A/N: Chapter 13, everyone! I couldn't be happier at the great results I'm getting from you guys, it means the world that you care enough to keep reading! Keep reviewing!
Chapter 13: You Can Always Count On Me
"Oh baby, don't you get why I do this?" he slurred. His body covered mine, sweat dripping off of his face as he rubbed his disgusting appendage over my bare stomach. I released a whimper, even though I knew that was against the rules. Mom was completely passed out, slumped against the tiny trailer kitchenette. "P-Please, please don't do this, I'm sorry." I gasped as he squeezed my face painfully. "Baby, you do this to me. You," he said, lust coating his voice. The tears made their way down my cheeks. My 12 year old cheeks that still held that babyish look, slightly chubby, but were thinning out. He merely laughed at me, and pressed his blubbery, fish-like lips against my neck. "Don't cry, baby, Daddy's gonna take care of ya, now. He's gonna take care of ya real good." He said with a mocking tone. The sob I had to badly tried to hold on to released itself, and before I knew it, my vision was clouded with unshed tears and I was hyperventilating. "I want ya to beg. Beg, baby." He whispered, making me cry even harder. "Daddy ain't gonna hurt ya, just beg. Beg, Rae." He whispered again. His hand made its way to my white fruit-of-the-loom underwear, and he hooked his fingers to pull them down. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't cry for help. And even if I did, who would hear me? Who would help? Who would care? My own mother was collapsed on the floor of a trailer. She could have seen this if she decided to put down the bottle, to stop snorting.
But even if she did see this, would she just shake her head and turn away, like all the other times?
"Beg, baby. Beg and maybe you won't get it so bad." He said with a chuckle so disturbing, it could have made the toughest person on Earth cringe. I knew he was lying, there was never such a thing as 'getting off easy' in his book. There were only two options, bad, and worse. "BEG! BEG, RAEGAN! BEG LIKE THE WHORE YOU ARE!" he demanded. I let out a strangled cry, wishing it would all be over. "Please, please, stop! Don't! Please!" I plead. My terror rang on deaf ears. "BEG LOUDER, BEG! BEG!" he shrieked. I let out another scream. ""PLEASE, I DON'T WANT THIS! PLEASE, DON'T! I'M BEGGING YOU, PLEASE!" I shrieked. He laughed and laughed. "You're worthless, Raegan. Absolutely worthless."
"Raegan, wake up! Please, wake up! Oh God, please!" said a distant voice. I let another anguished cry as I bolted up abruptly in my bed. My hands were balled up into fists, clutching the sheets so tight my knuckles were snow white. The world started to come into focus, and I quickly surveyed the room, making sure my assaulter wasn't there. Sam and Aunt Emily stood in the doorway, looking mortified, and much to my own horror, Paul was sitting on the side of my bed, his warm hand in mine. His face held many different emotions, but the ones that stood out the most were fear, fright, and anger. I quickly yanked my hand from his grasp, when I noticed I was sitting in a warm puddle of liquid. I slowly looked down, and noticed that a small, yellow pool sat around my waist.
Oh my God.
I had peed myself.
I peed. On myself.
Paul is right next to me.
I let out a sob, and Paul's face crumbled as he struggled to find words to say. I hurriedly gathered myself and ran to the bathroom, pushing past Aunt Emily and Sam despite their protest. Locking the door behind me, I slid down the tiled wall and onto the floor, unable to catch my breath. I could hear the door rattling as someone knocked on it with force. "Raegan, let me in, it's Paul, please!" said a voice thick with sadness. I slowly got back on my feet, and approached the shower carefully. I set the temperature at its hottest point, not caring about the blisters I would probably get later. I searched the shower caddy, and within seconds, I felt the cold blade in the palm of my hand.
The door thudded again, but I paid no mind. My breaths were becoming easier to manage with each cut, and a wave of satisfaction hit me hard. "If you don't open this door right now, Raegan, I will come in there myself!" yelled a voice that could only belong to Paul. Guilt swelled up in my chest, and for some reason, I felt like a bucket of cold water was poured on me. I stared at the razor, the cuts on my arm. What was I doing? How was I letting this happen? I dropped the razor in disgust, as I saw the blood trail down my arms and swirl into the drain.
I got out of the shower, and stormed back to my room in my towel, barely skidding past Paul, who was waiting outside looking more distressed than ever. I slammed my door, and ransacked my closet for clothes to wear. I chose a pair of grey sweatpants, a long sleeved red thermal shirt, and I tugged on a pair of my brown furry boots. Not even caring that my hair was wet, I left the room with a loud slam of the door.
I sprinted past the kitchen, and into the living room, where my exit was. Aunt Emily hurriedly got up from her seat on the sofa, her hands shooting out to stop me. "Sweetie, where are you going? Please, don't leave." She said, tears in her eyes. I didn't look at her, only past her, at the front door. "I-I need to go. I can't be here." I mumbled. She shook her head, and more tears fell from her eyes, but I couldn't feel bad for her.
Because I couldn't feel at all.
"Baby girl, you don't need to leave. We can work this out, I swear. Just stay." She pleaded. I lightly pushed her hands off of me, and left without a word.
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It had been about half an hour.
I didn't know how I got here, but I did. I was at the same little meadow-like clearing in the forest, where Paul had told me he could turn into a wolf. I sat with my knees tucked up to my chin, and rocked myself as I tried to control myself. Breathe in, and out. In, and out, I thought to myself over and over. I couldn't shake the feeling that dream gave me, couldn't shake the guilt I felt. It was drowning me, and I felt my ability to think clearly become nonexistent.
It was then when I felt a warm, soft presence next to me. From the corner of my eye, I could see a large, dark silver wolf plop down beside me, whining. The wolf buried his big head into my side, making me look up. I instantly recognized those big, brown eyes. It was Paul, my best friend. His eyes, which usually held mischief and trouble, only showed sadness and worry. Paul let out another low whine, nudging my side again. "Stop." I whispered. I only got another nudge, and fury lit up in me. "Jesus, Paul, I said to fucking stop! Stop, stop, stop!" I barked, my fists hitting the ground in anger. Paul let out a whimper, and backed away a few feet, his tail between his legs and his ears flattened against his lowered head. The sight of seeing Paul this way brought a fresh new wave of tears to my eyes, and I ducked my head in shame as I started crying again. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you like that." I sniffled in between sobs. Paul crawled on his belly closer to me, until he was right up against my curled up body. He let out a sad whimper, and I pet his head unconsciously as my salty tears fell onto the ground. "I-I'm sorry, Paul. I-I'm sorry I made you mad. I'm sorry I w-wet the bed." I cried hysterically. He shook his head at me, his eyes disapproving as he licked my face. I couldn't breathe again; the dam had been completely unleashed.
I sat there, rocking and gasping for air, while Paul continued to lick away at my tears. The average person would have been repulsed at the fact that a dog was licking their face, but if anything, it made me feel better. Suddenly, he got up and walked away, hiding behind a tree. He gave me a stare that let me know he was coming back, and a few minutes later, a shirtless Paul running up next to me. His face looked pained as he wrapped his arms around me.
I still couldn't seem to hold it together, and my sobbing was hysterical and never ending. He simply gathered me in both of his arms, sitting me in his lap and running his hand through my hair, as my tears evaporated into his too-hot skin. "Shhh, it's okay to cry, Raegan. It's okay to cry." He hushed. "I-I'm sorry, P-Paul. This is all my f-fault." I whimpered. He shook his head, tisking. "Silly girl, nothing is your fault. Nothing." He replied in a whisper, his hand still raking through my brown locks. "P-Paul, you don't understand. It is my fault." I said with a cry. His grip became tense, and he took both of his huge hands and held them on either side of my face lovingly. His eyes bore into mine, eyebrows furrowed, and his mouth was in a tight line. "Raegan, sweetie, nothing is your fault. You had a nightmare, and an accident happened. Everyone makes accidents, sometimes. I don't know what it is you dreamt about, but you never have to worry about it again. I'm here to protect you. And nothing will stop me." He said seriously, his eyes never leaving mine. "P-Paul, I'm not ready to tell you yet. I'm not, I'm sorry." I said quickly. His expression didn't even falter. "That's okay. Whenever you're ready, remember? No obligations. You only tell me if you want to. And even if you never do, I won't ever force you." He replied softly.
We must have sat there for hours, me sitting in his lap with his arms around my waist. My cries had slowly vanished, and all that was left was my distraught appearance. Paul rocked me back and forth, kissing my hair and temple. For once, all my tears had run out. I was done crying, and despite the numbness in my core, I felt somewhat at peace.
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I woke up in my bed with a huge headache. I could barely open my eyes, and every time I tried, a head splitting pain shot through my skull. "Ugh," I muttered, mostly to myself. Turning around, I felt a hard, large boulder-like figure next to me. Quickly collecting myself, I saw Paul lying next to me, his arm lazily draped around my waist in a protective way. He was fast asleep, his mouth slightly agape and a soft snore coming and going. Instead of freaking out as to why Paul was in my bed, I laid back down, face to face.
He looked a lot like a little kid when he slept. His face was free of emotion other than peace, looking the least stressed I'd ever seen him. He must be exhausted after today. I unconsciously gave him a small peck on the forehead, and his eyes slowly fluttered open. A small smile formed on his lips. "I'm sorry I'm in your bed. I'll leave if you want." He said, although he made no move to do so. I shook my head at him, too tired to return the smile. "Y-You can stay." I said quietly, making him smirk a little more. His eyes met mine, and his hand rose, pushing my hair out of my eyes. "You okay?" he asked, looking timid. I nod, and my eyes close at the soothing gesture of his warm hand near my head. "I've been better." I replied, my voice raspier than usual. He tisked, and his face melted into one of sadness. "Is there anything I can do?" he asked, sounding unsure. I nodded. "S-Stay with me, okay? Don't leave me."
"Are you sure?"
"I don't want to be alone."
I curled into Paul, my internal alarm system that would have usually told me to flinch, suddenly submissive. "You'll never be alone again, Raegan. I'll always be here."
A few hours later, Paul woke me up, much to my dismay. I already missed his warmth that made me feel protected and safe. "Come on, I'm sure Emily wants to see you." He said in a whisper. My body froze instinctively. Aunt Emily? I had completely forgotten about her in the midst of my breakdown. "It's okay. She's not mad. Just worried." He assured. Holding my hand, he led me out of the bedroom.
Paul had to practically pull me along as he brought me into the kitchen. Aunt Emily and Sam sat close to each other at the table, a box of Kleenex in front of my poor relative. She let out a sigh of relief, dabbing her eyes with a tissue as Sam held her hand supportively. "Raegan." She said quietly. I looked up at her, my lip trembling. "I-I'm sorry I wet the b-bed. I promise it won't ever happen again, e-ever." I stammered. She make a tisking sound with her tongue, and walked over to me. Holding her arms out to hug me, I flinched unintentionally, thinking she was going to hug me. "Sweetie, you don't need to be afraid of me. I promise I won't hurt you, okay? Everyone has nightmares. It's alright, we don't blame you at all." She explained. Squeezing me reassuringly, Paul and Sam were glaring at each other across the room. "But we need to tall." Emily continued. Were they going to kick me out? Finally decide that I was too much to handle? "We want you to see someone. We really think that maybe seeing the school counselor or something will help." Sam said, not taking his eye off Paul.
My face instantly paled. I didn't want to talk to anyone about this, never mind a stranger! "I-I'm fine, really. I don't need to see anyone!" I said hurriedly. Emily pinched the bridge of her nose as she sat back down next to Sam. "It's not a choice, Raegan. The decision has been made." Sam said sternly.
