AN: This fic is turning into a beast, but we're almost done... I think. Thanks for bearing with me despite long gaps between updates, and thank you especially for your feedback! It's turned this story into something much better than what it would have been.
Disclaimer: I don't own the Titans, but I play one on TV. And by on TV, I mean in the bedroom.
CHAPTER 13
Raven awoke to the sound of running water and a feeling of terror and anguish that wrapped her heart in razor wire. Her hand shot immediately to where Garfield had been lying, and found it empty. A quick look around the bedroom she had refused to abandon since depositing Beast Boy beside her showed her that he was nowhere in sight; still, the sound of water hitting a soft target gave her a good idea of where to look.
She rushed to the in-suite bathroom and found it locked. With a soft curse, she wrapped herself in black energy and teleported. The irony of crossing dimensional boundaries to travel two feet briefly occurred to her, but was shoved aside as she materialized standing on Gar's clothes in the foggy bathroom.
The green boy was slumped against the shower wall, head resting on crossed forearms. Massive sobs wracked his body, and between them, desperate pleas tumbled from his lips. Without another thought, Raven rushed forward to turn off the water. Before the last trickles had subsided, she was on her knees with Garfield, gathering his head to her chest. His temperature was significantly above normal; he had been under the scalding spray for quite some time.
"Garfield, it's me," she said, gently shaking him. "It's okay, we're in the Watchtower, it's over."
With a gasp and a cry, Beast Boy's head shot up, eyes wide, and he seized handfuls of Raven's leotard, the only garment she was wearing at the moment. It was then that she realized the reason he always wore gloves: long claws on his fingertips tore through the material and left deep scratches in her skin. She pushed aside the pain and continued to reassure him, stroking his sopping hair and murmuring whatever reassurances came to mind. "It's over, Gar. He can't hurt you anymore."
The hands that had been balled into bloody fists slowly unclenched, and he took a ragged breath. "Really? I thought that was exactly what he was doing right now." His eyes widened as he registered the damage on her shoulders. "Oh god, Rae, I'm so sorry, I didn't—"
"I'm fine," Raven said as quickly as she could. "I'm much more worried about you than a couple scratches." She reached out a tentative hand to his cheek, and she felt comfort flow through both of them when he leaned into her touch. The sorceress took advantage of the lull to let her body heal itself of the minor wounds; she didn't mind them, but Beast Boy would continue to feel guilty as long as they remained.
After just a few seconds of stroking, Garfield began to quiver. "I... I just wanted to take a shower. I know I showered before we went to bed, but I woke up feeling like I was still covered in blood, and I couldn't think of anything except washing it off. But no matter how hard I scrubbed or how hot I made the water, it wouldn't come off... and then I fell, and he was there all over again." His eyes welled up with tears once again. "I can't even take a shower without falling apart. I'm useless."
"You're not useless, Gar," she said, leaning closer to look him straight in the eye. "You went through a horrific ordeal, and it's still fresh. It'll get better soon; you'll see."
"Nah. For once, you're wrong, Raven," he replied with a tragic, infinitesimal smile that faded quicker than it had appeared. "Slade did it... he won. He broke me, Rae." The changeling dragged a halfhearted forearm across his face, doing more to smear the saltwater and mucus than wipe it away. "I can't face him again; I can't even think of him without feeling..." Beast Boy gritted his teeth and growled as though his tears could be intimidated into staying in his eyes. His efforts failed, and he drew gasping breaths as he forced the words from his gut. "Feeling the nails going in." He locked his gaze on Raven, and the mix of terror and resignation that didn't belong in those eyes frightened her. "He's still out there, and we're going to have to fight him. And when we do... I'll be useless."
Raven placed what she hoped was a reassuring hand on the green boy's shoulder. "You've undergone massive physical and psychological trauma, Gar. No one is expecting you to face Slade for a long time after this. There's counseling, medication..."
"We both know there's not gonna be time for that, Rae. Whatever he's planning, he'll strike soon. I need you to take these memories away so I can be ready."
The sorceress shook her head. "Garfield, erasing memories is a horrible, messy process no matter what approach you use. There are only two ways I can go about doing that, and neither one is good."
The changeling considered her words, chewing his lower lip. "How bad are we talking?"
Her hand dropped away, and she took a deep breath. "The first option is to use your experience with Slade as a focal point and blast it from your memory. Unfortunately, it's difficult to predict how strong the effect will be. Depending on a variety of factors, you could end up forgetting who Slade is entirely, maybe even everything related to him, including the Titans. In the worst case scenario, it could backfire, your mind would collapse, and that experience would be all you remember."
Beast Boy gulped. "And the other one?"
"A time-based memory wipe. I would have to take away every memory of the event, and it..." Raven paused, cursing the wobble in her voice. "It would most likely take all of the trip to Barcelona with it, possibly more. It's gentler in some ways... and if we have to do this, it's the only one I'm willing to put us through." She took a deep breath. "So I'm going to ask you just once, Gar: do we really need to do this?"
The boy's hands trembled, and he looked down, another tear falling to drop at his feet. "Yes. We're going to have to fight him, and I can't do that with these memories holding me back. I don't have time to recover from this before he shows up again. For the good of the team, I need to forget." His head snapped up. "Wait, you said put 'us' through. Why 'us'?"
With a soft curse under her breath, Raven was forced to explain her slip. " It... may also destroy or severely damage memories and feelings connected with... the things that have happened in the past few days."
Understanding shone in the boy's eyes. "I might forget us... that there even is an us."
Raven nodded, mentally chanting her mantra to keep her composure. "And damaging the connected pathways may erode the feelings you had before this trip."
A deep, heaving sigh inflated Garfield's chest, leaving him looking smaller and more defeated than before when it left his body. "That bastard took everything from me, didn't he?" Despair radiated from the changeling's soul, mingling with Raven's own. Just as she was about to speak, determination pierced the fog and Beast Boy took hold of her hands. "This spell... does it change my personality?"
"In theory, no," she replied. "It doesn't alter who you are at your core, but it can impact the experiences that have shaped you. We wouldn't be going very far back, so any change shouldn't be too drastic."
"Good," he said, not releasing his grip. "Because as long as I'm me and you're you, I'm always gonna end up loving you, Raven. It may take me a while to get there, so I need you to be patient with me... but don't ever give up on me."
"I won't give up," she said, tears shining in her eyes. "Gar, I l—"
Her declaration was cut short by a pair of lips colliding with hers. The kiss was every bit as passionate as the one they had shared in the church, but a feeling of sadness permeated it as well. Raven tasted salt, and when they separated, both of them had fresh tears flowing from their eyes.
"Don't say that yet," he murmured, stroking her hair with a shaky hand. "Once you say it, it'll never be far from your mind. It's gonna be hard enough waiting for me without that hanging over you, Rae. I'm trying to make this as easy as I can for you."
Anger flared in the empath's chest, and she jabbed her finger into his chest to punctuate her words. "No. I don't want easy. If I wanted easy, my heart wouldn't have little green pawprints tracked all over it. You never took the easy way in this relationship, and I'm not going to this time. Screw easy." She savored the delicious spike of shock and Beast Boy's slack-jawed stare before bringing her hands to his face and pulling him eye to eye with her. "I love you, Garfield Logan, and I'm going to keep loving you whether you like it or not." With that, she closed the distance between them once again.
Raven would have been content to let their kiss go on until something exploded, but after just moments, Beast Boy was extricating himself as gently as he could. "Gar," she began, "Why are you—"
"Uh, I... well..." he stammered. "See, I just remembered all my clothes are kinda on the floor, so I don't have any..." His eyes darted from side to side. "On... right now... and, uh, when I kiss you... things happen."
The empath struggled to understand his words and the hot, squirming discomfort that accompanied them. "What do you mean, 'things'—" She stopped short, eyes wide, feeling a rush of blood to her cheeks and... areas she had largely tried to ignore. It took every scrap of Raven's considerable self-control not to look down. Of course, she could chalk it up to an embarrassed accident...
Before her internal debate had a chance to decide itself, Gar resolved the issue for her by shifting into a dog. With a vigorous shake, he sprayed Raven with a healthy dose of shower water, prompting a squeal she would have to vehemently deny ever having emitted. "Beast Boy," she growled, glaring at the canine in question. Before she had a chance to properly chastise him, though, something out of the ordinary caught her eye. She looked a bit closer, and when she realized just what she was seeing, the soap dispenser began spinning around and spraying its contents all over the countertop and mirror.
Apparently certain... states didn't change when Garfield took an animal form.
Realizing what had caused such a reaction in her, the dog made a strange noise and became Beast Boy once more, both hands making a valiant effort to hide the evidence of... "things".
The boy sprang from the shower with his back to Raven, blindly slapping the wall in search of a towel. The sorceress covered her eyes with one hand, but couldn't seem to make her fingers obey and fully block her view of Garfield's shapely backside.
She was going to have to have a long chat with someone in Nevermore... possibly a few someones.
The towel wove its way around the changeling's waist, and he turned back to her, not noticing the gap in her fingers. "Uh, okay," he stammered. "I'm decent again."
"More than decent," she mumbled absently as she let her hand drop. When Raven's words registered with her own brain, her eyes bulged yet again, and she shut her mouth with enough force to make her teeth click together. Who in Azar's name was running the show in Nevermore right now?
Beast Boy cocked his head and wiggled a finger in his ear. "Sorry, what was that, Rae?"
"Nothing!" she all but shouted, then coughed and repeated herself at a more reasonable volume.
One green eyebrow rose, but Gar said nothing as he pulled a pair of boxers on underneath the towel, wriggling in a way that Raven found somewhere between amusing and erotic. Her expression must have been an odd one, because he stopped with his pants in hand and strode over to her. A palm went to her forehead. "You okay, Raven? You look a little out of it."
An involuntary shiver went through Raven's body at the feel of his skin on hers, and she drew a ragged breath. "Gar, I am trying very hard not to jump you right now," she said, enunciating every syllable in her struggle for control. "So unless you want that towel to end up in other dimension, I think you had better put some pants on."
Beast Boy let out a squeak and scrambled into the baggy sweatpants Cyborg had brought to the Watchtower for him. "There we go," he said. "All better."
Raven barely caught herself before a remark about liking him better in nothing at all slipped out. Thankfully she had had the presence of mind to bring her mirror with her to the Justice League's base; she had known she would need to deal with some strong emotions, but this particular kind was beyond unexpected.
"I have to have a chat with the Mini-Me's," she said when Gar had managed to collect all of his clothes into a bundle. "I'll try to make it quick, but at the moment, I really don't want to leave you alone. You're probably fine, but... just in case, do you feel comfortable with me calling Cyborg to keep you company until I get back?"
The changeling's smile was wobbly, and a mixture of panic and embarrassment danced at the edges. "Are you sure I can't just come with you? It's the middle of the night, and he's bound to be sleeping right now."
"Did you miss the part where Cyborg specifically told us to wake him up for any reason at all? He wants to help, Garfield."
Shame seeped into her chest from Gar's wayward emotions, hot and wet. It felt like she was back in the scorching shower. "I..." His voice cracked, and she felt self-loathing scratching at his heart with poison claws. "I don't want anyone else to see me like this. I can handle you knowing, but... I'm so damn broken, Rae, and right now I don't think I can take anybody else finding out how bad it is. Not even Cy."
Raven opened her mouth to object, but her would-be boyfriend's pleading broke through all of her logic and carefully-constructed arguments. It would be nice to bring him along; perhaps could some time with Happy would do him good. "All right," she conceded. "But I reserve the right to pull us back out of my head at any point, and if that happens, we call Cyborg immediately. Deal?"
Nodding, the green boy smiled, relief palpable in the air even without her empathy. "Deal. Thanks, Rae."
