Author Note
Thank you so much for the positive feedback, it means a lot to me and it motivates me to write more. As a thank you here is the next chapter! : ) Sorry for the wait, I'm finding it impossible to write during this heat wave, anyway; Enjoy.
HUGE thanks to my twin Morbid-Misanthropist for proof reading this for me, my punctuation is terrible and without her this would probably be unreadable.
Shattered
Chapter 3
When Bruce finally collapsed from exhaustion, it was on a park bench in what appeared to be the middle of nowhere. After the physicist left Shield headquarters he had no destination in mind, simply letting his feet carry him in a random direction and hope for the best. Somehow despite his lack of strength, he walked a considerable distance; he continued walking at a slow and steady pace, eager to find somewhere to relax in peaceful isolation.
Eventually he discovered a large open spaced park, collapsing onto the nearest bench without a moment's hesitation. Glancing around he found the place to be completely unfamiliar, he wasn't sure where he was, but he didn't care; if he didn't know where he was, the chances of anyone else finding him were very slim. He preferred it that way.
The park was surprisingly empty, with the exception of a few joggers and dog walkers, it was almost completely unoccupied. Bruce found it hard to believe that a place as secluded as this existed amongst the 'loud and crowded' chaos of New York.
In his current state, Bruce couldn't truly appreciate the true beauty that surrounded him. The colourful arrangement of flowers in his peripheral vision and the bright sunlight peeking through the trees was a deadly combination, only succeeding in making his headache much more severe. He tried to admire the large water feature a short distance away from him but his eyes were unfocused and his vision continued to blur.
The doctor clasped his head in his hands and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath in an attempt to rid himself of the unbearable pounding in his head. It felt like someone was hacking away at his skull with a dull blade, a sensation which he was unfortunately familiar with, no doubt caused by his last transformation and neglecting sleep for so long, something which he hoped to correct as soon as possible.
After a few deep breaths his light-headedness began to ease slightly, but he still felt weak and nauseous, trying to focus on his other senses to block out the unpleasant feeling. As much as he wanted to sleep, - he just couldn't, there was too much going on in his head. Continuing with his breathing techniques, Bruce eventually began to relax significantly, allowing his mind to wander.
Gradually the pain began to dull until eventually it felt almost non-existent; the discomfort was replaced with a sense of calm and contemplation. The first thing Bruce became aware of as he relaxed was the chirping of birds. Even in his current exhausted state he found the cheerful melody to be pleasant and uplifting. He could hear the faint buzzing of bees as they pollenated the flowers and the dripping and trickling of water, from the water feature ahead. The fragrant smell of flowers tickled his nose and there was a comfortable warmth radiating from the heat of the afternoon sun along with the tepid, humid breeze in the air that tussled his short brown curly hair, the atmosphere provided a sense of contentment that helped the doctor unwind and calm his thoughts.
As he focused on the sounds and movement surrounding him Bruce began to fall into a trance like state, something he'd become accustomed to during many meditation sessions over the years. Whenever he felt stressed or in need of an escape, he would simply just close his eyes and block out the rest of the world. It came so easy to him, just like flicking a switch; he could escape whenever he wanted to, even if it was just for a short period of time.
The more Bruce began to calm the more his mind drifted, eventually his thoughts brought him back to the event that occurred in one of Shields meeting rooms only moments earlier. The anger he felt had subsided but the feeling of frustration and resentment still lingered like a fading bruise, it would disappear in time but it was still there and it troubled him.
Who knew being part of the Avengers could be so stressful?
He remembered when Natasha had first approached him in India many months ago, claiming that Shield only needed him for his scientific knowledge on gamma radiation and nothing else. Hulk was a danger and it was made clear that he shouldn't be unleashed under any circumstances. As time went on Shields attitude changed, and bizarrely Hulk was no longer seen as a taboo of conversation and had somehow been incorporated into the activities of the Avengers, a truly peculiar turn of events.
How had that happened?
Most curiously of all, how had the scientist let it happen?
He'd just kept his head down and followed everyone else like a mindless machine, obeying orders with no arguments or questions asked. If the doctor had known that the Avengers would be a permanent thing when he stepped onto the Heli-carrier for the first time, he wondered if he would have gone so willingly. The doctor had spent a majority of his life alone, running and hiding in the shadows, desperately suppressing the anger inside of him. The birth of the Hulk made him feel like a complete failure and a lost cause - nothing could rid him of that feeling.
Although nothing could outweigh the constant feeling of unease, the scientist felt a small feeling of pride every time the Avengers completed a successful mission, however every time it was overshadowed with guilt and the knowledge that the Hulk had taken so many innocent lives in the past. No matter how many people he saved, Bruce would never forget the consequences of the failed experiment all those years ago. Hulk had saved the city of New York from complete destruction, but Bruce felt like he hadn't helped at all.
He felt useless.
Hulk did all the work and heroics and Bruce was only left with the aftermath of pain and misery that the transformation left behind. Every bone and muscle ached beyond belief and the team just brushed it off like it was insignificant, it irritated him to no end. They didn't realise how miserable it made him feel. He didn't have any visible wounds like the rest of them, but it didn't mean he'd escaped unharmed.
Sometimes the worst wounds are the ones you can't see.
He couldn't help but think that maybe he deserved it.
That was his price for unleashing a monster into the world; he would forever live a pitiful existence of desolation and solitude. As much as he believed he deserved this fate, a small part of him believed otherwise. He was a doctor and it was his job to try and help others as best as he could, to try and make up for all the things he'd done wrong; but, deep down he knew that whatever he did, it would never be enough, for him or anyone else.
He could never wipe the slate clean; it would always be tinged and stained with the past. He would never forgive himself for his failures.
However, there was one man that believed he deserved a second chance.
A man who approached him without a hint of fear or hesitation, someone who made him feel slightly human again and treated him as an equal.
He wished there were more people in his life like him.
Bruce was interrupted from his thoughts when his nose suddenly began to twitch. A sweet aroma aroused his sinuses making him furrow his brows in confusion. It smelled sugary and appealing; there was a detectable hint of something syrupy, a strange cross between strawberry and…
Bubble-gum?
What was that smell?
Bruce lifted his head from his hands and opened his eyes, as his vision began to focus he couldn't help but squint in confusion at the peculiar article in front of his face.
It was an ice cream.
An ice cream cone was being held right under his nose, the creamy substance drenched in thick red sauce and sprinkles, a small flake pocking out of the corner.
'Well, you gonna eat it or what? Geez Bruce, I know you're a hermit but don't tell me you've never seen an ice cream before.'
Bruce looked up as he heard the familiar sounding cocky tone to see the man that had been the subject of his thoughts just moments earlier. Standing in front of him holding an ice cream cone in each hand was none other than Tony Stark.
The physicist looked up and observed the well-dressed billionaire, who was wearing the same grey pinstripe suit from the meeting earlier, the only difference was that he was now sporting an expensive looking pair of dark sunglasses; he always succeeded in making Banner feel underdressed.
Somehow despite how terrible he was feeling, the unusual sight of Tony Stark holding a dripping ice cone in each hand made him smile - the man never ceased to amuse him with his unpredictable behaviour. He should have known Tony would be the one to find him eventually. The genius's presence and smug smile suddenly made him feel more at ease and he relaxed slightly. He stared at the man in complete bewilderment.
Stark sighed, thrusting a cone closer to the doctor's face.
'C'mon big guy, eat it before it melts!'
Brue continued eyeing his teammate in uncertainty as he stared at the unusual peace offering. There was a small pause before he graced him with an answer.
'…. Are you serious?' he asked languidly; sitting up slightly, he eyed the sugary dessert with apprehension.
'Brucey, serious is my middle name,' Stark stated matter of factly.
Bruce snorted.
'Oh really?' he rasped, his throat feeling scratchy and sore; his head ached and he felt light headed, he was undoubtedly dehydrated. He couldn't remember when he last had something to drink - his mind was all over the place.
'Yeah, really. What, you don't believe me? C'mon just eat it, I can't eat two anyway I'm on a die- ewww, gross!' Stark shrieked, as one of the cones began dripping all over his hand. 'Take it, take it!' he squealed, thrusting a cone into Banners hands as if it were a ticking bomb.
With a sigh, Tony took the empty seat next to Bruce and scowled as he shook his empty hand out in front of him, wiping it on the arm of the bench.
'Oh my god this shit is so sticky, you better appreciate this buddy,' he teased, elbowing Bruce in the side playfully.
Banner looked down at the offending food in his hand and smiled inwardly.
The sprinkles were green.
How original.
'I feel like I'm dying and you bring me ice cream instead of an aspirin?' he questioned, taking a small lick from the cone. He wasn't hungry at all, but he hoped the sugar would do him some good and ease the dizziness he felt.
Tony pulled his shades from his face and rested them on top of his head of messy dark hair, brown eyes twinkling in amusement as he patted the scientist on the back.
'You don't have to thank me,' he grinned, winking teasingly at the doctor.
'Good because I wasn't going to,' he chuckled, smiling tiredly.
Only Tony Stark could make him smile when he felt this dreadful. The man was like a windup monkey - he never stopped. Bruce found his eccentric personality and witty jokes uplifting and appreciated them even more at times like this when he was feeling low.
'You like the sprinkles?' Stark asked. 'I paid extra for that you know,' he beamed, taking a large mouthful of ice cream. The grin was soon erased from his face however when a sharp pain in his temples caused him to wince.
'Ahhh fuck, Brain freeze!' he whined childishly, stomping his feet on the floor.
Bruce smiled in amusement, temporarily forgetting about his depressed feelings. Tony's sudden presence was welcoming; he was like a breath of fresh air. Bruce would never understand why some people found the billionaire to be arrogant and unbearable, personally he found him to be quite the opposite.
'Damn karmas a bitch,' Stark grumbled, rubbing his forehead vigorously with the tips of his fingers.
'I'm curious, how did you find me?' the introverted doctor questioned.
'I'm Tony Stark,' he answered boastfully, as if the answer were completely obvious.
'Did you plant a chip in my jacket?' Bruce eyed the man suspiciously, ignoring his statement.
'In your brain actually...'
'You chipped my jacket didn't you?' Bruce exhaled in frustration; he should have known Tony would create some way to track him down. His curiosity always got the better of him.
'Oh my god is that a unicorn over there? I think it is!' Stark gasped, pointing into the distance; trying to quickly change the subject.
Tony's energetic, boisterous behaviour caused a few passers-by to glance in the pair's direction, their curious gazes and whispers made Bruce feel on edge.
'Wont people recognise you?' the physicist asked wearily, nibbling nervously at the dry wafer in his hands.
'Of course they will, who wouldn't recognise this fantastic piece of ass,' he mumbled, finishing his last mouthful of food.
Tony glanced at the doctor, immediately noticing his uncomfortable looking posture and body language. His shoulders were stiff and he was hunched forward slightly, glancing around at onlookers anxiously. He vaguely remembered Bruce once mentioning how crowds made him nervous.
Right now he probably felt exposed and vulnerable.
He would have to fix that.
Stark slug his arm over Bruce's shoulders in a friendly gesture.
'Relax green bean, I'll keep you safe from the paparazzi; if they come too close, I'll dazzle them with one of my charming smiles.'
Bruce sighed and rolled his eyes, feeling a little less tense.
'You're invading the bubble,' he joked, glancing at Tony's arm that was still draped around his shoulders. His touch was light but in Bruce's fatigued state it felt heavy, weighing him down like a rock. It was uncomfortable but he didn't have the energy to shrug it off.
'Bubble, what Bubble? I don't see one.'
'Tony…'
'Bruce, I'm hurt, I thought we had something special going on here,' Tony pouted. Retracting his arm, he rested it on the back of the bench and began drumming at the wood with his fingertips absentmindedly.
'What would Pepper say if she saw you in the arms of another man?' the doctor asked. Loosening up, he leaned back against the bench, folding his arms in an attempt to straighten his posture; he was already in enough pain without adding a bad back to the list.
'Please, Pepper is so old news; physicists are totally in this season,' Stark smiled devilishly. 'Besides, scientists are much more fun to play with,' he purred, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.
'You're unbelievable.' Bruce shook his head, unsuccessfully trying to hide the small smile gracing his lips. He regretted the action instantly as the motion made his head spin; he closed his eyes momentarily to stop the dizziness, Stark seeming completely oblivious.
'C'mon just admit it, you're totally in love with me,' the billionaire beamed before scooting across the bench and sitting closer to the doctor, until he was leaning against him.
'I can see the headlines now - 'Tony Stark takes romantic stroll with strange mystery man!'' he rambled loudly, waving his arms out in from of him for emphasis.
'Strange?' Bruce looked up and opened his eyes, raising a brow at the man's choice of words.
'Did I say strange? I meant sexy.'
'You're insane,' he grumbled, running his fingers through his unkempt brown, greying, curly locks.
'Thank you!' Tony winked, grinning devilishly.
His grin faded and he let out a deep sigh, sitting back against the bench he rested his hands behind his head, crossing one leg over his knee. After a short moment of silence, he removed his shades from the top of his head and put them on, turning his head to the side and sending Banner a sharp look from behind the shadowed lenses.
'You made quite an exit you know.'
Bruce didn't answer for a while and instead chose to stare at the ducks paddling in the water feature.
'I'm not so sure,' he spoke softly, his gaze never leaving the birds that were circling in the water. 'I'm sure there are more dramatic ways to leave a room.'
'Really? 'cause that was pretty impressive. I swear Capiscle nearly crapped his spangley pants. It would be pretty hard to beat it…'
'Maybe I should try jumping out the window next time,' Bruce joked.
Stark didn't answer for a second; he stayed unusually silent, looking up at the clouds above.
Tony didn't find his joke to be humorous.
In fact it worried him slightly.
'What are you doing here Bruce?'
'I could ask you the same question.'
The doctor heaved a sigh as he slumped back against the hard wood of the bench, lacking the energy to argue.
'Shouldn't you be on a new assignment or something?' he murmured, looking discontent.
'I'm not going away Bruce,' Stark answered sternly, crossing his arms.
'Really? I didn't notice...' he answered sarcastically, irritation evident in his tone.
'You know you can tell me anything, genius to genius and all…'
Bruce chose not to respond, he wasn't in the mood to answer Tony's prying questions just yet.
All he wanted to do was sleep.
'What's wrong big guy?'
The doctor remained silent at Tony's attempt to get him to open up. So the playboy decided to try a different approach.
'You know, I think they're all worried about you.'
Worried?
Bruce snorted in disbelief.
'Oh really, Is that why they sent you to come find me instead of coming themselves?' Banner answered, barely supressing a yawn, he saw straight through Tony's bluff.
It was hardly surprising that Tony had been the one to find him. After all, out of the small group of Avengers he was the only one who actively made an effort to talk to Bruce, one of the few people that didn't tiptoe around him like he was a dangerous animal. Stark was also the only person he felt considerably comfortable around.
Even Tony sometimes pushed his limits.
'What, were you expecting someone else? Sorry, I'll send out a hot girl next time if that's what you want…'
Banner growled in mild irritation. He was starting feel extremely lightheaded, it made him grouchy, irritable and short fused.
'No one cares Tony,' Bruce sighed heavily. 'The only thing that they all care about is getting the job done.'
'Hey, I care!'
'Really? Oh how thoughtful of you.'
'I think they were a little concerned-'
'Oh yeah they were just full of concern, Romanoff was so concerned that she nearly blew my head off,' he blurted, cutting Tony off, 'and how about Clint huh? You think that arrow he was going to put through my head was a sign of good will?'
'You're stressed right? Is that what this is? I know the perfect massage parlour-'
'Stop it!' Bruce pleaded as Stark continued to ramble, a small part of him wishing that he had been shot with a sedative earlier on in the day; at least he could rest relatively peacefully if he was unconscious.
'Not a massage kind of guy? That's cool. I mean, if you wanna let off a little steam, I built the perfect room for you to go wild in. I'm telling you, its shatter proof- you could go crazy in there for hours! Hey, are you ok? You're looking a little green there buddy.'
Bruce didn't doubt it; he was starting to feel extremely rough, it was no wonder he looked it too.
'Can you stop talking for just five minutes?' he snapped, clenching his hands into fists as small tremors of lethargy began wracking through his entire body. He tensed his muscles to try and ease the shaking but it had little effect; although his eyes were closed and his feet were firmly on the ground, the doctor felt like he was falling.
Tony was about to retort when noticed the shaking in Bruce's hands out of the corner of his eyes. He mistook the action for stress; leaning back he distanced himself to give the older man some space.
'Woah- easy there big guy! Don't go green on me- deep breaths! Think of your happy place!'
Happy place? What a joke. Such a place didn't exist in Bruce's mind.
'I don't think-' Bruce paused and took a well needed deep breath to refill his lungs with precious air, his chest felt tight and heavy, he could barely get his words out.
'I don't think I could hulk out even if I tried,' he wheezed, placing a hand over his eyes to try and shield them from the bright day light that penetrated through his eyelids.
'Whaddya mean?' Stark slid his shades down his nose, sending Banner a curious look as he gazed at him over the top of the dark tinted lenses.
'You're the genius, you figure it out' he mumbled. Opening his eyes, he glared at the billionaire for a short moment before turning away, beginning to watch a small bird that had landed in front of them, ruffling its feathers and scratching vigorously at the dirt.
Stark sat beside him, he was unusually silent as he studied his lab partner.
It was only now that he'd removed his tinted shades that he saw just how wrecked the physicist looked these days. The bright daylight illuminated Banners face, making every minor detail visible. The dark smudges beneath Bruce's eyes and the evident exhaustion in his face made him look at least twice his age.
The longer he observed, the more Tony noticed just how different Bruce was looking compared to his normal self.
The scientist had never been podgey, he was slim and slender, a figure no doubt obtained from his vegetarian diet and many years of travelling poor countries. Stark often teased him about his petite physique; he was sure that most women were jealous of his lean frame- Not anymore.
Now, he looked skinny in an unhealthy sort of way. His cheek bones were much more visible than they once were, and his collar bone jutted out from beneath his loose fitting purple shirt, which made his skin appear an unhealthy pale shade.
He looked completely drained.
If he didn't eat soon, he'd resemble a walking skeleton.
It made the billionaire wonder, when was the last time Bruce ate properly?
Now he thought about it, Banner hadn't touched an ounce of food at breakfast; he'd merely sat quietly at the table, sipping on a steaming mug of tea, silently blending into the walls as he often did. Perhaps that's why he hadn't noticed the man's change in appearance. The doctor was so quiet and reserved that Tony sometimes forgot he was in the room.
Now, Stark was starting to feel guilty.
How could he have not noticed the man's dishevelled state?
Sitting there on the park bench, slouched forward uncomfortably and staring into space, Banner looked deceivingly frail. His eyes were half closed but Stark could see the tired, weariness within them. They were the eyes of someone who'd had enough, who was just about ready to surrender.
Right now Bruce looked vulnerable, and to Tony; that was a worrying thought. After all, Bruce was also the hulk; he was strong and powerful, the complete opposite of how he looked now. What had led to this change in his demeanour?
'I can't do this anymore.'
The gloomy look on his face was all it took for Stark to figure it out.
'Relax? How can I relax when you keep poking and prodding me all the time like some kind of circus animal?'
He began putting the pieces together in his mind, like a jigsaw puzzle.
'I don't think I could hulk out even if I tried.'
How could he have been so oblivious?
Although many people assumed that Tony was selfish and heartless, he had feelings just like any other human being, and right now, he felt unbelievably guilt-ridden. Bruce was one of the few people he genuinely enjoyed spending time with, and he was one of the few people who could keep up with him intellectually and take his jokes and jabs in stride.
Banner wasn't a very trusting person, that much was obvious. He'd spent his whole life running and he found it difficult being in close proximity with people, which is why Tony took pleasure in the fact he'd accepted his company so easily.
Now Tony felt horrible as he took in the man's broken appearance.
It had never occurred to Tony that Bruce transforming on a regular basis would have such an impact on his wellbeing.
'I'm sorry.'
Stark was snapped out of his deeps thoughts when he heard the soft sound of Bruce's wearied voice in his ear.
'What?'
'I'm sorry I snapped at you,' the scientist sighed, blinking drowsily. 'I'm just-'
'Tired?' Stark finished, his brows elevated. 'Why didn't you say something Bruce?'
Bruce stared ahead blankly and began wringing his hands nervously, as he often did when he felt anxious and edgy. He hesitated for a moment before gracing the engineer with an answer.
'Because no one understands,' he answered honestly, fiddling with the cuffs of his shirt. 'When the fights over, you all go home and take off your suit's- I can't do that. I wake up, and everything hurts. I'm surrounded by noise, chaos, and the worst thing is, I don't remember any of it.'
A cool breeze sent a chill through Tony's body, making him shiver. The sky had begun to cloud over with grey, ominous looking storm clouds that held the promise of rain.
'I just – I don't think I can cope anymore.'
He couldn't help but remember Bruce's pained words on the Helicarrier all those months ago, they made his chest tighten horribly.
'I got low. I didn't see an end, so I put a bullet in my mouth and the other guy spit it out!'
'I'm not some kind of superhero; I can't keep pretending to be one-'
'Do you trust me?'
Bruce looked up at the philanthropist in confusion.
'What?'
'Do you trust me Bruce Banner?' Stark looked the doctor right in the eyes as he posed the question, not braking his gaze for a single moment.
Bruce knew what his answer was even before he put it into words. As he gazed intently into Tony's dark brown eyes, glinting in both intelligence and curiosity he felt an odd sensation deep inside him. Something he'd never felt around anyone before.
Hope.
Tony rose from his seat beside him and stood directly in front of him with both hands in his trouser pockets, waiting for an answer patiently.
'I trust you,' Bruce replied softly, his voice breaking, the words almost sticking in his dry throat.
The engineer smiled.
The physicist felt a small droplet of water land on his skin; he wrinkled his nose at it trickled down the side of his face. Only when he looked up did he notice the sun had disappeared and it was beginning to rain.
'C'mon Buddy, let's go home.'
'I would but I uh - don't think I can move.'
'Well it's a good thing that I'm here then, isn't it?' Stark extended a hand to the man, which was gratefully accepted.
Tony hauled the scientist to his feet, and Bruce pitched forward slightly as he was brought to a standing position, wobbling dangerously on his legs like a new-born foal. Stark brought Bruce's arm around his shoulder to steady him, concerned about just how much he was leaning on him.
'Woah, easy there grandpa! Don't wanna be scraping you off the floor now do we?' Stark joked lightly, disguising his concern. 'Want a piggy back?'
'I would rather drown myself in a puddle' Bruce replied unenthusiastically, scuffing his feet along the pavement.
'I love it when you play hard to get,' the engineer smirked teasingly, scowling as the light rain began to get heavier.
Bruce groaned pitifully as his head began to spin, his whole body felt numb.
'Not far now…. I swear Happy parked over here somewhere- aha! There it is! Cmon, Race ya!'
'.. Tony?'
'Yes dear?'
'Shut up.'
