Till There Was You


Stars Are Meant to be Watched, not Touched


''And you're sure it wasn't her who called them?'' Ruka asked sceptically, watching Natsume and his manager. They were in the manager's office discussing the matter of him being found out.

''Yes, I'm sure. She didn't know I would come on Friday and she was even more shocked than I. Someone else from that place must have called them. It wasn't like I was hiding that much. I got carried away and walked around without my glasses.'' Natsume explained, annoyed at this whole situation.

''It doesn't really matter who called them. Fact is, they know you're here in Tokyo again and that means your privacy is gone. What do you want to do?'' asked the manager, his assistant answering the calls of many reporters.

Natsume shrugged. ''They don't know where I live and I can still stay hidden if I keep my clothes a little thicker. It's not like they would know where I'll be going every second of the day.''

''True. The only thing they know is that you're here – which of course doesn't mean you will stay here. Officially, you could travel again. That would keep them away for a while.'' Ruka commented and they all nodded. They were silent for some time, only the assistant talking into the phone.

''What about the girl?'' his manager asked. Natsume looked at him. ''What about her?''

''Look.'' His manager started tiredly. ''You know how this goes. I honestly don't care who you're hanging out with or what relations you have, but if you don't clear this up, the press might find out she's somehow involved with you and then she's going to pay for it. The majority of your friends are either people who were with you since the very beginning or people who are celebrities themselves. An outsider like her isn't aware of how life as a well-known person is like. If the two of you keep in touch, it will make her known. She won't be able to avoid it.''

Natsume did not say anything for some time.

''Think this through, Natsume. It's not just about you.''

Natsume nodded.

The next day, Natsume spent alone.

Yesterday had been a horrible day for him. As he sat in his bright flat, staring through his huge windows, his cat on his lap, the incident yesterday went through his head. The one who called the press had been exposed and appeared on TV for those few minutes, ecstatic to have found the Natsume Hyuuga a library.

In the library Natsume had felt happy.

And now he could not go back without being exposed – the mass of reporters that was surrounding the building did not give him a chance.

He thought about Mikan. He still saw her shocked expression, and the fear reaching her eyes. She was standing behind the counter, helplessly staring at the uproar around her. She had no idea how to react and once her eyes caught his, he had wished he could take her hand and run away. He still wished he had done that – but what he did was the sensible thing.

The smart thing.

He respected her too much to pull her into the dirty side of his world. No privacy, no hiding, many lies. He could not do that to her. So he turned away from her frightened expression, played it cool explaining his presence in the library as coincidence, and walked away.

He knew he did the right thing. He saved her name and her career. He saved her in a way.

Still…

It felt like someone punched him in the stomach and repeatedly slapped him across the face. It had only been a day, but he already missed her. He wanted to see her and talk to her. He wanted to ask her out on that date, and then invite her for another one until she decided to stay. With him.

That would not happen now.

He had to let this go. It was not even much. They had only had moments of smiles, slight touches, and conversations. Nothing else, nothing much. This should be easy.

But it was not.

It was far from easy to let go of her.

Natsume drowned himself in these thoughts, unable to forget.


On Saturday morning, Mikan and Mr Bear went to the park. This time not just to run, but to spend the whole day here. Mikan prepared them some food, found herself a nice summer dress and comfortable shoes, and went out. They played around in the park; she was throwing a ball, and Mr Bear was running after it, catching it. They walked around, and Mikan let him run around the grass. Then she gave him some food, sat down on a bench and ate her own. Mr Bear fell asleep after that and Mikan pulled out a book from her bag, made herself comfortable on the bench, and read.

The wind was gently caressing her face and Mikan felt calm, even though she was still a little sad. The day was beautiful, sunny and warm, and she enjoyed it. She breathed in and closed her eyes for a moment, her head lolling to the side.

She felt strange. It was not like she was madly in love with Natsume Hyuuga; she had admired him since forever, but she was not that crazy over him. Yet, since they started talking, she felt they got closer. He gave her the feeling that he liked spending some time with her, that he liked talking to her. She knew they would not be able to stay in touch for a long time, especially not when his vacation was over, but still…

It was nice. She had hoped it stayed that way for a long time. Yet it was over now. She would most probably never see him again. At least not in person. And for a long time, they really did not see each other.

Mikan read about him in papers. He supposedly just returned from his vacation (the reporters guessed obviously, for he had been in Tokyo for months) and spent his time reading books in the library. The public guessed he just wanted to walk around the city in his disguise and have some fun. Some even claimed he was hiding in the library from his stalker. But there were also some who thought he was meeting a woman there.

Because, who would guess Natsume Hyuuga went to libraries?

Mikan sighed as she put the newspaper down and concentrated on her work. She was hiding in the archives of the library and let another worker do the checking. The first week after Natsume had been discovered in the library, many reporters asked for interviews and reported about the place, sneaking in to take pictures. Mikan could not handle the attention and hid herself.

Natsume did not come back. His friend returned the books without a comment and that was the last time she had a connection with the star. She did not tell anyone about the… hm… how should she name it? Friendship? Acquaintance? Flirting relationship with Natsume Hyuuga? Something like that. She had had a feeling they clicked, but… They were worlds apart. She, herself would not really mind; a job did not define a person. The problem was he was a public person and the public decided about his job… And about the people he knew…

She did not stand a chance.


Mikan sighed putting old books together and away. She had been working in the back for days and really wanted to go out to the counter again. But not yet.

Days after the newspapers finally stopped writing about Natsume Hyuuga and focused on his group and their up-coming concert on New Year's. On the one hand, Mikan was glad she did not hear about him anything, but on the other hand… She felt sad… She did in fact consider him a friend. But he disappeared just like that and she could not do anything about it. She still remembered the look he gave her before he and the horde of reporters disappeared into another dimension.

She and Bear jogged every morning in hopes she would see him in the park, but he was never there. She also often went grocery shopping in hopes to catch a glimpse of him there. But he was never there. He was once again the Natsume Hyuuga from the RED group, busy, popular, and far far away. She missed their conversations and jokes. And she missed him. As much as one can miss a person he did not really know. He was still just the popular guy who hid from his ex, coincidentally, in the library.

Mikan knew she should push her memories and hopes to the side and move on, but she knew she was not there yet. She enjoyed thinking of him and she still liked to hear him on the radio. It made her a little sad of course, but the warm feeling did not go away yet. She would give herself some time.

It had been a long time since she felt something like this towards a guy. There had been only two boys in her life that made her feel special. One in high school and one in college. After that she stayed alone. And she felt lonely. She missed having someone to share her life with. She missed being loved. She wished she had someone like that in her life, and the star that practically fell into her arms seemed to be interested in her too. But that was just wishful thinking. She was nothing special and he had far better company that to be searching for someone outside his range.

She should stop thinking about it.

After a month, Mikan did not think of him that much anymore. At least, she tried not to.

One day she walked down the street, Mr Bear walking next to her. Her red coat was thick enough to keep her warm this early in the evening. There were little snowflakes dancing above her, creating a wonderful holiday feeling. She walked to clear her mind, but having nothing to focus on, just made her think of him even more. Then she stopped at the beginning of the Shibuya crossroad. There he was, all around her. Posters of his perfect face; screens with him and his group performing; ads with his perfect smile. He was all around her, his face, his figure, his voice. Even RED's song were played at the biggest screen.

She had him everywhere, but it was not enough. He was not just a face anymore. He was not just a voice. He was a real person, a character, someone she spoke to and knew. Someone she considered a friend. Someone she wished was more than a friend.

Now he was just a face again. She closed her eyes, trying to stifle down the memories; but they were just moments, and the flashbacks were not more than just a few smiles, a few coincidental touches and conversations. Nothing special. Nothing big. But she missed it all. She missed it all so much her chest tightened with hurt. It had meant a lot to her. Still does.

But she knew she should stop thinking about it. This was not one of her favourite stories, not a fantasy. This was real life, and a nobody like her should not fantasize about someone as Natsume Hyuuga. Not because it were not possible, but because it was not safe. Their worlds were too different. Too far apart.

She blinked back tears, Mr Bear rubbing his head on her leg. She patted his head and her eyes focused on what was in front of her. Her heart skipped a beat. She did not even notice it before because she was so deep in thoughts.

There he was once again. All around on the posters and screens, and further down in front of her, in person. He and his band mates were standing on a small stage in the middle of the square surrounded by hundreds of fans. They were being interviewed about their new start. After a year of vacation, they would once again appear on stage.

An interviewer, a lovely, perfectly shaped black-haired woman smiled at them, asking them questions about their plans for the future. Mikan stared at him. He was wearing jeans and a red T-shirt, looking perfectly good. He was smirking at the crowd, answering questions and posing for photos. He was Natsume Hyuuga, the star.

What Mikan did not know was that he was secretly scanning the crowd, hoping to see her. He was sure she would not be there; she was not an extreme fan, but he thought that just maybe, after a month, he would get the chance to see her. He had to avoid her to prevent the journalists getting a hint about why he had been found in a library. It felt like torture. He wished to see her. He stalked her on Facebook every day, but she never posted anything. He had the urge to write her a message, but in case a crazy stalker broke into his computer account, he was not allowed to leave any evidence of his friendship relationships with 'normalos'. At times like these, he wished he were not a super star.

He did not see her in the crowd.

The female reporter was just asking some questions his drummer, so Natsume looked around the square. Many people were walking around, glancing his way. But there was that one black spot that caught his attention. It was a black dog with a female owner wrapped in red. She was standing further down the square, staring his way.

His knee-jerk reaction was almost to get up and run after her, but he caught himself from doing something stupid and stared back at her. She was still as beautiful as before. His chest tightened.

She did not move for some time. Their eyes met and Mikan's eyes welled up. She sighed, glanced at him one more time, and turned away. She had to leave this alone and walk away. She had to move on. Natsume almost yelled after her.

But Mikan was walking away.

This was not one of her fantasy stories and she certainly was not the main character. So she had to return back to real life again.

As soon as she arrived home, she packed a few things and took a vacation. She would do some traveling to clear her mind.

She had no idea Natsume Hyuuga decided to screw the safety tips of his manager, and started looking for her the next day.