AN: Here is a reward for your reviews and loyalty to this story- a new chapter in one day. Please review and I may repeat tomorrow. Please let me know what you think should happen. A lot of you want EO but several others want Liv/owen- let me know what you think. Again sorry for the errors.

Memorial Chapter 4

Elliot spent the day watching her. Until today he had no idea how much he missed watching her. In the beginning, when their partnership had been new and timid, it had started with peeks at her over his computer while they worked, turning away quickly if she ever looked up. Later it progressed to outright staring, an act she would chastise him for but he knew she secretly did herself. He loved to watch her, not in a creepy stalker way but as a way to remind himself that she was there and safe, that despite the depravity they faced, she was ok, she was still able to smile even when she thought no one was watching. So he watched her, he watched her often and it made him feel like he was doing his job as her partner. He continued to watch her even when his conscious mind realized what his subconscious had known from the begin, he continued even after he realized that had his partner been anyone but her, he would not be watching them this closely. Even when he acknowledged that they were too close and he stood the chance of losing not only his job but his family if he didn't stop, it only made him do in more privately. Watching her, as creepy as it sounds, was one of his favorite thing. It was the only time he really got to see her, the real her, not the front she puts up for everyone else.

Even after the papers were sign and she was no longer in his life, he would find himself parked outside her building without having any clue how he got there. He was aware of exactly when her address had changed despite what she believed because he had been there. He watched her heal after her nightmare and had wanted so desperately to get out the car and approach her. He had wanted nothing more than to hold her and allow her to cry on his shoulder, to make her talk but he was too scared. He had been gone too long and she had other people to comfort her now. She had a new partner with whom she seemed close and she had Brian so he started to watch her less and less. He convinced himself it was because she was well taken care of and didn't need him but if he was been honest with himself he would admit that he couldn't stand that he was being replaced in her life. And so it happened that he stopped going and apparently missed her beginning to date his cousin.

Today, he realized how much he missed her. Today he watched her. She hadn't spoken a word to him since their standoff earlier in the day. She spent the rest of the day making the rest of his family fall in love with her- not that he could blame them. She laughed with Kathleen, she cooked with and learnt recipes from his mom, she flew a kite with his son and she made out with his cousin. And through it all she looked beautiful. Her shoulder length hair flowed in the wind as she chased his boy down the beach. Her short red shorts showed off her long tanned legs as she sat on Owen's lap drinking his mom's homemade lemonade. Today she was so carefree. Today he saw her like he always wanted, like he saw her in his dreams. She laughed often and loudly and the only sadness he saw in her today was directed at him.

Elliot's hatred of himself for being the cause of her sadness has kept him up long after everyone has gone to sleep. He had started his wallowing in the room across the hall from the room that would be hers and Owen's for the next five days and four night but the sound of her laughter though the door forced him to evacuate to the back porch. The porch swing has become his bed for the last three hours as the household sleeps inside. He however, can't turn off his brain. He mind is filled with what ifs. What if he never left? where would they be now? Would he be the one she would whisper I love to on the phone earlier? Would he be the one whose lap she sat on? Would he be the one curled up next to her now? He has never allowed himself to think these thoughts about her. If either one of them were being honest, they would agree that their relationship had never been the typical friendship or partnership. It has always been more- even if they could never put a name to it but he had never- while he was awake at least- allowed himself to dream of her being his. Maybe it was the salty air or her carefree laugh but today the only thing he wanted was for her to be his, for her to kiss him the way she kissed Owen.

He knows this is selfish, he has already caused her enough pain. He left her and for that she would never forgive him or trust him again. He should be sitting here trying to figure out how to gain her trust not falling in love with her. He need to explain his leaving- a explanation he just figure out himself. He told himself when he turned in his papers that he was doing this because he killed a child and that was partial true but he has just figure out he was mostly using it as an excuse to run away. Olivia and him are not as different as she thinks, he runs too. His time off after the shooting allowed him to think yet during that time all he could think of was her. He had attributed it to his self imposed obligation to protect her, he had thought the only reason she was all he thought about when it came to his job was a sign that he was only staying to protect her. He was only staying out of obligation to her. His obligation to her, he felt had taken the purpose out of his job, had taken him from his family and had made him act rashly with others lives. He needed to leave so she could learn to protect herself, he needed to make a clean break of this obligation. However, he had been all wrong, she was still all he thought of when the job was gone. She was still all he thought of when she had proven that she could protect herself against even the most viscous of monsters. She was still all he thought of not because of obligation but because he was madly and deeply in love with her.

Elliot's panic attack at that realization is interrupted by the screen door to the back porch forcefully opening. He watches as she hurried exits the house and runs to the railing of the porch. He knows she doesn't see him sitting behind her on the swing as she takes deeps breaths while leaning over the railing. He feels like a voyager, watching what appears to be an anxiety attack but he doesn't want to startle her when she is already hyper alert so he sits quietly and allows her to calm herself with deep breaths. She is wearing a pj bottom with tank top and is barefoot as she gets on her tiptoes to lean over the railing. She is gasping for air now and he would breathe for her if he could. He can no longer watch her struggle to breathe like this so he stands slowly and approaches her. He notices her back stiffens as she realizes he is behind her but doesn't stop his approach until he is standing directly behind her. He stands closer than he intended he realizes as his chest comes in contact with her back. Her whole body moves as she tries to catch her breath.

He places his palm on the smalls of her back as he leans to whisper in her ears. " Just concentrate on my voice." He speaks calmly and softly as he moves his hand slowly up and down her back. "You're OK. You're Ok. You are not there anymore. You are ok." He whispers over and over until he feels her breathing become slower and swallower.

When her breathing returns to normal she vomits twice over the railing, while he holds her hair and reassures her. "I've got you. You are ok." The crying starts at his words. He has seen Olivia cry- really cry- once in all the time he has known her and it is something hoped to never see again. He never wanted to see the strongest woman he has ever met reduced to sobs again but that was exactly what was happening now. He pulls her into a hug and has to fight his own tears when he fells the vice grip she has on his skirt. She clings to him like he is her lifeline and the thought scares him.

He walks with her in his arms back to the swing and sits with her. She continues to cling to his shirt as he encircles her in his thick arms. She rest her head on his shoulder and he places his cheek against her hair.

"Do you want to talk about it? " He asks once she is calm although still clinging to his shirt.

"No" is her only answer. She doesn't need to tell him for him to understand what memories a house on the beach could conjure so he just holds her. He will hold her as long as she let him. He is determined to never let her go again. He vows to never let her go again as she falls asleep on his shoulder. As he covers her with his blanket and allows himself to fall asleep as well, he vows to make them right again.