Standard Disclaimers Apply.
Keeping it in the Family
Chapter Two
Edward's Point of View.
I stared at my reflection in the bathroom mirror as I fidgeted with my tie for the millionth time in five minutes. For the life of my I couldn't get the damn thing straight and I could only blame it on nerves. My hands shook uncontrollably, something I couldn't help but think it picked up from my rolling stomach, and overall just felt ill. Sleep hadn't come easy for me the night before, my mind flip flopping from my recently deceased brother to his now widowed wife—thoughts that weren't at all decent. I was a sick fuck and I knew there was a special place in hell just with my name on it. I couldn't help it though. No matter how much I tried, no matter how much I wanted to, I couldn't turn off the switch inside me that made me love her. Jasper was probably rolling in his grave.
Turning on the tap, I splashed cold water on to my face and groaned. I just needed to get through today, just needed to survive, and this time tomorrow I would be on a plane on the way back to Baltimore where I would continue my miserable existence pretending there wasn't something wrong with me. I'd go back to work at hospital and pretending there was nothing missing in my life. That I didn't yearn to have her in my life. Jesus, fuck, what was wrong with me? "I'm sorry Jasper." I whispered softly, my voice lightly cracking. With another groan I turned off the tap and looked at my wrist watch my father had given me when I graduated high school. I had fifteen minutes to gather myself before we all headed to the church for the ceremony.
I lingered in the bathroom a moment longer before deciding it was best that I head down stairs to be with the rest of my family. If I hid away any longer my mother would send someone to search for me. No point in wasting someone's time. I kept my eyes on the floor as I walked down the stairs, taking them two at a time all while reminding myself it would all be over soon.
"Your mother is looking for you."
Lifting my gaze from the well groomed carpet, my eyes met her's and my breathe caught in my throat. Her once lively chocolate brown eyes were now dull and void of any emotion. "Bella." I said softly, wanting to reach out to her, to hold her. She forced a small smile upon her lips.
"It's good to see you Edward. Wish you would come home more. Jasper... was always talking about how much he missed you...We all do."
Jasper.
I cleared my throat and nodded, my gaze quickly going back to the floor. It was all I could do. I couldn't even bring myself to respond. Was small talk even worth it? It was bad enough I didn't even want to be here now. It wasn't like my being here would have changed anything. My brother still would have married the love of my life and he still would have died, right? What a great brother I was. "I'll see you... downstairs." I said softly, quickly turning away from her and quickening my pace as I headed down the remaining steps. I didn't make it far before running into my mother.
"Sweetie, there you are." Her hands lightly cupped my face before she pulled me into her embrace. "I've missed you Edward." Having arrived so late last night we hadn't had the moment to really say hello to one another, so without pause I wrapped my arms around her slender waist. It has been too long since I've last seen her, and I wasn't really good with making phone calls, or returning them, so we didn't really get to talk to all that often other than the important holidays. I wasn't only a shitty brother, but a shitty son as well.
"I've missed you ,too, mom." I said softly, dropping my arms to my side and backing out of her embrace. She looked up at me, disappointment in her eyes, and I wanted nothing more than to take it back. Instead, I looked away and cleared my throat. The silence between us quickly became awkward, but I just didn't know what to say. I really didn't want to be here. It hurt too damn much. Luckily, my father came in and broke the silence.
"I've got the car warmed and ready. The five of us can ride together. We just need to load up and figure out where everyone is sitting." He said, staring at us both.
"I'm going to take my own car. I'll follow you." I pulled my keys from my pocket and headed quickly to the door before anyone could say anything. I closed the front door behind me and headed to my car to wait. It was only a matter of a few short minutes before everyone filed out of the house one by one and headed to my father's black Volvo. Then we were all on our way to say goodbye to Jasper.
I followed everyone inside our family church, making sure to keep a good distance behind them. This was the church my parents had married in, the church we had come to every Sunday to worship growing up, and later on down the line Bella and Jasper had married in. Walking in it now everything had looked the same as it did when I was child, only it didn't seem as big. The stain glass window has been replaced, vandalism Jasper has told me, about a year ago, but the still depicted the same images of the cross, doves, Jesus. The usual things you would expect to see in a church.
Then there he was, at the end of the aisle, was Jasper. The casket stood open, but from where I stood I couldn't see anything but the plush white pillow lining. My brother was in there, cold and still. Dead. This would be the last time I would ever see my younger brother. Panic consumed me and I couldn't walk any further. My parents, Bella, and Alice already having taken theirs seats in the front row and I couldn't move. I couldn't be here. I couldn't see Jasper like this, I didn't want to. So I did the only thing I could think of doing. I turned around and left. I was already a piece of shit for not keeping contact. Why should things change now?
I didn't have a clue what time it was when I finally stumbled home. The lights were once again illuminating my parent's home when the cab pulled up to drop me off. Even with the massive amounts of alcohol I had consumed I was fully aware of the ass chewing I was about to receive. I had left my cellphone in my rental car when I had pulled into the bar, my phone at the point already blowing up from my mother. I could only imagined how many times the have all called at that point, but I just wanted to be left alone-needed to be let alone. Slowly I made my way up to the front door, following the stone path my father had put in place when Jasper and I were still in diapers, and was once again greeted by my father at the door. This time he didn't look at all pleased to see me. I couldn't blame him.
"How could you? I mean what the hell were you thinking son?"
I couldn't bear to look at him, couldn't bear to see the disappointment on his face that I heard in his voice. I opened my mouth to apologize but the words never came. My chest tightened and my mind flashed back to the church and Jasper's casket. My breath caught in my throat and I shook my head, trying to shake away the image, but that only seemed to make things worse. I stumbled, dizzy, as I saw Jasper laying there cold and lifeless. His dead body that I never laid eyes on. Because I couldn't, I , couldn't. Panic once again took over and I found it hard to breathe. My chest was tight and I tore at my clothes for some sort of relief, ripping buttons on my expensive white shirt.
"Edward?"
Each desperate breath I took brought pain. I felt my father's hand on my shoulder as he tried to get me to sit down. He was talking but I couldn't make out his words. At first I thought it to me, but then I heard the storm door slam. My chest was on fire and I couldn't seem to get a grip.
"Edward," My father said again, his voice on edge as he knelled down beside me. I was in laying in the grass now holding my chest as I struggled for air. When did I get down here? "I need you to try and relax son. Help is on the way."
Well, that was easier said than done.
The door opened again. "Carlisle." This was my mother, her voice panicked. "Oh, god, please."
"Son, I need you to chew this."
I opened my mouth as I felt something pressed against my lips and did as I was told. The sounds of sirens blaring in the background.
I hope this was okay for you guys. I wanted it to be a bit longer, but my son is ready to nurse and I didn't want to keep you guys waiting too much longer. You might start thinking I disappeared again. A little side note here. I'm looking for a beta reader. Preferably someone that follows both this story and One Night in Vegas. I need someone that I can talk to and throw ideas off of as well as help me with editing and proof reading. Someone that is willing to work with my crazy schedule. If you are interested please message me here or find me on face book under Kylie Darling.
Read and Review. ;p
Thank you,
-Anna
