Chapter Three: Opportunity

On the walk home from school, Kenny and Karen stayed a short distance behind their foster siblings. Kenny actually found these walks nice; he could hold Karen's hand without anyone teasing him, and he'd been afraid that Cartman would ruin it. Good thing that Cartman had been stupid enough to get himself in trouble on his first day. Why, out of all the foster homes that Cartman could've gone to, did he have to end up in the same one as Kenny?

Karen told Kenny all about what her guardian angel had done, and what he'd promised her. Kenny still didn't know when or if he would be able to keep that promise, and was relieved when Karen changed the subject.

''There are a lot of cows here, aren't there?'' she remarked, looking around.

(''Uh huh.'') He never thought he would see a place that had more cows than South Park.


As the children entered the house, Mr. Weatherhead did a head count.

''Let's see...David, Melissa, Amanda, Geoffrey, Matthew, Marlene, Caitlin, Inez, Robert, Kenneth, Karen...hmm.'' He scowled when he noticed that two boys were unaccounted for.

''Where is your brother?'' Mr. Weatherhead asked Kenny and Karen, who shrugged. Kevin didn't go to the same school, and Karen had given her eldest brother a wide berth since the night their parents were arrested, so they wouldn't know where he was.

''I asked you a question, children,'' said the foster father, folding his arms. ''Where is Kevin?''

''We don't know,'' said Karen, not meeting his eye.

''Good,'' Mr. Weatherhead said out of habit.''No, wait, that's not good! Why don't you know where he is?''

''He's always disappearing,'' said Karen.

''And where is Eric?'' asked Mrs. Weatherhead, having done a head count of her own.

("I think he's in detention, but I'm not sure,") said Kenny. Mr. Weatherhead could make out "not sure", and Mrs. Weatherhead sighed.

"From the moment I first spoke to that boy, I had a feeling that he might be a troublemaker," she said, being sure to emphasize "might".

Lady, you don't know the half of it, Kenny thought, remembering the whole business with Cthulhu.

The rest of the afternoon was spent doing chores. That wasn't too bad, because with the Weatherheads' insistence that the house be clean, but not too clean, Kenny could do a second-rate job without getting in trouble. With her spirits lifted for the first time in days, Karen hummed like Snow White as she swept. It wasn't until dinnertime that things went south.


The only thing in this house that was anything like Kenny's real home was saying grace at dinner, and the Weatherheads' idea of saying grace was very different than that of his parents. Kenny spent the whole time tuning out his foster father and thinking that if he had to drink one more can or bottle of Dr. Pepper, he would kill himself.

''...nobody knows and nobody can know if any deity is watching over us,'' Mr. Weatherhead finished at last. ''Amen.''

''Except for Karen's guardian angel,'' piped up the kid named Geoffrey.

Kenny snapped to attention as Mr. Weatherhead looked up. ''What?'' Mrs. Weatherhead stopped spooning mashed potatoes onto everyone's plates.

''Where did he take you after he saved you, Karen?'' Melissa asked.

"He just took me back to my classroom,'' said Karen, ''and then he disappeared like always.''

Mr. Weatherhead scowled. ''What have we told you about making up angel stories?''

''But we saw him!'' Inez insisted. ''He leaped down from the sky!''

''And he kicked the crap out of Jessica Pinkerton!'' added David.

Mrs. Weatherhead smacked her fist on the table. ''That's enough, children! We do not speak such certainties in this house!''

''All of you get down to the basement!'' Mr. Weatherhead ordered. ''It's time for the punishment room!''

Karen burst into tears, clinging to her doll and Kenny's hand as they and their foster siblings were herded towards the stairs leading to the basement. There was a knock on the door, and everything went quiet.

''Keep moving!'' Mr. Weatherhead shouted at the trembling kids. Mrs. Weatherhead came back from answering the door, dragging Kevin by the ear. He kept hollering, ''What'd I do? What'd I do? ''

As a result of Kevin's arrival, the foster parents lost track of how many children they now had in the house, and Kenny was able to sneak away. Thinking that they had them all in the punishment room, Mrs. Weatherhead locked the door to the basement as poor little David was chained and left dangling from the ceiling by Mr. Weatherhead.

Now that Kenny was alone upstairs, he pulled off his parka and put on his hood and mask. Mysterion ran into the kitchen and began to remove the cans and bottles of Dr. Pepper, then threw them outside. Kenny could almost hear Karen call out for him.

She's gonna hate me for not being with her right now, he thought, but knew that time was crucial and he couldn't dwell on this worry.


This is all my fault, Karen thought as she watched David get hosed down with Dr. Pepper.

''What do we do, Kenny?...K-Kenny?''

Not getting a response from Kenny, she scooted closer to Kevin.


Meanwhile, Mysterion went to the boys' room, hoping that there was still a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon in Kevin's bag. To his relief, his booze-hound brother had managed to smuggle in quite a few cans, and so Mysterion took one. Kevin was not that good at counting, so with any luck, he would not notice one missing can.

That was when he heard someone banging on the door, and Mysterion listened as the Weatherheads came up from the basement to answer it. Now that the other kids had this brief reprieve, Mysterion fished a can of spray-paint from his brother's bag and decided that there wouldn't be any harm in giving the evil foster parents a little scare.

As Mysterion swiftly sprayed question marks all over the walls, he heard the voice of that creepy caseworker, as well as Cartman's grating rasp. Mysterion smirked. Maybe Cartman being here wasn't such a bad thing after all. Now he could get the Weatherheads' attention more easily. He eyed the spray can and the window...


Hearing something smash upstairs, the Weatherheads went up to investigate.

''Excuse me!'' yelled Mr. Adams, but the couple ignored him and entered the boys' room. They turned on the light, and their jaws dropped when they saw the smashed window and the question marks all over the walls. Mysterion was hiding and hurriedly scribbling a note as he heard Mr. Weatherhead question who'd done this, and that was his cue to run past them. He would make this evil couple certain of his existence, even if he died trying.

''What is that?'' Mrs. Weatherhead shrieked. They chased Mysterion into the girls' bedroom, and he gave them a death glare from his perch on the windowsill before disappearing from their sight and landing safely on the ground. He hid and watched as the Weatherheads stared out the window, looking for him, and found the note that he'd attached to the wall with a knife.

Mysterion returned to the kitchen through the back door, nearly tripping on one of the Dr. Pepper bottles that he'd thrown out. He placed the beer can in the fridge and went back outside right before the Weatherheads came into the room. He watched as the couple nervously approached the fridge and opened it, and he snickered as they curiously tasted the Pabst Blue Ribbon...