AN: Thanks to anyone still reading this, I appreciate your patience. Review and let me know what you think. Sorry for any errors.

Memorial Chapter 3

Adrenaline is a powerful weapon. Olivia had always heard stories of mother lifting cars off their children with brute strength after an accident or cops that are completely unaware of being shot until a gun battle was over but she had never experience the effect herself until now. Like the officer, she was coming down from the adrenaline high. It is only now when she knows he is standing behind her and she is faced with the prospect of facing him that she realizes that the anger and ability to hell at him earlier had all been adrenaline. She still felt anger but now she also had other feelings, feelings she wasn't sure she was ready to face. She wasn't sure she could face them… that she could face him now that her version of brute strength had weakened.

She slowly gets up off the porch and turns to find him standing at the top of the stairs above her on the porch. Now that the cloud of anger is gone, he looks like he always did except more at peace. He looks like the same person she laughed with, she cried with and mostly yelled at. She says nothing as she ascends the stairs until she is one step below him. Brown eyes meet blue as they both stare at each other. She has no idea if she wants to hug him or hit him. Actually she is pretty sure she wants to do both, the question is which she wants to do first. It is only the burning of her palm and the fact that he is suddenly holding his face, that clues her into the fact that her body made a decision between the two. She instantly wants the follow the slap to the face with the tightest hug she has ever given but she resist the eager. She is not sure how he would take a hug… a slap she knows he can handle but a hug she is not so sure.

She stares at him for a moment, unable to speak and trying not to break down. She wouldn't, she couldn't, she refused. Not in front of him and not over how much she misses him. She wouldn't allow him to know how much he affects her, how much he meant to her although she suspects he already knows- a fact that makes his leaving hurt even more. She hates herself in this moment for her weakness. This man never cared for her like she cared for him. Not the way one cares for someone when they are the only person they trust. He was not there to comfort her when she needed him most of all. He only took from her time and time again and when he was done with her, he just left. Yet she can't help but love him. She can't help but think of him as the only good time life had ever brought her. He was her family, her home.

He looks tired as if this standoff has drained the energy from his body. He stares into her eyes for a moment, seeing the pain she was trying so hard to hide. He reaches out one arm to comfort her, but she pulls her head back from him, retreating to stand one step down and away from him. He approaches her once more, taking the step she just evacuated and comes to stand directly in front of her again. She can tell he wants to reach for her again but refrains.

"Olivia." He opens and close him palm at his side as if he has no idea what to do with his hand if he can't touch her. She wondered when this urge to touch her began. Before he left, he never touched her, they never touched with the exception of two hugs. "Liv, I am.."

"Don't." She can't hear his excuses now. she can't hear any of this. She can already feel the tears threaten to escape. She needs to get away from this man before she shows anymore weakness. She steps to the side and attempts to walk past him but he has always had slightly better reflexes than her and steps directly in front of her again before she can get around him.

"Liv. Please."

She doesn't want to hear the pleading in his voice. He does not get to do this to her. She was suppose to be angry, she was never to forgive him. She shouldn't be about to cave to him like she always did. "Don't. I can't do this with you."

"We are not going to talk about this?"

"Talk about what Elliot?"

"LIv-"

"Olivia! You don't get to call me that!" She needs to get away from him, here comes the anger again.

"Li- Olivia." He smiles. "Remembering that is going to be hard for me, I have been calling you Liv forever."

"Not forever. You haven't bother to call me anything in three years."

"I know and I have missed you- "

"Don't you dare!" The adrenaline must be back because suddenly she is so angry that she could kill this man that is twice her size with her bare hands. "You don't get to claim you miss me! I never went anywhere! My number hasn't changed, I still work the same place and until one year ago, I lived at the same place. You could have found me if you wanted. You were a detective after all! I even made it easy for you, all you had to do was pick up one of the numerous calls I made to your phone begging you to call me back." She watches as he opens and close his mouth several times as if he is unsure what to say but beats him to it. "I am not interested in what you have to say now, Elliot. I gave you a chance to show me what our friendship- what I- meant to you and you showed me. You never called!" Olivia feels her cheeks burn with embarrassment when she thinks of how she uncharacteristically begged him with tears in her eyes and voice for him to call her back. "Message received."

She takes advantage of his shock over her unusually frankness to slip past him, leaving him on the porch.