A/N: All I can say is wow, thank you all of you for your wonderful response on the last chapter. I am so glad you are all enjoying this.

Here is chapter 6 :) x

I have been sat here for hours pondering over the last question I asked myself. I honestly have no idea.

Give up is one option that crossed my mind, but I am not sure I can give her up. She is too much a part of my life. Too important to me. I know she thinks that is pressure but I really can't help it. Feelings are feelings, you can't control them when you become close to another person and we have definitely become close.

Maybe she is in denial?

I quickly shake that thought, no if she was in denial I would know. I can tell when she is lying.

Actually she has gotten pretty good at telling when I am lying too.

My feelings I suppose are always on display so she must have had some suspicion as to my feelings for her before I openly declared them; surely?

Sighing heavily I go to pick up the note. I hesitate as my fingers brush against its surface and wonder if it is really a good idea to read it again. I want a clue, there must be something hidden between the lines. I just need to read it slowly and properly. I am certain it is there.

The lines don't get blurred like this if the feelings aren't mutual right?

Maybe I should just ask her that question.

Sighing I decided not yet and quickly pick up the note with decision made. Read it again.

I do, but still it is just black and white, clear and precise; not even a hint of I love you too. However I am still relieved it doesn't say I hate you, go away, I never want to see you again. That is something at least. The possibility to remain friends still exists.

I don't have to give up hope just yet. That makes my heart flutter.

I place the letter back down. Should I write back?

Text maybe?

Call?

This is so hard. I don't want to push her away. I don't think I would survive without her.

I sit back and reflect for a moment and when I do my phone buzzes.

I sit up quickly hopeful the message is from her. I was stupid to think so. Many thanks service provider for you message and getting my hopes up. That was just what I needed.

As I delete the message and go to put my cell down again I notice another message come in. My heart flutters again excited at the possibility but it isn't her either. Mother, I roll my eyes and send a simple message back.

Today is just full of disappointment.

Eventually too upset to really want to be in public I grab my phone and the note, shoving them both into the back pocket of my jeans and snatch up my jacket to leave.

Screw this. I slip on my jacket and head straight for the store. Time to drown.

Having purchased one large bottle of whiskey from the shop I head straight home. Nothing like a good stiff drink or five to ease the pain. Heading straight to my room I don't even bother with a glass. Not like I am going to need it anyway and by the time I slam the door shut I am unscrewing the cap.

Taking it over to my bed I fall down upon the mattress after emptying my pockets and take a long sip.

Refreshing.

That is until it burns my throat and I cough on it needing to take another.

A little while later I notice I have poured a considerable amount down my throat.

Completely intoxicated I make a decision and I pick up my cell typing out a message.

So your note wasn't what I really wanted...

I love you...

xxxxx

I stare at it and even though subconsciously I know it is a bad idea I still press send.

A little note flickers on screen with the time as the message goes through.

Instantly I regret it. What have I done. What if it makes things worse?

I panic, throwing the phone away from me on the bed as if it is too hot to hold and burning my palm.

Now I wait.

And panic.

Yep that's it, I am in full on panic mode. Why couldn't I just be happy as friends.

Why did I open my big mouth?!

Frustrated I fall back against the pillow and pull the messed up, unmade duvet from this morning up and over my head. I scream under it, just needing to get the frustration out.

Now I am just lying here and the tears start to fall. I blame myself. It's all my fault. I created this mess. I made it worse and I have destroyed our friendship.

Feeling guilty and blaming myself isn't helping the situation. It is only causing tears to fall faster and before long I have soaked the sheet and pillow with them.

I cry and cry and cry until I fall asleep.

Nothing else I can do.