There was a change. It was subtle, but threaded through their dealings with each other. Jiraiya had been prepared to die; his mortality was something that he knew could be imminent. Her death however, he couldn't, wouldn't accept. Dark eyes that had watched her for the swaying of hips and curve of her chest, focused on the waist that seemed thinner, the eyes that were duller than they had been before his fight with Pain. Was it exhaustion that simple pulled her down, or was she in truth a hair's breadth from falling quite literally apart?
It made him worry, and it made him plan. A word here to Shizune, a word there to her guard, and a sterner word, one that he spoke from his full height of six four to the elders set in motion a gradual lessen of the burden on her. The Hokage was the fire shadow of the Leaf, but that Fire needed to be nourished or the shadow along with the rest of it would go to smolders.
Tsunade felt the change. Paperwork was slowly disappearing from her desk; there was a sort of hush in her office that had never been there before. The evenings were suddenly free instead of work keeping her tied to the desk until late into the night. Sakura had suddenly taken a stronger interest in the hospital and Shizune as well. It was unnerving to say the least. Still the office was not so changed as her personal life.
Jiraiya had stopped arguing with her, and he hadn't made love to her once since she told him the truth about her being hurt. Was she not attractive to him anymore? Realistically the Sannin knew that sex wasn't the end all be all top being intimate. He loved her, had loved her for decades. She knew that, knew him, but why, why did his kisses graze her cheek instead of lips. Why did he hold her, but not in the way she wanted?
It was evening. Another one where the work in her office disappeared and there was no call from the hospital, nothing for her to focus her attention on. Heeled feet walked through the tower only to stop outside the apartment and hear the faint clicks of a typewriter through the door. She couldn't do it, couldn't have another night of sitting like polite strangers. Tsunade walked past and out, feet following the familiar path to the local BBQ joint, wanting sake and meat, anything to take her mind off the teammate in her apartment.
She was barely a bottle in, when the door jingled open letting in the cooler air of outside and a party of special jounin. Their boisterous voices were in a direct contrast to her ill spirits. She had a mind to raise her voice, a yell to quiet to them down and give her peace with her choice of oblivion, but Aoba's words stopped her.
"Did you shake in your sandals when he walked in the jounin mission room too? I know he doesn't take missions anymore, but we all heard the stories of the Madness of the Village. Lord Jiraiya looked ready to murder someone, and all because of the Lady Hokage." The crow jutsu specialist started to speak more, but paused and blanched when a blonde head and eyes that burned lit on him. There was an audible gulp as her hand rose to gesture the party of jounins over for an afterhours meeting.
A few more bottles down, and the threat of knocking each one of the jounins back down to genin later, Tsunade walked to her apartment. It was near midnight, but sounds of a typewriter and the smell of a pipe came through the door. Of course it did, she thought none too happily. The idiot thought her not being at full strength meant she was like a child and unable to make decisions.
Jiraiya was in for a reckoning.
A manicured hand hit the door. Nails pulled out of wood and seven feet of sturdy oak fell to the ground with a clatter loud enough to rouse the building. A porcelain mask peered down the hall in question only to wisely pull back. The Toad Sage looked up from his writing and quickly sat his thinking pipe aside, feeling twin shivers of relief and trepidation at the sight of her.
"I'm going to kill you."
His eyes watered at her sake soaked breath, but he was nothing if not stoic. "Why is that Hime?"
Tsunade swaggered, hips jutted and heels miraculously staying under her. She moved across the living room until her toes bumped against his. Cheeks flushed with anger and sake, she spoke with the grace of the very drunk, that is to say none at all.
"You asshole of a man. How dare you talk to my jounin behind my back? How dare you… you"
"How dare I attempt to help you, you mean?" He replied temper causing his voice to rise in response.
"I didn't ask you to help me! I didn't ask for any of it and you know that."
"Hime, what would you have me do? I won't stand by idly while you kill yourself"
"Idiot, idiot Jiraiya, you say you love me and then won't touch me. You say you want to help me, but then go behind my back. Stop lying to me."
He stood then, frame towering over her. He wanted to yell and rattle the building, to grab her shoulders and shake until she saw sense, but he was terrified to touch her, terrified that she would bruise and break. Tsunade had always been the stronger of them; she'd always been the toughest, but now? The hand she made for him clenched before deliberately relaxing.
"Of course I want to touch you. Why would you even think I don't? I'm just-"
"Just what Jiraiya? Just sorry you came home and I've changed. Just sorry that you professed your love and now are healed and stuck with me? If that's the case, I release you of any damn bond we had. You can take your damned typewriter and leave. Find yourself someone you can stand to be with."
"I'm scared I'm going to hurt you, you obstinate hardheaded, evil woman!" Emotions and control broke loose as his hands rose to curl around her biceps. "I'm scared that you are going to open that damnable seal and there won't be any coming back from it. I'm scared that these few months are all I'm getting with you before you kill yourself working too hard. I'm scared that I'm going to wake tomorrow and you're going to be a corpse beside me. Do you not understand the depth of what I feel for you? For Sage's sake, I've loved you since I was six."
It deflated her, sake soaked as she was, angry as she was; there was no defense for his words. "I- I won't leave you willingly Jiraiya. Please believe that. We've wasted so much time." She sighed and reiterated. "I've wasted so much time."
He let out a breath. Of course she would have seen his help as meddling. Tsunade was so independent, so sure that she could do it alone; someone taking the burden would be seen as a distrust of her abilities. He loved her, stubborn as she was, and accepted the hard headedness along with the rest of it.
"I may have gone overboard with worry. I'll apologize for that, but not for caring about you."
"Worrying you mean," came the snarked reply.
"Both, I care so I worry Hime. You should know that by now. Isn't it the same for you and this village?" His hands loosened from their hold on her, stroking where he had grabbed. "You smell like a brewery. Let me run you a bath, not for your sake, but for the sake of my sensitive nose."
It would have been easy to shrug him off and stagger to the bathroom herself, just to prove she could. The blonde didn't though. Small steps, Tsunade thought. They would be okay, and she'd learn to lean on him just a little bit.
"Bah, I suppose I could use one, if you'd stay long enough to wash my back that is."
