A/N: Here's chapter 15! I cannot stress to you enough, review!
Chapter 15: Dark Fantasy
Paul's POV:
I woke up around seven, almost growling at the person who dared to disturb me at such an hour, before I realized it was Raegan. "We're leaving in fifteen minutes." She said, buttoning her jeans and zipping her fly. I immediately blushed, realizing only minutes before, she wasn't wearing any pants. I could've seen that! Oh, those beautiful, slender legs...
I literally slapped myself to rid myself of the dirty thoughts invading my brain, much to my beautiful imprint's amusement. "What was that?" she asked, her lips straining to contain the smile that threatened to escape. "Never mind, I had a weird…thought. So, are you ready for today?" I asked, genuinely curious and somewhat afraid of her response. Her face flushed, and I immediately regretted bringing it up. "I-I suppose. I don't know, I'm nervous…" she trailed off, her chocolate locks falling in front of her lightly freckled face. I stepped out of bed, pulling her close as I pushed the hair away. "Hey, don't be nervous, you got this. We got this. I will be right there with you, remember? I'm not going anywhere. You will be fine." I said softly.
Jeez, sometimes I listen to myself over in my head when I talk to her, and I just wonder when I became such a softie…?
Oh well, it's worth it. It always is. Even if I'm totally friendzoned.
She smiled at me, and then looked down with a strange expression. Snapping her head back up in an instant, her cheeks grew red. What was she looking at?
Oh shit.
Morning wood.
"Y-You got a-a little p-problem." She whispered, averting her eyes. I blushed awkwardly, practically sprinting to the bathroom to relieve myself and change.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
After a few minutes, I shoveled some pancakes down my throat hurriedly as Raegan claimed she was too nervous to eat, and we climbed into the car. She was wringing her hands nervously, changing positions in the car seat every few minutes impatiently. I continued to look at her, studying her mannerisms, and her facial expressions. She looked extremely nervous, possibly even scared. I laid a comforting hand on her knee, squeezing it reassuringly. She looked over at me, giving me a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. "Raegan…"
"I'm okay, I'm just nervous."
"There's nothing to be nervous about! It's just a consultation, nothing serious is going to be talked about today. And remember: this is on you. You say things when you are ready and comfortable. The therapist can't force you to talk to her."
She gulped and nodded, but her stiff demeanor seemed to relax a bit. "I have an idea. How about after your appointment, we go to the forest? To the little meadow?" I asked, hoping making plans would distract her a little and give her something to look forward to. She nodded, a large meaningful smile on her face. "I would love to."
XXXXXXXXXXXXXX
We finally arrived at the therapist's office, and after checking in, we both sat down as we waited for her to get called in. Her leg was bouncing anxiously, and after a few minutes of tense silence, the lady from the front desk called her in.
"Well, I'll see you soon." She said quietly. I nodded, a smile on my face that was intended to be reassuring but probably looked more nervous. However, she stayed planted in her seat. "Rae, you have to go…" I said, unsure. She let out a deep breath and got up. I stood up with her, and took her hand in mine. "Don't worry. You will be fine." I said in a hopeful voice. She looked up at me, a sparkle in her eyes. And suddenly, she leant forward and placed a delicate kiss on my cheek. "Thank you." She said quietly, before walking quickly into the therapist's office.
I collapsed into my chair, my cheeks darkened and my thoughts scattered. Despite it only being a kiss on the cheek, I felt more in love with her than I ever did. As much as I want to think it was probably a friendly kiss, the sparkle in her eye told me otherwise. And the way she looked at me was just as loving as the looks I've given her.
However, as soon as these thoughts appeared, my doubt and pessimistic attitude brought my goofy smile into a tight grimace. The kiss was most likely a friendly kiss. What are the chances she likes me back? She's so shy and timid that the act itself would be bold of her, even as friends. And plus, I was totally and utterly friendzoned. The only thing that kind of helped me think of the positives of this situation was the fact that she said she didn't want to have a brother-sister relationship with me.
I know it's wrong of me to think, and I realize I'm probably a bad imprint for wanting this so badly. But I didn't know how long I could keep being her 'friend'. Even though Emily told me to take my time with her, I was growing impatient and her simple mannerisms were driving me crazy. From her undressing in the same room with me (even though I was asleep) and falling asleep with me, it was amazing that I didn't have a permanent boner.
I sat in the chair for two hours, reflecting on my somewhat selfish desires, when the therapist's door opened. The psychiatrist walked out first, holding the door open with a sad smile on her face. The woman had greying hair, crow's feet at the corner of her eyes from smiling too much, and wore old lady clothes. Raegan came out next, her eyes red, but a smile on her face nonetheless. I stood up in my chair so abruptly, I almost fell, but quickly caught myself. What had happened? Did that woman make her cry? If that doctor lady so much as brought a tear to my imprint's eye….
"Are you okay?" I asked softly. She nodded, a single tear falling on her cheek before she quickly wiped it away. "C'mon, let's go to the meadow." She said, her voice trying to sound happy but her sad expression betrayed it. I nodded, and after making another appointment for later in the week, we headed out to my truck.
The meadow wasn't too far away, however the silence in the car made me feel like we had been driving for hours. Raegan would occasionally glance up at me, and I would try to catch her, but she would avert her eyes.
When we finally arrived in the forest, I helped her out of the truck, and we started making our trek out into the woods. I was quick to help her over fallen trees and catch her when she tripped, but the silence was still there. Slightly more comfortable, but tense. After about 15 minutes, the clearing was in view, and she ran past me, twirling in the middle of the small meadow like she was in a movie. "I love this place. I'm so happy you brought me here." She said, her voice sounding far away. I smiled, and I sat down in the lush, soft grass. "It's my pleasure. It's our place now." I said happily, making her blush. Suddenly, she grew very serious, and sat down next to me. "Paul, I have to tell you something." She said quietly. I glanced up, scanning her face for any discomfort or pain. "What?" I asked, almost scared that something was wrong and would ruin this peaceful atmosphere. She looked up into my eyes, her big, blue doe eyes searching for something. "W-When I was in the t-therapists office…" she said, her voice wavering. "What? Did that woman upset you? Are you okay?" I asked desperately. She shook her head, and bit her lip. "She didn't u-upset me, Paul. We were t-talking…and I think I'm ready. Ready to tell you about my past." She said, sounding very nervous. I took her hand in my colossal ones, and looked at her. "Raegan, you don't have to do this." I said seriously. She shook her head again. "I..I want to, Paul. You deserve to know. You are my very best friend and I trust you." She replied.
I nodded, bracing myself internally. She opened her mouth to begin speaking, but it snapped shut and a few tears leaked out of her eyes. "I…I don't know if I can do this." She said sadly. I released her hand and cupped either side of her face, forcing her to make eye contact with me. "Tell me, Rae, what are you so afraid of?" I asked. "I'm afraid you are going to hate me after this…and you won't love me anymore." She said. I gathered her small body in my arms and sat her in my lap, rocking her back and forth gently. "Oh, baby, there's nothing in this world that could make me stop loving you. I'm your number one supporter, and nothing will change after you tell me, okay?" I assured. She nodded, and after clearing her throat, began to speak.
"My m-mom is Emily's older sister. She got pregnant with me when she was 15, and she was obviously not ready to have a child. She didn't hang with good people, and she was a big partier. My grandma, Emily and my mom's mom, said she would help her raise me if she stayed out of trouble. They got into this big fight, and my mom wound up leaving La Push with her boyfriend, who is my d-dad, and moved to South Dakota. My dad wound up leaving us, and my mom was a wreck. She got into drugs and alcohol, and didn't…she didn't take care of me."
I was shaking slightly as she said this, trying to keep my composure but unable to understand how a mother could do this to their own child. She shifted in my lap, and continued.
"I…I had to learn how to do everything myself. From the time I learned how to walk, I had to take care of the both of us. My mom spent all our money on pointless things, and kept entering terrible relationships with the sleaziest guys she could find. Then, she found J-Jesse."
I growled when I heard his name, and I wasn't sure why. Something about the way she said it, the fear and sadness behind it made me feel like this wasn't going to be a happy ending.
"Jesse was nice to me at first. He showed me a lot of attention. But that attention quickly became something I didn't want. He started…he started to…"
I motioned for her to continue, rubbing circles in her back to comfort her. I was shaking badly at this point, but she needed my support and I couldn't leave her now.
"He…he never went past touching…but he touched me…in bad places. My mom never believed me and even when she saw it with her own eyes, all she did was shake her head. When I would scream or yell, he would beat me until I learned to…to submit."
Her small frame shook as she sobbed into my shoulder, and I held her tight to my chest as I squeezed my eyes shut, trying desperately to keep the images of my imprint being hurt out of my mind. Rocking her back and forth as my chest constricted in pain, I couldn't help but cry too. "I'm so sorry, Raegan. I'm so sorry that you had to go through all of that. I wish I could erase all this pain, baby." I soothed. Seeing her cry and knowing what she had gone through made it difficult to keep my composure, but knowing that she was in my arms and she was safe was enough to make me feel slightly better. Silently, I picked her up and had her face me, and I stared into her deep blue eyes. "Raegan, I swear over everything I have, over my own life. That will never happen to you again. No one will ever hurt you. I will protect you." I told her sincerely. More tears escaped her eyes, and I hugged her fiercely. "I love you so much, Rae. So much that it scares me. I promise you that I will do all that I can to make sure that you are happy, and healthy."
"P-Paul…"
"Shhh. Calm down, sweetie. You don't have to talk."
"P-Paul….I-I love you too." She said, her eyes boring into mine. Before I knew what I was doing, I pressed my mouth to hers in desperation. My arm held her tightly around her waist, and my other hand tangled itself in her brown, wavy locks. She didn't respond at first, but slowly started to kiss me back. I did my best to convey all the feelings I had pent up inside me.
We finally stopped, both of us breathing heavily. I pressed my forehead against hers, smiling slightly. She looked surprised and confused, but after a few seconds, she wrapped her arm around my neck and pressed my lips against hers once again. She kissed me back!
It was literally the best kiss I had ever received. Full of love and passion and everything else that makes something like this so wonderful. We came up for air once again, and this time, she sat back a little, wiping her mouth with her sleeve. "Whoa." She said honestly, her voice raspy. I nodded, a satisfied smirk on my face. "Whoa is right." I replied. I leaned forward and pecked her lips once, and got to my feet. "C'mon, let's get you home." I said, feeling better than I had in a long time. She blushed, and taking the hand I held out to her, nodded.
