I'm sorry this chapter took so long to update. It has been a crazy, very unfun week from hell. Please forgive my discretions and take me back?


"Maybe we should have talked first. I am exhausted now." Holly stated, rubbing vigorously at her eyes.

Gail mirrored her action before reaching out for Holly's hand. "Yeah. Does that mean we can just skip this for tonight? Start fresh in the morning?"

Holly smiled and stood from the couch bringing Gail up with her. "Just this one night. I'm afraid we would both fall asleep otherwise."

Gail followed Holly into her bedroom, content to just let the day end as it was. They changed in sleepy silence and curled up in bed together. Gail reached across Holly to turn the light off, lingering long enough to kiss the woman softly on the lips. She was sliding back onto her side when Holly reached out for her arm, stopping her. She looked down into the warm chocolate eyes staring up at her. Holly didn't have to say anything for Gail to understand. She let her body relax down, slightly on top of Holly and pulled the other woman up into her waiting lips.

Holly let herself become lost in Gail, kissing her with everything she had. It was late, and they had a lot to figure out, but in this moment, she was here in bed with Gail, and that was all that mattered. There was still uncertainty, and questions, and fear, but she couldn't let her mind convince her to stop. Not while Gail while grasping at her like she was afraid to let her go, kissing her like she had never been kissed.

Gail finally slipped off of Holly and back down onto the bed, breathing heavily. Holly could feel her body buzzing from the encounter. They both lay silently in bed, looking up towards the ceiling, struggling to control their breath. Sleep starting in and just before it completely overtook her, Gail felt Holly reach out and take her hand in her own.


Gail woke first in the morning. She glanced over towards Holly, who laid facing away from her, still deep in sleep. She couldn't help the surge of warmth spread through her at the thought of waking up with this woman. It was something that always made her smile, but today it held an importance to it that was new. Any walls Gail had left came crashing down the day before. She wanted to reach out for the other woman, to pull her against her body and hold her safe in her arms until she woke. Gail forced herself from the bed instead, throwing on jeans and one of Holly's t-shirts. She slipped quietly out of the room and grabbed her bag and coat.

It was a cold morning, but she could barely feel it. She could still feel the warmth of Holly's bed around her. Gail stepped into the shop and ordered breakfast and lattes for two. She took her purchases and started back towards Holly's apartment. She could feel excitement course through her veins at the thought of the woman waiting in bed for her. Gail felt her pace quicken at the mere thought of Holly.

She made it back quickly and unlocked the door to find it just as peaceful as when she left. She dumped her bag and coat and took the food into the bedroom. Gail noticed Holly's glasses sitting on the bathroom counter. She couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to have those glasses sitting on her own bathroom counter in the mornings. She caught herself grinning like a fool and went to grab them off the counter. She put the glasses on the bedside table closest to Holly, knowing the woman would wander aimlessly looking for them otherwise.

Gail leaned back against the wall, sipping her coffee, just taking in the sleeping form in front of her. It wasn't long before her thoughts strayed. She couldn't keep her mind from running through the possibilities. What if Holly woke and realized she wasn't interested in her after all, or what if she still was, but didn't want a relationship. They had been skirting the topic for longer than they should have, there must have been a reason. Then again Gail realized she had just as much a part in their unspoken decision to remain friends. But that wasn't because she didn't want Holly. In fact she really did, more than she dared to admit. So what was it that had kept them from talking so far? Gail knew that things had begun to change between them long before the kiss in the interrogation room. She wasn't quite sure when that had in fact been, it had been building slowly for a while though. She thought back to the times they spent together and tried to pinpoint the exact moment that she started to look at Holly differently. Nothing really stood out. Every moment she thought back to made her stomach flip and heart race. Maybe there had been no turning point after all. Maybe she had always been drawn to Holly and just hadn't realized it at the time. Maybe that was the reason it would have been hard to discuss it before, because there was no moment that had prompted it, they had always been a little bit on both sides of that line.

Gail though back to the day of the shooting, more specifically the interrogation room. Holly had rambled on for what felt like eternity and Gail had been unable to stop herself from pulling the woman in front of her into a spontaneous kiss. That was definitely the moment that things changed the most. The day had been so full of chaos and fear and emotion. It would have been foolish to put even more emotion into that day. She had a hard enough time keeping it together with everything that had happened. And Holly had understood that, she hadn't pushed her, instead offering something familiar to Gail. Really it was the timing of everything. They had been so wrapped up in getting back into a normal life, one without hospitals, or kidnappings, or gunmen that they just hadn't let themselves be completely honest with what had changed, what was still changing between them. Somehow they had unceremoniously gone from two almost strangers grabbing drinks together, to two people who spent every possible night wrapped in each other's arms.

Maybe the timing had actually been somewhat of a blessing. How would things have played out for her had she not had Holly to call on? Would she have made it through everything as strong as she was now? Would she still be the bitter and uninvolved person she had been? Could she and Holly have taken the steps they had if life hadn't thrown them these curveballs? How long would it have taken Gail to accept her feelings for a woman, for Holly, or would she have even come to understand them fully? Maybe the timing didn't matter and they would have found another time and place to make their feelings known. Did it even matter at this point? They were here now and that is what mattered right? Where exactly was here? Would Holly even want anything to come of this?

Gail felt her pulse quicken as she ran through the thoughts piling up in her mind, every scenario bringing a fresh set of fears and worries. She was starting to feel lightheaded. The realization that Holly would wake eventually and unleash only god knows what kind of response scared the living shit out of Gail. Her stomach churned and she was suddenly thankful she had yet to consume anything beyond her coffee. Surely she would have thrown up by now otherwise. Anxiety was starting to overtake her fully. Fight or flight rushed into her head, but instead of choosing either, her body froze in place, binding her from any actions.

Gail would never have been able to say how long she sat paralyzed in fear before Holly woke. Gail watched as a helpless bystander as Holly struggled into consciousness. She didn't want Holly to wake up to this. She didn't want her to think she was having second thoughts, because she wasn't. Gail's fears came not from a doubt of herself and her ability to be with Holly, but from another doubt entirely. Gail could not grasp a reality without Holly. They had crossed that line in full the night before, and the possibilities that it opened were endless, both good and bad. Gail just couldn't seem to comprehend what would become of her if Holly shot her down, or worse, if it destroyed their friendship. Holly sat up and looked at her, eyes wide and smile plastered to her face. Gail tried to smile back, but found she was still unable to peel herself out of her state. Holly, unaware of Gail's current situation offered her good mornings and reached out for the glasses Gail had set on the nightstand for her. One look through the lenses at Gail wiped the smile straight off of her face.

"Gail?" Holly seemed almost frozen herself. "Gail, talk to me, what is wrong?"

Gail struggled against herself for speech, instead only finding unintelligible muttering escape her lips. Holly sprung from the bed quickly, nearly tripping over the sheets in the process. Gail watched her step tentatively in her direction, clearly unsure how to approach her. Gail didn't want to frighten Holly, but her apparent anxiety attack was keeping her from any productive actions. She sat glued in place, watching Holly's internal struggle to decide how best to help Gail. Something broke in Gail at the sight of fear and confusion play across Holly's features. She felt the sting of tears in her eyes and tried to suppress them. She knew her efforts were useless but fought against the tears none the less. They came anyways, falling silently. Holly closed the gap left between them instantly and pulled her into a hug.

When Gail was still unable to move, Holly bent down and scooped her up into her arms. She took a seat on the edge of the bed, placing the crying woman in her lap, and wrapped her up in a tight embrace. Gail finally gave way and melted into Holly, letting herself be overcome by her sobs.

Holly held Gail against her, rocking her slowly in her arms until her tears subsided. Carefully Holly pulled Gail back enough to look at her. Gail let her wipe the moisture from her face gently.

"Gail, tell me what happened. What can I do?" Holly's words were barely a whisper.

Gail put her head back down against Holly's shoulder. "I don't know." It wasn't a lie, she had no idea what made her become so overwhelmed. "I just panicked all of a sudden."

Holly tried her best not to stiffen at her words. Gail was having second thoughts bad enough to panic? Was this really happening to them? She could have sworn that they were ready for this step. Gail must have read her mind though because a moment later she felt weight lift off her shoulder as Gail's head surfaced again, eyes searching for her own.

"Holly look at me." Gentle hands pulled her face upwards, meeting Gail's. "I'm not second guessing this, you, us. I just let my thoughts get carried away. Whatever we decide, just know you didn't cause this. Please understand that."

Holly nodded in acknowledgement, still apprehensive about the inevitable talk, but did her best to calm her nerves. They sat in silence a moment longer before Gail lifted herself up and strode over to the food she had brought back with her. Holly took the offered breakfast and coffee, letting the food settle her slightly. They ate quietly, both doing their best to mentally stabilize and prepare for what was bound to be an emotionally taxing conversation.


Half an hour later found Gail and Holly dressed and on the couch with their second coffees. Holly had let Gail wrap her up and was currently leaning back against her, trying to find a way to breach the subject.

"I'm sorry I kind woke you up with my meltdown this morning." Gail cracked out, beating Holly to the punch.

Holly tightened her hold on the hand that was wrapped around her. "You didn't wake me Gail. And even if you had, I am always here for you."

"I know. I just feel bad. I wanted you to wake up to a nice calm day, with breakfast in bed. I wanted today to be special." Gail ran her thumb across Holly's knuckles, clearly still nervous.

"Who says it still can't be?" Holly turned her head slightly, just enough to kiss Gail under her chin softly. "I guess we should probably actually have this talk though."

"Yeah."

"Okay. So…" Holly struggled to find a way to start.

"So, the question now is where do we stand?" Gail finished for her.

Holly took a deep breath in and merely nodded in agreement.

"Well, do you want anything to change between us? I mean, what happened yesterday, what do you want that to mean?"

"I don't know. Well I do, but I guess I am just scared that it won't be what you want." After a moment without a response Holly continued. "I really like you Gail, as more than a friend. Obviously. I just, I don't want to lose you. If this is all too much, if whatever happened between us can't happen again I understand. I mean, I know this is all new to you, and it can be a lot to come to grips with. It wasn't easy for me the first time I realized I had feelings for another girl. I don't want to push you into something you aren't ready to accept yet, or if it's the case, something that isn't who you are. First and foremost you are my friend, and I can't live without that. So I guess, I…"

"Holly." Gail tried to cut in, but Holly just kept going.

"…just want you to know that if this isn't what you want, I won't hold it against you. We can just go back to being friends or whatever, it's okay, I will totally understand and…"

"Holly!" Gail tried again. This time Holly stopped. "You were rambling again."

"Right, sorry." Holly looked down, fidgeting with Gail's hand.

"This isn't too much for me. I want you to know that. I know what I feel for you, what I have been feeling for you. I love our friendship too Holly, but I am not sure it has ever been just that between us. I think a part of us has always been something more."

Holly sat up and turned to face Gail. The second their eyes met she knew Gail was being completely honest. She didn't doubt her feelings. "I think you are right. There has always been this knowledge of that deep down, but I was afraid to admit to it, in fear of getting my heart broken, or losing you completely. But I felt it too."

"So…" Gail let the word linger in the air, not really making an attempt to form an actual sentence.

"So…" Holly repeated.

"Where does that leave us?" Asked Gail.

Holly stretched herself out on the couch, pulling Gail down next to her so they were lying side by side. "Well, it's pretty obvious that if we try to just be friends we are going to end up making out in a shower, half naked again." Holly felt Gail laugh at that. "So we might as well just skip that and see where this goes?"

"So, does that make you my girlfriend then?" Gail tried earnestly to sound nonchalant about it, but Holly took notice of the poor attempt to hide the smile on her face.

"Yes. I would very much like that." She admitted. Gail's smile made a full appearance and Holly couldn't help but place a firm kiss on top of her head.

"Which makes me your girlfriend?" Gail continued.

"Yes it does."

"Good." Gail wrapped her arms around Holly and pulled her down into a kiss. "But we should probably take it slow; I pretty much already live here according to Chris. And we haven't even been on a proper date yet. So much for that second date U-Haul stereotype, we are blowing that outta the water."

"Jesus Gail." Holly bust up with laughter. She pulled the pillow out from the corner of the couch and smacked Gail playfully upside the head. After their laughter died down Holly probed Gail for an explanation. "Did Chris really say that?"

"Yeah actually while we were doing that surveillance op. He asked if I was moving into your spare room. He and Dov thought I was upset at them or something. I actually feel a bit bad. I haven't really spent much time over there lately. I kinda miss them, but I swear I will shave your head in your sleep if you ever tell anyone that."

"Well you should go spend some time with them soon. They miss you too obviously."

Gail rolled her eyes. "Duh Holly. Who wouldn't miss this?" She made a sweeping motion down the length of her body.

Holly started laughing again at her ridiculous girlfriend. Without hesitation, she unceremoniously pushed Gail off of the couch. Gail shot a glare up at her which only provoked more laughter from Holly.

"Oh it's on Stewart!" Gail shouted, jumping up from the floor.

Holly stopped laughing instantly, suddenly aware of Gail's quick recovery. She jumped over the back of the couch and made a run for her bedroom. "You'll have to catch me first Peck!"