. Her bewildered family remained staring at each other in confusion. They knew Jane was an emotional person and it took only a matter of time before she came around. What they didn't like was the fact that she never wanted to share what her issue was. She'd just sulk like that, and when you asked her she'd run out and you wouldn't see or hear from her for a whole day or maybe even two if it was bad.

This behavior had always been present but amplified after her fathers death, because he was the only one who could get the words out of her. She confided in Frankie, and even her mother. But that was in her own time, Frank was the only one who could coax it out.

Every part of Jane wanted to go to Rosario's house. It would be too easy. She'd just say she came to check in on Maura. But if Maura was trying, she needed to try too. What if her presence made Maura upset? She wouldn't be able to live with herself if she did anything wrong.

...

Maura Isles was on bed rest for an ailment she couldn't name - the closest she could come up with would be 'guilt'. And what amplified the pain was the small fact that the person tending to her every needs was the one she was guilty of hurting. They spent the day - her and Roe - cuddled up in bed. They watched a bit of television and read some journals. She couldn't stop thinking about how much she'd laughed when she was with Jane, and how funny the detective had been. Rosario was nice and funny, but she had nothing on Jane. The blonde knew she had no business comparing them, but they were subconscious thoughts she couldn't control.

"If something was bothering you you'd tell me right? Have I done anything wrong?", Rosario worried.

"You haven't done anything. Why would you think that?"

"There is something on your mind. And don't say its nothing because it is. It has you so worried and I can feel that you're not here with me. And when I ask you and you don't want to tell me, I'm compelled to feel like I have something to do with it"

"I apologize for making you feel that way", Maura said.

"Its not an apology I am looking for. I want you to confide in me, tell me whats wrong. Even if I cant help I can just listen"

Maura considered this for a long time. She could tell her that she was crushing deeply for her friend, and that nothing happened and she'd never see her again. Rosario would probably be understanding, Maura would explain that as being the reason why she didn't want to go for dinner, and her girlfriend would be glad she was doing something about it. It wouldn't be the end of the world. People had crushes here and there. But telling Rosario the truth wouldn't end well for two reasons. For one, a crush was the premature baby of what she and Jane had. And the next was that they both felt the same way. If it was one sided, it would be easy to resolve. But keeping two grown women in love apart from each other was silly. Even if the parties involved were your friend and your girlfriend.

"What would someone do to you that you would consider unforgivable?". Maura went with that.

"There could be several things Maura, why?"

''I'm just a little confused about some moral issues I'm trying to resolve. I'll try to get it out of my head''

''You can tell me and maybe I could of help'', Rosario tried.

''True. But let me think it through, and I will tell you at some point''

''Okay'', Rosario happily cuddled with her girlfriend. Maura had told her about her dislike for Boston several times and Rosario was sure that was the problem. And in past experience, she had learned that Maura didn't like talking about it, so she didn't press for answers. The blonde's question had been a little strange, but Roe disregarded it as Maura being Maura. This was the longest time she's been in Boston in a long time so Rosario thought she'd cut her some slack.


On Monday morning Rosario had to go to work. She'd tried to get someone to cover for her but the Chief M.E couldn't get a replacement for her. The best she got was Tuesday off, so at lease she'd get to spend the whole day with her girlfriend before Maura left on Wednesday. Going to work left Roe with mixed feelings. She wanted to stay and be with Maura, because the blonde still didn't seem fine. But she also didn't want to hover, its not as if Maura was a child. The actual working aspect wasn't an issue. Before Maura had planned her trip, Rosario had made it clear that there wasn't anything she could do about her work schedule. And Maura had been understanding saying it was okay enough that they were in the same state and would easily see each other after work. Maura also had her work to do from home anyway.

"Hey you", Roe said to Jane

"Hey", came a groggy reply. Jane slept in whenever she got the chance to.

"Sorry to wake you. Can you come over and keep Maura company. She's still a little...out of it"

"Thought you said she had work to do till you got back home". Jane's heart was beating fast already - excitement and fear.

"I know. Its not like she needs a babysitter or anything, I just know that even if she wants company she won't ask. And since you two get along well I thought you could distract her"

"Is she okay?", Jane was wide awake now.

"I'm not sure. She said she is, but there's something on her mind bothering her pretty badly. That's why I thought she could do with a distraction"

Jane felt like a sinner. But still she took on the offer, if anything, she wanted to just see with her own eyes that Maura was okay.

Roe left the door open for Jane, she didn't want her girlfriend to have to get out of bed to open up for Jane when the brunette arrived.

...

"Maura", Jane called as she stepped into the house.

Maura didn't respond. None of the sentences she could come up with were appropriate. 'I'm in here' sounded suggestive because she was lying in bed in a silk pair of a tank and shorts combo. 'I'm coming' was even worse. A simple 'hi' sounded too cold. While she was mulling over this, Jane knocked on the door.

"Come in", came Maura's small voice.

Jane opened the door as if it had a bomb attached to it and peeked into the semi dark room - the curtains were still closed.

"Are you feeling better?", Jane started with what she deemed the more pressing question.

"No", came an honest reply.

That's all the invitation Jane needed to step into the room and head towards the bed.

"Can you tell me what's going on Maura", Jane pleaded with her,

"I have lost all control over my feelings, and that's a very vulnerable place to be in. I don't like it Jane"

Jane played dumb by not responding, she wanted to hear what was on Maura's mind. She knew what it was, but she needed to hear it in Maura's words.

"What you said to me on Saturday night, it was the most honest thing anyone has ever said to me". They were yet to make eye contact. Maura was curled up with the blanket to her neck looking the opposite side of Jane.

"And then it made you sick", Jane said. Her tone was so flat and neutral, Maura couldn't tell if she was upset or joking.

"In a way, yes"

"Why?"

"Because I want to do something about what you said to me, but I can't"

"What's your reason?"

"I'm still trying to figure that out"

"I'm sorry I came here", Jane hated to impede on Maura's thought process.

"I'm sorry about many things, but that's not one of them. I get the feeling that somehow we would still have seen each other today"

"Can I get you anything? Coffee or something?"

The conversation was getting too real for Jane, she needed to withdraw a little.

"Thank you Jane, but I don't want anything right now"

"What", Jane couldn't make out the muffled words Maura had just said. "Can you look at me?" Jane said when Maura tried to speak again.

"No"

Jane was taken aback by this, "what?"

"You know what happens when in look at you Jane. I'm going to want to kiss you, and I don't think there is anything that can stop us here"

"So we are going to spend the day with our backs to each other?", Jane challenged her even though she knew Maura's words couldn't be more accurate. In fact, they'd be lucky if they ended at kissing only.

"Maybe you could just lie here and talk to me", Maura suggested. And so Jane did. She lay in the bed, at a safe distance from Maura, still not looking at each other. And they began to talk. Jane started by asking her why she left Boston and why she wouldn't return. Reluctant at first, Maura eventually shared. She told Jane how she was adopted and then found out about her mob father and money laundering mother. Her biological parents were bad news and Maura had moved from Boston in order to separate herself from such a scandalous life. These were all revelations Rosario had asked for, for a year and had still not been told. But Maura found it not even worth debating whether or not to tell Jane. The brunette in turn told Maura about the passing of her father and how it had taken a toll on her. It was a give and take conversation for them, something they realized they both needed.

The blonde eventually agreed to breakfast and Jane made them french toast and sausages. Not typically Maura's choice of breakfast, but she still ate it with Jane. Rosario had called a couple of times to find out how they were getting on. After both calls, neither of them passed a comment. They just continued to enjoy each others company, unwilling to strain the happy place they had created.

"Tomorrow Rosario and I are spending the day away", Maura said out if nowhere.

Jane didn't answer, she was concentrating on the heart she could feel tighten painfully against her.

"And I'm leaving on Wednesday morning", Maura arrived at her point.

"Meaning I'm not gonna see you after today", Jane finished for her. They were now sitting on the plush sofa, snuggled under the blanket enjoying coffee as they shared more and more about each other.

Maura was quiet for a moment, debating what to say.

"I'm not as good with my words as you are Jane", the brunette loved how her name fell off Maura's lips. "I don't know what I can say to you in regards to what's going on between us". She paused to gather herself more. "What I can tell you is that I'll be thinking off you when I'm gone. And that I'll certainly miss you". She took Jane's hand into her own and rubbed her thumb over the detectives knuckles. "I enjoyed the time we spent, and I loved talking to you. I can't say what's happening between us out loud because of how real and scary it will make it. But that doesn't change the fact that something is happening, and I can't stop it", she couldn't look Jane in the eye -wouldn't. The pull would be back again, and she'd do something she would regret. "as a scientist, I never believed in the concept of how ones heart could stop beating and beat faster at the same time. But when I look at you, it happens to me. As impossible as it is, you take my breath away Jane. I dont want you to stay here thinking I took for granted all that was between us, all that IS between us. I don't know how, but...", she didn't know how to finish that off.

How do you say 'goodbye' in such a situation? Or was it 'till we meet?'. Did they agree to get over each other in the presence of distance? Did they exchange numbers and call each other secretly? Was there supposed be a hug or kiss goodbye? Did they agree to meet at the airport for a final goodbye? Did they succumb to the force and just admit their love and do something about it? There was no manual, no handbook, just trial and error - the action of which Maura never indulged in.