Angst alert! A grieving 10 triggers something more. This chapter and the next are on the more angst end of things, but I promise, lighter things to come!
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The interaction with Jack left her feeling warm and sad at the same time. She missed her Jack very badly. Shaking her head, she forced her thoughts away from that. She had a job to do; getting lost in her own sorrows wasn't going to get it done any faster. So she carefully kept it tucked away, deep inside. Time instead to focus on the job she needed to do.
Looking up to see where she landed, she froze. This was not the same universe. For some reason the pathway had taken her back to a previous universe she traveled through. Her brows knit as she frowned, finding herself back in the black hoodie, jeans, and trainers. The hood was still drawn forward, much larger than the typical one, so her features stayed shrouded. Why was she back here? She thought she had already given the nudge needed. Everything seemed fine when she left, yet here she was.
Looking around she recognized where she was. It was the Powell Estates. A place she knew very well. But when was it, because that was very important. For now folks were ignoring her so she pulled her hands out of her pockets and cupped them before her. The sheen of golden metal glinted over them as she concentrated. Spreading them apart she drew the pathways into visibility so she could see what was going on. Ah, this was one of the places that Rose Tyler needed to have fallen, been caught, and taken to the parallel world. So that meant …
Looking up she focused on the apartment that had belonged to Jackie Tyler. If she was here, that meant he was probably in there, possibly packing things up. There was no clear indication of what was needed from her here, so she was going to have to just make it up as she went along. Something her Doctor had taught her how to do quite well.
Taking in a deep breath, she steeled herself. This wasn't going to be easy. She was going in to face a grieving, and potentially angry Time Lord. He might resent her presence and lash out. Either way, it was going to resonate with what she felt. For moment, she was the one that was resentful. Why now was she having these situations shoved in her face? She had gone years without having to deal with any of them, and now they were piled on top of each other. Instantly she felt a pang of guilt. At least she was still alive. So much had been given so she would be alive. The least she could do was honor their memory by facing him.
When she reached the apartment the door was cracked, and the atmosphere inside as bad as she feared. The Tardis was there, parked in the middle of the living room. There were a few closed up boxes, along with some open ones being packed. All were carefully marked. She had nudged the door open, simply leaning against the doorjamb as she debated her next step.
She waited long enough, so that the Doctor sensed her presence, and came out of the kitchen. He turned to check who was in the doorway. "I'm sorry, I was asked to pack this up for Jackie. She …" She knew the instant he recognized her, Time Lords had very excellent memories after all. He stiffened and his voice was tight, angry, and short. "So I am seeing you again. Why now, have you come to taunt me about losing her?"
She remained where she was shaking her head slightly. "Doesn't work that way, I'm not here to hurt you."
He remained belligerent. "What are you here for then?"
She stayed quiet for a moment, before finally responding. "I think I'm here to grieve with you."
That he wasn't expecting. He stalked a few steps towards her, eyes still fastened on her form. "What would you know about grieving?" He practically spat out. "How could you possibly even begin to understand what I'm feeling? How dare you?!"
She stepped forward, and he could just make out her eyes glittering at him, bright flashes of gold, anger, and grief. "Do you really think you are the only one to have lost Time Lord? At least your beloved is still alive. At least you only lost your home world. The ones I love, all of them, are dead. Not just my home world is gone, my entire universe was destroyed. It doesn't even exist anymore. Forget last of your species, I'm the last of my entire existence!"
His eyes widened, and he stumbled backwards in the face of a pain that was greater than his own. Dropping down on the couch he fell silent. The only sound in the apartment for several long moments was of their breath. Finally he spoke again, his voice hoarse. "How do you live with that, I barely survived after the Time War, I only started to heal ….." He paused, swallowing painfully, "When I found her. Now she's gone and I can't get her back. It's impossible." His head was bent forward; hands clenched together and held down between his knees. He didn't look up in her direction, not even when she started to speak.
"You go on for them. You carry their memory so in that way they stay alive. You do your best to honor what they gave you. That is how I go on." Her voice was soft. "Someday, you try to find a way to forgive yourself, to live, because you know in the end that is what they would have wanted." Her voice got softer and softer, catching, barely managing not to break. "I'm still working on that last part."
Now she moved away from the doorway, sitting on the arm of the couch. She didn't look at him, and he didn't turn to look at her. Instead they just sat there lost in their own thoughts. Void Walker did, however, have something more to add. "At least you know she's still alive. Where there is life there is hope. Nothing is truly impossible, not for people like us. There is only what we should, and should not do, and figuring out what consequences we can truly live with."
That made him retort angrily. "The walls of the universe are closed. I can't open a way between them without risking destroying both universes. How did you get here anyways if this isn't your reality?" His expression started to shift from anger to confusion as he turned to face her. It was there now, the spark of hope that he didn't dare acknowledge.
Almost amused she turned slightly towards him, keeping the hood drawn to obscure her face. "A unique method of traveling Doctor, achieved by an event that you should not repeat. Unless you are interested in sacrificing yourself, your Tardis, and a specific one of your friends, you won't be able to duplicate it. Before you ask, if I was meant to go fetch her for you, I would know. It generally doesn't work that way. Usually I just point people in the right direction."
The hope started to gleam brighter in him, as he turned fully to face her. "So there is a way to get her back. If you are supposed to point people in the right direction, then tell me!"
Eyeing him she considered, before bringing up her hands and stretching them apart. They grew even more metallic, settling into the talon like structure again. Between them hovered a single path-line, a deep blue that glowed vibrantly. "Do you know what this is?"
His eyes narrowed, and then widened with surprise. "That's not possible. That's my timeline, how are you doing that?"
She couldn't help it. A warm chuckle escaped her lips as she carefully studied the glowing blue line. "Sorry Doctor that would be telling. Now give me a mo' while I examine it. Probably going to feel a bit weird to you, being what you are, can't be helped."
Carefully she grasped his line and started to follow it. Fascinated he watched as other colored lines swam into view and danced around his. Some only danced around his once, sometimes for a bit longer, but they always separated from his. Finally she came to a very complex weaving of lines there she paused. He couldn't see her face, but he could sense the way she went utterly still as she examined it.
Suddenly the lines moved swiftly forward again, until they reached an even more complex pattern. The lines slowed allowing for more careful examination. It was somehow beautiful and horrible all at once. "There," she breathed the word as a finger pointed and traced to a gold and pink line that had woven its way in. "That is your answer, but I have found another question. To which I need to go the opposite direction to find."
Before he could protest, the lines rapidly reversed directions. She kept following his as it flowed backwards in her hands. He had been bothered by a minor feeling prickling up and down his spine. Now it was an outright shiver, his body trembling as she examined his timeline. When it picked up speed he shuddered. Finally she paused, and he gave a gasp of relief. "Oh, don't do that, please don't do that again."
She simply sat there staring at the line in her hands. His body finally calmed, and he frowned looking at her. "What is it? It can't be that horrible you are in my past yes? Wait scratch that there are lots of horrible things in my past. A better question would be what one you are looking at."
Without responding she dropped her hands staring off into space. The line faded away as she remained motionless. Then she abruptly got up, swiftly moving towards the door. "I have to go."
He pushed himself off the couch to follow her, "Already? I thought you were supposed to be nudging me in the right direction. I don't feel nudged, I feel distinctly un-nudged in fact. Wait is that even a word?"
Stopping she turns back around to face him. He still can't see her face, and she hasn't offered, nor offered her name. Standing there, very still, she keeps her voice even. "I think I have done what I was drawn here to do; you have what you need; now I am needed elsewhere."
He folded his arms across his chest regarding her. "Well I think you haven't, and since this is apparently about what I need, I think you should stop and explain more."
That made her pause, and there was the ghost of a smile in her voice. "Actually, this apparently is not all about what you need. Contrary to your belief you are not the most important person in the universe. Right now, I am needed elsewhere. Don't worry; you'll be seeing me one more time."
He blusters, calling after her as she whirls around to leave. "Well, you better bring a banana the next time you come!" The Doctor winces at himself as she walks away. "Bring a banana, was that really the best I could come up with?"
Turning he went back to the kitchen, preparing to pack up more of their things. The air had lightened now, not by much, but just enough. Between what she said, and the words written across the front of her hoodie, it had given him a spark of hope. Not a large one, but, it was there, gleaming brightly against the darkness of his soul.
