Chapter 6

'Denver News' - Headline:

Prison governor Gardner under arrest!

Harry Gardner, the governor of the Denver prison, was arrested yesterday. It appears that he was involved in the affair around police Chief Edward Brown, who was wrongly held in prison and who almost died there. He stated that he only did it because he was being blackmailed: his younger daughter had been abducted. His older daughter took part of the attempts on Chief Brown's life.

In the Kitchen, Kitty was bombarding Danny with questions about his friends (he didn't have any), about what foods he liked (pasta, pasta and pasta) and about what film-stars he was fan of (film-stars? he didn't know any; yet when he tried to explain her the benefits of trigonometry she didn't seem to be interested at all...) She was nice, she didn't laugh about his way of talking and she didn't push him around, but why didn't she read a book or play Lego instead of asking him all these random questions?!
Yet what swept him off his feet was her next question, "Danny, will you marry me?"

"Poor girl," said Ed, who overheard them in the living-room.

Eve rested her hand lightly on his shoulder. "Yes. But don't blame yourself. It's not your fault that Granger had to go to prison."

"No, maybe not," he answered thoughtfully. "But I still wonder if I could have done something differently..."

At first Eve had been unsure if it was wise to keep her husband at home instead of taking him back to the hospital, but she understood that Ed was more at ease that way. What made things worse for her was that she didn't get him to eat properly.

Therefore she didn't object when Ed, who had not seen the sun for weeks now, wanted to post a letter himself. The letter box wasn't far away, just around the block, and the day was pleasant and warm for January. Eve thought that the fresh air might stimulate his appetite a little.

Yet Ironside and Ed seemed to be the most popular guys of Denver; they could hardly walk a few steps without being spoken to. They needed much longer than planned. After the third stop Ironside almost lost his temper. Ed stayed friendly, but by the time they came home his face had turned into a pale mask and he had become very silent. His breathing sounded labored, although there had been no hurry at all. He wasn't up to such efforts yet. Of course he would never have admitted it to anybody.

While Eve went into the kitchen to prepare dinner, he withdrew behind the newspaper, yet Ironside noticed that he wasn't really reading.

"Stop pretending! What's the matter?"

Brown's voice was as flat as his autistic son's when he answered: "Things may never be the same again." The doctor had told him that he might have sustained some permanent damage to his lungs due to the pneumonia and the lack of proper care in prison. "I didn't believe it, but this short walk taught me otherwise." He was completely worn out.

"For heaven's sake, don't you see that you hurt Eve by building a flaming wall around yourself? Do you think you are the first man who has to change his life?"

It hit Ed like a blow to his stomach. A wave of guilt washed over him. He didn't dare to look into Ironside's face. Ashamed he stood up and walked to the window. How could he whine about his fate? What Ironside had endured was so much worse – and Eve, his wonderful wife, deserved all the happiness of the world. How could he hurt her? Instead of thinking of himself he should have cared for her... He didn't get enough air into his lungs. Blackness threatened to overwhelm him. He buried his head in his crossed arms against the window. He could not bear himself right now, how should Ironside be able to bear him? ... But how could he escape this horrible situation? No way would he make it to the door...

"I'm sorry. Please – leave me alone." It sounded muffled through his shirtsleeve.

Ironside looked at the man who was struggling so hard to get back on his feet and not to cause any trouble to others, and he realized that his usual rigor probably wasn't what his friend needed right now. Should he go out and give him some space to recover his composure? But if he took a fall it wouldn't do him any good.

"Sit down!" he ordered.

There was no reaction.

"Ed, sit down!"

"Can't," was the muffled answer.

All right – one step after the other, thought Ironside.

"Turn around."

Ed managed the task without tumbling, leaning his back against the window now.

"Can you see the table in front of you? It's only two steps away."

Like a sleepwalker Ed moved forward, almost bumping into the table. Ironside managed to push a chair behind him. "Now sit down."

Brown complied, clinging to the edge of the table for dear life.

"Ed, there's nothing to be sorry for."

"Yes, there is. Thinking of what you had to go through..."

"You don't need to compare yourself to me. People are entitled to feeling dejected or exhausted even if they are not paralyzed. What happened to you might have broken stronger men than you. But I won't let you push away all those who love you."

Ed didn't answer.

"Look, I wasn't married when I got shot, and I didn't have a handicapped child either. But Eve is a wonderful woman. She will help you get back on your feet."

"That's the problem. I don't deserve her."

"Are you planning on leaving her?!"

"Heavens, no!" Ed knew that he had to give his old mentor an explanation, although he didn't know how to get enough air into his lungs to get the words out. "She deserves the best man on earth, not someone like me. I'm only a burden to her. And in addition I burdened her with Danny."

"She loves you the way you are."

"Yes, she does, although I can't understand it," Ed answered. "But secretly she wishes me strong, and she is entitled to a strong husband. She goes to so much trouble to cook things I like, to get me to eat more, but I can't..."

"Can't you get it through your thick skull that people care for you? She only wants you to be happy!"

"I know it's my fault. I already told you that I am sorry." His voice was merely a whisper by now.

"What in blazes are you talking about?! Nobody says that anything is your fault!"

"It was my fault that I didn't put Fisette behind bars when I first suspected him. It was my fault that I didn't listen when you tried to keep me from going to prison. It's my fault that Eve is stressed out..." Suddenly Ironside anticipated what his friend would look like at seventy. If he would ever reach that age.

He had always felt responsible for everything... and yes, Ironside had probably enhanced this character trait when he had been young by blaming him once too often, when something went wrong. He had expected that Brown would turn out to be a dependable leader, and he had wanted him to be strong and foreseeing . Everyone was the product of their character and their history. Ironside was content of having been an important part of Ed's history, and Ed had indeed become a man of strength and character. But now, in his weakened state his fortes turned into weaknesses. He was overwhelmed by an inadequate feeling of guilt.

"Ed, you took some tough decisions, and you took them according to your conscience. You were the one who had to bear the consequences in the first place. The only question is, if your principles allow you to still be police Chief of Denver. Have you thought about it?"

"The letter we posted was my resignation. I can't take any decisions against my conscience, and I don't want to endanger Eve and Danny. Someone could also try to blackmail me like Granger. I'm not the right person for the job."

Ironside felt like a father for Ed. He had been proud when he had been appointed Chief, and he had been proud about the way he had handled the job under such difficult circumstances. But he knew that his decision was right.

"Congratulations, Ed. I'm proud of you."


Later that day, Ironside talked to Eve in private. Gently he touched her arm, just for a second. "Eve, don't force Ed to eat anymore. Just leave him alone." If he relaxed his body would sooner or later tell him what he needed.

"But Robert...!" Eve couldn't say what she had in mind because Danny walked in.

"Trust me."


After Mark had left, Kitty's mother, Harry Granger's divorced wife, came to get her daughter. Kitty was heartbroken. She didn't want to leave this lovely family. Hopeful to convince her, her mother pulled a package out of the trunk of her car. It contained a new dress in lilac, like made for a child who wants to go to a Halloween party as a fairy. It didn't have the desired effect. But Eve finally managed to convince Kitty to get into the car by promising that she could come back any time.

Danny looked behind them and wondered. People called him 'handicapped'. Was this what they considered to be 'normal'? – And it wasn't Kitty he was wondering about...


Eve heard her husband sit up in bed.

Alarmed she switched the light on. "Darling, do you need the oxygen?"

"No, I'm fine, honest!" He sounded awfully embarrassed though. "It's just... do you think I could get something to eat?"


Writer's Notes:

- Thank you, dear Briroch, for correcting "Swoosh"!

- Thank you, dear readers and reviewers, for your patience. This entire story - "Sounds" - is getting rather long. Part 5 will be shorter though, and after that I will publish a more "classical" Ironside adventure.