Author Note
Thank you so much for the positive feedback, it means a lot to me and it motivates me to write more. As a thank you here is the next chapter! : ) Enjoy.
Shattered
Chapter 2
Unfortunately to Bruce's disappointment, Nick Fury's debriefing was not as short as he'd hoped.
The team had been stuck in one of the Shield Heli-carriers crummy, cramped conference rooms for well over an hour and it didn't appear that the meeting would be ending anytime soon. Bruce was sat down in his seat at the far end of a long table, legs sprawled out in front of him with his back and neck hunched tightly; leaning his head back against the plastic and trying desperately not to fall into a deep sleep. Not that it was possible with all the noise and commotion around him.
The desk in front of the scientist was littered with various papers and Shield notes. He hadn't read them, it was impossible to concentrate. Raised voices and bickering echoed in the large room, unsurprisingly Tony's voice was the loudest as he jibed at Fury, pacing up and down the room; waving his arms around frantically as he spoke, no doubt rambling on and trying to explain something scientific about the previous battle. Of course Bruce had no idea what he was saying, his tiredness was catching up with him fast; his thoughts were sluggish, leaving his brain unable to process any information. It felt like everything going on around him was in slow motion.
He closed his eyes and took deep breaths to try and rid himself of the nauseous feeling sweeping though him but it only seemed to make him feel worse. With his eyes closed every noise seemed twice as loud, as if his hearing had become heightened.
He could hear Clint to his left, tapping a pencil against the table in boredom; the sharp lead scratched against the scuffed wood leaving an irritating sound, like fingernails scratching a chalk board. The faint buzzing of the lights and low humming of the air con reached his ears. The never ending array of sounds was unpleasant and made him cringe inwardly.
He would give anything for just a minute of complete silence.
'So is this thing over yet? Cause there's a big bottle of scotch with my name on it back at the tower, and it's not gonna drink itself,' Tony babbled, glancing purposely at his expensive wrist watch wistfully.
'Sit your ass down Stark, this meeting is only over when I say so!' a deep voice snapped.
Fury's brash tone would have made him jump if he weren't used to it by now. Bruce opened his eyes to see Stark sighing dramatically and rolling his eyes before falling back into his chair, he propped his feet up on the desk casually and crossed his arms, glaring at the director moodily.
'Ughhh, Boring!' he whined.
'Show a little respect Stark,' Rogers scolded from his seat, sending the billionaire a disapproving look.
'My friends, let us not quarrel!' the blond demi god spoke up from his seat.
'Oh my god, these meetings are so tedious; it's painful,' he exhaled noisily, ignoring Steve's comment.
'Do you ever stop talking?' Romanoff sighed, frowning in annoyance.
'Guys…' Bruce spoke softly, unsuccessfully trying to catch everyone's attention; he leaned forward with his elbows on the desk, resting his head in one hand. He was too exhausted to argue. Tony misread his body language.
'See, you're sending poor Bruce to sleep!'
There were a few snorts of amusement from around the table as everyone caught a quick glimpse of Banners tired expression, mistaking it for boredom. Bruce wasn't amused. In fact he felt extremely agitated; surely at least one member of the team was observant enough to notice how drained he was.
'Yeah Doc, you look like you could use a pillow' the archer teased.
Bruce ran a hand through his hair in defeat.
If only he knew.
'I swear we are doing these things by video in the future, cause I don't have the time or the energy to –ow! What the hell?'
A pencil was launched through the air, the pointed tip bounced off Tony's forehead and landed on the floor; rolling under the table. A quiet laugh was audible from across the room.
'Oh ha-ha, very funny Feathers!'
Stark picked up the writing utensil and threw it back in the direction it came from, missing Clint completely, it hit the wall behind him; narrowly missing Bruce's head. It took all of the scientist's will not to snap.
'Need to work on your aim there tin can,' Barton smirked cockily.
The smirk was soon wiped off his face when Tony launched a heavy stapler at the archers head. Clint yelped and ducked under the desk, narrowly avoiding a hit.
'Asshole!'
'My friends, let me join you in your glorious battle!' Thor grinned, raising Mjolnir in his right hand.
'You're giving me a headache...' Banner mumbled as he buried his face into his hands.
Unsurprisingly no one acknowledged that he spoke, they probably couldn't hear him over the sound of their squabbling.
He groaned miserably as the dispute continued. It was so tempting to just get up and sneak out of the door.
Would anyone notice if he just left without saying a word?
Probably not, but the truth was the physicist didn't even have the energy to get up. It felt like he was glued to the chair he was sitting in. The ground felt like a giant magnet pulling at his feet, too strong to allow him to stand up.
With each passing second Bruce found himself becoming more frustrated and annoyed. Not that he was worried, he was almost completely certain that he wouldn't hulk out, he was too exhausted. But the chance was still always there, the thought was always lingering in the back of his mind.
What he needed was a break; he had the strong urge to run off some place quiet and just relax and have a little time to himself. Something a small part of him missed from his travels.
It was nice to have people surrounding him, to offer conversation and friendship. But sometimes it all got a little too much, especially when he was deprived of well needed sleep. Usually he found the witty banter and light hearted arguments amongst the team quite humorous, but today he didn't see the funny side at all.
Being sleep deprived wasn't funny.
And neither was being the butt of a joke.
'Enough!' Fury snapped. The chatter around him stopped instantly.
'There is another reason I called you all hear, and I'll tell you if you'll all shut up for a god damn minute!'
The scientist's ears perked up at the director's statement. He had a feeling that he wasn't going to like whatever he had to say. Everyone seemed to share the same thought, looking at the man expectedly, wondering what his next words would be.
'I need you all to suit up.'
And there it was, the icing on the cake.
'What! Are you serious? You're kidding right?' Stark spluttered, whingeing like a child.
'I am completely serious Stark,' Fury sent the billionaire a annoyed look as he took the last vacant seat at the head of the table and began going through some notes on a small screen in front of him.
'There is a little cleaning up that needs to be done from your last excursion, as I'm sure you all remember-'
Bruce wasn't even listening to the explanation they were being given. The rest of the team sat there taking in what was being said, but to Bruce the directors words were going straight over his head.
He'd had enough.
Suddenly he didn't just feel tired anymore, he felt angry and completely and utterly wrecked. His usual mask of calmness and understanding was wiped away. He couldn't take it anymore.
He couldn't sit there a moment longer.
He needed to get out.
'- Dr Banner we're going to need to utilise the hulk to ensure tha-'
'No.'
Everyone looked up at the sound of Bruce's quiet tone, so soft it was barely audible.
'Dr Banner I-'
'I'm not doing it.'
The scientist forced himself to sit up straighter in his chair and maintain eye contact with the director.
No one appeared to be surprised by his words. It wasn't the first time he'd voiced his refusal to use the Hulk. Even after the long, seemingly endless battle at New York when the Hulk had proven his worthiness to be a part of the team Bruce was still sometimes hesitant to unleash him, always worried about the possible collateral damage he could cause. His anxiety had subsided slightly after a few successful missions; his green alter ego had apparently followed Rogers's orders surprisingly well; so he allowed himself to join the team on a few occasions.
This time however he wouldn't do it.
Not because he was worried about the damage to the city or hurting innocent people. It didn't even have anything to do with the lack of control and feeling of helplessness he felt when he and the other guy switched places.
He wouldn't do it because simply he was completely worn out.
Maybe the team would see his actions as selfish, but he didn't care. He would be selfish just this once.
'Dr Banner I believe we've already discussed this,' Steve began hesitantly.
'Have we? I don't think we have' he snapped resignedly, swiftly losing his cool demeanour.
Sure they'd spoken about it on a few occasions, well-argued mostly; about how Bruce had to start letting the other guy come out and play once in a while. It was unsurprisingly mostly Tony's idea, however the rest of the team agreed to an extent. Annoyingly at other times the conversation was completely reversed, they all often speculated about Bruce's current temperament, concerned that one emotional slip up could cause an incident. Of course they disguised it through fake concern; it was completely obvious to Bruce that they were only pretending to care.
They rarely discussed anything about the Hulk in front of him, it was all done secretively and behind his back. The weary looks that were sent his way, the sudden change of conversation and even awkward silence at times when he entered a room was proof enough. Apparently he was a popular topic of conversation and he didn't like it one bit. Maybe he was just paranoid, but Bruce highly doubted it.
The only thing they cared about was using the Hulk when they needed him; they saw him as a valuable asset but also a dangerous one. He wished they'd make up their minds; he was fed up with being thrown back and forth like a worn tennis ball.
'Bruce, we understand tha-'Romanov was cut off when Bruce interrupted her.
'Understand? I don't think you understand anything!' he retorted.
The once relaxed atmosphere quickly became tense at the physicists sudden aggravated state. He was clutching the edge of the table tightly with both hands, the wood splintering slightly under the pressure of his fingertips. He couldn't repress the anger he felt at Romanovs words.
Quiet, well-mannered Bruce Banner suddenly lost his cool.
How could they possibly understand the physical and mental exhaustion he felt on a day to day basis? He wasn't just a little bit tired after he hulked out, he was deadbeat. Each time he transformed it knocked the stuffing out of him; it took days for him to recuperate before he felt even close to recovered again. He couldn't just take a quick nap like the rest of them to recharge his batteries.
It wasn't fair.
Tony's voice interrupted his internal thoughts.
'Hey Bruce buddy c'mon relax big guy' Tony voiced, trying to ease his lab partners sudden irritation.
Bruce laughed humourlessly.
'Relax? How can I relax when we're constantly playing this never ending game of wannabe superheroes!'
Stark looked taken back by his words and began studying the scientist with a concerned look. He locked eyes with him for a brief second, immersed slightly as he stared into a pair of hazel eyes and was taken back when he noticed something slightly odd.
Although Bruce was angry his eyes hadn't changed colour at all.
The longer he looked the more he realized Bruce wasn't his normal self. Well, as normal as a scientist who turns into a huge, green rage monster could be. His eyes were completely brown, with not a hint of green in sight. Bruce's eyes had been known to change colour with his emotions, even if he was the slightest bit angry his brown coloured irises would become flecked with hints of green. But as far as Stark could see there wasn't a hint of green in sight and he was intrigued.
What he did see though was more worrying. His eyes were glassy the emotion, not with rage but something else; but he couldn't figure out what.
'Dr Banner please, calm down or we will be forced to-'
'Forced to what? Tranquilise me? Lock me in a padded cell?'
'Doc please-'Clint stood and began approaching him slowly, holding his hands in front of him as if trying to tame a wild animal. Natasha's hand instinctively reached for her gun, though she didn't draw it, knowing full well it would only cause more alarm and distress in the current situation.
'Well what are you waiting for? Knock me out!' Banner snapped, pushing his chair back.
'Dr Banner, you need to sit down and relax,' Fury spoke slowly and calmly, one hand motioning to the seat in the corner for emphasis.
'Relax? How can I relax when you keep poking and prodding me all the time like some kind of circus animal!'
It was that moment when Stark suddenly realised what the something else was. Although the tone in the doctor's voice said otherwise, it wasn't anger or rage.
It was dejection.
Bruce pushed himself up from his seat, the combination of his rising blood pressure, overtiredness and low blood sugar levels caused a wave of dizziness throughout him, he blinked repeatedly as the room began to spin; his vision blurred once more. Rubbing his face with one hand he kept the other firmly grasped against the wood of the desk to help him keep his balance.
Everyone jumped to their feet, preparing themselves for what seemed like an inevitable Hulk out. They were surprised however when the doctor took a step back and let out a heavy sigh.
The room was now completely silent, the remaining Avengers and director looked at each other in bewilderment before Bruce broke the long pause.
'I'm not going to keep jumping through hoops and doing back flips for Shield every time you click your fingers,' he spoke sharply, glaring at Fury pointedly.
He took a deep breath before speaking again, trying to calm himself.
Bruce had finally reached his breaking point.
'I can't do this anymore.'
He turned on his heel and walked out of the room without uttering another word. He didn't hang around or even bother trying to explain himself, only dragging himself further and further down the corridor until he was out of sight; leaving the room in complete stillness. Only one thought crossed the mind of each avenger as the physicist walked away.
They'd messed up, big time.
Although Bruce felt like he would collapse at any moment he continued walking. Where was he headed? He had no idea. But one thing was certain, anywhere was better than Shield headquarters, surrounded by strangers that would only succeed in stressing him out even more then he already was. He wanted to be alone, somewhere quiet and peaceful where he could finally unwind; a place where he could be alone with just his thoughts, without interruption and finally collapse.
As he left the building, ignoring the odd looks passers-by sent his way, he trudged along like the walking dead, desperately trying to keep his thoughts clear; but he couldn't help but think about the anger and hurt that currently resided in him.
He wasn't sure what troubled him the most; the fact that no one seemed to notice his uneasy state of mind or that no one had tried to stop him from walking out of that room.
