I am pacing. Wishing in many ways that I was still hiding in the shrubbery outside of her house. Everything is quiet and it is dangerous that I am alone with my thoughts. I have no distractions, stuck at work but not with a thing to do. This is hell. I take a deep breath and flop down into my less than comfortable desk chair. Leaning it back as far as it will go, I sit lost in a state of contemplation.

So I know she took the note, no idea if she read it though. Uncertain of what might happen if she did. Is she happy? Is she sad? Does she hate me? Feel the same? Hate me?

Oh yeah I already subconsciously asked that.

Yeah she hates me. I hate me. Why on earth did I declare these feelings?

They are stupid anyway. I don't even know where they came from. I know I developed them but seriously from what, the conversations we were having, the meetings, something more?

Parallel universe? I joke silently to myself.

I sigh frustrated. Too many unanswerable questions floating around and cramming up my mind.

I am driving myself crazy.

The thought crosses my mind that maybe I should try again to talk to her. Explain properly how I am feeling and why I think I feel that way. What it means to me and find out what it means to her. Understand whether she is interested like that or would rather we just stay friends. Clear the air.

A friend is better than nothing and being alone.

Maybe if we both know where we stand on this issue we can move on. It will certainly relieve the tension and make us both more relaxed. This not knowing and game playing if you like isn't good for either of us, health or stress wise.

Sighing again I go over all the possibilities in my head and toy with the idea of returning to hers and just pouring it all out again like I did in the note.

It is just then that I notice the clicking of heels on the flooring and then there she is, stood right in front of my desk with a vague expression upon her face. Instantly I jump out of my seat and stutter trying to determine the undeterminable expression on her face.

Are we cool or is she pissed? I can't decide.

"What the hell was that note?" she suddenly shouts and I flinch.

Ok...so that's the mood confirmed; she's mad; real mad.

I swallow hard, riding my throat of the big, hard lump that has formed and try to speak.

She's waiting as I just stand there trying to collect me thoughts. This is either going to go so well or horribly wrong. Ever the pessimist I go for the second of those two options, you just watch me crash and burn right now.

"I love you" I mumble.

She scoffs and looks away for just a moment before refocusing her gaze.

"You already said that. A million times in the drivel of your pathetic little note" she snaps.

Damn she is really upset with me by the sound of that.

"How dare you put me in this position" she continues slightly outraged.

I don't say anything, no point in adding fuel to the fire right now.

"I won't deal with this. Do you understand me?" she snaps again.

"I am not like you" she keeps going.

I still stand there, tears threatening.

"Lets just make one thing clear. This is never going to happen" she scowls at me as she delivers that blow.

I'm disappointed, I won't lie. The heart wants, what the heart wants, nothing I can do about it but if she wants me to switch the feelings off I will certainly try.

"Do you understand me?" she questions and in response I just dumbly nod.

"On this I will not negotiate" she states firmly as she pulls something out of her purse and throws it at me before storming away.

A folded piece of paper and I think I recognise it. Picking it up I fear to open it and see my own penmanship but I don't, it is hers. I stare at it for a moment drinking in the writing and style and then my eyes are drawn to the top where my name is scribbled formally, rather than informal like I had addressed hers.

I only read the first line before I put it down.

I'm not sure I can read it.

I swallow hard and get up to make myself a coffee. It most likely won't help but it is a momentary distraction and a temporary delay. Stirring the hot liquid slowly that I have just poured I contemplate that first line I read. It was very vague and I don't know what sense to make of it. It doesn't really determine the content of the note.

Positive or Negative undetermined straight away.

The formal addressing suggests negative but that first line hints maybe at possibility. I can read between the lines, I just don't always read them right.

Taking my coffee back to my desk I slowly sit down and then take the note. I hold it in my hand just staring at my name and the first line, not daring to drop my eyes any lower for fear of losing the possibility of hope. I continue to stare until it seems the words are dancing about before my eyes and then look away quickly to refocus.

My eyes fall back to that first line again as I take a deep breath and follow it with a sip of coffee. Time to be brave, read whatever she has had to say to me, but before I do I reread the first line again.

You are lucky you have even this from me.

I sigh and take another sip of coffee as my eyes fall the paragraph below and I start reading.