La Douleur Exquise (French): The heart wrenching pain of wanting someone you can't have.
—
I wipe the sweat off my brow and try my best to ignore the ferocious growling of my stomach and the battering ram at my head. This is it. This is how I'm going to die— it's kind of funny really. People spend all of their lives trying to cheat death because they're terrified of it, me included. But, I'm not scared of it right now. Just exhausted, I want to go to sleep and never wake up again. I've never felt this peaceful in my entire life. I feel...tired. I just want to...take a long nap and forget about this stupid situation I've landed myself in.
The last of last week's rains have almost finished evaporating which makes it much a little easier to climb up and down the hills without slipping. Hills in this region are so steep that I've got to dig my fingers deep into the earth or else I'll fall. My fingers keep slipping out because there's still so much mud and it won't stop trying to dislodge me from the hill. When I reach the summit I survey the surrounding land to see if there's anyone around. I don't see much of anything but a group of cottages, resting beneath the icy horizon. Smoke rises out of their tiny chimneys, so there must be someone living there. I don't have any food and I barely have any energy in me, can I make it over there? Even if I can't, at least I know where to go now.
There's not a lot of hills over in this direction which is good, because I'm tired of climbing them. There's just a bunch of small berry bushes growing what looks like vibrantly colored marbles— I'm tempted to pick some but it's probably for the best I don't. I've never heard of a plant producing fruit during sun falls slowly beneath the dead horizon and I really don't wan to be walking out in the open like this when it gets dark. The sun's position in the sky tells me it's around eight in the evening but I still have quite a ways to go. I'm probably closer to ten kilometers than three from my destination.
As a human, I've learned many things. I've learned that it doesn't take much to injure the human soul– something as simple as quietness and solitude will drive the sanest man alive insane. I'm not the best example of this principle. I've never been completely sane. These hills have gone on forever and I haven't seen a single person since Chihiro ran away, that's probably what's driving me crazy. The only companions I've had on my journey to nowhere are the occasional flock of birds and the pesky flies that buzz around my head. I wonder if Chihiro is doing well? Is she holding on to her sanity as "well" as I am? I try not to get too worried about her—she has shown me more than once just how capable she really is.
The only refreshments I've had today are the tiny nearly evaporated puddles I occasionally step in— my throat feels like it's on fire. Humans can only go a week or so without water right? For dinner I munch on some dead grass and now I'm hungrier than ever. The sun goes down beneath the horizon and the already cool temperatures drop even lower. I'm not able to take another step, my body is turning a strange bluish purple. I place my head between my trembling legs—I think back to the days when I was a powerful river spirt. I think about my old friend, the North wind, who sometimes brought me Chihiro's prayers. He'd comfort me and tell me that everything will be okay, and he'd attempt to distract me by telling me about his travels. God, I miss him. I need a distraction right about now.
Maybe if I pray hard enough she'll hear my prayers the way I heard hers. Maybe she'll forgive me for making her wait so long. For scaring her, I mean, the way she looked at me...like I was a monster. I don't want to die like this— I don't want to die without apologizing but... I can't hold on...much longer... I can feel my life flickering out like a candle. Darkness takes over and it gets harder and harder for me to concentrate on thinking. Death has finally decided it's time to collect my life, I suppose. More power to him. I wonder if North will take me back to the Spirit World. Do people in this world even go to the Spirit World?
—
I grip Chihiro's tiny hand and run away from the cheering crowd of spirits that scream their goodbyes and thank yous. We head towards the way that Chihiro' had come from." Hey, Haku? Where are my parents?" She asks.
"They're on the other side of the tunnel, waiting for you. You shouldn't...keep them waiting." I reply, rubbing my thumb across her soft hand.
"Look...the lake is gone." Chihiro breaths, staring out at the grassy field.
My chest aches and I try to ignore the knot that rises in my throat. I force a smile to spread across my lips and turn to face Chihiro. " I...can't go this way, Chihiro. You have to go on by yourself. Just go back through the tunnel where you came from and you should be fine. Don't look back no matter what, okay?"
Chihiro's face falls. "Okay. And...what about you, Haku?" She mummers.
"I'm going to go have a talk with Yubaba and quit. She can't keep me here—I know who I am now."
Chihiro nods, squeezing my hand." Will we...ever meet again?"
"If you want to, sure. Now, go."
"Promise?"
"Promise." I reply, slowly releasing her from my embrace.
Chihiro pauses, lays her hands on my shoulders and stares into my eyes."I'll never forget you, Haku! As long as I live!" She hesitantly turns on her heels and sprints toward the tunnel.
And I want to believe her, I do. But I can't, no matter how much I want to.
—
"Sis, the strange boy is finally wakin' up! The kiss worked!" A shrill voice calls, from next to me.
A girl's dark eyes meet mine briefly and she pokes my face with her tiny finger. A bigger version of the little girl comes into the room, places a wet cloth on my forehead and picks up the little girl. The little girl smiles uneasily and points to a cup of water at my bedside. I quickly chug it down without hesitation. "Hello. What're your names?" I ask, wiping the tears from my eyes.
"I'm Mina and she's Anne. It's a pleasure to meet ya...?" The little girl says, peeking out of Anne's chest.
"My name's Haku. C-could I have some more water, please? Like a pitchers worth? I'm really thirsty."
Anne sets Mina down and sends her off with a little push. Anne fluffs my pillow and sets it at an angle then she carefully pushes me down. "Where'd you say you were from, Haku? Kingsbury? Y-you have a very...unique accent, that's why I'm asking." Anne remarks, twiddling her thumbs.
"Heh, how did you guess? I croak, rubbing my throat."I was ambushed by a group of...robbers on my way back home. They took everything I had, including my map. Mind telling me where I am?"
Anne's blue eyes narrow as she carefully inspects my face."What kind of robbers would bring you this far into the Wastes? And leave you alive to tell the tale? That's downright idiotic."
What are the Wastes? "It may not have been robbers, now that I think about it... My mind keeps drawing up blanks."
Mina enters the room holding a large pitcher of clean water. The pitcher is half empty within seconds and I set it on the tiny lamp stand beside me. Soon after I learn never to overestimate my strength like I do now. My legs give out when I try to stand and I land with a thud on the hard concrete floors. Mina helps me sit back up on the stiff bed while Anne removes a dark pink bottle from her pant pocket. She flicks it a few times and empties it's contents into the rusted pitcher. "Please, drink this." Anne requests.
I glance up at her and wonder what she's put in the water. "It's just some medicine for the pain, don't worry. You may feel a little bit drowsy but that's perfectly normal. Now, hurry and drink it!" Anne replies, picking up the pitcher and thrusting it in my hands.
She mixed that right in front of me so... It can't be that bad. What's the worst that could happen? I waft the scent of the water up to my nose. It smells pretty safe. In fact, it's making me really hungry. Soon the pitcher is completely drained of it's contents and I'm starting to feel pretty good. The pain has numbed and my headache is gone."Thanks." I garble, climbing back under my covers. Anne places a hand on my forehead and mutters lowly in an unfamiliar language. Are they sister witches like Zeniba and Yubaba? Mina carefully dabs my face with a wet cloth and I try to flick her hand away. But...I can't move! My body is paralyzed, I can barely make a sound. "Whaa—?" Anne covers my eyes with her clammy palm and continues chanting.
"Sh. Just go to sleep and I promise you'll be fine real soon." Mina whispers. And I do just that. But this doesn't feel like sleep, it's too light. Like I'm just closing my eyes and forcefully holding my breath. The last thing I hear the is two girls whisper quietly to each other.
"He's fadin' fast, like a light. I hope you know what you're doing, sis."
Anne giggles nervously."I do. Though...the potion does work differently for different people. Let's just cross our fingers and hope that his slowed heartbeat is a good sign..."
A/N: Thanks for all the reviews and I encourage you to continue writing them, they make my day! I'm sorry that this chapter is a bit on the shorter side. What do you think is going to happen next? Be warned, you're all in for an emotional roller coaster from here on out.
