Sherlock's Infant Instruction's

21. I will not tell the children that Oliver's mother is in a box in the ground being eaten by worms. Amy still has nightmares which are exclusively my fault.

22. Guns must be kept out of reach of children at all time.

23. When the school calls me in because Olly has been deducing the teacher again, I will nod and take their concerns seriously and tell him he mustn't do it again. I will not tell them that they are only upset because he is correct then reward him by taking him to the morgue. The morgue is still not an acceptable place to take a child.

24. When John and Mary announce they're having a third child, this is not a cue for me to teach Amy, Jack and Oliver about the human reproductive system.

25. I will not tell John and Mary that Oliver is ill just to get them to look after him.

26. I am not allowed to teach the children swear words.

27. In any language.

28. I can not teach Amy and Jack how to shoot a gun.

29. When asked why I want to, because both their parents can is not a valid excuse.

30. While technically I am allowed to teach Olly how to use a gun, John and Mary do not advise it until he is eighteen. Or at very least thirteen.

31. Food should be kept away from any body parts. Small children may mistake said body parts for food. This is not good. Apparently.

32. Make sure Mrs Hudson's evening soothers are kept away from children.

33. Anything recreational must be kept in my room, out of the reach of any children.

34. Cluedo is banned.

35. As is Monopoly.

36. Actually, all board games are banned.

37. Except when it comes to playing Operation with Mycroft. But only when London's terror level is raised to critical.

38. Christmas at my parents' will be endured. It is one day a year and they want to see their grandson.

39. My parents will never forgive me for not telling me that they had a grandson.

40. I am never allowed to fake my death again without having a very good reason and telling John and Mary in advance. I am a father now and I must think about Oliver.